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My Friend, I Still Wish You Well, But I Need To Say Goodbye To You

My Friend, I Still Wish You Well, But I Need To Say Goodbye To You

If life has taught me one thing, it’s that the relationships you have are the most precious things you can possess. When life has a habit of turning upside down it’s the close relationships that are there to support you and drag you back out again.

I’m not perfect. I can be a bit stubborn, a bit ignorant and I’ve made my fair amount of mistakes in the past. I’ve hurt people I never meant to hurt through my own selfishness. Some friendships have lasted and some haven’t. I always expected you to be in my life because you’re my oldest friend but you’ve taught me that some people are just not destined to stay in my life.

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I’ve known you for so many years that, for some time, it wouldn’t even enter my mind that we would one day never speak again. We shared so many experiences and created memories that I’ll never forget, but there comes a time when two people start to grow apart. We start to realise that just because the friendship is old, doesn’t mean it’s worth holding on to. Our lives move in different directions, our thoughts and beliefs change and we can no longer keep up with the old versions of ourselves. I feel this happened for us a long time ago and since then you’ve not been there for me.

We are all constantly learning and growing but at some point life took us down separate paths. I tried to support you in your time of need but I barely got the same back. The phone calls stopped, the laughing over coffee dates and wine evenings stopped. You were busy when I needed you the most but your absence gave me time to reassess the value we now give to each other.

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I can’t say I’m not hurt but neither of us are at fault. We meet new people and they consume more of our time, we start new relationships that take us onto the next step in life and leaving behind the old. I’m part of that old for you and you for me. Some of the best memories I have are the ones I shared with you but that’s all they are – memories. We haven’t created any new ones for so long now and life has moved on.

I’m not angry. I understand. I want to thank you for coming into my life and teaching me how to laugh and cry in ways no one else has. I want to thank you for being the first real friendship I ever had and teaching me what a great friendship is.

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But I have to thank you for teaching me that I can’t keep giving people chances. People make mistakes by saying and doing things that they maybe don’t mean but recognising their mistakes and making the mistake over and over again is not a friend I need in my life. Trust is something I cherish greatly and it’s something you took away from me countless times.

It’s time to accept the truth – we don’t need each other anymore. What I’ve learnt now is that life is short and precious and it should be full of people who deserve the best of me and people who don’t take advantage of my support and trust. Breaking up with a friend is never easy but somehow you’ve made it easy for me now.

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You will always have a special place in my heart and I’ll sit, wondering and hoping you’re out there happy and content. After all, you’ve helped me become the person I am today and, for that, I thank you.

Featured photo credit: unsplash.com via pexels.com

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Jenny Marchal

A passionate writer who loves sharing about positive psychology.

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Last Updated on March 5, 2021

Science Says People Who Talk To Themselves Are Geniuses

Science Says People Who Talk To Themselves Are Geniuses

I talk a lot to myself. It helps me to keep my concentration on the activity on hand, makes me focus more on my studies, and gives me some pretty brilliant ideas while chattering to myself; more importantly, I produce better works. For example, right now, as I am typing, I am constantly mumbling to myself. Do you talk to yourself? Don’t get embarrassed admitting it because science has discovered that those who talk to themselves are actually geniuses… and not crazy!

Research Background

Psychologist-researcher Gary Lupyan conducted an experiment where 20 volunteers were shown objects, in a supermarket, and were asked to remember them. Half of them were told to repeat the objects, for example, banana, and the other half remained silent. In the end, the result shown that self-directed speech aided people to find the objects faster, by 50 to 100 milliseconds, compared to the silent ones.

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“I’ll often mutter to myself when searching for something in the refrigerator or the supermarket shelves,” said Gary Lupyan.

This personal experience actually made him conduct this experiment. Lupyan, together with another psychologist, Daniel Swigley, came up with the outcomes that those to talk to oneself are geniuses. Here are the reasons:

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It stimulates your memory

When you are talking to yourself, your sensory mechanism gets activated. It gets easier on your memory since you can visualize the word, and you can act accordingly.[1]

It helps stay focused

When you are saying it loud, you stay focused on your task,[2] and it helps you recognise that stuff immediately. Of course, this only helps if you know what the object you are searching looks like. For example, a banana is yellow in colour, and you know how a banana looks like. So when you are saying it loud, your brain immediately pictures the image on your mind. But if you don’t know what banana looks like, then there is no effect of saying it loud.

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It helps you clarify your thoughts

Every one of us tends to have various types of thoughts. Most make sense, while the others don’t. Suppose you are furious at someone and you feel like killing that person. Now for this issue you won’t run to a therapist, will you? No, what you do is lock yourself in a room and mutter to yourself. You are letting go off the anger by talking to yourself, the pros and cons of killing that person, and eventually you calm down. This is a silly thought that you have and are unable to share it with any other person. Psychologist Linda Sapadin said,[3]

“It helps you clarify your thoughts, tend to what’s important and firm up any decisions you are contemplating.”

Featured photo credit: Girl Using Laptop In Hotel Room/Ed Gregory via stokpic.com

Reference

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