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4 Things You Can Do To Feel More Positive

4 Things You Can Do To Feel More Positive

An average person can have anywhere from twenty five thousand to fifty thousand thoughts during just one day, and if you’re a pessimist or if you’re having a bad period this seems like a huge amount of darkness, doesn’t it?

Anxiety and stress are not taken seriously enough. People simply continue to give into negativity because they don’t feel concrete consequences, but the harsh truth is that it will negatively affect you in your old days, if not sooner. Another not-so-bright exit after a longer time period when you’re feeling caged in by your thoughts is depression. Dealing with mental disorders is often more challenging than with physical ones.

Here’s a simple test that will allow you to find out whether or not you should do some work on your overall mood. Ask yourself, when was the last time you felt true happiness. If your answer isn’t satisfactory, and I’m sure this is something you can estimate by yourself, you should know that you’re the one responsible for the quality of your life. You should take control.

1. Understand where Negativity Comes From

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    In order to eliminate or cure something, you need to determine its source, because you won’t have much success otherwise – it would be just like trying to fight an enemy you don’t see by randomly swinging your hands in the dark. So – who or what is the source of your anxiety?

    Many people have problems they believe are impossible to tackle in any way, like having a huge debt left by their parents, being completely dissatisfied with a career, or getting over a tough break up. Sure, these are all situations without a clear “bad guy” to point your finger at, but that doesn’t mean you can deny their negative energy.

    Instead of being angry with everyone in your office because you don’t even like being there, you should use your free time to find another job you’ll actually like. Getting over a breakup doesn’t have to be that bad, because you can and should meet new people and use this newfound time to learn more about yourself. And as far as the money goes, everyone has issues with it – you should develop a long-term plan for dealing with yours and stop thinking negatively about it.

    2. Change Your Routine

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      I’m a strong advocate of comfort zones – they allow me to think clearly, I feel safe whilst in one and the chances of feeling anxious are practically non-existent. Although I support and understand people who like theirs, there’s one thing I’d like to put out there – life shouldn’t be predictable 24/7. We are all slaves of our habits and that’s not the way to live your life because it has so much more to offer.

      Not all of us are good at being adventurous and spontaneous; some people simply aren’t cut out for that. However, you can hang out with people who are and allow your spirit to be wild and unpredictable. Routines are comfortable because they provide us with stability, but enjoying life and being open-minded is how you create memories.

      Learn about yourself and experiment by trying new things. It doesn’t have to be about the big stuff, you know – you can try new meals or exotic foods and it doesn’t matter if you don’t like them. Listen to your mind and body,  and allow yourself to appreciate small things because that’s what being alive is all about.

      3.    Failure Isn’t the End

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        Negativity comes in many forms and frustrations are one of the most common shapes of it we encounter on a daily basis. A lot of people out there have real difficulties with failure and even if its smallest forms, like having your plans ruined by the weather.

        One piece of advice from highly successful people seems to be very repetitive when it comes to their advice on staying positive; it doesn’t matter how many times you fall, because your success will be a reflection of how many times you’re able to pick yourself up.

        Therefore, failure isn’t the end, it’s actually a new beginning. In times of trouble and dark thoughts, we often wish for a clean slate and that is exactly what’s in front of us. If you’d just change your point of view, you could change your pessimistic nature and become a cheerful optimist – all it takes is a bit of will.

        Make Yourself Useful

        Mature father and son washing dishes together at kitchen sink

          A certain way to feel good about yourself is that you feel capable and needed. Confidence is one of the first things that goes as negativity claims its reign over your mind, and you should work on increasing your confidence levels because it will definitely make you feel better.

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          I’m sure you have a project or two (or a dozen) that you’ve been planning to conduct for ages now, and this is the perfect time to begin. As far as I’m concerned, doing something around your home should be your choice here, because the chances are you have a bathroom that needs remodeling or a roof that needs fixing, and you should focus your energy on that exactly. Even those small and boring household chores like washing dishes can help you become more focused and relaxed. Even if you’re passive and you lack the willpower right now, it will all change as soon as you start, and once you’re done, you will be aware of the fact you have done something beautiful to make your surroundings even more comfortable.

          Another way to feel good about yourself is by helping a fellow human. It doesn’t have to be anyone in particular. Being there for a member of your family is the most rewarding feeling in the world, but if your loved ones are currently problem-free, you should help out a charity or volunteer in a soup kitchen. Either one you choose, I’m positive you’ll be positive about yourself.

          Being trapped in a particular mindset isn’t an easy thing to deal with or to escape, but you can do it. The bottom line is that no one and nothing should stand in your way of happiness – not even your own mind. Positivity isn’t a goal that’s unreachable. So, change your filter and start looking at the world as if you are seeing it for the very first time.

          Featured photo credit: https://www.pexels.com/u/snowflake/ via pexels.com

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          Aleksandar Ilic

          Blogger, Social Media Butterfly, Guitarist

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          Last Updated on July 10, 2020

          How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

          How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

          We all have them—those hurtful, frustrating, offensive, manipulative people in our lives. No matter how hard we try to surround ourselves with positive and kind people, there will always be those who will disrespect, insult, berate, and misuse you if we allow them to.

          We may, for a variety of reasons, not be able to avoid them, but we can determine how we interact with them and how we allow them to interact with us.

          So, how to take control of your life and stop being pushed around?

          Learning to set clear firm boundaries with the people in our lives at work and in our personal lives is the best way to protect ourselves from the negative effects of this kind of behavior.

          What Boundaries Are (And What They’re Not)

          Boundaries are limits

          —they are not threats or ultimatums. Boundaries inform or teach. They are not a form of punishment.

          Boundaries are firm lines—determined by you—which cannot be crossed by those around you. They are guidelines for how you will allow others to treat you and what kind of behaviors you will expect.

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          Healthy personal boundaries help protect you from physical or emotional pain. You may also need to set firm boundaries at work to ensure you and your time are not disrespected. Don’t allow others to take advantage of your kindness and generosity.

          Clear boundaries communicate to others that you demand respect and consideration—that you are willing to stand up for yourself and that you will not be a doormat for anyone. They are a “no trespassing” sign that makes it very clear when a line has been crossed and that there will be consequences for doing so.

          Boundaries are not set with the intention of changing other people. They may change how people interact with you, but they are more about enforcing your needs than attempting to change the general behavior and attitude of others.

          How to Establish Boundaries and Take Control of Your Life

          Here are some ways that you can establish boundaries and take control of your life.

          1. Self-Awareness Comes First

          Before you can establish boundaries with others, you first need to understand what your needs are.

          You are entitled to respect. You have the right to protect yourself from inappropriate or offensive behavior. Setting boundaries is a way of honoring your needs.

          To set appropriate boundaries, you need to be clear about what healthy behaviors look like—what healthy relationships look like.

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          You first have to become more aware of your feelings and honest with yourself about your expectations and what you feel is appropriate behavior:

          • Where do you need to establish better boundaries?
          • When do you feel disrespected?
          • When do you feel violated, frustrated, or angered by the behavior of others?
          • In what situations do you feel you are being mistreated or taken advantage of?
          • When do you want to be alone?
          • How much space do you need?

          You need to honor your own needs and boundaries before you can expect others to honor them. This allows you to take control of your life.

          2. Clear Communication Is Essential

          Inform others clearly and directly what your expectations are. It is essential to have clear communication if you want others to respect your boundaries. Explain in an honest and respectful tone what you find offensive or unacceptable.

          Many people simply aren’t aware that they are behaving inappropriately. They may never have been taught proper manners or consideration for others.

          3. Be Specific but Don’t Blame

          Taking a blaming or punishing attitude automatically puts people on the defensive. People will not listen when they feel attacked. It’s part of human nature.

          That said, you do not need to overexplain or defend yourself. Boundaries are not open to compromise.

          Sample language:

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          • “You may not…yell or raise your voice to me…”
          • “I need…to be treated with respect…”
          • “It’s not okay when…you take things from my desk without asking…”
          • “I won’t…do your work…cover for you anymore…”
          • “It’s not acceptable when…you ridicule or insult me…”
          • “I am uncomfortable when…you use offensive language”
          • “I will no longer be able to…lend you money…”

          Being able to communicate these without sounding accusatory is essential if you want others to respect your boundaries so you can take control of your life.

          4. Consequences Are Often Necessary

          Determine what the appropriate consequences will be when boundaries are crossed. If it’s appropriate, be clear about those consequences upfront when communicating those boundaries to others.

          Follow through. People won’t respect your boundaries if you don’t enforce them.

          Standing our ground and forcing consequences doesn’t come easily to us. We want to be nice. We want people to like us, but we shouldn’t have to trade our self-respect to gain friends or to achieve success.

          We may be tempted to let minor disrespect slide to avoid conflict, but as the familiar saying goes, “if you give people an inch, they’ll take a mile.”

          It’s much easier to address offensive or inappropriate behavior now than to wait until that behavior has gotten completely out of hand.

          It’s also important to remember that positive reinforcement is even more powerful than negative consequences. When people do alter the way they treat you, acknowledge it. Let people know that you notice and appreciate their efforts.

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          Final Thoughts

          Respect is always a valid reason for setting a boundary. Don’t defend yourself or your needs. Boundaries are often necessary to protect your time, your space, and your feelings. And these are essential if you want to take control of your life.

          Start with the easiest boundaries first. Setting boundaries is a skill that needs to be practiced. Enlist support from others if necessary. Inform people immediately when they have crossed the line.

          Don’t wait. Communicate politely and directly. Be clear about the consequences and follow them through.

          The better you become at setting your own boundaries, the better you become at recognizing and respecting the boundaries of others.

          Remember that establishing boundaries is your right. You are entitled to respect. You can’t control how other people behave, but you do have control over the way you allow people to treat you.

          Learning to set boundaries is not always easy, but with time, it will become more comfortable. You may eventually find that boundaries become automatic and you no longer need to consciously set them.

          They will simply become a natural extension of your self-respect.

          Featured photo credit: Thomas Kelley via unsplash.com

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