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How To Teach Your Kids To Have The Right Money Mind In This Materialistic World

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How To Teach Your Kids To Have The Right Money Mind In This Materialistic World

It’s no secret we live in a materialistic world.

We’re constantly bombarded with messages telling us to buy more stuff, even if we have no need for it all.

It’s bad enough full-grown adults fall into the trap of spending more than they can afford. But it’s even worse when children grow up thinking it’s totally okay to do so.

As parents, we need to teach kids about money management, materialism, and how to find happiness without overspending.

If we do that, we can perhaps create a better future for our world as a whole.

There are a few ways we can do this:

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1. Teach kids about money management

Budgeting and money management gets more complicated as you grow older, but it all sits on the foundation of a single premise:

Don’t spend more than you make.

When we teach kids about money, we need to teach them about long-and short-term savings. They need to understand that if they spend money on candy today, they’ll be that much further away from being to afford a new toy or video game. In a world full of instant gratification, children need to truly grasp the concept of saving their money for another day.

Children also need to be taught about saving for emergencies. Although “emergency” in kid-terms would be a broken toy or ruined book that needs to be replaced, they still need to understand that, most of the time, money isn’t a commodity – it’s a necessity.

2. Teach kids the difference between wants and needs

As just mentioned, kids need to understand that money isn’t just what people use to buy whatever they want. Adults put most of their money toward ensuring they have a roof over their head, clothes on their bodies, and food on the table.

This isn’t to say parents should make their kids pay their share into the monthly electricity bill, but they do need to know that money should be spent on necessities first, superfluous items second. But first, they need to be taught the difference between wants and needs.

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Simply put: A “need” is something you can’t live without, while a “want” is something that – while it may be fun and exciting – isn’t necessary for survival. Kids who grow up understanding this will be less likely to make impulse purchases, and be less likely to overspend, in the future.

3. Teach kids about the psychology of advertising

Going along with the last point, parents should talk to their children about the commercials and advertisements they see on TV and the internet on a daily basis.

An advertisement’s job is to make potential customers think they absolutely need the product being advertised – even if it means sacrificing an actual “need” in their life. As mentioned before, some adults have a hard enough time battling this overwhelming desire to buy, buy, buy. But children actually lack the capacity to understand the psychology behind advertising, and are much more likely to be taken advantage of.

By teaching children to think critically about the messages advertisers send them, we can ensure they’ll learn to spend their money wisely and avoid being sold false promises.

4. Teach kids work ethic

At the risk of sounding cliche, kids need to know that money doesn’t grow on trees.

It sounds simple, but most kids really don’t understand how hard their parents work – because they never see it happen. They don’t see the paycheck their father brings home, and they don’t see the checks written to the utility companies. Since they don’t see all this, children often think money is an infinite resource.

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We adults know that money only comes from diligent effort and hard work. We need to instill this idea in our children as soon as they’re old enough to clean their room and make their bed on their own. Instead of just giving them an allowance, make them earn it. Explain how they can earn more by doing more to help out around the house – but also that not everything they do will result in them earning more.

It’s the way of the world, right? The earlier they learn, the better off they’ll be.

5. Say “No” Once in a While

Remember: You’re the adult, here.

No matter how well you teach your kids about money management, the difference between wants and needs, and withholding pleasure, they’re still going to try to get you to compromise as much as possible at times.

The problem is, once you start compromising, it becomes a slippery slope, and becomes harder to say “no” when you really can’t afford a new toy or gadget for them to play with.

When children are upset, they don’t listen to reason. If you say “no” and they start to pout, you won’t be able to teach them anything about money management until they’ve calmed down. For the time being, there’s no shame in falling back on the “Because I said so” card.

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It may lead to a short-lived tantrum, but they’ll eventually learn the lesson you’re aiming for – as long as you reinforce it and don’t budge on the decision you’ve made.

6. Practice What You Preach

Above all else, as a parent you need to act as a model for your children when it comes to money management and materialism.

If they see you going to the mall every weekend and returning with new clothes, new shoes, and other superfluous items, what do you think they’re going to do?

Of course, you work hard for your money and deserve nice things. But don’t confuse “nice things” with “things you want right now and will never use again.” Before you buy something, put some thought into how you’re going to use it so that it doesn’t end up collecting dust.

Teach your children that they should only spend money if they’re going to use whatever they buy wisely. As long as they have a practical use for everything they spend their money on, they’ll avoid overspending and falling into the trap of materialism.

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Matt Duczeminski

A passionate writer who shares lifestlye tips on Lifehack

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Published on August 26, 2021

How to Get Kids to Listen And Respect You

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How to Get Kids to Listen And Respect You

Do your kids listen to you the first time you ask them to do something? If not, then you may have to keep reading. Kids will truly listen when there is mutual respect between you and them. They will listen to you when they know that when you say something, you mean it.

Here are ten tips on how to get your kids to listen and respect you.

1. Show Mutual Respect

You can get kids to listen by demanding authority and ruling with an iron fist, but at what cost? You can yell and scream your kids into submission and obedience, but at what cost? The cost will be your relationship with your child in the long run, as resentments will form in them.

If you don’t show respect for your kids, it is going to be hard to get them to listen to you. They may obey, but if you act as a tyrant who demands that kids do what you say because you are the one in charge, then you are fighting a losing battle. The basis of your relationship must begin with respect. Mutual respect is the foundation for any relationship, including the parent-child relationship.

2. Avoid Yelling

When yelling and dominance are the themes of the relationship, then an undercurrent of resentment will develop in the child. Nobody wants to feel dominated, nor do they want to feel that they are of less value than another person.

Let your child know that you value them through respectful interactions. You are still the parent, but you can parent and get your kids to listen through respectful interaction. When you use demanding, authoritarian parenting methods, you are undermining your relationship with the child and resentments are likely to form.

Avoid yelling to gain respect from your child. If you fall back to yelling, screaming, and making demands, then you are undermining your ability to gain your child’s respect in the long run.

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3. Use the Golden Rule

Respect is founded on the golden rule: treat others as you want to be treated. If you want your child to respect you, you must also treat them with respect. This means talking to your child in a tone that is kind, genuine, and considerate. Granted, this is not easy when your four-year-old is having a meltdown in aisle 5 of the grocery store and you have many more errands to run, work to do, and no extra time on hand. It takes practice to parent without yelling and heightened emotions.

We are still people and get mad at our kids. However, we have to keep in mind that they are learning and we have far more years of practice at these things. We must keep our cool and maintain authority while parenting.

How do you want to be talked to when you are having a bad day and feel like melting down? That is how you should talk to your child who is having a meltdown and is obviously having a bad day. Kindness, love, and respect, when paired with authority, will create a relationship where your child will listen and respect you. Treat them as you want to be treated.

4. Ensure that Your Words Have Consequences

We know that mutual respect is the first step to getting our kids to listen. This respect will help them be open to what we have to say. If they feel that they matter because you respect them, then they will develop respect for you. This will help when it comes to disciplining your child.

The second step is ensuring that our words have consequences. When it comes to discipline, your words must have weight. If you say you are going to do something, you must do it.

For example, if you ask your child to stop hitting the couch while you are typing an article for Lifehack and they keep hitting it, then let them know that if they don’t stop, they get a five-minute time-out. True story, this just happened. He stopped. Why did he stop? Because he knew I meant what I said. If he didn’t stop, he knew it would mean an immediate time out, not an additional warning and more time to carry on with the behavior that I asked him to stop.

I asked in a calm voice while looking into his eyes, letting him know I was serious. He also knows that I mean what I say because he is now seven years old and has experienced consistent follow-through with punishments for years. I don’t ask the same thing several times. I also don’t make threats. I follow through with reasonable punishments when the instructions and requests are not followed by my child.

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5. Avoid Big Threats

I have seen parents make big threats, thinking that the bigger the threat, the more the child is likely to stop the behavior. This is not reasonable, nor is it a good idea. Big threats that you don’t follow through with make your words meaningless.

For example, if I had told my son that I was going to throw away his toys if he didn’t stop hitting the couch, that would have been unreasonable. Throwing away toys that cost a bit of money to buy as a consequence of a small infraction (hitting the couch while I am typing) is unreasonable. If he kept hitting the couch, what would I do? It would be unrealistic to actually throw away the toys.

Therefore, many parents in this instance keep making the same threat with no actual follow-through. The threats continue because the behavior continues and even escalates (i.e. the couch hitting gets louder and harder) and finally, the parent must throw away the toys and/or resorts to a different punishment to stop the escalation.

The escalation could have been avoided by stating realistic consequences and following through the first time. Time-outs and taking away a toy or a privilege are all reasonable. I often take away my kid’s tablet time or give five-minute time-outs as a consequence. I avoid making big threats that I cannot follow through with in good conscience. It helps me in the long run because when I give reasonable consequences, I can easily follow through with the punishment at that moment and not feel terrible.

Avoid making big threats that you cannot follow through with in good conscience. Instead, provide consequences with warnings and ensure that the punishment is worthy of the behavior. Small infractions should get small consequences. Big infractions require more serious consequences. Don’t make a habit of making big threats of big consequences that you can’t actually enforce.

6. Follow Through

A method of parenting where a parent follows through with their consequences immediately is called the “one ask approach.” In this method, a parent asks their child only once to do something. If they don’t do it, then the parent provides a consequence if they don’t do as asked.

For example, if you ask your child to put their dishes in the sink but they don’t get up and start doing the task, then the parent can let the child know the consequence if they don’t follow through with what was asked. If they don’t put away their dishes, they are going to lose half an hour of their TV time. They don’t get three warnings or even two. One warning is all that is provided. If they don’t follow instructions, then the consequence is dealt out.

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In this example, if the child doesn’t put away their dishes after the warning is provided, then the parent follows through and says “I am sorry, but now you lost half of your TV time for tonight.” The parent must then not allow the child to watch TV and can suggest reading books or playing outside instead. This method will help you parent with consistency.

7. Give Them Your Full Attention

When you are speaking to your child look them in the eye and give them your full attention. This approach is much more fruitful in getting your child to listen than distracted, partial attention.

Case in point: if a parent is playing a game on their phone and yells across the room to have their child go do their homework, the interaction is less meaningful than making a face-to-face request. If the parent sets down their phone and walks over to their child and looks in their child’s eyes and says, “it is time to stop watching tv for now and do your homework, you can watch after your homework is finished,” it is much more likely to be fruitful because full attention is provided.

Giving your child your full attention with eye contact and face-to-face interactions shows them that you care and you are serious about what you are saying. This will go a long way toward getting your child to listen and respond to what you have to say.

8. Show Genuine Care

Showing that you care is immensely meaningful to any child. Your child needs to know that you care about them. Your words, actions, and tone of voice show that you care. If you care, be sure to show it.

For example, if I want my kids to set the table for dinner, yelling at them saying “you know its time for dinner, you should have set the table five minutes ago” will not be as productive as making a caring statement. Such a caring statement could be “you do a great job setting the dinner table. It is so nice to work together, with me making the meal and you setting the table so we can enjoy time together each night. Can you set the table in the next twenty minutes before dinner?”

Showing your child that you care will help build a positive relationship, and your child will be more likely to listen and respect you. Your words and actions in your daily interaction will show that you genuinely care for your child.

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9. Show Them That You Value Them

Giving your child your full attention also shows them that you care and that they are valued. Everyone wants to feel valued. Our children should always feel that we value them.

Some ways that you can give your child attention and show that they are valued include the following:

  • Praise your child.
  • Give physical affections, such as hugs.
  • Show interest in their activities.
  • Get on their level when talking.
  • Make eye contact and smile while interacting.
  • Give positive feedback in your daily interactions.
  • Provide them with support in accomplishing daily activities (i.e. help your child tie their shoes and teach them at the same time as they are learning this task).
  • Build up your child with positive messages.
  • Reassure your child when they are fearful.
  • Support your child when they are upset.
  • Make time to spend with your child one on one daily.
  • Respond to your child every time they talk to you (do not ignore them).
  • Ask your child about their day with meaningful, open-ended questions.

According to the article, Positive Attention and Your Child,[1]

“From birth, children need experiences and relationships that show them they’re valued, capable human beings who bring pleasure to others. Positive attention, reactions and responses from key grown-ups help children build a picture of how valued they are.”

Children must be told and shown that they are valued. What we say and how we act toward our children should be done in a way that makes them consistently feel valued. This will help build a relationship where listening and respect go both ways.

10. Be a Good Role Model

To get your kids to listen and respect you, then you must also be a good role model worthy of respect. Kids watch their parents and caregivers and thus, will imitate their behavior.

Case in point: if you consistently object to figures of authority and do not follow rules or laws, then your child is observing and learning this from you. They will learn that they do not need to listen to or respect authority figures. Be an example that teaches your child to listen and respect others by your own behaviors and modeling.

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The Bottom Line

The bottom line to teaching kids to listen and respect you is to treat them with respect and follow through with consequences. Your words must have weight, and this only happens when you are consistent with your follow-through. Treating your child with love, respect, care, and affection is important to creating a relationship where they want to listen to you and mutually respect you.

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Featured photo credit: Tanaphong Toochinda via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] raisingchildren.net.au: Positive attention and your child

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