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In Order To Achieve Lasting Success: 10 Tips To Become An Attractive Person

In Order To Achieve Lasting Success: 10 Tips To Become An Attractive Person

Fifty percent of this year is gone. Question, have you reached 50 percent or half of your goals?

If one of your goals is to be successful in any area of your life or career before 2016 comes to an end, the one thing you must to do is to become an attractive person.

Late motivational speaker Jim Rohn once said, “Success is something you attract by the person you become.” Rohn of course, isn’t referring to external attractiveness, rather the internal kind.

If you want success and all that it brings, you have to become a better, more attractive person. Period.

Rohn continues, “Your level of success will rarely exceed your level of personal development.”

You become attractive by developing yourself into the person you need to be in order to attract, create, and sustain the level of success you want in your life.

How so?

In his book, The Morning Miracle, author Hal Elrod says that we all want “Level 10” success in every area of our lives, such as:

  • Health
  • Happiness
  • Finances
  • Relationships
  • Career

Yet our level of personal development is not currently at a “Level 10”. Personal development can be summed up as the following:

  • Knowledge
  • Experience
  • Mindset
  • Beliefs

So when Rohn says, “Your level of success will rarely exceed your level of personal development,” he means that if your knowledge, experience, mindset and beliefs are not also at a “Level 10”, you will never experience “Level 10” happiness in any significant area of your life.

Life will always be a struggle, because, as he states, our outer world will always be a reflection of our inner world. Your level of success or lack thereof will always parallel your level of personal development.

Personal development starts by taking 100 percent responsibility for everything in your life. This includes the level of your achievements, the results you produce or lack thereof, the quality of your relationships, the state of your health, your income, your debts, your feelings, your thoughts and emotions.

That isn’t always easy. Why?

Because most of us have been conditioned to blame something outside of ourselves for the parts of our life that we don’t like or aren’t working. For instance do you blame any of the following people/situations for the setbacks in your life or for not having achieved everything you could’ve?

  • Parents
  • Boss
  • Friends
  • Media
  • Coworkers
  • Clients
  • Spouse
  • Children
  • Weather
  • Economy
  • Lack of Money
  • Lack of Education
  • The President

The list is endless.

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“If you want your life to be different, you have to be willing to do something different first.” – Kevin Bracy

Are you willing?

If you are going to be successful in any area of your life, you first have to believe that you are capable of making it happen. I start with this as a groundwork because self-esteem is the single most significant key to your behavior. Motivational Speaker Zig Ziglar said, “It’s impossible to consistently behave in a manner inconsistent with how we see ourselves.” You have to believe you can do it. You have to believe you have the knowledge, skills and abilities to create the results you desire. If you believe you are worthless, you will not be motivated to add value to yourself.

It all comes down to your attitude. Believing in yourself is an attitude. The great part about it is that you have a choice. When you were a kid, you couldn’t choose your parents or environment. But now that you are an adult, the choice of how you see and talk to yourself is yours. You must now choose to believe that anything you set your mind to, you can achieve. Ziglar also said, “It’s not your aptitude, but your attitude, that determines your altitude.” If you will just believe it is possible, then you will do what it takes to bring about your desired result, but if you think it is impossible, you will not do what is necessary, you will continue to get zero results. Because in life, you hit what you aim for, if you aim at nothing, you will hit it every time. So now, I hope I have you convinced that you have to believe in order to achieve.

Step 1: Examine Your Self-Talk

“You are the most influential person you will talk to all day.” – Zig Ziglar

If I was to record how you talk to yourself all day, would I be pleased at how thoughtful and loving you are to yourself? Or would I hear you berate and tear yourself down all day?

Whether you know it or not, you have a running conversation with yourself all day, every day. Do you encourage or criticize yourself? Are you positive or negative with yourself? How you talk to yourself really does make a difference because if you want to change your life, you have to change not only the way you think about yourself, but more importantly, how you talk to yourself.

If you have someone in your life that constantly encourages you, that’s terrific. But even if you do or don’t, you need to become your own cheerleader. You need to become your own encourager. Stop and think, have you ever complimented someone? I’m guessing yes. Now, have you ever complimented yourself on how you look, feel, on a job well-done? Don’t just recognize other people, recognize you. Start speaking positively and consolingly to yourself. When you make a mistake, don’t berate yourself, just tell yourself you will do better next time and you are gaining valuable experience.

Step 2: Banish Your Limiting Beliefs

“When a man has put a limit on what he will do, he has put a limit on what he can do.”
– Charles Schwab

The greatest prison is the prison we create for ourselves. When we tell ourselves that we can’t do something or we are not good enough or worthy, this distances us from our true value and worth as a human being. You are worthy simply because you exist.

In the book, Success Principles, Jack Canfield outlines four steps to transforming your limiting beliefs into empowering ones.

  • Identify a limiting belief
  • Write down how the belief limits you
  • Decide how you want to be, act, feel
  • Create a turnabout statement that affirms or gives you permission to be, act or feel this way

Step 3: Develop A Positive Attitude

“Every man is where he is by the law of his being; the thoughts he has built into his character have brought him here.” –James Allen

According to Canadian psychologist Sydney Jourard, 85 percent of your success in work is determined by your attitude and personality.

In his book, As A Man Thinketh, James Allen says we do not attract what we want, but rather we attract who we are, for we are the sum total of our thoughts.

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A positive mental attitude affects your outlook on life which in turn affects your behavior. Our minds are extraordinarily powerful. Your thoughts control and determine almost everything that happens to you. Our thoughts can either make us happy or sad. That’s why developing a positive mental attitude is so important. Our thoughts trigger images, pictures and emotions that can either make us dwell on success and confidence or the exact opposite. For whatever we think and believe with conviction will become our reality.

It has been said that the world is a living expression of how you are using and have chosen to use your mind. So protect it at all costs. Never finish a negative sentence. Dwell only on good and good will follow.

Step 4: Add Value

One of the quickest ways to change your negativity into positivity is to add value or simply help someone else. Making a difference in the life of someone else invariably lifts your own self-esteem. It’s difficult to feel bad about yourself when you’re doing something nice for someone else. There is also a reciprocal effect.

When you add value to others, they value you more. So you get to have more love in your life. That’s the beauty in giving. When you give to others, you benefit. The famous scripture is true, “There is more happiness in giving.” I heard someone once say, “Whatever you want in life, give to others.” If you want more love in your life, then be more loving to others. If you want more support. Be more supportive to others. If you want more understanding, be more understandable with others. It’s really that simple. 

Step 5: Always Do The Right Thing

Since your self-worth is based upon positive habits, actions and decisions, you most definitely want to stay away from the feeling of guilt. You can do this when you make a commitment to always do what’s right, even if it’s difficult. When you feel guilty about something, it harms your self-image and self-esteem.

Conversely, when you do the things that are right, you continue to build character, the same way you play Jenga. You are building blocks that constantly elevate your self-image. You become a stronger and more positive person.

Step 6: Take 100-percent Responsibility For Your Life

If you want to be successful, you will have to lose the “blame-game” mentality. You know what I mean, right? If your relationships aren’t going the way you want, you can’t blame the other person, you have to take full responsibility. If your health isn’t good, you can’t blame anyone, you’ve decided what to eat, so you must take full responsibility. If you are in debt, you can’t blame the economy, you have to take 100-percent responsibility for the financial state you’re in.

I know this isn’t easy, but it’s a must if you want to be successful. Oh, by the way, this also goes for complaining. No more of that either because when you complain, you are blaming other people. You are the common denominator in your life, so that means you are the cause of all your life experiences.

If you add 2 plus 2 and get 5, is it the fault of mathematics? No, it’s YOU. If you are not getting the results you want in life, it’s not because of something outside yourself, it’s YOU. You are the problem, but fortunately, you are the solution as well. So no more lame excuses, ok? If something doesn’t go as planned, ask, “How did I create or contribute to this? What can I learn from this? How can I avoid this outcome in the future? The truth is that, you either create or allow everything that happens to you. You create it by your actions. You allow it by your inactions, or in other words, your unwillingness to change. When you fully understand this, you will come from a place of power and make the changes that need to be made.

Step 7: Decide Exactly What You Want

“The world has a habit of making room for the man whose words and actions show that he knows where he is going”. – Napoleon Hill

In order to attain professional achievement, you must decide what you really want from your life and career. Take a minute to identify what you love doing. What is your passion? Look deep inside yourself to determine what you really enjoy.

It’s simple. All of us have a gift. Determine whatever it is you enjoy doing that takes the least amount of effort. Now write it down.

Think back over your past jobs. What have been your most satisfying experiences and your most enjoyable moments?

Your aim is to replicate those feelings as you either embark on a new career or entrepreneurial endeavor . But you must first accept the responsibility of deciding what you want and then dedicating yourself to becom­ing the person you need to be in order to get where you want to go.

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One technique that many use with great success is visualization. Visualization is the act of seeing your­self where you want to be in ‘x’ number of years.

For instance, in three years, where do you want to be career wise? What is your ideal job, your ideal salary and your ideal working conditions? Imagine that ev­ery job in the world was open to you. What would you enjoy doing day after day? It has often been said that if you find a job that you love to do, you won’t really have to work a day in your life. Find your passion and this could be true for you too.

Step 8: Get Clear On Your Why

We often see celebrities that have reached the pinnacle of their industry receiving awards and accolades, but then we will see that same celebrity the next day sometimes getting arrested.

Why the discrepancy?

Their focus on succeeding in one area of life created a great imbalance with the other areas. You do not want to be like this. You want balance in every area of your life. Strive for congruency.

Becoming successful is great, but make sure you do not focus all your attention on this to the detriment of your health and relationships with others. Get clear on exactly why you want what you want. Jim Rohn said,” Beware of who you become in pursuit of what you want.” Without a purpose, you can easily become lost. Start by figuring out what your core values are.

All companies have clear, written values or mission statements that keep them on course. What is your personal mission statement? Just as companies thrive when they know where they are going, individuals do too. You can improve your personal and by extension your professional life by deciding what your core values are and not deviating from them.

When you are clear on your ‘why’, the ‘how’ becomes easier to see.

Step 9: Invite Pain Over For Dinner

“The greater danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it.” – Michelangelo

Take out a piece a paper and pencil. Draw to dots, one on the far right and the other on the far left. Then draw a line to connect the two dots. The dot on the left represents where you are and the dot on the right represents where you want to be. That long line in the middle represents a gap.

How can you bridge this gap?

You can do so with new knowledge and updated skills. You will have to do something new and different to get to where you want to be. But it won’t be easy though because anything worthwhile never is.

Just look around you. Everything you see began as a thought in someone’s mind. The chair you’re sitting on. The book you’re reading. The car you drive. The clothes you’re wearing. Everything begins with a thought. Then that thought turned into action. Action is oftentimes accompanied with pain. Why? Because you have to do something different. You have to get out of your comfort zone. You have to have self-discipline.

Olympic Gold Medalist Michael Phelps trained for years to get to the pinnacle of his sport. Olympic Gold Medalist Gabby Douglas did too. It wasn’t easy, but they were dedicated and stuck to a rigorous training schedule every day.

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If you want similar results in your professional life, you have to be willing to put in the time. If you really want to be successful in life, you have to be willing to suffer a little pain in the process. But the great thing about pain is that it’s only temporary but the benefits can last a lifetime.

Step 10: Think Your Way To Success

“All that a man achieves or fails to achieve is the direct result of his thoughts.” – James Allen

In his book, Make Today Count, author John Maxwell list 11 ways of thinking, but the one I want to discuss with you is number seven on his list. It is reflective thinking.

Reflective thinking is the ability to revisit the past in order to gain a true perspective and think with understanding. Why is this so important?

Because reflection can help you achieve better results. I love to write, so I have written down the obstacles I faced and correspondingly, the lessons I’ve learned from those challenges. It was only by reflecting, that I was able to grow as a person. I saw where I needed to improve my character and I made the needed changes. As a result, I was able to land my dream job for the federal government in 2009. Had I not reflected, I might still be in the same job today.

Reflection allows difficult experiences to be our teachers. If we reflect on the lessons learned you will not only live a better life, but you will be able to implement changes in your life to ensure you do not have to repeat that same experience again. And once you have learned the lesson, you are in a better position to be able to spare someone else those hard life lessons by mentoring others with the wisdom you’ve gained.

What truly caused me to reflect on my life and the many lessons I learned was the death of my mother. She was a gem of a person and I learned how to be a beautiful caring woman because of her. Since losing her I find myself reflecting on the many things she taught me.

I sit and think of the lessons I learned. I try to help others by dispensing some of her wisdom to them. This reflection has not only helped me personally, but professionally as well.

What will reflective thinking do for you? Try it and let me know your results.

When you commit to doing all these things daily, you are becoming a more attractive person.

Yes, it is within your reach.

Let me know in the comments which one you will work on first.

Featured photo credit: Wikipedia via en.wikipedia.org

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meiko patton

Founder - Never Ever Give Up

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Published on October 7, 2019

4 Types of Toxic People and How to Deal with Them

4 Types of Toxic People and How to Deal with Them

Can a person really be toxic? Well, a toxic person does not refer to those who are affected by the virus or toxic. To be precise, toxic people are those who are very unsupportive, abusive and unhealthy in nature. Their behavior is filled with venom and you will not feel any sort of gentle breeze in their words.

In this article, you will learn how to spot out a toxic person, and what you can do to deal with them.

Signs of Toxic People

To make it more obvious, I have added some signs of toxic people below.

Manipulative Behavior And Fabricated Mind

Toxic people are unable to deal with the bitter truth firmly. If you are going to blurt out their fabrications with proof, they will try to change the whole matter with their manipulative behavior. They will titillate you with sensitive words or they will try to frighten you to get rid of the problems.

Inhuman And Merciless in Nature

We know that sharing our thoughts with friends will keep us in good mental state. But, if you are not getting fruitful outcomes, you have to understand that you are spending time with toxic friends.

Toxic people do not know how to put themselves in other’s shoes. They just put on a mask of simplicity. But, in reality, they don’t have feelings for you. Therefore, you should stop sharing your valuable time with them as you will get nothing except annoyance and silence.

Hypocrisy at Its Best in Their Nature

Toxic people have a great hunger for respect, adoration, and fidelity. After dignifying them with these valuable elements, you will get nothing; you will be cheated, manipulated and criticized by them. And, if you are not willing to listen to them, you will be controlled by guilt-tripping.

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Emotional Outburst And Pathological Excuses

Toxic people always want to see themselves in the positive end. Therefore, to get their job done, they always have an emotional outburst and emotional excuse to make an impulsive impression upon you.

We do mistakes and it is our duty to accept those mistakes. But, toxic people have their own rules, they have a tendency to present themselves rationally even after committing a mistake. If someone tries to expose themselves with facts, they show no embarrassment and use emotional excuses as a shield.

Play with Your Emotion And Gradually Erode It

Toxic people always try to condescend you with critical jokes and when you try to elicit your thoughts, they just burst out laughing. Teasing becomes an important element in your relationship with toxic person. They even give you backhanded compliments to belittle you.

Thus, using their toxic mindset, they just gradually diminish your abilities as well as intelligence. And you will have nothing left in your hand other than putting up with these things to maintain the silence.

Well, you probably might have not seen all these signs in one person as there are different types of toxic people roaming around you.

4 Types of Toxic People

To understand it better, I’m mentioning the different types of toxic people here.

1. Conversational Narcissist

There are some toxic people who do not know how to give importance to others. They will talk about themselves but never ask you about your condition; they will only recall you when they need you or they are facing some sort of problems.

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2. Emotional Vampires

These vampires do not suck your blood but dissipate your emotion. They always talk negatively about everyone and compel you to think in the same pattern that they follow. They mask themselves in such a way in front of you that you gradually start giving importance to them. But, ultimately, you will not get any positive outcome from them.

3. Monsters with Green eyes

As discussed earlier, toxic people will give you backhanded compliments. Basically, these are called monsters with green eyes. These monsters feel happy when you feel sad. Therefore, they will always try to belittle your achievements, intelligence, and strengths. Along with it, they give compliments with some negativity in it.

4. Black-Eyed Cats

These cats always do mew-mew and try to control everything around them. They love to be pampered but, they do not like if someone goes against them.

If you are in a relationship with such persons, you will be nagged until you are giving them complete satisfaction. In a nutshell, it must be said that you have to align yourself with them if you want to live with them. But, ultimately, you will lose your mental, conversational and emotional freedom.

How to Deal with Toxic People

Living with problems is more convenient than living with toxic people. But, toxic people are parasites and therefore, you will see these monsters rambling around you wherever you go.

However, if you know how to deal with them, it would be very helpful for you and your life would be much easier to live. We have added some tips to assist you, just check these out.

Get Rid of Intermittent Reinforcement

We are very optimistic in nature and over the time, this optimism has reached to such a level that we can happily put up with the ‘close losses’ instead of trying to catch the ‘near wins’.

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B.F Skinner once did an experiment with three rats. He put them in different cages attached with levers. The lever delivered food when it was pressed. In the 1st cage, the lever always delivered food when the rat pressed it. In case of the 2nd cage, food was never delivered by the lever even after pressing it, therefore, the rat understood the lesson and never tried to get food. But, in the third cage, the lever delivered food randomly and as a result, the rat was completely hooked and fixated. He constantly pushed it but didn’t get the food always.

Well, this is called intermittent relationship and the same thing happens in human relationships where toxic people give you intermittent reinforcement and your heart gets pumped up with optimism. As a result, you will be hooked and your life will be fixated at some point with toxic people.

You should learn to move on without them and live your life happily because random happiness cannot bring permanent relief.

Never Make Too Many Allowances And Pardons

Well, sympathetic attitude is very good and it is also a fact that sometimes toxic people suffer from genuine depression, physical as well as mental illness. But, you have to set a boundary and you cannot allow people to get away with anything so easily.

If you make too many allowances as well as pardons, it would not be good for you in the long-term. Yes, there are some people who are facing extreme hardships and they are not even toxic in nature. But, all you can do is show some genuine compassion keeping yourself within the boundaries.

Always Try to Ignore Their Toxic Traps

Demotivational words are the primary weapon that they frequently use in their implications to detract you. Along with this, they throw words in such a way that you start feeling guilty. Well, you must understand that these are just toxic traps and you should not step on it.

Always remember that you will have full access to freedom if you stop taking things personally. They not only do this with you but also with everyone. You just have to keep in mind that these toxic words are not based on truth but on their own mental reproduction. So, you just have to ignore this and focus on your work.

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Show Them Your Beautiful Smile Not the Curves on Your Forehead

Toxic people have an aptitude to attack mentally, mock disgracefully and diminish shamefully. But, you will not be affected if you don’t surrender yourself. Show them that you are not getting belittled or insulted.

We all have our problems and we also know that we are capable of solving these problems. Therefore, the matter entirely depends upon us and if we don’t allow these vampires to enter into our life or play with our emotions, they cannot suck our happiness. So, I’d suggest you show your beautiful smile when they buzz around you.

Don’t Suppress Yourself

Toxic people will intimidate, bully, pass guilt, and forcefully take money from you to get their job done. They know very well that they are doing wrong and at the same time, they are acquainted with the concept that we are incapable of doing anything against them.

Most of the time, we keep ourselves quiet until someone speaks up. And because of this suppressive mindset, we are gradually being dragged into their mind games.

Well, we have to change this concept as it infuses courage into them. We need to obstruct them with firm minds and make them realize the negative consequences of their behavior.[1] If they are upsetting you, just tell them directly. Your direct statement might open a new gate of opportunity that will allow you to help them if they are suffering from genuine problems.

So, why are you still tolerating these toxic people? Follow the tips mentioned above and deal with them in the right way.

Featured photo credit: Devin Avery via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Tips for Grooming: Change Your Fixed Negative Belief

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