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7 Daily Exercises That Boost Your Confidence Around Women

7 Daily Exercises That Boost Your Confidence Around Women

“Just be confident.”

This is probably the most clichéd and most confusing piece of dating advice that men the world over are bombarded with from the time they’re old enough to start crushing on the cute girl from math class. Sure, it’s easy to just tell a guy to “be confident,” but it’s a whole different ball game to actually be able to define confidence and show someone exactly how to go about becoming confident.

This is why I prefer to phrase this piece of advice slightly differently. I don’t tell guys to be confident. Instead I tell them to earn their confidence. This is why every time I hear someone saying that they wish they could be more confident, I feel like slapping them.

You see, confidence isn’t something that’s magically going to wash over you by just closing your eyes and wishing for it. It’s something that you work a little bit towards each and every day, until it becomes a natural part of your mindset.

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On that note, here are seven daily exercises that any guy can work on to boost their confidence with women.

1. Groom yourself.

Let’s start with the basics, shall we? Personal grooming; it’s just one of those things that women pay a world of attention to and most men are tragically ambivalent towards. You see, the way that you treat your own body is really a reflection of your own self-esteem. Every time you step outside the door with your hair disheveled, your fingernails overgrown, and your stubble a few days old, you’re effectively telling everyone who crosses your path that you don’t really think much of yourself at all. And trust me: women pick up on this instantly.

Now I’m not asking you to drop hundreds of dollars on fancy haircuts and pedicures. All it takes is just 20 minutes of your time each morning to trim, shave and clip as necessary. So make that exercise number one in your daily confidence-building regime.

2. Dress for success.

Let me ask you a question: when was the last time you really thought about the message that your personal wardrobe was sending out to the world around you? Like your personal grooming, the way that you dress sends out a powerful message about what exactly you think of yourself. And this is a message that women pick up on immediately.

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And here’s the thing: you don’t have to spend thousands of dollars on putting out a great look. Just take the time to read a few men’s fashion magazines, figure out your own unique personal style, build a wardrobe around it, and spend a little time each day to make sure that your daily outfit does your personal style justice. You’ll immediately notice a difference in the way that both women and men treat you, and this in turn will start boosting your confidence almost instantly.

3. Get some physical exercise.

One of the most effective ways to build self-confidence is to become confident in your own skin. Now some people might tell you that your physical appearance is irrelevant when it comes to attracting others; and in some ways it is, but the confidence that you can gain by getting into great shape is far from irrelevant. What’s more, regular exercise can also help you feel more relaxed and release brain chemicals that are essential for your mental well-being.

So if your current physical shape leaves something to be desired, make it a point to engage in at least 30 minutes of exercise each day. Remember, you don’t have to go join CrossFit or hire an expensive personal trainer or anything; a simple 30 minute jog after work each day can do your body and confidence levels wonders.

4. Pay attention to your body language and work on your non-verbal communication.

One of the most incredible things about the human mind is how our physiology can almost instantly affect our psychology. For example, think back on a time that you were feeling supremely confident about yourself. Maybe you’d just run a marathon or maybe you’d just talked an insanely gorgeous woman into bed.

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Remember what your physiology was like. You would have had your head held up high, with your shoulders back and your chest puffed out. Now try and emulate this physiology the next time you’re feeling low in confidence. It might feel like voodoo, but you’ll feel at least a slight change in your mindset.

It’s a great idea to spend a little time each day to work on your body language and physiology. You can start with things as simple as standing up straight with your chest out when you walk to work, and eventually move onto the finer points like holding strong eye contact when talking to a co-worker or speaking slowly, with confidence when addressing someone.

5. Practice your conversation skills.

There are only a few things more damaging to a man’s confidence levels than feeling socially inadequate. And this loss of confidence can go through a bit of an avalanche effect where each failed social interaction leads to a drop in confidence, which in turn leads to more failed social interactions.

So how do you go about fixing this and building social confidence? It can be by doing something as simple as practicing talking to one stranger every day. It doesn’t even have to be an attractive woman, and it doesn’t even matter what you talk about. Just make it a point to work on being able to start and carry a conversation with an absolute stranger for at least a couple of minutes each day. The social confidence that this will build in you will spill over onto your confidence around women.

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6. Do something outside your comfort zone.

Staying inside your comfort zone is a highly effective way to smother, suffocate, and eventually wipe out your self-confidence. Every time you shy away from a situation or a task that’s unfamiliar, you’re effectively telling your subconscious mind that you don’t believe in yourself enough to take up the challenge.

So from now on, actively work on stepping out of your comfort zone at least once each day. You don’t even have to do anything drastic or dangerous to practice this. You don’t have to start by asking out the most attractive girl you know. Something as simple as confronting a colleague about an issue that you’ve been skirting or taking a quick improv class can work wonders.

7. Practice positive affirmations.

Now here’s the thing: you can work on your physical image, your career success and your social skills all you want, but if your internal dialog and thought processes are negative, you will never go about building lasting confidence with women or in life.

A simple exercise that you can practice each day is to write down one positive affirmation about yourself and read it to yourself every morning before you start your day. The key here is to truly believe in your affirmation with every fiber of your being until you wake up each day with it firmly rooted in your mind. Once you get the hang of it, you can start adding more and more affirmations to improve your life and build confidence with.

Like I said before, the only person who will ever be able to build lasting confidence in yourself is you. So I hope that you don’t just stop at reading this article, and that you actively practice these daily exercises each day until you achieve the level of confidence that you desire.

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Last Updated on March 30, 2020

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

Have you ever walked into a room and felt like your nerves simply couldn’t handle it? Your heart beats fast, you start to sweat, and you feel like all eyes are on you (even if they’re really not). This is just one of the many ways that being self-conscious can rear its ugly head.

You may not even realize you’re self-conscious, and you may be wondering, “What does self-conscious mean?” That’s a good place to start.

This article will define self-consciousness, show how practically everyone has faced it at one point or another, and give you tips to avoid it.

What Does Self-Conscious Mean?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-conscious is defined as “conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to or originating in oneself.”[1]

Not so bad, right? There’s another definition, though — one that speaks more to what you’re going through: “feeling uncomfortably conscious of oneself as an object of the observation of others.” For those of us who regularly deal with extreme self-consciousness, that second definition sounds about right.

There are many different ways self-consciousness can spring up. You may feel self-conscious around people you know, like your family members or closest friends. You may feel self-conscious at work, even though you spend hours every week around your co-workers. Or you may feel self-conscious when out in public and surrounded by strangers. However, you probably don’t feel self-conscious when you’re home alone.

How to Stop Being Too Self-Conscious

When you’re in the throes of self-consciousness, it’s nearly impossible to remember how to stop feeling that way. That’s why it’s so important to prepare ahead of time, when you’re feeling ready to tackle the problem instead of succumbing to it.

Here are a variety of ways to feel better about yourself and stop thinking about how others see you.

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1. Ask Yourself, “So What?”

One way to banish negative, self-conscious thoughts is to do just that: banish them.

The next time you walk into a room and feel your face getting red, think to yourself, “So what?” How much does it really matter if people don’t like how you look or act? What’s the worst that could happen?

Most of the time, you’ll find that you don’t have a good answer to this question. Then, you can immediately start assigning such thoughts less importance. With self-awareness, you can acknowledge that your negative thoughts are present and realize that you don’t agree with them.[2] They’re just thoughts, after all.

2. Be Honest

A lie that self-consciousness might tell is that there’s one way to act or feel. Honestly, though, everyone else is just figuring life out as well. There isn’t a preferred way to show up to an event, gathering, or public place. What you can do is be honest with your feelings and thoughts.[3]

If you feel offended by something someone says, you don’t have to smile to be polite or laugh to fit in with the crowd. Instead, you can politely say why you disagree or excuse yourself and find a group of people who you relate to better. If you’re nervous, don’t overcompensate by trying to look relaxed and casual — it’ll be obvious you’re putting on a front. Instead, nothing is more endearing than saying, “I’m a little nervous!” to a room of people who probably feel the exact same way.

On the same note, if you don’t understand why someone wants you to do something, question it. You can do this at work, at home, or even with people you don’t know well. Nobody should force you to do something you don’t want to do.

Also, even if you’re willing to do what’s asked of you, there’s nothing wrong with asking for more clarification. People will realize that you’re not a person to be bossed around.

3. Understand Why You’re Struggling at Work

Being self-conscious at work can get in the way of your daily responsibilities, your relationships with co-workers, and even your career as a whole. If you’re facing some sort of conflict but you’re too nervous to speak up, you may be at the whim of what happens to you instead of taking some control.

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If you’re usually confident at work, you may be wondering where this new self-consciousness is coming from. It’s possible that you’re dealing with burnout.[4] Common signs are anxiety, fatigue and distraction, all of which can leave you feeling under-confident.

4. Succeed at Something

When you create success in your life, it’s easier to feel confident[5] and less self-conscious. If you feel self-conscious at work, finish the project that’s been looming over your head. If you feel self-conscious in the gym, complete an advanced workout class.

Exposing yourself to what you’re scared of and then succeeding at it in some way (even just by finishing it) can do wonders for your self-esteem. The more confidence you build, the more likely you are to have more success in the future, which will create a cycle of confidence-building.

5. Treat All of You — Not Just Your Self-Consciousness

Trying to solve your self-consciousness alone may not treat the root of the problem. Instead, take a well-rounded approach to lower your self-consciousness and build confidence in areas where you may struggle.

Even professional counselors are embracing this holistic type of treatment[6] because they feel that the health of the mind and body are inextricably linked. This approach combines physical, spiritual, and psychological components. Common activities and treatments include meditation, yoga, massage, and healthy changes to diet and exercise.

If much of this is new to you, it will pay to give it a try. You never know how it will impact you.

If you’re feeling self-conscious about how your body looks, a massage that makes you feel great could boost your confidence. If you try a new workout, you could have something exciting to talk about the next time you’re in a group setting.

Putting yourself in a new situation and learning that you can get through it with grace can give you the confidence to get through all sorts of events and nerve-wracking moments.

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6. Make the Changes That Are Within Your Control

Let’s say you walk into a room and you’re self-conscious about how you look. However, you may have put a lot of time and effort into your outfit. Even though it may stand out, this is how you have chosen to express yourself.

You have to work on your internal confidence, not your external appearance. There’s nothing to change other than your outlook.

On the other hand, maybe there’s something that you don’t like about yourself that you can change. For example, maybe you hate how a birthmark on your face looks or have varicose veins that you think are unsightly. If you can do something about these things, do it! There’s nothing wrong with changing your appearance (or skills, education, etc.) if it’s going to make you more confident.

You don’t have to accept your current situation for acceptance’s sake. There’s no award for putting up with something you hate. Confidence is also required to make changes that are scary, even if they’re for the better. Plus, it may be an easier fix than you thought. For example, treating varicose veins doesn’t have to involve surgery — sometimes simple compression stockings will take care of the problem.[7]

7. Realize That Everyone Has Awkward Moments

Everyone has said something awkward to someone else and lived to tell the tale. We’ve all forgotten somebody’s name or said, “You too!” when the concession stand girl says to enjoy our movie. Not only are these things uber-common, but they’re not nearly as embarrassing as you feel they are.

Think about how you react when someone else does something awkward. Do you think, “Wow, that person’s such a loser!” or do you think, “What a relief, I’m not the only one who does that.” Chances are good that’s the same reaction others have to you when you stumble.

Remember, self-consciousness is a state of mind that you have control over. You don’t have to feel this way. Do what you need to in order to build your confidence, put your self-consciousness in perspective, and start exercising your “I feel awesome about myself” muscle. It’ll get easier with time.

When Is Being Self-Conscious a Good Thing?

Self-consciousness can sometimes be a good thing[8], but you have to take the awkwardness and nerves out of it.

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In this case, “self-aware” is a much better term. Knowing how you come off to people is an excellent trait; you’ll be able to read a room and understand how what you do and say affects others. These are fantastic skills for people work and personal relationships.

Self-awareness helps you dress appropriately for the occasion, tells you that you’re talking too loud or not loud enough, and guides a conversation so you don’t offend or bore anyone.

It’s not about being someone you’re not — that can actually have adverse effects, just like self-consciousness. Instead, it’s about turning up certain aspects of yourself to perform well in the situation.

Final Thoughts

When you’re self-conscious, you’re constantly battling with yourself in an effort to control how other people view you. You try to change yourself to suit what you think other people want to see.

The truth, though, is that you can’t actually control how other people view you — and you may not even be correct about how they view you in the first place.

Being confident doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it happens in small steps as you slowly build your confidence and say “no” to your self-consciousness. It also requires accepting that you’re going to feel self-conscious sometimes, and that’s okay.

Sometimes worrying that there is a problem can be more stressful than the problem itself. Feeling bad for feeling self-conscious can be more troublesome than simply feeling it and getting on with the day.

Forgive yourself for being human and make the small changes that will lead to better confidence in the future.

More Tips for Improving Your Self-Esteem

Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Merriam-Webster: Self-conscious
[2] Bustle: 7 Tips On How To Stop Feeling Self-Conscious
[3] Marc and Angel: 10 Things to Remember When You Feel Unsure of Yourself
[4] Bostitch: How to Protect Small Businesses From Burnout
[5] Psychology Today: Self-conscious? Get Over It
[6] Wake Forest University: Embracing Holistic Medicine
[7] Center for Vein Restoration: What Causes Venous Ulcers, and How Are They Treated?
[8] Scientific American: The Pros and Cons of Being Self-Aware

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