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Positive Parenting Concepts For Ditching Frustration

Positive Parenting Concepts For Ditching Frustration

When your child is screaming, you feel like losing your mind. This is something all mothers and caregivers are familiar with. How can you make the child stop crying and calm yourself down? Positive parenting has the answers you need.

Positive parenting is a new way of parenting, that enables you to deal with the most frustrating and difficult situations in the life of a parent without losing your patience, screaming, or beating your child. Positive parenting is all about disciplining your child with patience and gentleness while maintaining your authority. The concept of positive parenting allows you to form a strong relationship with children, showing them that they are valuable and that you respect them. In turn, the child is going to respect and trust you, knowing you are not going to let him go, regardless the situation.

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Stop screaming

Most parents become frustrated by their baby’s crying and they start raising their voices or even slap the child. This might get you reactions from adults but with kids it doesn’t work. By raising your voice you will only manage to get the child even more anxious. Regardless the age of the child, when he is screaming your only “weapon” is lowering your voice and speaking to him in a soft voice. This is going to help you calm down and your child. For older kids who can talk, addressing them in a soft voice is going to encourage them to share their discomfort, which will solve the problem.

Talk to your child

When a child is crying, he needs something. Since the time when we were born, crying is the primary way to communicate, so young kids are prone to cry when they want something, instead of talking. In order to calm down the child, talk to him and have patience. This will show the child that you do love him, even if the situation is not a pleasant one for you. This is going to build a strong sense of respect between you and the child. Even in the case of babies, talking can make wonders. Sometimes the baby just needs you, he needs to hear your voice and he needs to know you are there for him, so if the baby is crying try talking to him.

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Practice patience

This is a strange method, but it’s going to help you and your child a lot, so try it on. Practice patience: each time you become frustrated and you feel that you can’t bear more of your child’s crying, count to ten, take a deep breath and visualize yourself in a relaxing place. This small break is going to calm you down and give you the power to carry on. The more you practice, the easier it will be for you to calm down your child and understand what his needs are.

Take some time out

There are moments when breathing and counting are just not enough, so you need a real break. Don’t blame yourself when you feel you need to take some time out because in the long run, it will benefit your child more than it would if you try to carry on as you are. If you have a baby, put him in his crib and open the sleep soothing machine or a noise machine, then leave him crying while you go to another room and take a 10 minute break. The womb is a noise environment, so you might find your baby is going to stop crying with help from the blank noises.

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If your kids are older it’s harder to keep them in one place, but do your best even if you have to lock them in their room for couple of minutes. When you are calm again, pick up the child and talk to him. You will see you will understand him easier when you have the power to be more patient.

Parenting is not an easy job so if you still struggle with your kids, join supportive groups and check out what other mothers do. Share your experience and get insights from other parents; after all, it does take a village to raise a child, so don’t be afraid to learn from other parents.

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Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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Published on January 30, 2019

How to Support a Working Mother as a Working Father

How to Support a Working Mother as a Working Father

In roughly 60 percent of two-parent households with children under the age of 18, both parents work full time. But who takes time off work when the kids are sick in your house? And if you are a manager, how do you react when a man says he needs time to take his baby to the pediatrician?

The sad truth is, the default in many companies and families is to value the man’s work over the woman’s—even when there is no significant difference in their professional obligations or compensation. This translates into stereotypes in the workplace that women are the primary caregivers, which can negatively impact women’s success on the job and their upward mobility.

According to a Pew Research Center analysis of long-term time-use data (1965–2011), fathers in dual-income couples devote significantly less time than mothers do to child care.[1] Dads are doing more than twice as much housework as they used to (from an average of about four hours per week to about 10 hours), but there is still a significant imbalance.

This is not just an issue between spouses; it’s a workplace culture issue. In many offices, it is still taboo for dads to openly express that they have family obligations that need their attention. In contrast, the assumption that moms will be on the front lines of any family crisis is one that runs deep.

Consider an example from my company. A few years back, one of our team members joined us for an off-site meeting soon after returning from maternity leave. Not even two hours into her trip, her husband called to say that the baby had been crying nonstop. While there was little our colleague could practically do to help with the situation, this call was clearly unsettling, and the result was that her attention was divided for the rest of an important business dinner.

This was her first night away since the baby’s birth, and I know that her spouse had already been on several business trips before this event. Yet, I doubt she called him during his conferences to ask child-care questions. Like so many moms everywhere, she was expected to figure things out on her own.

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The numbers show that this story is far from the exception. In another Pew survey, 47 percent of dual-income parents agreed that the moms take on more of the work when a child gets sick.[2] In addition, 39 percent of working mothers said they had taken a significant amount of time off from work to care for their child compared to just 24 percent of working fathers. Mothers are also more likely than fathers (27 percent to 10 percent) to say they had quit their job at some point for family reasons.

Before any amazing stay-at-home-dads post an angry rebuttal comment, I want to be very clear that I am not judging how families choose to divide and conquer their personal and professional responsibilities; that’s 100 percent their prerogative. Rather, I am taking aim at the culture of inequity that persists even when spouses have similar or identical professional responsibilities. This is an important issue for all of us because we are leaving untapped business and human potential on the table.

What’s more, I think my fellow men can do a lot about this. For those out there who still privately think that being a good dad just means helping out mom, it’s time to man up. Stop expecting working partners—who have similar professional responsibilities—to bear the majority of the child-care responsibilities as well.

Consider these ways to support your working spouse:

1. Have higher expectations for yourself as a father; you are a parent, not a babysitter.

Know who your pediatrician is and how to reach him or her. Have a back-up plan for transportation and emergency coverage.

Don’t simply expect your partner to manage all these invisible tasks on her own. Parenting takes effort and preparation for the unexpected.

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As in other areas of life, the way to build confidence is to learn by doing. Moms aren’t born knowing how to do this stuff any more than dads are.

2. Treat your partner the way you’d want to be treated.

I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard a man on a business trip say to his wife on a call something to the effect of, “I am in the middle of a meeting. What do you want me to do about it?”

However, when the tables are turned, men often make that same call at the first sign of trouble.

Distractions like this make it difficult to focus and engage with work, which perpetuates the stereotype that working moms aren’t sufficiently committed.

When you’re in charge of the kids, do what she would do: Figure it out.

3. When you need to take care of your kids, don’t make an excuse that revolves around your partner’s availability.

This implies that the children are her first priority and your second.

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I admit I have been guilty in the past of telling clients, “I have the kids today because my wife had something she could not move.” What I should have said was, “I’m taking care of my kids today.”

Why is it so hard for men to admit they have personal responsibilities? Remember that you are setting an example for your sons and daughters, and do the right thing.

4. As a manager, be supportive of both your male and female colleagues when unexpected situations arise at home.

No one likes or wants disruptions, but life happens, and everyone will face a day when the troubling phone call comes from his sitter, her school nurse, or even elderly parents.

Accommodating personal needs is not a sign of weakness as a leader. Employees will be more likely to do great work if they know that you care about their personal obligations and family—and show them that you care about your own.

5. Don’t keep score or track time.

At home, it’s juvenile to get into debates about who last changed a diaper or did the dishes; everyone needs to contribute, but the big picture is what matters. Is everyone healthy and getting enough sleep? Are you enjoying each other’s company?

In business, too, avoid the trap of punching a clock. The focus should be on outcomes and performance rather than effort and inputs. That’s the way to maintain momentum toward overall goals.

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The Bottom Line

To be clear, I recognize that a great many working dads are doing a terrific job both on the home front and in their professional lives. My concern is that these standouts often aren’t visible to their colleagues; they intentionally or inadvertently let their work as parents fly under the radar. Dads need to be open and honest about family responsibilities to change perceptions in the workplace.

The question “How do you balance it all?” should not be something that’s just asked of women. Frankly, no one can answer that question. Juggling a career and parental responsibilities is tough. At times, really tough.

But it’s something that more parents should be doing together, as a team. This can be a real bonus for the couple relationship as well, because nothing gets in the way of good partnership faster than feelings of inequity.

On the plus side, I can tell you that parenting skills really do get better with practice—and that’s great for people of both sexes. I think our cultural expectations that women are the “nurturers” and men are the “providers” needs to evolve. Expanding these definitions will open the doors to richer contributions from everyone, because women can and should be both—and so should men.

Featured photo credit: NeONBRAND via unsplash.com

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