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7 Daily Exercises That Boost Your Confidence Around Women

7 Daily Exercises That Boost Your Confidence Around Women

“Just be confident.”

This is probably the most clichéd and most confusing piece of dating advice that men the world over are bombarded with from the time they’re old enough to start crushing on the cute girl from math class. Sure, it’s easy to just tell a guy to “be confident,” but it’s a whole different ball game to actually be able to define confidence and show someone exactly how to go about becoming confident.

This is why I prefer to phrase this piece of advice slightly differently. I don’t tell guys to be confident. Instead I tell them to earn their confidence. This is why every time I hear someone saying that they wish they could be more confident, I feel like slapping them.

You see, confidence isn’t something that’s magically going to wash over you by just closing your eyes and wishing for it. It’s something that you work a little bit towards each and every day, until it becomes a natural part of your mindset.

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On that note, here are seven daily exercises that any guy can work on to boost their confidence with women.

1. Groom yourself.

Let’s start with the basics, shall we? Personal grooming; it’s just one of those things that women pay a world of attention to and most men are tragically ambivalent towards. You see, the way that you treat your own body is really a reflection of your own self-esteem. Every time you step outside the door with your hair disheveled, your fingernails overgrown, and your stubble a few days old, you’re effectively telling everyone who crosses your path that you don’t really think much of yourself at all. And trust me: women pick up on this instantly.

Now I’m not asking you to drop hundreds of dollars on fancy haircuts and pedicures. All it takes is just 20 minutes of your time each morning to trim, shave and clip as necessary. So make that exercise number one in your daily confidence-building regime.

2. Dress for success.

Let me ask you a question: when was the last time you really thought about the message that your personal wardrobe was sending out to the world around you? Like your personal grooming, the way that you dress sends out a powerful message about what exactly you think of yourself. And this is a message that women pick up on immediately.

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And here’s the thing: you don’t have to spend thousands of dollars on putting out a great look. Just take the time to read a few men’s fashion magazines, figure out your own unique personal style, build a wardrobe around it, and spend a little time each day to make sure that your daily outfit does your personal style justice. You’ll immediately notice a difference in the way that both women and men treat you, and this in turn will start boosting your confidence almost instantly.

3. Get some physical exercise.

One of the most effective ways to build self-confidence is to become confident in your own skin. Now some people might tell you that your physical appearance is irrelevant when it comes to attracting others; and in some ways it is, but the confidence that you can gain by getting into great shape is far from irrelevant. What’s more, regular exercise can also help you feel more relaxed and release brain chemicals that are essential for your mental well-being.

So if your current physical shape leaves something to be desired, make it a point to engage in at least 30 minutes of exercise each day. Remember, you don’t have to go join CrossFit or hire an expensive personal trainer or anything; a simple 30 minute jog after work each day can do your body and confidence levels wonders.

4. Pay attention to your body language and work on your non-verbal communication.

One of the most incredible things about the human mind is how our physiology can almost instantly affect our psychology. For example, think back on a time that you were feeling supremely confident about yourself. Maybe you’d just run a marathon or maybe you’d just talked an insanely gorgeous woman into bed.

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Remember what your physiology was like. You would have had your head held up high, with your shoulders back and your chest puffed out. Now try and emulate this physiology the next time you’re feeling low in confidence. It might feel like voodoo, but you’ll feel at least a slight change in your mindset.

It’s a great idea to spend a little time each day to work on your body language and physiology. You can start with things as simple as standing up straight with your chest out when you walk to work, and eventually move onto the finer points like holding strong eye contact when talking to a co-worker or speaking slowly, with confidence when addressing someone.

5. Practice your conversation skills.

There are only a few things more damaging to a man’s confidence levels than feeling socially inadequate. And this loss of confidence can go through a bit of an avalanche effect where each failed social interaction leads to a drop in confidence, which in turn leads to more failed social interactions.

So how do you go about fixing this and building social confidence? It can be by doing something as simple as practicing talking to one stranger every day. It doesn’t even have to be an attractive woman, and it doesn’t even matter what you talk about. Just make it a point to work on being able to start and carry a conversation with an absolute stranger for at least a couple of minutes each day. The social confidence that this will build in you will spill over onto your confidence around women.

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6. Do something outside your comfort zone.

Staying inside your comfort zone is a highly effective way to smother, suffocate, and eventually wipe out your self-confidence. Every time you shy away from a situation or a task that’s unfamiliar, you’re effectively telling your subconscious mind that you don’t believe in yourself enough to take up the challenge.

So from now on, actively work on stepping out of your comfort zone at least once each day. You don’t even have to do anything drastic or dangerous to practice this. You don’t have to start by asking out the most attractive girl you know. Something as simple as confronting a colleague about an issue that you’ve been skirting or taking a quick improv class can work wonders.

7. Practice positive affirmations.

Now here’s the thing: you can work on your physical image, your career success and your social skills all you want, but if your internal dialog and thought processes are negative, you will never go about building lasting confidence with women or in life.

A simple exercise that you can practice each day is to write down one positive affirmation about yourself and read it to yourself every morning before you start your day. The key here is to truly believe in your affirmation with every fiber of your being until you wake up each day with it firmly rooted in your mind. Once you get the hang of it, you can start adding more and more affirmations to improve your life and build confidence with.

Like I said before, the only person who will ever be able to build lasting confidence in yourself is you. So I hope that you don’t just stop at reading this article, and that you actively practice these daily exercises each day until you achieve the level of confidence that you desire.

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Published on April 7, 2021

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

Some of the most manipulative people are so good at what they do that their words and actions can convince you into thinking they truly care about what’s best for you when in reality, it’s quite the opposite. The most common signs of a controlling person are rarely obvious to outside observers. And for someone enmeshed in a controlling relationship or friendship, it can be incredibly challenging to stay away from this toxic person, even if you’re aware of their emotionally abusive tendencies.

While it’s ultimately up to you to decide whether to preserve or leave a lopsided, unfulfilling relationship, it’s nevertheless critical to understand the following six signs of controlling people so you can better advocate for yourself and mitigate the influence of their manipulative tendencies in your own life.

1. They Push Their Own Personal Agenda

Do you know someone who always tries to micromanage the words, behaviors, and attitudes of people around them? Does this person act like they have the right to know anything they want about you, including your location, what you’re doing in a given moment, who you’re talking to online, or any other private information about you? And when planning events and special occasions, does this person dominate conversations, steer plans in their own preferred directions, disparage others’ suggestions, and refuse to collaborate with anyone who might disagree with them?

If you answered “yes” to some of the above questions, then those are clear signs of a controlling person whom you absolutely need to be cautious around. Controlling people are reluctant to even consider alternative ideas, let alone enthusiastically work with people who have differing views. They prefer to be the captain of every ship—regardless of how much or how little an issue personally impacts them—and they have an arsenal of manipulative tactics to deploy if someone stands in the way of them achieving their own personal agendas.

In long-term relationships with controlling people, you may feel constantly pressured to meet their demands, follow their schedule, and focus on whatever they feel is most important. It’s not an exaggeration to say that these people act like the universe revolves around them, which can be exhausting to deal with for their family members, friends, and colleagues.

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2. They Make Everything Transactional

Controlling people aren’t always self-centered, but they’re not too empathetic either. Empathy for them tends to appear in the form of strategic concessions they use as a means to get what they want. They typically view interpersonal relationships as transactional opportunities to extract more value from people surrounding them, which can have a draining effect on those they interact with.

For example, one sign of a controlling person may be their insistence on “keeping score.” This can involve doing nice things for you with the ulterior motive of demanding something from you at a later date in exchange for what you thought was just an act of kindness or a friendly support.

Perhaps they shower you in praise (also known as “love-bombing”) or gifts then blow up at you if you don’t intuitively know they’re expecting something back from you. None of us are mind-readers, but controlling people behave as though everyone else should think and act like they want others to and those who fall out of line are punished for failing to meet their impossible expectations.

A controlling person may also threaten to withhold support if you don’t adhere to their demands, but they do so in such subtle ways that the guilt they impose blinds you from the unreasonable nature of their behaviors.

Some statements to be wary of include:

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  • “I did ___________ for you. What do you mean you can’t do ___________ for me?”
  • “Remember how I helped you with ___________? That took a lot of time and energy from me, but I guess you didn’t appreciate my help.”
  • “I always give you ___________. Don’t you care about my needs too?”
  • “You’re so selfish!” or “You don’t care about me at all!” (gaslighting if you respond with hesitation or politely decline their request for help for perfectly valid reasons, such as not having enough time or resources to assist them)

3. They Criticize Everything

One of the most common telltale signs of a controlling person is their capacity to criticize anything and everything, even small things that seemingly don’t matter. As with many toxic traits in relationships, these problems typically start out so small that you may not even notice. At first, you may even agree with their criticism or at least be able to understand their perspective when they bring up an issue.

However, the criticism tends to get more intense, more constant, and more perplexing for people who maintain relationships with controlling people. You’ll likely notice how they rarely seem to criticize something they do. It’s almost always other-oriented and these types of people are so manipulative that any rationale they offer can seem plausibly legitimate.

Some warning signs of a controlling person who’s overly critical to the point of abusiveness include:

  • Criticizing things about you that you have little to no control over (e.g., appearance, disability, family)
  • Criticizing your personal choices and interests, such as educational pursuits, career, clothing, favorite music, time spent on your hobbies, etc.
  • Punishing you for expressing vulnerability by invalidating thoughts and feelings you share with them
  • Attacking you whenever you express an opinion counter to theirs

4. They Balk When Someone Criticizes Them

We all know the adage, “what goes around, comes around.” But this statement doesn’t apply as much to toxic, controlling people. They’d much prefer to dish out criticism without ever having to take it in return.

For instance, if your friend constantly talks about your appearance with little regard for your emotions but flips out if you make just a single comment about their appearance, there’s a possibility that they could have some hidden controlling tendencies left unchecked. Remember, these people aren’t just controlling in their behaviors towards others. They’re also actively trying to stay in complete control over every aspect of their lives, which includes how others view them.

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This seemingly insatiable desire for control can prompt them to lash out against even the smallest bits of criticism, leaving people around them too weary or scared to speak up again in the future. While it’s possible they may suffer from something called rejection sensitivity dysphoria, this does not excuse them from the consequences of their words and actions. They should seek professional help to better manage their reactions to criticism.

5. They Socially Isolate You

Not all controlling people do this, but for manipulative narcissists, socially isolating victims is a go-to strategy for maintaining control because it’s effective at preventing people from truly understanding how toxic their partner, family member, or friend is treating them. Think of it this way—if you don’t talk to many other people in your life, there’s less of a risk that you’ll damage their reputation by revealing their abusive tendencies.

Socially isolating others also gives the person more control over you and your life as it becomes more difficult to break away from them if you don’t have other healthier channels of communication and interpersonal support to turn to.

This process doesn’t happen overnight, nor is it something you can readily recognize as abusive. At first, it may seem reasonable, such as asking you to stop engaging so often with family members with whom both of you disagree on major social or political issues. As the social isolation progresses, they may suggest cutting people out of your life—especially if they don’t like that person, regardless of how you personally feel—or even conjure up high-stakes problems like “it’s me or them” under the guise of saving you from people in your life whom they don’t like for whatever reason.

In a controlling person’s life narrative, they’re always the protagonist who’s incapable of any wrongdoing. The blame is always redirected at someone else, whether that’s you or other people in your life. The more they isolate you from other supportive people in your life, the more susceptible you’ll be to falsely believing that they’re right and you “don’t need” your other friends and family when you have someone as perfect as this person.

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6. They’re Emotionally Abusive

It’s hard enough to be in control of your own emotions but when someone else is constantly belittling you and your interests or leveraging guilt and shame to manipulate you into saying or doing what they want, this can make it even more challenging to stay in control of your own life and emotional well-being.

Emotional abuse is another sign of a controlling person that is often overlooked in relationships. After all, human personalities vary widely in terms of passivity, and it’s not uncommon for one person in a relationship to be significantly more passive than the other. This becomes an issue when the controlling partner or friend exudes signs of emotional abuse, which can start subtly and become much more pronounced over time.

Concerning signs of emotionally abusive language or behavior to watch out for include:

  • Dismissing your needs and/or belittling your interests in counterproductive ways
  • Privately or publicly shaming or humiliating you
  • Making you feel as though you can never live up to their expectations or do anything right (according to their own vague, subjective standards)
  • Gaslighting you into thinking they said or did something that never actually happened (making you question your own reality)

Final Thoughts

It’s sometimes hard to see the negative things about someone with whom we have a relationship. We may sometimes unconsciously overlook the signs of a controlling person, especially if that person is someone we have known for a long time or are close to us. However, cutting them off your life is the best thing you can do for yourself. Just watch out for these six signs of a controlling person and take immediate action when you spot them.

More Tips on How To Deal With a Controlling Person

Featured photo credit: Külli Kittus via unsplash.com

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