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Secret To A Long-Lasting Marriage: Put Your Personal Happiness Aside

Secret To A Long-Lasting Marriage: Put Your Personal Happiness Aside

“If both of you are putting each other first then no one comes second.”

–Author Unknown

By: Pedro Ribeiro Simões
    Photo Credit: Pedro Ribeiro Simões on Flickr

    Shortly after meeting my (now) husband and we began dating, he was called away to participate in a week long training exercise at Camp Lejeune. He was in the Navy at the time and the training was a part of his job. Before he left, he stopped by my apartment to say his good byes. He said the usual–I’m going to miss you and I’ll see you as soon as I get back–or something to that effect.

    And then, he reached into his pocket and pulled out the keys to his car and his bank card. He gave me the pin number to his account and told me to spend whatever I needed for gas and any other shopping I wanted to do. I was stunned. I weakly tried to protest but he just kissed me on the forehead, said good bye and strolled out the door.

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    When he returned from training, he didn’t even go home. He had his friend drop him off at my place as we were so eager to see each other. When I greeted him at the door he scooped me up in his arms and held me in a long embrace. We made dinner plans and I gave him back the keys to his car and his bank card…

    Years later, while reminiscing about how we first met, I asked my husband when he knew for sure that he was in love with me. He said when he returned home from his trip to Camp Lejeune and saw his car and checked his account. “When I saw that you had completely detailed my car and had added money to my account–I knew you were the one. You returned everything to me in better shape than I left it.”

    We were married one month after that trip.

    How to make a marriage work

    When moving forward in your marriage you will face challenges and obstacles. It is inevitable. There are so many prevailing theories, teachings and schools of thought on how to make a marriage work. The reality is there is no one single recipe leading to marital bliss. You have to take a few very basic and fundamental principles and tailor them to meet the needs of you and your spouse.

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    The most critical of these basic principles is: Put your Spouse First

    “If both of you are putting each other first then no one comes second.”

    This quote goes against every selfish instinct that we as human beings have. Ego-centrism comes naturally. We all tend to focus on ourselves and our own selfish needs. However, the very essence of marriage and relationships center around the fact that it is no longer about you as an individual but about the marital unit. The goal in marriage and relationships should be to move from being selfish to selfless.

    It’s incredibly difficult to put someone’s wants, needs, hopes, dreams and happiness ahead of your own.

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    Granted, this is easier to do when we’re blinded by passion  — as tends to happen during the “honeymoon period.” But doing it on an everyday basis isn’t easy. And that’s what love should be. It should be making the love of your life a top priority — day in and day out.

    When two people in a relationship care more for each other than they do for themselves–they are on their way to finding true happiness. True happiness–I mean the deep down feeling of contentment, solitude and peace–comes from making others happy.

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      What does selflessness in a marriage look like?

      Let’s be clear… Putting your spouse first, in no way means totally neglecting yourself and becoming a blind puppet. Sometimes to ensure the ultimate happiness of your spouse gentle push back on bad ideas may be required. Especially on things that may cause them harm and more headaches in the end. You may have to encourage them to have better eating and exercise habits and walk along side them through the process. It is loving them enough to always do what is best for them–and sometimes that causes conflict.

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      One of the most significant rules my husband and I live by is to always treat each other better than we treat others. What this means is the same courtesy, kindness and tolerance we extend to friends, family, associates and strangers, we extend to each other on a much higher level. When you are angry with your spouse, before you speak, ask yourself “would I say that to my mother, best friend or boss?” If it’s not appropriate to say it to anyone else it is definitely off limits for your spouse.

      Find small ways to make your spouse feel cherished and special. Go out of your way for them every chance you get. Make them your number one priority–always. Marriage takes sacrifice and putting your spouse first is how to make a marriage work.

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      Denise Hill

      Speech Writer/Senior Editor

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      Last Updated on September 20, 2018

      7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

      7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

      What do I want to do with my life? It’s a question all of us think about at one point or another.

      For some, the answer comes easily. For others, it takes a lifetime to figure out.

      It’s easy to just go through the motions and continue to do what’s comfortable and familiar. But for those of you who seek fulfillment, who want to do more, these questions will help you paint a clearer picture of what you want to do with your life.

      1. What are the things I’m most passionate about?

      The first step to living a more fulfilling life is to think about the things that you’re passionate about.

      What do you love? What fulfills you? What “work” do you do that doesn’t feel like work? Maybe you enjoy writing, maybe you love working with animals or maybe you have a knack for photography.

      The point is, figure out what you love doing, then do more of it.

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      2. What are my greatest accomplishments in life so far?

      Think about your past experiences and the things in your life you’re most proud of.

      How did those accomplishments make you feel? Pretty darn good, right? So why not try and emulate those experiences and feelings?

      If you ran a marathon once and loved the feeling you had afterwards, start training for another one. If your child grew up to be a star athlete or musician because of your teachings, then be a coach or mentor for other kids.

      Continue to do the things that have been most fulfilling for you.

      3. If my life had absolutely no limits, what would I choose to have and what would I choose to do?

      Here’s a cool exercise: Think about what you would do if you had no limits.

      If you had all the money and time in the world, where would you go? What would you do? Who would you spend time with?

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      These answers can help you figure out what you want to do with your life. It doesn’t mean you need millions of dollars to be happy though.

      What it does mean is answering these questions will help you set goals to reach certain milestones and create a path toward happiness and fulfillment. Which leads to our next question …

      4. What are my goals in life?

      Goals are a necessary component to set you up for a happy future. So answer these questions:

      Once you figure out the answers to each of these, you’ll have a much better idea of what you should do with your life.

      5. Whom do I admire most in the world?

      Following the path of successful people can set you up for success.

      Think about the people you respect and admire most. What are their best qualities? Why do you respect them? What can you learn from them?

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      You’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.[1] So don’t waste your time with people who hold you back from achieving your dreams.

      Spend more time with happy, successful, optimistic people and you’ll become one of them.

      6. What do I not like to do?

      An important part of figuring out what you want to do with your life is honestly assessing what you don’t want to do.

      What are the things you despise? What bugs you the most about your current job?

      Maybe you hate meetings even though you sit through 6 hours of them every day. If that’s the case, find a job where you can work more independently.

      The point is, if you want something to change in your life, you need to take action. Which leads to our final question …

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      7. How hard am I willing to work to get what I want?

      Great accomplishments never come easy. If you want to do great things with your life, you’re going to have to make a great effort. That will probably mean putting in more hours the average person, getting outside your comfort zone and learning as much as you can to achieve as much as you can.

      But here’s the cool part: it’s often the journey that is the most fulfilling part. It’s during these seemingly small, insignificant moments that you’ll often find that “aha” moments that helps you answer the question,

      “What do I want to do with my life?”

      So take the first step toward improving your life. You won’t regret it.

      Featured photo credit: Andrew Ly via unsplash.com

      Reference

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