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10 Things Newlyweds Need to Remember

10 Things Newlyweds Need to Remember

Getting married is one of the most exciting times of your life, but it is also filled with stress and a seemingly never-ending list of tasks to complete. Therefore, it’s not surprising that couples want to do nothing more than relax after they’ve said their vows, and this is exactly what they can do with their honeymoon.

However, after the newlyweds return to the real world, there are a lot of additional things that they need to take care of. By paying close attention to all of the legal, social, and emotional things that need to be accomplished, you and your new spouse can start your marriage off on the right foot.

1. Send Thank You Cards

Unfortunately, some couples are drifting away from thank you cards, but this is a big mistake. After all, your guests took time out of their lives to get dressed up, travel to your venue, and spend your wedding day celebrating your love. Most of them probably gave you a very nice gift or card as well, so it is quite simply good manners to send a card that says thank you.

Some modern etiquette guides indicate that it’s okay to send an email or text thank you as well. If you opt to go this route, it is best to send them in a timelier manner. With cards, you can wait up to two months without breaking typical post-wedding protocol.

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2. Write Your Wills

Now that you’re married, your spouse is fully protected in the event that you die, right? Not necessarily. In fact, some states split your assets among multiple family members if you die without a will. With this in mind, it is imperative to write a will that clearly states exactly what you would like to have happen with your assets after your death. Be sure to mention anything specific that matters to you. For example, if you want everything but one piece of jewelry to go to your spouse, you need to write this out and specify who gets that item.

3. Do the Name Change Process (if applicable)

If either or both of you will be changing your name, it is important to get the process started as soon as possible. The first step is to put your new name on your marriage license and then wait for a raised seal copy to become available. After this happens, you will need to complete a list of steps to make everything official, including getting a new social security card and driver’s license. Please note that some name changes may require an appearance in front of a judge.

4. Be Aware That Marriage Doesn’t Solve Everything

Are there quirks about your new spouse that have bothered you since day one? Is there one topic that you always argue about? These things aren’t going to magically go away merely because you’re married, although they may seem less noticeable during the happy haze of the honeymoon stage.

It’s vital to remember that the person you were engaged to is the same person you married, and they come with all of the same wonderful strengths and challenges you’re already aware of. However, you do both have the ability to commit to personal growth and change. It is also vital to commit to speaking openly and honestly about your needs, because no matter how well your spouse knows you, they will never be a mind reader.

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5. Consider Selling Your Wedding Décor to Build Your Bank Account

It’s easy to get caught up in the allure of keeping your décor for nostalgia purposes, but most of us don’t have a good place to permanently store everything. Also, you put a lot of money into everything, from those chalkboard signs to your table runners, so it’s wise to recover part of that investment. There are several places to sell used wedding décor online, and engaged couples are often ready to snatch up your best pieces.

One suggestion that could make you more money in the long run is to hold onto your décor for about six months before you list it for sale. This will allow you to catch the attention of people who are planning a wedding during the same season that you had yours. For example, fall-themed décor is more likely to sell the following spring or summer than it is at the end of autumn.

6. Write Reviews for Your Vendors

Vendors work very hard during a wedding and they rely on reviews from their clients to help them attract more business. Therefore, one of the very best ways to show your appreciation for a job well done is to post reviews on wedding sites. On the other hand, if a vendor did not meet your expectations, online reviews give you the opportunity to warn other couples before they waste money on a disappointing experience. Either way, writing reviews while everything is still fresh in your mind is the best course of action.

7. Always Show Thankfulness and Appreciation

Psychologists have determined that showing appreciation is one of the best ways to keep a relationship together. If you want to have a long-lasting marriage that is filled with more harmonious times than bad ones, be sure to take a few moments each day to say thank you to your spouse and express your appreciation for everything they do. Yes, this means that it’s best to get in the habit of saying “thank you” even after mundane daily tasks such as doing the laundry. Making this part of your day will infuse your relationship with respectful behavior, which is going to help you get through the bad times.

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8. Consider Creating a Relationship Schedule

Many people believe that spontaneity is better than having a schedule, but the reality is that planning some of the little things can make your life together go much more smoothly. As much as newlyweds may want to spend every moment together, it’s important to add some alone time to your weekly relationship schedule. Always remember that a healthy relationship requires some privacy and independence for both partners.

With a relationship schedule, you can ensure that each person’s needs are met for everything from alone time to shared activities. As an added bonus, this will minimize the risk of making plans that conflict with your partner’s basic emotional needs. Examples of things to schedule include a weekly relationship meeting to discuss finances and any issues that haven’t been addressed. This can keep small problems from becoming a huge fight down the line.

9. The Art of Compromise

A marriage takes work and a lot of compromise, and both newlyweds need to be ready to dive into the compromise pool with both feet. By discussing your specific wants and needs, along with airing out small issues during your weekly relationship meeting, you can reach a point where it is easier for both of you to compromise.

The most important aspect that many people don’t realize is that compromising on minor details that don’t matter as much to you can give you room to root more strongly for the things that you feel are non-negotiable. With some respect and grace, you can both be happy with all of your small and big decisions.

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10. Fighting is Inevitable

You may believe right now that your relationship will always be sunny and conflict-free, but the truth is that every couple eventually fights about something. Experts say that fighting can actually be a good thing if you learn how to fight fairly and don’t end up doing it constantly. Consider, for example, how much can be worked out if you are willing to argue without name-calling or shaming the other person. Learning how to fight is an essential skill that will provide you with the ability to express your needs, loudly if need be, without causing unnecessary damage to the relationship.

As you move through the honeymoon stage and into the next phase of your relationship, keep in mind that the romance you felt while dating can be kept up by committing to regular date nights. This is one of the many ways that newlyweds can keep their marriage fresh and happy for decades to come.

Featured photo credit: unsplash.com via pexels.com

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Holly Chavez

Writer, Entrepreneur, Small Business Owner

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Last Updated on February 18, 2019

13 Tips to Face Your Fears, Grow with It and Enjoy the Ride

13 Tips to Face Your Fears, Grow with It and Enjoy the Ride

Fear. I spend my life talking about fear — fighting fears, fixing fears and understanding fears. And yet I doubt I get 10 calls a year from people saying “Mandie can you help me fix my fear?”

Why is this so critically important to you?

The realization for me is that fear is not the fundamental driving force in your life it’s what regardless of whether I’m talking to a doctor, a teacher, a CEO’s, a senior citizens or teenager – every single one of those conversations has a direct correlation with your world.

Fear can range from the overwhelming desire to look away or stop in your tracks to literally fleeing your country and the life you knew. In this article, I will share you with 13 tips to face your fears and enjoy the ride.

1. Know That Fear Is Real, but Can Be Overcome

Right now around the world people are facing fear — real fear. Fear that I pray my children and I will never experience. Does that lessen my fears or your fears in your relativity safe 21st century life?

When I look at the world we all live in, I find that fear like so many other emotions can mean so many different things to so many different people:

  • The child who has to be physically dragged to their first day of school.
  • The man facing the judge.
  • The woman with her hand poised over the buttons over her phone because she has to walk down a dark corridor late at night alone.
  • The man as the surgeon says “count backwards from 10 Mr Smith.”
  • The woman that’s told “We are sorry, we can’t help you.”
  • The man that faces the empty circle of a gun and prays for his very existence.

These and a million more (Portrayed in every kind of movie, book or song you could imagine) are what make us human. We face fear and somehow move forward or are stopped in our tracks.

Like the rabbit in the headlights of the car that veers off through the field away from the tyres of the car or stays still praying for salvation. Like someone will save them. Sound familiar?

Fear is huge. Fear is everywhere and yet fear can be overcome, controlled and can even be a power for good.

2. Accept Your Fear

Firstly if you aren’t facing the barrel of the gun, atrocities that make the news or impeding death, that’s a good start. However it doesn’t mean your fear is any less real.

We are quick to say “I can’t moan, my life is not as bad as X.” While in theory, that’s honorable your appreciation of Mr. or Mrs. X’s horrific life won’t change anything directly. So accept your fear is relative to you.

And here’s what can be done.

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3. Get Some Perspective

I found myself asking anyone that would answer “what is your worst fear”. The answer that intrigued me the most came from my daughter (15 years old and she usually has a copy of Fight the Fear – my book – in her school bag so she can help someone else be as positive and confident as her. No matter what life throws up.)

And her fear, surprised me — heights. I pointed out that we live in a sprawling bungalow (one storey) and the highest she goes is two storeys’ at school! She laughed but added, fear isn’t like that Mum. I know it’s not a real fear, but it’s like when you stand on a chair and feel unsafe.

That girl will go far. Because she truly gets fear.

We know something is scary and yet we still do it. Why? Because we have a perspective to the fear. When you lose perspective, it can feel too big, and too scary.

So look around you to get some perspective on your fear:

  • Are you really at risk?
  • Will this kill you?
  • Which leads us on to..
  • If the worse was to happen what would it be?

4. Hold a Hand

As a coach, it is my job to holds someone’s metaphorical hand and help them face a fear.

Like the child petrified of the thunder storm or the teen that can’t get back in a car again after failing their test, your job as a parent is to reassure, encourage, enable and motivate someone to face something that ideally they never would choose to again.

We know many of our fears aren’t real. However, it is only when someone guides us with love, respect, lack of judgement and safety are we able to get through fear. And trust me, you can get through your fears. I’ve seen it so many times.

Ask yourself:

  • If the worse were to happen, what would that be?
  • Could that really happen?
  • If the worse did happen, how would you recover?
  • If the worse were to happen, what would you need to do next?

By seeing fear as not the end destination but part of being human, you can see through it’s wily evil ways and move forward.

5. Know Whose Hand You Hold Either Physically or Emotionally

This helps with fears for the rest of your life.

Think of someone you can always rely on (and ideally you won’t just answer yourself because that adds a lot of pressure to your existence!) And you will find that you’ve already found a way to get through fear.

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The beauty of this is that it means that fear becomes part of life not something to be feared and shied away from.

It means you know you can turn to your friend, partner, colleague, parent, sibling and say “Right I need to deal with this, and I’m going to need you to help me.”

For one moment, think about it from the other person’s view point. When we get to help other people we feel valued, loved, respected and lots of other positive emotions and we get a good dose of positive chemicals setting off in our bodies too.

Your fear, and your determination to fight it, helped someone else too. Now that’s cool right?

6. Understand That There Are Some Things Fear Will Never Touch

I like to find role models in life — people who have faced heroism, history changing moments, war, atrocities, miracles, life saving inventions.

Not everyone was looking for greatness, however they all found it. And one of my favourite books to date is written about Alistair Urquhart, the forgotten highlander. If this doesn’t get turned into a film in the future, then no man’s story is likely to.

Alistair went through the most horrific experiences in the 2nd world war. If you think of one of the awful things that happened back then in our world, Alistair went through at least 3 of them! Asked afterwards how did you cope? He talked about how whatever they did to his body, no matter how they starved, tortured, threatened or mocked him, they couldn’t have his mind. In his mind he was free.

Of all the people’s voices I’ve heard in my head over the years, this is one of those statements that reminds me anything is possible if you have faith and hope.

Look for the things in life that fear can’t touch. They will create confidence and faith for the future, whatever you face. And they will give you a sense of why being you is awesome.

Of all the billions of people on this planet, no one will have an answer identical to yours!

7. Process Your Fears to Carry on with Life

Being brave is not about sticking your chest out and smiling regardless of what hell you endure. It is about finding a way to emotionally process your fears to be able to keep going.

I have a tool kit of things I can rely on – tools, strategies, techniques. They include people to hug or talk to, music. hobbies, walks on the beach and even my favourite food. It sounds mad but at the times where I have questioned “how will I get through this?” I’ve found immense joy in doing the most unlikely of thing that makes me smile.

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It may be a short lived moment of happiness. However, it reminded that nothing stays the same and I can find away.

One client told me that it was crazy when it felt like their world was falling around their ears to run a bath to the brim (you don’t waste water) get the best bath oils, light too many candles, lock the door and drink a glass of bubbly (champagne is only for special occasions.)

Did that moment fix the disaster that my clients life felt? No, however it gave them a moment of calm and the brain is far quicker to find solutions, resolve and motivation to keep going when you do that.

It may feel like madness to do something you love, however it can be a powerful way to help you find solutions to the fears you face in life.

8. Assume the Worse

If you read the statement from the client above. Notice how they assumed it was wrong to fill the bath up to the top? How bubbly is only for special occasions?

Think how naughty they felt to be doing something that was not allowed?

  • Think about what age it may have made them feel?
  • Think about how they feel about champagne?
  • What special moments it’s been a part of in their lives?

And you can see how the assumptions they made about their “right” to have these things was not healthy.

When I drag the assumptions out of people’s words for them to see, they are often struck by how negative the words make them feel.

Don’t assume your words aren’t impacting on you. You can go through fear and actually enjoy the ride when you take the time to understand how you are letting words get to you.

9. Take a Fear That Feels Insurmountable Right Now.

If you were to repeat it to me out loud, what would you say?

Would you have blame on yourself in there? Would you assume others can do it and it’s just you? Would you feel small, unsuccessful, useless, unworthy?

Usually, when you do this exercise, you are able to spot the untruths that run wild in your head convincing you that you are doomed. And rarely when we are faced with our assumptions is there is a lot of evidence to them.

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10. You Are Not Defined by Your Fear

One fear does not define your life – be mindful of that. It is likely to lead you to thinking of all the times you’ve succeeded and bring a moment of calm, confidence and faith back to you.

11. Go with Fear

When you learn to go with fear, you could find yourself actually having fun, no seriously – having fun.

I have a few amazing clients I’m working with right now who would describe themselves as life long worriers, or pessimists. In the past that has served them well, enabling them to keep safe, steer clear of risks and even develop strategies in the event of disasters. However, now they find it’s becoming hard to break the cycle and they really want to because it’s holding them back.

Notice how they’ve found their hidden fears and want to face them?

One client said “I knew this was going to be tough, and I knew I couldn’t fight it alone and I knew you would be the one to help me.” Before I sat an incredibly successful, confident, capable business owner with a family and a social life to die for.

However, I’ve learned that the most successful looking lives can hide things that impact on life, success, love, happiness and business.

We didn’t start with the fear that they felt was holding them back, we broke the fear down, and found lots of little obstacles that had been deemed as “life” and “unchangeable” and “that’s just the way it is” by developing awareness to the little steps on the road to their obstacles to happiness and success they were able to tackle them in a different way.

12. Discover Great Skills in Your Scary Moments

And in that clients words “I came here to work with you to grow my company, and my own personal skills. I didn’t expect to get the children to be cleaning up after themselves and my partner being more attentive! It all feels a little magic.”

The moral is that out of the scariest of moments, we can find great skills we didn’t know we had. Find better, healthier, happier ways to live and find ways to enjoy life more. (And have a bit of magic!)

What a great place to be in ready for the next fear that thinks it’s going to get in the way of you, right?

13. Own Your Fear

Think back over these tips and come up with at least one example for each one. Write them down. Put them on your phone. Turn them into a piece of art. Turn them into a poem. Frame them. Go for a fast walk across the fields, beach, down town and repeat these things in your head to the sound of your feet on the ground.

We rarely take the time to appreciate how far we have come, how much we can achieve or what we are capable of – by really owning the tips in this article you will have given your brain a big fat dose of “Damn right I can do this!” and the motivation and accountability to say “Let’s find a way” through any fear.

You can’t help but feel good when you see that can you? And fear doesn’t stand a chance, does it?

More Resources About Fighting Fear

Featured photo credit: Ben White via unsplash.com

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