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In Order To Achieve Lasting Success: 10 Tips To Become An Attractive Person

In Order To Achieve Lasting Success: 10 Tips To Become An Attractive Person

Fifty percent of this year is gone. Question, have you reached 50 percent or half of your goals?

If one of your goals is to be successful in any area of your life or career before 2016 comes to an end, the one thing you must to do is to become an attractive person.

Late motivational speaker Jim Rohn once said, “Success is something you attract by the person you become.” Rohn of course, isn’t referring to external attractiveness, rather the internal kind.

If you want success and all that it brings, you have to become a better, more attractive person. Period.

Rohn continues, “Your level of success will rarely exceed your level of personal development.”

You become attractive by developing yourself into the person you need to be in order to attract, create, and sustain the level of success you want in your life.

How so?

In his book, The Morning Miracle, author Hal Elrod says that we all want “Level 10” success in every area of our lives, such as:

  • Health
  • Happiness
  • Finances
  • Relationships
  • Career

Yet our level of personal development is not currently at a “Level 10”. Personal development can be summed up as the following:

  • Knowledge
  • Experience
  • Mindset
  • Beliefs

So when Rohn says, “Your level of success will rarely exceed your level of personal development,” he means that if your knowledge, experience, mindset and beliefs are not also at a “Level 10”, you will never experience “Level 10” happiness in any significant area of your life.

Life will always be a struggle, because, as he states, our outer world will always be a reflection of our inner world. Your level of success or lack thereof will always parallel your level of personal development.

Personal development starts by taking 100 percent responsibility for everything in your life. This includes the level of your achievements, the results you produce or lack thereof, the quality of your relationships, the state of your health, your income, your debts, your feelings, your thoughts and emotions.

That isn’t always easy. Why?

Because most of us have been conditioned to blame something outside of ourselves for the parts of our life that we don’t like or aren’t working. For instance do you blame any of the following people/situations for the setbacks in your life or for not having achieved everything you could’ve?

  • Parents
  • Boss
  • Friends
  • Media
  • Coworkers
  • Clients
  • Spouse
  • Children
  • Weather
  • Economy
  • Lack of Money
  • Lack of Education
  • The President

The list is endless.

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“If you want your life to be different, you have to be willing to do something different first.” – Kevin Bracy

Are you willing?

If you are going to be successful in any area of your life, you first have to believe that you are capable of making it happen. I start with this as a groundwork because self-esteem is the single most significant key to your behavior. Motivational Speaker Zig Ziglar said, “It’s impossible to consistently behave in a manner inconsistent with how we see ourselves.” You have to believe you can do it. You have to believe you have the knowledge, skills and abilities to create the results you desire. If you believe you are worthless, you will not be motivated to add value to yourself.

It all comes down to your attitude. Believing in yourself is an attitude. The great part about it is that you have a choice. When you were a kid, you couldn’t choose your parents or environment. But now that you are an adult, the choice of how you see and talk to yourself is yours. You must now choose to believe that anything you set your mind to, you can achieve. Ziglar also said, “It’s not your aptitude, but your attitude, that determines your altitude.” If you will just believe it is possible, then you will do what it takes to bring about your desired result, but if you think it is impossible, you will not do what is necessary, you will continue to get zero results. Because in life, you hit what you aim for, if you aim at nothing, you will hit it every time. So now, I hope I have you convinced that you have to believe in order to achieve.

Step 1: Examine Your Self-Talk

“You are the most influential person you will talk to all day.” – Zig Ziglar

If I was to record how you talk to yourself all day, would I be pleased at how thoughtful and loving you are to yourself? Or would I hear you berate and tear yourself down all day?

Whether you know it or not, you have a running conversation with yourself all day, every day. Do you encourage or criticize yourself? Are you positive or negative with yourself? How you talk to yourself really does make a difference because if you want to change your life, you have to change not only the way you think about yourself, but more importantly, how you talk to yourself.

If you have someone in your life that constantly encourages you, that’s terrific. But even if you do or don’t, you need to become your own cheerleader. You need to become your own encourager. Stop and think, have you ever complimented someone? I’m guessing yes. Now, have you ever complimented yourself on how you look, feel, on a job well-done? Don’t just recognize other people, recognize you. Start speaking positively and consolingly to yourself. When you make a mistake, don’t berate yourself, just tell yourself you will do better next time and you are gaining valuable experience.

Step 2: Banish Your Limiting Beliefs

“When a man has put a limit on what he will do, he has put a limit on what he can do.”
– Charles Schwab

The greatest prison is the prison we create for ourselves. When we tell ourselves that we can’t do something or we are not good enough or worthy, this distances us from our true value and worth as a human being. You are worthy simply because you exist.

In the book, Success Principles, Jack Canfield outlines four steps to transforming your limiting beliefs into empowering ones.

  • Identify a limiting belief
  • Write down how the belief limits you
  • Decide how you want to be, act, feel
  • Create a turnabout statement that affirms or gives you permission to be, act or feel this way

Step 3: Develop A Positive Attitude

“Every man is where he is by the law of his being; the thoughts he has built into his character have brought him here.” –James Allen

According to Canadian psychologist Sydney Jourard, 85 percent of your success in work is determined by your attitude and personality.

In his book, As A Man Thinketh, James Allen says we do not attract what we want, but rather we attract who we are, for we are the sum total of our thoughts.

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A positive mental attitude affects your outlook on life which in turn affects your behavior. Our minds are extraordinarily powerful. Your thoughts control and determine almost everything that happens to you. Our thoughts can either make us happy or sad. That’s why developing a positive mental attitude is so important. Our thoughts trigger images, pictures and emotions that can either make us dwell on success and confidence or the exact opposite. For whatever we think and believe with conviction will become our reality.

It has been said that the world is a living expression of how you are using and have chosen to use your mind. So protect it at all costs. Never finish a negative sentence. Dwell only on good and good will follow.

Step 4: Add Value

One of the quickest ways to change your negativity into positivity is to add value or simply help someone else. Making a difference in the life of someone else invariably lifts your own self-esteem. It’s difficult to feel bad about yourself when you’re doing something nice for someone else. There is also a reciprocal effect.

When you add value to others, they value you more. So you get to have more love in your life. That’s the beauty in giving. When you give to others, you benefit. The famous scripture is true, “There is more happiness in giving.” I heard someone once say, “Whatever you want in life, give to others.” If you want more love in your life, then be more loving to others. If you want more support. Be more supportive to others. If you want more understanding, be more understandable with others. It’s really that simple. 

Step 5: Always Do The Right Thing

Since your self-worth is based upon positive habits, actions and decisions, you most definitely want to stay away from the feeling of guilt. You can do this when you make a commitment to always do what’s right, even if it’s difficult. When you feel guilty about something, it harms your self-image and self-esteem.

Conversely, when you do the things that are right, you continue to build character, the same way you play Jenga. You are building blocks that constantly elevate your self-image. You become a stronger and more positive person.

Step 6: Take 100-percent Responsibility For Your Life

If you want to be successful, you will have to lose the “blame-game” mentality. You know what I mean, right? If your relationships aren’t going the way you want, you can’t blame the other person, you have to take full responsibility. If your health isn’t good, you can’t blame anyone, you’ve decided what to eat, so you must take full responsibility. If you are in debt, you can’t blame the economy, you have to take 100-percent responsibility for the financial state you’re in.

I know this isn’t easy, but it’s a must if you want to be successful. Oh, by the way, this also goes for complaining. No more of that either because when you complain, you are blaming other people. You are the common denominator in your life, so that means you are the cause of all your life experiences.

If you add 2 plus 2 and get 5, is it the fault of mathematics? No, it’s YOU. If you are not getting the results you want in life, it’s not because of something outside yourself, it’s YOU. You are the problem, but fortunately, you are the solution as well. So no more lame excuses, ok? If something doesn’t go as planned, ask, “How did I create or contribute to this? What can I learn from this? How can I avoid this outcome in the future? The truth is that, you either create or allow everything that happens to you. You create it by your actions. You allow it by your inactions, or in other words, your unwillingness to change. When you fully understand this, you will come from a place of power and make the changes that need to be made.

Step 7: Decide Exactly What You Want

“The world has a habit of making room for the man whose words and actions show that he knows where he is going”. – Napoleon Hill

In order to attain professional achievement, you must decide what you really want from your life and career. Take a minute to identify what you love doing. What is your passion? Look deep inside yourself to determine what you really enjoy.

It’s simple. All of us have a gift. Determine whatever it is you enjoy doing that takes the least amount of effort. Now write it down.

Think back over your past jobs. What have been your most satisfying experiences and your most enjoyable moments?

Your aim is to replicate those feelings as you either embark on a new career or entrepreneurial endeavor . But you must first accept the responsibility of deciding what you want and then dedicating yourself to becom­ing the person you need to be in order to get where you want to go.

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One technique that many use with great success is visualization. Visualization is the act of seeing your­self where you want to be in ‘x’ number of years.

For instance, in three years, where do you want to be career wise? What is your ideal job, your ideal salary and your ideal working conditions? Imagine that ev­ery job in the world was open to you. What would you enjoy doing day after day? It has often been said that if you find a job that you love to do, you won’t really have to work a day in your life. Find your passion and this could be true for you too.

Step 8: Get Clear On Your Why

We often see celebrities that have reached the pinnacle of their industry receiving awards and accolades, but then we will see that same celebrity the next day sometimes getting arrested.

Why the discrepancy?

Their focus on succeeding in one area of life created a great imbalance with the other areas. You do not want to be like this. You want balance in every area of your life. Strive for congruency.

Becoming successful is great, but make sure you do not focus all your attention on this to the detriment of your health and relationships with others. Get clear on exactly why you want what you want. Jim Rohn said,” Beware of who you become in pursuit of what you want.” Without a purpose, you can easily become lost. Start by figuring out what your core values are.

All companies have clear, written values or mission statements that keep them on course. What is your personal mission statement? Just as companies thrive when they know where they are going, individuals do too. You can improve your personal and by extension your professional life by deciding what your core values are and not deviating from them.

When you are clear on your ‘why’, the ‘how’ becomes easier to see.

Step 9: Invite Pain Over For Dinner

“The greater danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it.” – Michelangelo

Take out a piece a paper and pencil. Draw to dots, one on the far right and the other on the far left. Then draw a line to connect the two dots. The dot on the left represents where you are and the dot on the right represents where you want to be. That long line in the middle represents a gap.

How can you bridge this gap?

You can do so with new knowledge and updated skills. You will have to do something new and different to get to where you want to be. But it won’t be easy though because anything worthwhile never is.

Just look around you. Everything you see began as a thought in someone’s mind. The chair you’re sitting on. The book you’re reading. The car you drive. The clothes you’re wearing. Everything begins with a thought. Then that thought turned into action. Action is oftentimes accompanied with pain. Why? Because you have to do something different. You have to get out of your comfort zone. You have to have self-discipline.

Olympic Gold Medalist Michael Phelps trained for years to get to the pinnacle of his sport. Olympic Gold Medalist Gabby Douglas did too. It wasn’t easy, but they were dedicated and stuck to a rigorous training schedule every day.

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If you want similar results in your professional life, you have to be willing to put in the time. If you really want to be successful in life, you have to be willing to suffer a little pain in the process. But the great thing about pain is that it’s only temporary but the benefits can last a lifetime.

Step 10: Think Your Way To Success

“All that a man achieves or fails to achieve is the direct result of his thoughts.” – James Allen

In his book, Make Today Count, author John Maxwell list 11 ways of thinking, but the one I want to discuss with you is number seven on his list. It is reflective thinking.

Reflective thinking is the ability to revisit the past in order to gain a true perspective and think with understanding. Why is this so important?

Because reflection can help you achieve better results. I love to write, so I have written down the obstacles I faced and correspondingly, the lessons I’ve learned from those challenges. It was only by reflecting, that I was able to grow as a person. I saw where I needed to improve my character and I made the needed changes. As a result, I was able to land my dream job for the federal government in 2009. Had I not reflected, I might still be in the same job today.

Reflection allows difficult experiences to be our teachers. If we reflect on the lessons learned you will not only live a better life, but you will be able to implement changes in your life to ensure you do not have to repeat that same experience again. And once you have learned the lesson, you are in a better position to be able to spare someone else those hard life lessons by mentoring others with the wisdom you’ve gained.

What truly caused me to reflect on my life and the many lessons I learned was the death of my mother. She was a gem of a person and I learned how to be a beautiful caring woman because of her. Since losing her I find myself reflecting on the many things she taught me.

I sit and think of the lessons I learned. I try to help others by dispensing some of her wisdom to them. This reflection has not only helped me personally, but professionally as well.

What will reflective thinking do for you? Try it and let me know your results.

When you commit to doing all these things daily, you are becoming a more attractive person.

Yes, it is within your reach.

Let me know in the comments which one you will work on first.

Featured photo credit: Wikipedia via en.wikipedia.org

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meiko patton

Founder - Never Ever Give Up

How to leverage your pain as a servant In Order To Achieve Lasting Success: 10 Tips To Become An Attractive Person 7 Scientifically Proven Ways To Increase Your Influence The Best Way Federal Employees Can Spend Their Extra 4 Hours off on Xmas Eve A Bucket, a Dipper, and You: 5 Strategies for Managers and Supervisors

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Last Updated on February 20, 2019

How to Master Effective Communication Skills at Work and Home

How to Master Effective Communication Skills at Work and Home

Possessing effective communication skills is a powerful tool to have. Effective communication skills are essential to success in many aspects and areas of your life. There are a lot of jobs that require you to be a good communicator.

Strong communication skills help you enjoy better relationships with friends and family. Being an effective communicator will give you advantages in more ways than you can imagine.

Conversely, being poor at communicating will negatively impact your life.

Let’s take a look at how to master effective communication skills at work and home.

What is Effective Communication?

Probably a good place to start is to paint a picture of what clear communication is.

Effective communication is defined as verbal speech or other communication methods to get your point across. Sounds pretty simple, right? It does but there’s more to it than that.

It’s really about how all of us interact and communicate in every aspect of our lives. It’s the ability to say something at the right time; to be able to get multiple people on the same page in a group decision. It’s how that one friend of yours who plans most of the activities is able to get everyone to the same place at the same time.

Non-verbal communication is key to being effective as well. It’s the ability to have your body language say the right thing so the person you’re speaking to knows your listening.

Effective communicators don’t react to situations with high emotion. It means not having to say something all the time in every situation. You are even being an effective communicator when you show up to pick your daughter up from the mall when you say you will. You are communicating to her that she can rely on you.

Are You a Poor Communicator?

Before we get too deep into how to be a master communicator, let’s take a look at your communication skills.

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If you find yourself agreeing with a lot of these, you might want to sharpen your communication skills.

  • You’re constantly interrupting – Hey, I know, we all want to be listened to. We all want to get our point across. Most importantly, we want to be understood. If you find yourself interrupting all the time you aren’t listening enough.
  • Doing too much – Many of us are master multi-taskers. It’s not good if you are communicating with someone. When you try to do too much while speaking with someone, you aren’t paying attention to what they are saying. Lack of focus is bad.
  • Rambling – I know of several people I work with who do this constantly. I honestly dread having to speak to them. The worst part is even though a lot of words are coming out of their mouths, they really aren’t saying anything. I’m more confused after they answer my question.
  • Not being direct – Nothing wrong with emails or reports. However, if you can convey the same information quickly and directly to someone, it is much more effective. Why write a 2 paragraph email when you can pick up the phone and say the same information in 2 sentences?
  • Always talking about yourself – Everybody likes to relate things to their own experiences. It draws us together and helps us create a feeling of sharing and community. If you are always coloring someone else’s conversation with a similar situation in your life, people will think you are making everything about you. Don’t be that person!
  • Using a lot of qualifiers – Qualifiers are fine for the most part. When you use them as a crutch most of the time when you speak, it’s not helping your communication. Sometimes, we do this to makes things seem “softer”. Saying things like “I don’t want you to take this the wrong way but…” or “I know what you’re thinking but…” over and over doesn’t help you communicate.
  • Your ears don’t work – If you don’t listen well, you can’t answer someone correctly. In order to be an effective communicator, you have to understand what someone else is saying to you. If you don’t listen with purpose you will only have part of the picture.
  • Bad body language – The importance of body language is well documented. If you don’t look at someone when they are speaking, it appears that you don’t really care what’s being said. This makes people feel like you don’t care what they are saying and it’s not important to you. Other bad body language examples include always crossing your arms and not looking someone in the eyes.

What Effective Communication Can Do For You

Let’s take a look at how being able to effectively communicate can help you at work and in your personal relationships.

Work

  • Better client relationships – You certainly want a great communicator to be handling your client relationships. Strong communicators represent both the client and your company is the best manner.
  • Higher employee engagement – Pretty critical if you are a leader or a manager of people. An engaging and interactive communicator in a leadership position is wonderful for employees.
  • Getting better buy in from others – This is great whether you are a manager or individual contributor. Strong communicators tend to get people moving and working towards a common goal.
  • Helps mitigate conflict – Good communicators are able to help resolve conflicts quicker and easier. This helps smooth things over and keeps projects and initiatives moving forward.
  • Builds trust – You want to be able to trust who you work for and with. Effective communicators are good at establishing and building trust between people and groups.
  • Solves problems – Problems are solved by people with the ability to communicate clearly between groups and people. Those without good communication skills many times add to the confusion of a problem because they are unable to articulate their thoughts and ideas.

Personal relationships

  • Creates closeness – A good communicator is able to help foster a feeling of closeness with his or her partner.
  • Makes conflict okay – It’s actually better to fight with your partner from time to time instead of never fighting. We all have differences of opinion and points of view. When we don’t express these and bury it inside by not communicating, it just comes out later in a more negative form.
  • Provides support – It’s nice to know that someone cares about you and supports you. A strong communicator will ask how you’re doing and be a good sounding board for what you’re going through.
  • Expressing feelings – People who are not effective communicators tend to be not very good at expressing how they feel. This makes it tough to share your feelings with you partner.
  • Get the loving you want – In order to get the physical, mental, and emotional love you want and need, you have to be able to communicate clearly and appropriately with your spouse or partner. This is done through effective communication.
  • Eliminate mistrust, doubt, faithlessness, and insecurities – Many times these seeds are sown due to a lack of communication. If your partner rarely tells you where he or she is going, you will tend to start coming up with your own ideas. Often these aren’t true but how would you know if you aren’t told?

Can You Improve Your Communication Skills?

The short answer is yes, of course you can improve your communication skills.

Improving or changing anything in your life takes some work and effort but it can be done. You have to keep in mind your starting point and your goal.

If you are not a very good communicator now and you want to be able to give a motivating speech to a large graduating class, you’d better get working.

On the other hand, if you get along fairly well in general but want to be able to improve your relationship with your boss or spouse by being able to master effective communication, you may just need some guidance and practice.

Either way, if you want to master effective communication skills at both work and home, it will take a little work and effort. Doing so will benefit you in many ways.

How to Master Effective Communication Skills

In general mastering effective communication skills will help you at both work and home. Let’s look at how to improve verbal, written, and body language communication skills. These will help you create better relationships everywhere you go!

1. Learn how to listen

Speaking is only half of the communication equation. Sharpen your listening skills so you are able to process what the other person is saying. You can then respond it a well-informed manner.

Check out these active listening guidelines to be a better listener.

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2. Make eye contact

Having regular eye contact with someone while you are having a conversation shows you care what they are saying. When you are looking at the floor or out the window it gives the impression that you aren’t paying attention.

Take a look at this advice on how to make engaging eye contact.

3. Ask questions

When you ask someone questions, you are able to clarify what they are saying to ensure you get the whole picture. If you don’t understand it fully, ask questions.

Do you know that it takes some skills to ask questions too? Here’s how to be good at asking questions.

4. Watch body language

Watch both yours and the other persons.

We all know if you have a conversation with your arms crossed the entire time, it gives off a bad vibe. Have open, engaging body language when speaking with someone.

On the flip side, if you see someone’s eyes glazing over while speaking to you, it’s probably a good idea to wrap it up.

Take a look at these top 20 body language indicators to learn more.

5. Speak confidently

Sometimes this is easier said than done. If you communicate in an open, direct, and clear manner, it subtly shows people that you are confident in what you are saying.

It doesn’t mean you always have to be right but delivering your thoughts with confidence helps your case.

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These tips will help you speak more confidently.

6. Keep it simple

You don’t always have to be succinct in your communication. There is a lot of value in being able to tell a great story.

That being said, there are many instances where keeping it simple is very helpful. This is especially true at work in both verbal conversations as well as written like emails.

7. Know your audience

You should have a certain style when communicating with your boss. Another style of communication is better with your spouse and probably others with your kids or friends.

Know your audience to help you communicate the most effectively.

8. Be empathetic and understanding

There is a massive amount of power in being empathetic. And I mean that in a very positive way.

Showing that you are empathetic and understanding to another person goes a long way to creating a great bond with that person. We all want to be understood. It’s that simple.

Think it’s a challenge for you? These 5 tips for empathetic listening will help you.

9. Pause before reacting

There have been a number of times when I’ve read an email that just came in and had an instant reaction to reading it. And I don’t mean a positive reaction. My less effective ways of dealing and communicating has been to send a scathing email back.

When I’ve communicated more appropriately, I’ve waited a while before I responded. This is true in verbal situations as well.

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10. Over communicate

You’d think if you tell someone something that should be the end of it, right? Done deal. Not so fast.

I’m not recommending you tell someone the same thing 10 times in a row. With as many distractions as we all have these days, it’s generally a good idea to follow up on something you’ve communicated a few times if it’s important.

Conclusion

Having effective communication skills at both work and home will help you immensely.

At work, it helps you in your career in many ways.

Communicating well with your boss leads to a solid, symbiotic working relationship. You’re able to clearly articulate what you need to do your job well. You can share your vision and strategy with your boss and others. Good communicators are needed in management roles and leading others. Fostering an environment of effective communication leads to a great work environment.

At home, having effective communication skills will help you achieve the type of relationship you want with your spouse.

You are able to speak freely and openly about your feelings. You can share your wants and needs in a manner that your spouse understands. Your spouse will feel understood and supported by you which is a wonderful feeling to have. And being able to have a disagreement and work through it due to strong communication skills is amazing.

Look at how you can master effective communication skills at work and home to help create more satisfying relationships in all phases of your life.

More Resources About Work Communication

Featured photo credit: NeONBRAND via unsplash.com

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