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How To Start A Conversation With Anyone Without Awkward Silence

How To Start A Conversation With Anyone Without Awkward Silence

“That’s a fine looking chandelier over there, and wow…. how did they even get that huge octopus ornament into the club?”

I’m never too good around my wife’s new friends or colleagues, especially when she’s just ditched me for the restrooms. More often than not, I tend to seem busy in thought because that’s just me. Draw the “Awkward” curtains, it’s time to sit around in silence for a while. But maybe I could try to start a conversation? Maybe not. But what do I say?

“Hey, you come here often?”

“No.”

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Awkward much?

So just before you decide to commit mental suicide like I did multiple times when my wife left me alone with her friends, consider applying the art of drowning out the awkward silence. Simply just repeat these three words in your head until you’re left alone, “I’m not here… I’m not here… I’m not here”. You’ll magically disappear like a fade-out scene and never get to hear from anyone from that night again!

But if you’re looking to break the ice with lesser transgression, check out these tips and tricks to avoid the awkward silence:

1. The Art of Observation

One of the best techniques to break the ice with people you’ve just met is to simply observe before you speak. And by observe, we do not mean ogling, especially at parts unknown. That’s creepy.

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Observations that could turn into potential ice breaking questions could be that eye catching top they are wearing, the new mobile phone they’re pressing into their ear or that dapper hairstyle they’re carrying. You can then change these observations into questions such as, “That top is nice, where did you get it from?”, “How’s the new mobile phone that you’re using? I’m thinking of changing my phone” or “Where did you get your haircut from, I’m looking for a new stylist.”

2. The Conversation Ratio

Rule of thumb: two-thirds of the conversation should be about the person you’re speaking to and one-third about yourself. Why? So that the conversation doesn’t turn from ice breaker to “how to shut down a narcissist”. To be clear, the goal is to never impress during the first impression but to get them to impress you instead.

Dr. Jeremy Nicholson, writer at Psychology Today, says that most people go wrong when they try to impress too much, which ends up in getting themselves judged instead of evaluated. By sticking to the two-third rule, ask them anything that could make it seem like you are evaluating them instead and have them prove themselves to you during most of the conversation.

3. The Praise

Praise is a tricky technique because most extroverts love it, but most introverts can see through it. So before praising someone, you have to first find out whether they’re extroverted or introverted. According to Psychologist Laurie Helgoe, author of Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength, introverts see no meaning in small talk which is nothing more than a barrier between people and real interactions. If you’re talking to one, you can probably figure it out as soon as you say, “Wow, I really love your hair!”

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When praising, it’s good to stick to behavior, accomplishments or clothing because praising someone’s size, shape, weight or looks can go both ways.

4. Look For Differences, Not Similarities

Because we’re all wired to look out for similarities in other people, since we started reading Agony Aunt articles – “it’s best that you sit down with him to end things on a good note because you both have nothing in common” – we tend to neglect the beauty of differences that can make a conversation deeper with more understanding of each other.

Furthermore, being hellbent on looking for similarities can lead us to feeling frustrated so it’s always good to keep an open mind to be accepting and to build meaningful conversations around those differences.

5. Conversation Combo Moves

Success in breaking the ice all comes down to being able to bust a string of combo moves then delivering the final finishing move to make your listener submit by saying, “I really like talking to you.”

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All you have to do to create a combo move is to know which buttons to push, and by that, we mean using topics that are relatively easy to digest, and expanding on them as you go along. Topics can be their favorite restaurant to go to or their favorite sport to watch, and they shouldn’t be “what do you think about Donald Trump’s policies for immigration?” Topics that require a certain level of general knowledge should be avoided at all costs.

Do not let topics slip away so easily. For example, if their favorite restaurant is on Mckenzie Street, you can probably ask whether they live around the area and if they do, you can ask about how long have they lived there or maybe what else is around there in case you would like to visit someday.

Yes, You Can Break The Ice With Anyone!

Even if you’re an introvert, breaking the ice with anyone just takes practice and a lot of trial and error. Just remember that for a first impression, you shouldn’t be judged by trying too hard to impress, but be qualified just by being yourself. Keep an open mind, and we hope that you’ll stop pretending to look at chandeliers and octopus ornaments just to avoid an awkward silence.

Featured photo credit: How smart dining will add fun via youtube.com

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Lim Kairen

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Last Updated on September 28, 2020

How To Study Effectively: 7 Simple Tips

How To Study Effectively: 7 Simple Tips

The brain is a tangled web of information. We don’t remember single facts, but instead we interlink everything by association. Anytime we experience a new event, our brains tie the sights, smells, sounds and our own impressions together into a new relationship.

Our brain remembers things by repetition, association, visual imagery, and all five senses. By knowing a bit about how the brain works, we can become better learners, absorbing new information faster than ever.

Here are some study tips to help get you started:

1. Use Flashcards

Our brains create engrained memories through repetition. The more times we hear, see, or repeat something to ourselves, the more likely we are to remember it.

Flashcards can help you learn new subjects quickly and efficiently. Flashcards allow you to study anywhere at any time. Their portable nature lends them to quick study sessions on the bus, in traffic, at lunch, or in the doctor’s office. You can always whip out your flashcards for a quick 2 to 3 minute study session.

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To create effective flashcards, you need to put one point on each flashcard. Don’t load up the entire card with information. That’s just overload. Instead, you should dedicate one concept to each card.

One of the best ways to make flashcards is to put 1 question on the front and one answer on the back. This way, you can repeatedly quiz yourself into you have mastered any topic of your choice.

Commit to reading through your flash cards at least 3 times a day and you will be amazed at how quickly you pick up new information.

As Tony Robbins says,

“Repetition is the mother of skill”.

2. Create the Right Environment

Often times, where you study can be just as important as how you study. For an optimum learning environment, you’ll want to find a nice spot that is fairly peaceful. Some people can’t stand a deafening silence, but you certainly don’t want to study near constant distractions.

Find a spot that you can call your own, with plenty of room to spread out your stuff. Go there each time you study and you will find yourself adapting to a productive study schedule. When you study in the same place each time, you become more productive in that spot because you associate it with studying.

3. Use Acronyms to Remember Information

In your quest for knowledge, you may have once heard of an odd term called “mnemonics”. However, even if you haven’t heard of this word, you have certainly heard of its many applications. One of the most popular mnemonic examples is “Every Good Boy Does Fine”. This is an acronym used to help musicians and students to remember the notes on a treble clef stave.

An acronym is simply an abbreviation formed using the intial letters of a word. These types of memory aids can help you to learn large quantities of information in a short period of time.

4. Listen to Music

Research has long shown that certain types of music help you to recall information. Information learned while listening to a particular song can often be remembered simply by “playing” the songs mentally in your head.

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5. Rewrite Your Notes

This can be done by hand or on the computer. However, you should keep in mind that writing by hand can often stimulate more neural activity than when writing on the computer.

Everyone should study their notes at home but often times, simply re-reading them is too passive. Re-reading your notes can cause you to become disengaged and distracted.

To get the most out of your study time, make sure that it is active. Rewriting your notes turns a passive study time into an active and engaging learning tool. You can begin using this technique by buying two notebooks for each of your classes. Dedicate one of the notebooks for making notes during each class. Dedicate the other notebook to rewriting your notes outside of class.

6. Engage Your Emotions

Emotions play a very important part in your memory. Think about it. The last time you went to a party, which people did you remember? The lady who made you laugh, the man who hurt your feelings, and the kid who went screaming through the halls are the ones you will remember. They are the ones who had an emotional impact.

Fortunately, you can use the power of emotion in your own study sessions. Enhance your memory by using your five senses. Don’t just memorize facts. Don’t just see and hear the words in your mind. Create a vivid visual picture of what you are trying to learn.

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For example, if you are trying to learn the many parts of a human cell, begin physically rotating the cell in your minds eye. Imagine what each part might feel like. Begin to take the cell apart piece by piece and then reconstruct it. Paint the human cell with vivid colors. Enlarge the cell in your mind’s eye so that it is now six feet tall and putting on your own personal comedy show. This visual and emotional mind play will help deeply encode information into your memory.

7. Make Associations

One of the best ways to learn new things is to relate what you want to learn with something you already know. This is known as association, and it is the mental glue that drives your brain.

Have you ever listened to a song and been flooded by memories that were connected to it? Have you ever seen an old friend that triggered memories from childhood? This is the power of association.

To maximize our mental powers, we must constantly be looking for ways to relate new information with old ideas and concepts that we are already familiar with.

You can do this with the use of mindmapping. A mind map is used to diagram words, pictures, thoughts, and ideas into a an interconnected web of information. This simple practice will help you to connect everything you learn into a global network of knowledge that can be pulled from at any moment.

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Learn more about mindmapping here: How to Mind Map to Visualize Your Thoughts (With Mind Map Examples)

Featured photo credit: Alissa De Leva via unsplash.com

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