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Why “The Ugly Duckling Childhood” Is the BEST Thing That Ever Happened to You

Why “The Ugly Duckling Childhood” Is the BEST Thing That Ever Happened to You

I was not a pretty picture as a child or teen — there is no other way to put it. Everything that could be wrong WAS wrong: I was overweight (to put it politely) with teeth sticking out like a rabbit, braces that didn’t help, weak eyes that needed thick spectacles, unwaxed arms and legs (think Amazon rainforests — that will give you the picture) and an oily head of hair which was fit to fry eggs over on most summer days. Don’t faint yet; that’s not all. The final nail in the coffin: I was a complete teacher’s pet (nerd alert!).

Needless to say, my childhood and teenage years consisted of “friendlessness,” embarrassment, mockery — you get the drift. I hated myself, and I hated my life. I often used to think about that fairy tale of the ugly duckling who all the other ducks ignored till she grew up to be a swan, and I used to wonder, will I ever be that Swan?

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The “ugly duckling” phase lasted a long, painful decade (and no, I didn’t transform into Cameron Diaz at the end of it, but at least the rainforest was gone), and it has taken me another decade of being an adult in the real world to realize that those years were the best thing to ever happen to me.

To all those who have had a not so pretty childhood like me, here are the things that you can be proud of thanks to that very phase.

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1. It gave you a “bring it on” attitude.

If you have handled insult and mockery at the age of ten and moved on, there is not much that can ruffle your feathers as an adult — not the politics at work, and not those nagging in-laws. In fact, the antics of the “bully boss” just make you want to giggle; he is a pet in front of that cheerleader you survived in sixth grade. Those difficult early years make you an expert at recognizing overbearing people, handling them with ease and completely shutting them out as required so that they have no impact on you or your confidence. So while your peers struggle and whine, you simply roll your eyes and move on!

2. It made you comfortable in your own skin.

Your life doesn’t revolve around wanting to be beautiful and getting appreciated by the opposite sex. As a child you didn’t survive with the crutch called good looks. While other kids were fussing in front of the mirror, you learned to (had to!) define your worth by other attributes: your mind, your character, who you are as a person. So while others spend adulthood still worrying about their looks (old habits), you are indifferent. You can put on the makeup and enjoy attention if you want; you can also ignore it completely and look like a wreck if you want. The power lies with you.

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3. It prevented you from becoming an egoist.

You may have grown up to be rich and successful; you may have grown up to look drop-dead gorgeous; or you may have grown up to become the most popular person you know — but, it will never go to your head. Inside the adult still lives that little child who remembers how it was to be down in the dumps. Humble beginnings keep you level headed and balanced. Besides, you have dealt with enough proud idiots in your childhood to ever become one. You only shoot for the stars; you don’t float among them.

4. It turned you into a true-blue friend.

What happens when a person has been judged and ignored for years? He doesn’t judge others. He doesn’t ignore others. You never toss a book based on its cover (because your own cover was pretty disastrous once!). You give people the benefit of doubt: you listen to them and you try to accommodate and simply accept the aspects you don’t completely understand — which is a perfect recipe for a lifelong friend. What is more, you know exactly how it is to not have any friends — you’ve been there! So you really value your friendships; you don’t have a lot of superficial friends, but a lot of love and depth in each friendship. That’s your motto!

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5. It helped you learn to be happy in your own company.

You have been lonely as a child, so you appreciate solitude as an adult. You don’t have the constant need for social validation or company. If people are there, you are happy; if people are not there you are still happy. As a child you have learned to spend time with yourself and even today, there are certain things that you love to do alone. You are effortlessly independent and connected with yourself. Some people would kill for that kind of peace you know!

These invaluable attributes are the gift of those early years. The investment lasted through your childhood but the return will last through your life. So look back at that little “ugly duckling” and thank your lucky stars you got to be one, because as it turns out, that fairy tale was true: ugly ducklings do turn into swans afterall.

Featured photo credit: nature.desktopnexus.com via nature.desktopnexus.com

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Last Updated on January 2, 2019

7 Steps For Making a New Year’s Resolution and Keeping It

7 Steps For Making a New Year’s Resolution and Keeping It

Are you keen to reinvent yourself this year? Or at least use the new year as a long overdue excuse to get rid of bad habits or pick up new ones?

Yes, it’s that time of year again. The time of year when we feel as if we have to turn over a new leaf. The time when we misguidedly imagine that the arrival of a new year will magically provide the catalyst, motivation and persistence we need to reinvent ourselves.

Traditionally, New Year’s Day is styled as the ideal time to kick start a new phase in your life and the time when you must make your all important new year’s resolution. Unfortunately, the beginning of the year is also one of the worst times to make a major change in your habits because it’s often a relatively stressful time, right in the middle of the party and vacation season.

Don’t set yourself up for failure this year by vowing to make huge changes that will be hard to keep. Instead follow these seven steps for successfully making a new year’s resolution you can stick to for good.

1. Just pick one thing

If you want to change your life or your lifestyle don’t try to change the whole thing at once. It won’t work. Instead pick one area of your life to change to begin with.

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Make it something concrete so you know exactly what change you’re planning to make. If you’re successful with the first change you can go ahead and make another change after a month or so. By making small changes one after the other, you still have the chance to be a whole new you at the end of the year and it’s a much more realistic way of doing it.

Don’t pick a New Year’s resolution that’s bound to fail either, like running a marathon if you’re 40lbs overweight and get out of breath walking upstairs. If that’s the case resolve to walk every day. When you’ve got that habit down pat you can graduate to running in short bursts, constant running by March or April and a marathon at the end of the year. What’s the one habit you most want to change?

2. Plan ahead

To ensure success you need to research the change you’re making and plan ahead so you have the resources available when you need them. Here are a few things you should do to prepare and get all the systems in place ready to make your change.

Read up on it – Go to the library and get books on the subject. Whether it’s quitting smoking, taking up running or yoga or becoming vegan there are books to help you prepare for it. Or use the Internet. If you do enough research you should even be looking forward to making the change.

Plan for success – Get everything ready so things will run smoothly. If you’re taking up running make sure you have the trainers, clothes, hat, glasses, ipod loaded with energetic sounds at the ready. Then there can be no excuses.

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3. Anticipate problems

There will be problems so make a list of what they’ll be. If you think about it, you’ll be able to anticipate problems at certain times of the day, with specific people or in special situations. Once you’ve identified the times that will probably be hard work out ways to cope with them when they inevitably crop up.

4. Pick a start date

You don’t have to make these changes on New Year’s Day. That’s the conventional wisdom, but if you truly want to make changes then pick a day when you know you’ll be well-rested, enthusiastic and surrounded by positive people. I’ll be waiting until my kids go back to school in February.

Sometimes picking a date doesn’t work. It’s better to wait until your whole mind and body are fully ready to take on the challenge. You’ll know when it is when the time comes.

5. Go for it

On the big day go for it 100%. Make a commitment and write it down on a card. You just need one short phrase you can carry in your wallet. Or keep it in your car, by your bed and on your bathroom mirror too for an extra dose of positive reinforcement.

Your commitment card will say something like:

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  • I enjoy a clean, smoke-free life.
  • I stay calm and in control even under times of stress.
  • I’m committed to learning how to run my own business.
  • I meditate daily.

6. Accept failure

If you do fail and sneak a cigarette, miss a walk or shout at the kids one morning don’t hate yourself for it. Make a note of the triggers that caused this set back and vow to learn a lesson from them.

If you know that alcohol makes you crave cigarettes and oversleep the next day cut back on it. If you know the morning rush before school makes you shout then get up earlier or prepare things the night before to make it easier on you.

Perseverance is the key to success. Try again, keep trying and you will succeed.

7. Plan rewards

Small rewards are great encouragement to keep you going during the hardest first days. After that you can probably reward yourself once a week with a magazine, a long-distance call to a supportive friend, a siesta, a trip to the movies or whatever makes you tick.

Later you can change the rewards to monthly and then at the end of the year you can pick an anniversary reward. Something that you’ll look forward to. You deserve it and you’ll have earned it.

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Whatever your plans and goals are for this year, I’d do wish you luck with them but remember, it’s your life and you make your own luck.

Decide what you want to do this year, plan how to get it and go for it. I’ll definitely be cheering you on.

Are you planning to make a New Year’s resolution? What is it and is it something you’ve tried to do before or something new?

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