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4 Ways to Find Love in The Millennial World

4 Ways to Find Love in The Millennial World

We have all been there, we have all walked the path of loneliness and missing that special someone holding our hands while hopping around next to us. We stay awake all night, scanning our Tinder’s and swiping left and right. However, we have all been there and you know exactly what I’m talking about. That’s right, we have all been single at one point in our lives.

Growing up can prove to be a hassle, as we are all nurtured to be the best at everything. We strive for greatness and we work hard for our career, academic, and health. Often times we neglect some part of our lives and this usually ends up being our relationship life. We sacrifice our dating life for a chance of success, financial stability, and an unlimited amount of Netflix.

Sometimes we head out on blind dates to boost our confidence but deep down we know that nothing beats true companionship. Therefore, we hold on to the idea of a fairytale where a charming prince or princess will fall down our path. However, as everything in life, relationships need work and effort.

This is why I decided to combine my knowledge of personal tinder experience and fairy tales together into 4 points that might change your situation in the dating world.

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1. If you’re short on time, try online dating.

In this millennial world, we are all short on time as we run to catch the next train, flight, or bus. During the weekends, we often look forward to crashing in our comfy beds and beautiful couches with some Netflix and peanuts. Walking out to a bar or to a restaurant and hunting for that special someone seems like another busy day. So we often reject such complications and stick with the routine.

However, thanks to technology and the new age smartphone century; we are all walking around with a dating app at our arm’s length. The most famous and dominating app, Tinder, allows us to find our match by swiping right and exclude the false matches by swiping left. This saves you time, energy, and money by giving you a close to perfect list of matches.

Over the years we have had our fair share of experience with broken hearts and failed dates, we have met our set of creeps and our pairs of mismatched people. Tinder and other online dating sites help reduce such stress and leads you to the right direction. Furthermore, if you’re a person who’s generally shy then this would the perfect way for you to start socializing.

Remember, traditions change and we are no longer in the era of Marilyn Monroe.

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2. There are no rules in dating.

Do you remember the times where we were given the rule book of dating? We were told that girls shouldn’t ask first and boys should be mean to show their interest. Over the years, this has created a huge anxiety among many in the dating culture. We walk pass someone in our office or on the street, we hesitate until the opportunity is eventually gone.

Guess what, there are no rules in dating. Dating is a form of self-expression, you express yourself to your partner. Always wear your confidence on you as a badge of pride and project this personality in your dating life. This becomes the turning point for you and the person you’re interested in as it allows you to communicate and enjoy each others company.

Furthermore, when you realize that there are no rules, you give yourself credit for every successful and failed attempt at finding the right match. Self-love and self-confidence are the first step when you have no rules. Therefore, make sure to take full control of it.

3. Be vibrant and create your own personality.

When you flip through any magazine or any article about dating and relationship choices, you find a list of things you have to be. Some say you have to practice a mysterious and sultry demeanor while others say practice a mature and jovial demeanor. How do one keep up with all the worldly expectations?

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The answer to that question is, you never can keep up with the changes of time and changes of expectations. My favorite example would be an awkward bird, the Ostrich. It’s an odd comparison, however, the ostrich’s dance and runs around in the most awkward position to impress their partner. They dance and parade around to woo their partner, the sense of confidence and passion is what makes their personality so attractive.

Create that same passion and confidence that those birds have, this will give you an interesting edge compared to those magazines. People are bored of repetition, therefore, be yourself and create your own personality. Being vibrant is never a bad thing therefore always try to keep a bright and open mindset.

BIG and Bold is never bad.

4. Focus on the likes compared to the dislikes.

Pessimism is part of human life, it’s easier to focus on the bad than the good. We practice the concept of “Let’s Check What’s Wrong”, and we focus on the worse part of life, personality and perspective. We eliminate and push away people and opportunity that comes forward in an imperfect form.

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However, have you wondered what it would be like if you stop focusing on the flaws of a person and only focus on their best qualities? How would it be like? Wouldn’t it be easier for us to accept another person?

Next time if you’re talking to someone, try focusing on their best qualities and give the person a chance. Try not to focus on their flaws, try not imposing your ideology or perspective towards the other person, and finally accept them for who they are. It may be difficult at first however soon you would realize it’s an accurate decision. We are all flawed humans, accepting it is the best way to find love in life.

In a nutshell, most times we may be rejected and most times the tips above may not be successful. However, in a long run, it will give you the confidence and morale needed to make the best of your dating life. Finding love is an amazing feeling because the best parts of life come in comfy packages.

Featured photo credit: Google Images via http

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Published on April 7, 2021

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

Some of the most manipulative people are so good at what they do that their words and actions can convince you into thinking they truly care about what’s best for you when in reality, it’s quite the opposite. The most common signs of a controlling person are rarely obvious to outside observers. And for someone enmeshed in a controlling relationship or friendship, it can be incredibly challenging to stay away from this toxic person, even if you’re aware of their emotionally abusive tendencies.

While it’s ultimately up to you to decide whether to preserve or leave a lopsided, unfulfilling relationship, it’s nevertheless critical to understand the following six signs of controlling people so you can better advocate for yourself and mitigate the influence of their manipulative tendencies in your own life.

1. They Push Their Own Personal Agenda

Do you know someone who always tries to micromanage the words, behaviors, and attitudes of people around them? Does this person act like they have the right to know anything they want about you, including your location, what you’re doing in a given moment, who you’re talking to online, or any other private information about you? And when planning events and special occasions, does this person dominate conversations, steer plans in their own preferred directions, disparage others’ suggestions, and refuse to collaborate with anyone who might disagree with them?

If you answered “yes” to some of the above questions, then those are clear signs of a controlling person whom you absolutely need to be cautious around. Controlling people are reluctant to even consider alternative ideas, let alone enthusiastically work with people who have differing views. They prefer to be the captain of every ship—regardless of how much or how little an issue personally impacts them—and they have an arsenal of manipulative tactics to deploy if someone stands in the way of them achieving their own personal agendas.

In long-term relationships with controlling people, you may feel constantly pressured to meet their demands, follow their schedule, and focus on whatever they feel is most important. It’s not an exaggeration to say that these people act like the universe revolves around them, which can be exhausting to deal with for their family members, friends, and colleagues.

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2. They Make Everything Transactional

Controlling people aren’t always self-centered, but they’re not too empathetic either. Empathy for them tends to appear in the form of strategic concessions they use as a means to get what they want. They typically view interpersonal relationships as transactional opportunities to extract more value from people surrounding them, which can have a draining effect on those they interact with.

For example, one sign of a controlling person may be their insistence on “keeping score.” This can involve doing nice things for you with the ulterior motive of demanding something from you at a later date in exchange for what you thought was just an act of kindness or a friendly support.

Perhaps they shower you in praise (also known as “love-bombing”) or gifts then blow up at you if you don’t intuitively know they’re expecting something back from you. None of us are mind-readers, but controlling people behave as though everyone else should think and act like they want others to and those who fall out of line are punished for failing to meet their impossible expectations.

A controlling person may also threaten to withhold support if you don’t adhere to their demands, but they do so in such subtle ways that the guilt they impose blinds you from the unreasonable nature of their behaviors.

Some statements to be wary of include:

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  • “I did ___________ for you. What do you mean you can’t do ___________ for me?”
  • “Remember how I helped you with ___________? That took a lot of time and energy from me, but I guess you didn’t appreciate my help.”
  • “I always give you ___________. Don’t you care about my needs too?”
  • “You’re so selfish!” or “You don’t care about me at all!” (gaslighting if you respond with hesitation or politely decline their request for help for perfectly valid reasons, such as not having enough time or resources to assist them)

3. They Criticize Everything

One of the most common telltale signs of a controlling person is their capacity to criticize anything and everything, even small things that seemingly don’t matter. As with many toxic traits in relationships, these problems typically start out so small that you may not even notice. At first, you may even agree with their criticism or at least be able to understand their perspective when they bring up an issue.

However, the criticism tends to get more intense, more constant, and more perplexing for people who maintain relationships with controlling people. You’ll likely notice how they rarely seem to criticize something they do. It’s almost always other-oriented and these types of people are so manipulative that any rationale they offer can seem plausibly legitimate.

Some warning signs of a controlling person who’s overly critical to the point of abusiveness include:

  • Criticizing things about you that you have little to no control over (e.g., appearance, disability, family)
  • Criticizing your personal choices and interests, such as educational pursuits, career, clothing, favorite music, time spent on your hobbies, etc.
  • Punishing you for expressing vulnerability by invalidating thoughts and feelings you share with them
  • Attacking you whenever you express an opinion counter to theirs

4. They Balk When Someone Criticizes Them

We all know the adage, “what goes around, comes around.” But this statement doesn’t apply as much to toxic, controlling people. They’d much prefer to dish out criticism without ever having to take it in return.

For instance, if your friend constantly talks about your appearance with little regard for your emotions but flips out if you make just a single comment about their appearance, there’s a possibility that they could have some hidden controlling tendencies left unchecked. Remember, these people aren’t just controlling in their behaviors towards others. They’re also actively trying to stay in complete control over every aspect of their lives, which includes how others view them.

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This seemingly insatiable desire for control can prompt them to lash out against even the smallest bits of criticism, leaving people around them too weary or scared to speak up again in the future. While it’s possible they may suffer from something called rejection sensitivity dysphoria, this does not excuse them from the consequences of their words and actions. They should seek professional help to better manage their reactions to criticism.

5. They Socially Isolate You

Not all controlling people do this, but for manipulative narcissists, socially isolating victims is a go-to strategy for maintaining control because it’s effective at preventing people from truly understanding how toxic their partner, family member, or friend is treating them. Think of it this way—if you don’t talk to many other people in your life, there’s less of a risk that you’ll damage their reputation by revealing their abusive tendencies.

Socially isolating others also gives the person more control over you and your life as it becomes more difficult to break away from them if you don’t have other healthier channels of communication and interpersonal support to turn to.

This process doesn’t happen overnight, nor is it something you can readily recognize as abusive. At first, it may seem reasonable, such as asking you to stop engaging so often with family members with whom both of you disagree on major social or political issues. As the social isolation progresses, they may suggest cutting people out of your life—especially if they don’t like that person, regardless of how you personally feel—or even conjure up high-stakes problems like “it’s me or them” under the guise of saving you from people in your life whom they don’t like for whatever reason.

In a controlling person’s life narrative, they’re always the protagonist who’s incapable of any wrongdoing. The blame is always redirected at someone else, whether that’s you or other people in your life. The more they isolate you from other supportive people in your life, the more susceptible you’ll be to falsely believing that they’re right and you “don’t need” your other friends and family when you have someone as perfect as this person.

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6. They’re Emotionally Abusive

It’s hard enough to be in control of your own emotions but when someone else is constantly belittling you and your interests or leveraging guilt and shame to manipulate you into saying or doing what they want, this can make it even more challenging to stay in control of your own life and emotional well-being.

Emotional abuse is another sign of a controlling person that is often overlooked in relationships. After all, human personalities vary widely in terms of passivity, and it’s not uncommon for one person in a relationship to be significantly more passive than the other. This becomes an issue when the controlling partner or friend exudes signs of emotional abuse, which can start subtly and become much more pronounced over time.

Concerning signs of emotionally abusive language or behavior to watch out for include:

  • Dismissing your needs and/or belittling your interests in counterproductive ways
  • Privately or publicly shaming or humiliating you
  • Making you feel as though you can never live up to their expectations or do anything right (according to their own vague, subjective standards)
  • Gaslighting you into thinking they said or did something that never actually happened (making you question your own reality)

Final Thoughts

It’s sometimes hard to see the negative things about someone with whom we have a relationship. We may sometimes unconsciously overlook the signs of a controlling person, especially if that person is someone we have known for a long time or are close to us. However, cutting them off your life is the best thing you can do for yourself. Just watch out for these six signs of a controlling person and take immediate action when you spot them.

More Tips on How To Deal With a Controlling Person

Featured photo credit: Külli Kittus via unsplash.com

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