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Can’t Get Over Your Past Relationship? This May be The Reason You Haven’t Realized

Can’t Get Over Your Past Relationship? This May be The Reason You Haven’t Realized

There are many reasons I’m sure you could think of when you’re asked, “why can’t you get over your ex?” Breakups are one of the most painful transitions that we will ever endure. We get into relationships, form what seems to be unbreakable bonds and then suddenly, it’s over. It’s never easy, and post-breakups are the worst.

However, you may be missing the main reason…you could just very well be bored.

It’s early in the morning, and I’m just lying in bed, drifting off into the dangerous thought of; him. I used to think that I was crazy. I’d get five minutes to myself and I’d be all over his social media to see what he was up to. He really wasn’t that great. I mean, from the outside looking in he seemed like a great guy. Funny, charming, has a lot going for him, but it was what went on behind closed doors that really made me want to rip my hair out. My friends thought I was losing it.  Literally, and so did I. I’d lay there and wonder what he was doing, who it was with, if he missed me, if he thought about me, if he started seeing anyone new, you know, all the crazy thoughts.

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What was weird about all of this was that I knew I was over him already. When I was bored, I would catch myself thinking about all the nice times we had together and wished that I was still able to have that. Then when I somehow ventured back to reality I remembered his true colors, who he really is. I remember all the crazy fights over Skype because he went to school three hours away, the spitefulness and bitterness. It was not healthy; it was incredibly toxic. For years I made him out to be this perfect guy. Even though I knew he wasn’t, I was in denial. I made it out to myself and all of my friends that I was the one who lost out and he was perfect. It is insane how your mind can keep you from seeing what’s real.

The truth is I was bored.

I didn’t actually miss him. I missed him because I had no one else occupying my time. I was alone. Don’t get me wrong, I love to be alone. There is something so fulfilling about loving your own company, but he was the last person I was extremely emotionally invested in so every time I got bored my mind drifted off into space and he was everywhere.

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Do I do this?

That’s probably a question you’re asking yourself right now. “Is this me?”, “Am I just bored?” The answer is probably yes. How do you know? I’m going to tell you. Let’s say you meet some guy and he’s great. You go on a few dates, he meets your friends and the two of you are having an absolute blast, caught up in the “newness” of the potential relationship. Then for whatever reason things just start drifting apart. You guys aren’t talking as much, you aren’t hanging out and things seem to be dying out. So what happens? Your mind starts drifting off to that ex of yours you haven’t thought about in Lord knows how long. Why? Because now you don’t have anyone taking up your time. So you drift away and start thinking about him and everything the two of you shared, good and bad.

So you sit there, staring at your phone trying to decide if messaging him is a good idea or not. “I’ll just see what he’s been up to and say that I hope all is well.” You start creeping through his Instagram, Twitter and Facebook trying to see what he’s up to. You need to stop. You’re just bored. You don’t actually want this guy. He’s mediocre at best and you know it. He’s a filler in your life when you’re bored and lonely. Nothing about him really appeals to you anymore so don’t act on a feeling that really isn’t there or real for that matter.

How to get over your ex

Everyone says that this is the hardest part of the breakup: the how to get over your ex part. But it’s really not. Why not? Because you don’t even want him anymore. He was a lesson in your life and that’s what you need to keep telling yourself. Sure you’ll have your weak moments, but I’ll tell you what you can do during those times.

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Spend time with your friends

Friends are the best medicine for times like these. They were there for you during the break-up and they’ll be there for you post break-up. I’m sure of it. Call or text one of them and tell them how you’re feeling. You’d be surprised how much better you’ll feel just by getting some things off your chest.

Do the things you love

For me, my outlet is hitting the gym and photography. Find out what you love and do it during those times of weakness. We all have them and there’s nothing to be ashamed about.

If you ever find yourself alone one day and you’re completely wrapped up in your mind over a guy you didn’t even think brought that much value to your life in the first place, just remember that you’re most likely just bored.

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Featured photo credit: Francisco Moreno via stocksnap.io

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Erica Wagner

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on June 19, 2019

6 Ways to Be a Successful Risk Taker and Take More Chances

6 Ways to Be a Successful Risk Taker and Take More Chances

I’ve stood on the edge of my own personal cliffs many times. Each time I jumped, something different happened. There were risks that started off great, but eventually faded. There were risks that left me falling until I hit the ground. There were risks that started slow, but built into massive successes.

Every risk is different, but every risk is the same. You need to have some fundamentals ready before you jump, but not too many.

It wouldn’t be a risk if you knew everything that was about to happen, would it? Here’re 6 ways to be a successful risk taker.

1. Understand That Failure Is Going to Happen a Lot

It’s part of life. Everything we do has failure attached to it. All successful people have stories of massive failure attached to them. Thinking that your risk is going to be pain free and run as smooth as silk is insane.

Expect some pain and failure. Actually, expect a lot of it. Expect the sleepless nights with crazy thoughts of insecurity that leave you trembling under the covers. It’s going to happen, no matter how positive you are about the risk you are about to take.

When failure hits, the only options are to keep going or quit. If you expect falling into a meadow of flowers and frolicking unicorns, then you’re going to immediately quit once you realize that getting to that meadow requires you to go through a rock filled cave filled with hungry bats.

2. Trust the Muse

Writing a story isn’t a big risk. It’s really just a risk on my time. So when I start writing a story, I’m scared it will be time wasted. Of course, it never really is. Even if the story doesn’t turn out fabulous, I still practiced.

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When I’ve taken risks in my life, the successful ones always seemed to happen when I followed the muse. Steven Pressfield describes the muse,

“The Muse demands depth. Shallow does not work for her. If we’re seeking her help, we can’t stay in the kiddie end. When we work, we have to go hard and go deep.”

The muse is a goddess who wants our attention and wants us to work on our passion.

If you’re taking a risk in anything, it’s assumed that there is some passion built up behind that risk. That passion, deep inside you, is the muse. Trust it, focus on it, listen to it.

The most successful articles and stories I write are the ones I’ve focused all my attention on. There were no interruptions during their creative development. I didn’t check my phone or go watch my Twitter feed. I was fully engaged in my work.

Trust the muse, focus your attention on your risk, let the ideas and path develop themselves, and leave the distractions at the side of the road.

3. Remember to Be Authentic

Taking a risk and then turning into something you’re not, is only going to lead to disaster. Whether you are risking a new relationship or new opportunity, you must be yourself throughout the entire process.

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How many times have you acted like you loved something just because the men or woman you just started going out with loved it?

For example, I’m not an office worker. I have an incredibly hard time working in a confined timeline (ie. 9-5). That’s why I write. I can do it whenever the mood strikes, I don’t have somebody breathing down my neck, telling me that I’m five minutes late, or missed a comma somewhere. I don’t have to walk on eggshells wondering if what I’m writing will get me fired or make me lose a promotion. I can just be myself, period.

One girlfriend didn’t understand that. She believed solely in the 9-5 motto, specifically something in human resources because that was a very stable job. I was scared for my future, but I stuck with the relationship because of my own insecurities and acted like I would do it to make her happy.

Here’s a tip: NEVER take away from your happiness to make somebody else satisfied (note I didn’t say happy).

Making somebody else happy will make you happy. Doing something to satisfy somebody is murder on your soul.

4. Don’t Take Any Risks While You’re Not Clearheaded

I’d been considering the risk for a couple weeks. It all sounded good. I was 22 and I could be rich in a couple of years. That’s what they were selling me, anyways.

One night, while at a house party with some friends, I found myself at a computer. A couple of my friends were standing nearby and asked me what I was doing. I told them I was considering starting my own business and it was only going to cost me $1,500.

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Of course, when a bunch of drunk people are surrounded by more drunk people, things get enthusiastic. It sounded like the best business venture in the world to everybody, including me. So I signed up and gave them my credit card number.

A few painful months and close to $4,000 dollars lost later, I quit the business. I was young and fell into the pyramid scheme trap. It was an expensive drunk decision.

Drinking heavily and making decisions has a proven track record of failure. So when you have something important to decide, don’t let your emotions take over your brain.

5. Fully Understand What You’re Risking

It was the start of my baseball comeback. I got a tryout with a professional scout and killed it. After the tryout, he talked to my girlfriend and myself, making sure we understood I would be gone for up to 6 months at a time. That strain on the relationship could be tough.

We understood. I left to play ball, chose to stay in the city I played in, and a year later we broke up. Not because of baseball, see point 3 above. Taking big risks can have massive impacts on everything in your life from relationships to money. Know what you’re risking before you take the risk.

If you believe the risk will be worth it or you have the support you need from your family, then go ahead and make the leap.

You can get more guidance on how to take calculated risks from this article: How to Take Calculated Risk to Achieve More and Become Successful

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6. Remember This Is Your One Shot Only

As far as we know officially, this is our one shot at life, so why not take some risks?

The top thing people are saddened by on their deathbeds are these regrets. They wish they did more, asked that girl in the coffee shop out, spoke out when they should have, or did what they were passionate about.

Don’t regret. Learn and experience. Live. Take the risks you believe in. Be yourself and make the world a better place.

Now go ahead, take that risk and be successful at it!

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Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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