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8 True Feelings Hidden In Every Introvert’s Heart

8 True Feelings Hidden In Every Introvert’s Heart

Being an introvert can sometimes be a struggle in today’s society but it’s a personality trait that is present in many of us. We can have introversion and extroversion to varying degrees, but as a true introvert, we often feel more isolated and misunderstood by those around us.

Introverts love it when people ‘get them’ and accept them for who they are. It is wonderful when a friend tries to get to know you better and connect on a deeper level. Yes, we may be rubbish at meeting up and hanging out, but that doesn’t mean we love you any less. If you want to know how a true introvert really feels or if you’re a self-confessed introvert yourself, then here are 8 thoughts and feelings that you can identify with.

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1. We Hope You Don’t Take Our Social Declines Personally

We often feel guilty about saying no to social invitations and we worry that we may come across as unwilling to socialise. While this is case, it’s never because we dislike people, so we tend to worry that friends will take it personally. The real reason is that we can feel overwhelmed and mentally drained from being around others, which the more extroverted people don’t always understand.

2. It Upsets Us When People Assume We’re Anti-Social

While we interact less, we don’t dislike being around people all the time and it can hurt when some people comment or joke about our anti-social tendencies. Often our lack of reaching out to others is misunderstood and can seem like we generally don’t want to hang out – this isn’t true!

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3. We Can Feel Overwhelming Claustrophobia

Being in a big group of people during social activities can be extremely uncomfortable and overwhelming for us. It’s even worse if we are unfamiliar with the vast majority of people we’re expected to socialise with. We go out of our way to avoid meaningless small talk as it makes us really anxious and awkward. All we want to do is run out of the door just to feel normal again.

4. We Love Meaningful Conversations

Although we don’t always like to partake in conversations (although we are great listeners!) when it comes to deep and meaningful talk, we love getting to know you on a more personal level – whether it’s about your life aspirations, dreams or ideas and perspectives on things. We feel very satisfied and happy to be able to connect with you on a deeper level because we feel it’s genuine. Trivial talk makes us feel disconnected and it feels pointless.

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5. We Appreciate The People Who Accept Our Introversion

It’s so wonderful when people accept our introversion. We feel totally understood and comfortable. We don’t feel judged and can totally be ourselves around them. They get that we aren’t necessarily the ‘let’s hang out at the last minute’ type of person, but that we’re still reliable enough to be a good friend. We are appreciated for our attention to detail in the friendship and our innate qualities that go towards establishing a deep and lasting relationship.

6. We Feel Judged For Staying In Our Comfort Zones

Yes, we do tend to stay in our comfort zones, but that doesn’t mean we don’t try to break free from time to time. It takes a lot for us to reach out to people and organise social get-togethers, but most of the time people don’t understand our struggle. Our comfort zones are our safe places and it’s where we’re most happy. We don’t like to feel judged for that as stepping out of it just isn’t in our nature.

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7. We Sometimes Feel Conflicted About Our Introverted Nature

Sometimes we really hate our introversion. We feel jealous of those who can easily socialise and flit from one party of people to the next, relishing in the conversation. We sometimes feel like we’re missing out and possibly ashamed of our need to take ourselves away from it all. However, having our own independence and freedom from being around others is what gives us the most energy – that’s just how it is. It just happens to be the opposite for a lot of other people.

8. It Hurts When Others Think We’re Just Weird

We can’t help wanting to recharge by ourselves and stay away from socialising too much. That’s why we feel hurt when we’re labelled as strange or weird for not being social butterflies. Everyone in this world is unique and different; nothing or no one is just black and white. With most people in our society having a degree of introversion in them, it makes sense to start accepting people for who they are and how they want to live their lives. We’re not weird for wanting to be by ourselves sometimes and it doesn’t make us any less of a person – in fact, we have the qualities for making deep and wonderful friendships that last a lifetime!

Featured photo credit: snapwiresnaps.tumblr.com via pexels.com

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Jenny Marchal

A passionate writer who loves sharing about positive psychology.

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Last Updated on January 24, 2021

How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

Do you say yes so often that you no longer feel that your own needs are being met? Are you wondering how to say no to people?

For years, I was a serial people pleaser[1]. Known as someone who would step up, I would gladly make time, especially when it came to volunteering for certain causes. I proudly carried this role all through grade school, college, even through law school. For years, I thought saying “no” meant I would disappoint a good friend or someone I respected.

But somewhere along the way, I noticed I wasn’t quite living my life. Instead, I seem to have created a schedule that was a strange combination of meeting the expectations of others, what I thought I should be doing, and some of what I actually wanted to do. The result? I had a packed schedule that left me overwhelmed and unfulfilled.

It took a long while, but I learned the art of saying no. Saying no meant I no longer catered fully to everyone else’s needs and could make more room for what I really wanted to do. Instead of cramming too much in, I chose to pursue what really mattered. When that happened, I became a lot happier.

And guess what? I hardly disappointed anyone.

The Importance of Saying No

When you learn the art of saying no, you begin to look at the world differently. Rather than seeing all of the things you could or should be doing (and aren’t doing), you start to look at how to say yes to what’s important.

In other words, you aren’t just reacting to what life throws at you. You seek the opportunities that move you to where you want to be.

Successful people aren’t afraid to say no. Oprah Winfrey, considered one of the most successful women in the world, confessed that it was much later in life when she learned how to say no. Even after she had become internationally famous, she felt she had to say yes to virtually everything.

Being able to say no also helps you manage your time better.

Warren Buffett views “no” as essential to his success. He said:

“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

When I made “no” a part of my toolbox, I drove more of my own success, focusing on fewer things and doing them well.

How We Are Pressured to Say Yes

It’s no wonder a lot of us find it hard to say no.

From an early age, we are conditioned to say yes. We said yes probably hundreds of times in order to graduate from high school and then get into college. We said yes to find work, to get a promotion, to find love and then yes again to stay in a relationship. We said yes to find and keep friends.

We say yes because we feel good when we help someone, because it can seem like the right thing to do, because we think that is key to success, and because the request might come from someone who is hard to resist.

And that’s not all. The pressure to say yes doesn’t just come from others. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves.

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At work, we say yes because we compare ourselves to others who seem to be doing more than we are. Outside of work, we say yes because we are feeling bad that we aren’t doing enough to spend time with family or friends.

The message, no matter where we turn, is nearly always, “You really could be doing more.” The result? When people ask us for our time, we are heavily conditioned to say yes.

How Do You Say No Without Feeling Guilty?

Deciding to add the word “no” to your toolbox is no small thing. Perhaps you already say no, but not as much as you would like. Maybe you have an instinct that if you were to learn the art of no that you could finally create more time for things you care about.

But let’s be honest, using the word “no” doesn’t come easily for many people.

3 Rules of Thumbs for Saying No

1. You Need to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

Let’s face it. It is hard to say no. Setting boundaries around your time, especially you haven’t done it much in the past, will feel awkward. Your comfort zone is “yes,” so it’s time to challenge that and step outside that.

If you need help getting out of your comfort zone, check out this article.

2. You Are the Air Traffic Controller of Your Time

When you want to learn how to say no, remember that you are the only one who understands the demands for your time. Think about it: who else knows about all of the demands in your life? No one.

Only you are at the center of all of these requests. You are the only one that understands what time you really have.

3. Saying No Means Saying Yes to Something That Matters

When we decide not to do something, it means we can say yes to something else that we may care more about. You have a unique opportunity to decide how you spend your precious time.

6 Ways to Start Saying No

Incorporating that little word “no” into your life can be transformational. Turning some things down will mean you can open doors to what really matters. Here are some essential tips to learn the art of no:

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1. Check in With Your Obligation Meter

One of the biggest challenges to saying no is a feeling of obligation. Do you feel you have a responsibility to say yes and worry that saying no will reflect poorly on you?

Ask yourself whether you truly have the duty to say yes. Check your assumptions or beliefs about whether you carry the responsibility to say yes. Turn it around and instead ask what duty you owe to yourself.

2. Resist the Fear of Missing out (FOMO)

Do you have a fear of missing out (FOMO)? FOMO can follow us around in so many ways. At work, we volunteer our time because we fear we won’t move ahead. In our personal lives, we agree to join the crowd because of FOMO, even while we ourselves aren’t enjoying the fun.

Check in with yourself. Are you saying yes because of FOMO or because you really want to say yes? More often than not, running after fear doesn’t make us feel better[2].

3. Check Your Assumptions About What It Means to Say No

Do you dread the reaction you will get if you say no? Often, we say yes because we worry about how others will respond or because of the consequences. We may be afraid to disappoint others or think we will lose their respect. We often forget how much we are disappointing ourselves along the way.

Keep in mind that saying no can be exactly what is needed to send the right message that you have limited time. In the tips below, you will see how to communicate your no in a gentle and loving way.

You might disappoint someone initially, but drawing a boundary can bring you the freedom you need so that you can give freely of yourself when you truly want to. And it will often help others have more respect for you and your boundaries, not less.

4. When the Request Comes in, Sit on It

Sometimes, when we are in the moment, we instinctively agree. The request might make sense at first. Or we typically have said yes to this request in the past.

Give yourself a little time to reflect on whether you really have the time or can do the task properly. You may decide the best option is to say no. There is no harm in giving yourself the time to decide.

5. Communicate Your “No” with Transparency and Kindness

When you are ready to tell someone no, communicate your decision clearly. The message can be open and honest[3] to ensure the recipient that your reasons have to do with your limited time.

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How do you say no? 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

    Resist the temptation not to respond or communicate all. But do not feel obligated to provide a lengthy account about why you are saying no.

    Clear communication with a short explanation is all that is needed. I have found it useful to tell people that I have many demands and need to be careful with how I allocate my time. I will sometimes say I really appreciate that they came to me and for them to check in again if the opportunity arises another time.

    6. Consider How to Use a Modified No

    If you are under pressure to say yes but want to say no, you may want to consider downgrading a “yes” to a “yes but…” as this will give you an opportunity to condition your agreement to what works best for you.

    Sometimes, the condition can be to do the task, but not in the time frame that was originally requested. Or perhaps you can do part of what has been asked.

    Final Thoughts

    Beginning right now, you can change how you respond to requests for your time. When the request comes in, take yourself off autopilot where you might normally say yes.

    Use the request as a way to draw a healthy boundary around your time. Pay particular attention to when you place certain demands on yourself.

    Try it now. Say no to a friend who continues to take advantage of your goodwill. Or, draw the line with a workaholic colleague and tell them you will complete the project, but not by working all weekend. You’ll find yourself much happier.

    More Tips on How to Say No

    Featured photo credit: Chris Ainsworth via unsplash.com

    Reference

    [1] Science of People: 11 Expert Tips to Stop Being a People Pleaser and Start Doing You
    [2] Anxiety and Depression Association of America: Tips to Get Over Your FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out
    [3] Cooks Hill Counseling: 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

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