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8 True Feelings Hidden In Every Introvert’s Heart

8 True Feelings Hidden In Every Introvert’s Heart

Being an introvert can sometimes be a struggle in today’s society but it’s a personality trait that is present in many of us. We can have introversion and extroversion to varying degrees, but as a true introvert, we often feel more isolated and misunderstood by those around us.

Introverts love it when people ‘get them’ and accept them for who they are. It is wonderful when a friend tries to get to know you better and connect on a deeper level. Yes, we may be rubbish at meeting up and hanging out, but that doesn’t mean we love you any less. If you want to know how a true introvert really feels or if you’re a self-confessed introvert yourself, then here are 8 thoughts and feelings that you can identify with.

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1. We Hope You Don’t Take Our Social Declines Personally

We often feel guilty about saying no to social invitations and we worry that we may come across as unwilling to socialise. While this is case, it’s never because we dislike people, so we tend to worry that friends will take it personally. The real reason is that we can feel overwhelmed and mentally drained from being around others, which the more extroverted people don’t always understand.

2. It Upsets Us When People Assume We’re Anti-Social

While we interact less, we don’t dislike being around people all the time and it can hurt when some people comment or joke about our anti-social tendencies. Often our lack of reaching out to others is misunderstood and can seem like we generally don’t want to hang out – this isn’t true!

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3. We Can Feel Overwhelming Claustrophobia

Being in a big group of people during social activities can be extremely uncomfortable and overwhelming for us. It’s even worse if we are unfamiliar with the vast majority of people we’re expected to socialise with. We go out of our way to avoid meaningless small talk as it makes us really anxious and awkward. All we want to do is run out of the door just to feel normal again.

4. We Love Meaningful Conversations

Although we don’t always like to partake in conversations (although we are great listeners!) when it comes to deep and meaningful talk, we love getting to know you on a more personal level – whether it’s about your life aspirations, dreams or ideas and perspectives on things. We feel very satisfied and happy to be able to connect with you on a deeper level because we feel it’s genuine. Trivial talk makes us feel disconnected and it feels pointless.

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5. We Appreciate The People Who Accept Our Introversion

It’s so wonderful when people accept our introversion. We feel totally understood and comfortable. We don’t feel judged and can totally be ourselves around them. They get that we aren’t necessarily the ‘let’s hang out at the last minute’ type of person, but that we’re still reliable enough to be a good friend. We are appreciated for our attention to detail in the friendship and our innate qualities that go towards establishing a deep and lasting relationship.

6. We Feel Judged For Staying In Our Comfort Zones

Yes, we do tend to stay in our comfort zones, but that doesn’t mean we don’t try to break free from time to time. It takes a lot for us to reach out to people and organise social get-togethers, but most of the time people don’t understand our struggle. Our comfort zones are our safe places and it’s where we’re most happy. We don’t like to feel judged for that as stepping out of it just isn’t in our nature.

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7. We Sometimes Feel Conflicted About Our Introverted Nature

Sometimes we really hate our introversion. We feel jealous of those who can easily socialise and flit from one party of people to the next, relishing in the conversation. We sometimes feel like we’re missing out and possibly ashamed of our need to take ourselves away from it all. However, having our own independence and freedom from being around others is what gives us the most energy – that’s just how it is. It just happens to be the opposite for a lot of other people.

8. It Hurts When Others Think We’re Just Weird

We can’t help wanting to recharge by ourselves and stay away from socialising too much. That’s why we feel hurt when we’re labelled as strange or weird for not being social butterflies. Everyone in this world is unique and different; nothing or no one is just black and white. With most people in our society having a degree of introversion in them, it makes sense to start accepting people for who they are and how they want to live their lives. We’re not weird for wanting to be by ourselves sometimes and it doesn’t make us any less of a person – in fact, we have the qualities for making deep and wonderful friendships that last a lifetime!

Featured photo credit: snapwiresnaps.tumblr.com via pexels.com

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Jenny Marchal

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

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