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Silence Avoids Confrontation, But It Can End Your Relationship Without Notice

Silence Avoids Confrontation, But It Can End Your Relationship Without Notice

Communication is the lifeblood of all successful relationships, whether these are personal in nature or connected to the business world. So just as silence and inactivity can undermine new business connections, it can also create distance within a romantic relationship and sever it without warning.

How Silence Can Impact Negatively on Relationships, Regardless of Our Intentions

The issue with this is that silence can often be used to avoid conflict in a relationship, particularly during times of stress and/or in instances where one partner is particularly dominant. This can subsequently cause significant issues and divides in the relationship, primarily for the following reasons.

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1. Silence can be used as a form of manipulation.

On a fundamental level, such silence speaks to an absence of verbal and, in some instances, emotional intimacy. It can even manifest itself as a form of sub-conscious control, as silence creates the impression that there is an issue or emotional state that is simply too difficult or sensitive to talk about.

An unwillingness to communicate feelings with a loved one (regardless of the reasons for this) can subsequently leave others feeling as though they are being punished for a perceived wrong, forcing submissive individuals to attempt to placate their partner as a direct response.

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2. These false assumptions can compound relationship issues.

As we can see, calculated or unavoidable silence can have an indirect influence on people’s thoughts and subsequent behavior. More specifically, it can create an internal narrative in the human mind, which unchecked simply reaffirms that negative perceptions that have been project through a lack of communication. These emotions are based on assumptions about the gravity of the triggers that are causing such silence and introverted behavior.

These assumptions only compound any issues that may exist in the relationship, particularly in instances where silence is being used as a weapon of control.

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3. Silence merely creates the illusion of peace.

Perhaps the biggest issue with silence is that creates the illusion of peace, particularly among those who tend to be more submissive by nature. They can be misled into believing that silence is preferable to an argument, but this is self-injurious as this invalidates them and their own opinions. It is also less preferable to a frank exchange of ideas, which can identify the root cause and expedite resolutions.

Sadly, silence only exacerbates issues and creates distance in a relationship, while preventing couples from resolving their differences.

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How to Overcome Silence in a Relationship

Silence in a relationship creates division, as individuals seek out their own private sanctuaries such as a second bedroom or a specially-designed man cave. It is not enough to say that people simply need to communicate more, however, as this proves ineffective in the case where one partner is continually silent or emotionally absent.

Instead, the key is to focus on the effectiveness of your communication and learning how to be heard, which is a skill that can be taught through assertiveness classes and similar educational tools. While you develop these communication skills and understand how to break down a wall of silence, you can also look to alleviate the issue by creating deliberate, short-term distance that leads to a period of reflection. This negates the effect of silence and simultaneously allows both parties to deal with their emotions.

It is also important to heed the message of this article and understand the impact that silence has in our own mind. If we are silent, this is either because we need help tapping into our emotions or are trying to condition a response in our partners. If you are constantly attempting to communicate with a silent partner, you must strive to avoid making assumptions and instead take practical steps to increasing the level of communication that exists within the relationship.

Featured photo credit: Nick Fuentes via flickr.com

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Last Updated on December 10, 2019

5 Smart Reasons to Start Journal Writing Today

5 Smart Reasons to Start Journal Writing Today

Here’s the truth: your effectiveness at life is not what it could be. You’re missing out.

Each day passes by and you have nothing to prove that it even happened. Did you achieve something? Go on a date? Have an emotional breakthrough? Who knows?

But what you do know is that you don’t want to make the same mistakes that you’ve made in the past.

Our lives are full of hidden gems of knowledge and insight, and the most recent events in our lives contain the most useful gems of all. Do you know why? It’s simple, those hidden lessons are the most up to date, meaning they have the largest impact on what we’re doing right now.

But the question is, how do you get those lessons? There’s a simple way to do it, and it doesn’t involve time machines:

Journal writing.

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Improved mental clarity, the ability to see our lives in the big picture, as well as serving as a piece of evidence cataloguing every success we’ve ever had; we are provided all of the above and more by doing some journal writing.

Journal writing is a useful and flexible tool to help shed light on achieving your goals.

Here’s 5 smart reasons why you should do journal writing:

1. Journals Help You Have a Better Connection with Your Values, Emotions, and Goals

By journaling about what you believe in, why you believe it, how you feel, and what your goals are, you understand your relationships with these things better. This is because you must sort through the mental clutter and provide details on why you do what you do and feel what you feel.

Consider this:

Perhaps you’ve spent the last year or so working at a job you don’t like. It would be easy to just suck it up and keep working with your head down, going on as if it’s supposed to be normal to not like your job. Nobody else is complaining, so why should you, right?

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But a little journal writing will set things straight for you. You don’t like your job. You feel like it’s robbing you of happiness and satisfaction, and you don’t see yourself better there in the future.

The other workers? Maybe they don’t know, maybe they don’t care. But you do, you know and care enough to do something about it. And you’re capable of fixing this problem because your journal writing allows you to finally be honest with yourself about it.

2. Journals Improve Mental Clarity and Help Improve Your Focus

If there’s one thing journal writing is good for, it’s clearing the mental clutter.

How does it work? Simply, whenever you have a problem and write about it in a journal, you transfer the problem from your head to the paper. This empties the mind, allowing allocation of precious resources to problem-solving rather than problem-storing.

Let’s say you’ve been juggling several tasks at work. You’ve got data entry, testing, e-mails, problems with the boss, and so on—enough to overwhelm you—but as you start journal writing, things become clearer and easier to understand: Data entry can actually wait till Thursday; Bill kindly offered earlier to do my testing; For e-mails, I can check them now; the boss is just upset because Becky called in sick, etc.

You become better able to focus and reason your tasks out, and this is an indispensable and useful skill to have.

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3. Journals Improve Insight and Understanding

As a positive consequence of improving your mental clarity, you become more open to insights you may have missed before. As you write your notes out, you’re essentially having a dialogue with yourself. This draws out insights that you would have missed otherwise; it’s almost as if two people are working together to better understand each other. This kind of insight is only available to the person who has taken the time to connect with and understand themselves in the form of writing.

Once you’ve gotten a few entries written down, new insights can be gleaned from reading over them. What themes do you see in your life? Do you keep switching goals halfway through? Are you constantly dating the same type of people who aren’t good for you? Have you slowly but surely pushed people out of your life for fear of being hurt?

All of these questions can be answered by simply self-reflecting, but you can only discover the answers if you’ve captured them in writing. These questions are going to be tough to answer without a journal of your actions and experiences.

4. Journals Track Your Overall Development

Life happens, and it can happen fast. Sometimes we don’t take the time to stop and look around at what’s happening to us at each moment. We don’t get to see the step-by-step progress that we’re making in our own lives. So what happens? One day it’s the future, and you have no idea how you’ve gotten there.

Journal writing allows you to see how you’ve changed over time, so you can see where you did things right, and you can see where you took a misstep and fell.

The great thing about journals is that you’ll know what that misstep was, and you can make sure it doesn’t happen again—all because you made sure to log it, allowing yourself to learn from your mistakes.

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5. Journals Facilitate Personal Growth

The best thing about journal writing is that no matter what you end up writing about, it’s hard to not grow from it. You can’t just look at a past entry in which you acted shamefully and say “that was dumb, anyway!” No, we say “I will never make a dumb choice like that again!”

It’s impossible not to grow when it comes to journal writing. That’s what makes journal writing such a powerful tool, whether it’s about achieving goals, becoming a better person, or just general personal-development. No matter what you use it for, you’ll eventually see yourself growing as a person.

Kickstart Journaling

How can journaling best be of use to you? To vent your emotions? To help achieve your goals? To help clear your mind? What do you think makes journaling such a useful life skill?

Know the answer? Then it’s about time you reap the benefits of journal writing and start putting pen to paper.

Here’s what you can do to start journaling:

Featured photo credit: Jealous Weekends via unsplash.com

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