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6 Things A Woman Who Is Difficult To Love Can Learn From Her Relationships

6 Things A Woman Who Is Difficult To Love Can Learn From Her Relationships

Relationships in general are difficult. Although everything about them is exciting, adventurous, daring, etc., they still take a ton of work. It’s more difficult when you’re a woman who is difficult to love. You shouldn’t look at yourself and think something is wrong with you. You’re just careful about who you invest your time in.

People are drawn to you like you would not believe. But, if they happen to get too close, they may wish that they had kept their distance. Because of your complicated nature, there will be intense arguments, but intense make-ups follow. I’ve heard people talk about complication as being a bad thing, and I always wondered how happy living a simple life could possibly be.

There are few who can keep up with your beautiful and brilliant self because more often than not, you’re driving them absolutely crazy. Unfortunately for your partner, you drain them of their energy because you just so happen to feed off it so easily.

You’ve probably noticed these qualities about yourself, and after a few failed relationships, you’re looking to make some changes. You want to become easier, someone who’s easier to love, but all of that is boring and foreign to you.

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Everything you do is circled around passion — you swim in it so gracefully. Without passion, life is meaningless to you, and so are your relationships. You’re a nightmare and a dream in one woman’s body. You’re captivating and alluring to everyone around you.

You may be hard to love, but you are so worth it. You are deserving of the most passionate kind of love there is out there, and you won’t stop until you discover it.

When you find a love that lasts, embrace it, hold on to it so tightly because for the first time in a long time, you finally have something right. Here’s what women like you can learn from relationships.

1. Love takes work

When you take a look back at all of your failed relationships, you may start to ask yourself what is wrong with you. The answer to that question is absolutely nothing.

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You may find yourself settling for these lukewarm sorta-kinda’s to satisfy your longing for an intensely passionate relationship with someone who understands what it’s like to be loved by you. The truth of the matter is that those people can’t handle you and everything that you have to offer, that’s why they haven’t worked out. You should be loved so fiercely that it ignites your inner passion to the fullest.

It may be difficult to love you, but the truth is, the person who deserves you, earns you.

2. Love is patience

The only kind of person who is going to be able to handle someone like you is someone who has an incredible amount of patience. You understand that patience and love come as a package deal.

You’re chaotic, and most times there’s no point in trying to fix it because, I mean, why would someone want to change who you are? The right person will be able to work with you side by side instead of trying to “fix” you.

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3. Happiness comes from self-love

You have probably heard it a million times before, but you will truly never be able to love another person until you are able to love you for exactly who you are.

When you begin to truly appreciate you, and spend quality time alone for self-improvement and self-development, you’ll begin to notice why your shots at love before tended to fail.

4. Love is compromise

You have never been a good compromiser. You have a routine and anything that disrupts that routine is not allowed. So, in return, all of your relationships fall to the ground.

Once you come to the realization that no love worthy of your time can survive without compromise, you’ll be able to embrace it for what it is. It’s all about give and take.

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5. You must live with your craziness

Most of us try and hide our craziness for as long as we possibly can. But what’s the point? You can’t possibly do that forever — that’s not who you are.

Truthfully, it gets hard being told that you’re absolutely nuts, but in all honesty, you are kinda (really) a crazy woman. It’s fine. Your craziness isn’t a bad thing. It lights up the world. You make the world different.

6. Love yourself just the way you are

Just because you are difficult to love does not mean that you are a bad woman or someone who is unable to be loved. You are just complicated, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that or you. You’re beautiful, fun, caring, adventurous, and fierce.

Take your failed relationships as lessons and just that. Don’t spend your time analyzing them after they’re over, wondering what you could have done differently to make them last.

You are an incredible human being and only a truly brave heart can love you. All the others will take it with a grain of salt and walk away, no questions asked. It’s not impossible to have a relationship with you just because you are difficult, and you learn to love yourself in spite of that.

The right love will love you as passionately as you deserve.

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Erica Wagner

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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