Parting is an all-around difficult endeavor. We don’t want to hurt or disappointment people, and we don’t want to be disappointed. The feelings of rejection can overwhelm the one left behind, even if they corroborate the split. Oftentimes the individual who instigates a breakup has had to overcome incredible personal struggles to make their decision.
The woman who makes the difficult choice to leave is coincidentally, giving herself a great opportunity. When she chooses to leave, she elects to reckon with her sense of self-worth, happiness, and guilt. Hebbard says that the woman who works through the emotions that arise, makes the decision to leave from a place of empowerment.
Oftentimes, the decision process is a meandering, dialectic one. In other words, we go back and forth on what we think is the right thing to do perhaps several times before we come to a final decision. The fear of leaving what she had was greater than her desire to believe that she was worth better.
We get used to situations, relationships, jobs, and lifestyles and overlook the details about them we dislike the most. Particularly difficult to question are the relationships we’ve outgrown, or that have outgrown us. We might grow tired in our dysfunctional relationships. Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom before we are able to see that we are responsible for our happiness.
It takes a lot of courage to be honest with oneself. Even when we do manage to see ourselves as accountable for our well-being, we may not be ready to move forward. We’ve invested so much in the job that no longer gives us fulfilment, for example. Leaving it would destabilize our own understanding of ourselves. Choosing to leave is to be willing to let go of our identity, or at least reshape it. Though you might not know how you’ll cope when you lose the parts of yourself that you’ve identified with for so long. This fear alone can be enough to prevent us from change, no matter how dire the situation.
It takes a big heart to face the music and choose to leave. But when you look back later in future, you’ll find that you’re perfectly ok without that, or actually you’re much happier and better living without that.
It takes true bravery to leave. There’s a lot that must be sacrificed to make a big change; there’s good reason to be fearful. It’s this life-changing moment when we choose to see ourselves with self-compassion that healing is possible. These brave people have helped shape our lives for the better. We can see the evidence when we look back to our pasts, to the substantial turning points where our life paths have taken new trajectories. It’s also important to recognize where we’ve been that individual who’s chosen to leave bravely, and to have compassion for ourselves.
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