“Extroverts sparkle, introverts glow. If you appreciate your own quiet glow, other people will see it too.” – Sophia Dembling
Introverted people are often thought of as quiet and shy – perhaps not the best option for a party or even a date. But look closer. What do you see? A hundred beautiful things about a human being that perhaps just doesn’t interact with the world the same way that a more extroverted person would.
Introverts are not necessarily shy at all, they just do not feed off social energy the way that other people do, the way that extroverts do. They do not need to be the center of attention, it does nothing for them. This is not to say, however, that introverts are not great for a talk, or to spend time with. They are. And here is why.Advertising
Introverts Prefer Deep Conversation
Introverts are great conversationalists, if you get them one-on-one. And when you do, it is a beautiful thing. They have the ability to take time with conversations, and although they can often be a little slow to warm up to you, it is worth the wait. Introverts are not big fans of small talk, they like to speak less but say more. Because of this they have the ability to make deeper and more profound connections with those they choose to interact with in this way. It isn’t just fickle banter. Introverts have a lot of good stuff to say.
They Have An Intriguing Depth
Whether it is the inner glow or the inner knowing, introverts have a mystique surrounding them that is compelling to many other human beings. We wonder what is going on inside that mind. We want to know.
In fact, introverts are more likely to be chased by love interests than they are to do the chasing. Though often described as distant, introverts are far from being invisible.
Says Sophia Dembling, author of Introverts in Love: The Quiet Way to Happily Ever After: “I assumed nobody noticed introverted me, but years and years later, when I reunited with people from high school (thank you Internet), I learned that actually, many boys had noticed me.”Advertising
Introverts have different brains to the rest, which is part of their capacity for deeper connections. Their energy levels are invigorated by time alone, unlike extroverts whose energy grows within social environments. Introverts react with overstimulation to dopamine, the neurotransmitter in the brain, whereas extroverts are excited by it. Introverts feel good when they turn inward instead of outward, and reflect on more meaningful ideas.
They Have Successful Relationships With Extroverts And Introverts Alike
Unlike extroverts, introverts can interact with all kinds of personalities – they just aren’t comfortable being all kinds of personalities. Introverts have the amazing gift of being able to appeal to both sides. With other introverts they can be one-on-one, understand each other and have quality time being comfortable within themselves.
Dembling states: “Either combination can work, depending on whether an introvert is looking for someone who will bring a social life to them, or someone who will hunker down at home with them. Both desires are perfectly valid and both combinations can work.”Advertising
With an extrovert it is more like yin and yang, with the introvert complimenting the extrovert by being two different halves of a whole. Both types of relationships can be successful.
Introverts Are Great Listeners
Introverts have a number of excellent skills when it comes to listening to others. These include attention, noticing detail, thoughtfulness, the ability to ask questions, think about and analyze problems in detail. They are incredible partners in this way, and such attributes are closely linked with loyalty and dedication. These are intrinsically linked to how introverts also have more profound connections with others. Caution should be applied in certain situations, however, to make sure that introverts do not get lost in always being the listening ear for people who like to just talk continuously. Balance is paramount.
They Are More Peaceful In The Face Of Aggression
With care not to be passive aggressive, introverts are less likely to be rowdy and start fights when it comes to confrontation. They are more likely to talk things through and offer a more balanced and proactive solution to problems. This prevents emotions running too high and nasty things being thrown around in the heat of the moment, which can be highly salvaging for a strong connection with another. Abstaining from hurtful and irrational behavior is something we could definitely learn from introverts.Advertising
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The Gentle Art of Saying No
It’s a simple fact that you can never be productive if you take on too many commitments — you simply spread yourself too thin and will not be able to get anything done, at least not well or on time.
But requests for your time are coming in all the time — through phone, email, IM or in person. To stay productive, and minimize stress, you have to learn the Gentle Art of Saying No — an art that many people have problems with.
What’s so hard about saying no? Well, to start with, it can hurt, anger or disappoint the person you’re saying “no” to, and that’s not usually a fun task. Second, if you hope to work with that person in the future, you’ll want to continue to have a good relationship with that person, and saying “no” in the wrong way can jeopardize that.
But it doesn’t have to be difficult or hard on your relationship. Here are the Top 10 tips for learning the Gentle Art of Saying No:
- Value your time. Know your commitments, and how valuable your precious time is. Then, when someone asks you to dedicate some of your time to a new commitment, you’ll know that you simply cannot do it. And tell them that: “I just can’t right now … my plate is overloaded as it is.”
- Know your priorities. Even if you do have some extra time (which for many of us is rare), is this new commitment really the way you want to spend that time? For myself, I know that more commitments means less time with my wife and kids, who are more important to me than anything.
- Practice saying no. Practice makes perfect. Saying “no” as often as you can is a great way to get better at it and more comfortable with saying the word. And sometimes, repeating the word is the only way to get a message through to extremely persistent people. When they keep insisting, just keep saying no. Eventually, they’ll get the message.
- Don’t apologize. A common way to start out is “I’m sorry but …” as people think that it sounds more polite. While politeness is important, apologizing just makes it sound weaker. You need to be firm, and unapologetic about guarding your time.
- Stop being nice. Again, it’s important to be polite, but being nice by saying yes all the time only hurts you. When you make it easy for people to grab your time (or money), they will continue to do it. But if you erect a wall, they will look for easier targets. Show them that your time is well guarded by being firm and turning down as many requests (that are not on your top priority list) as possible.
- Say no to your boss. Sometimes we feel that we have to say yes to our boss — they’re our boss, right? And if we say “no” then we look like we can’t handle the work — at least, that’s the common reasoning. But in fact, it’s the opposite — explain to your boss that by taking on too many commitments, you are weakening your productivity and jeopardizing your existing commitments. If your boss insists that you take on the project, go over your project or task list and ask him/her to re-prioritize, explaining that there’s only so much you can take on at one time.
- Pre-empting. It’s often much easier to pre-empt requests than to say “no” to them after the request has been made. If you know that requests are likely to be made, perhaps in a meeting, just say to everyone as soon as you come into the meeting, “Look guys, just to let you know, my week is booked full with some urgent projects and I won’t be able to take on any new requests.”
- Get back to you. Instead of providing an answer then and there, it’s often better to tell the person you’ll give their request some thought and get back to them. This will allow you to give it some consideration, and check your commitments and priorities. Then, if you can’t take on the request, simply tell them: “After giving this some thought, and checking my commitments, I won’t be able to accommodate the request at this time.” At least you gave it some consideration.
- Maybe later. If this is an option that you’d like to keep open, instead of just shutting the door on the person, it’s often better to just say, “This sounds like an interesting opportunity, but I just don’t have the time at the moment. Perhaps you could check back with me in [give a time frame].” Next time, when they check back with you, you might have some free time on your hands.
- It’s not you, it’s me. This classic dating rejection can work in other situations. Don’t be insincere about it, though. Often the person or project is a good one, but it’s just not right for you, at least not at this time. Simply say so — you can compliment the idea, the project, the person, the organization … but say that it’s not the right fit, or it’s not what you’re looking for at this time. Only say this if it’s true — people can sense insincerity.
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