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4 Reasons Why You Should Remove “Sorry” From Your Vocabulary

4 Reasons Why You Should Remove “Sorry” From Your Vocabulary

As I walk into my boss’ office, I am greeted with the click-clacking sounds of fingers dancing ferociously over computer keys and see a furrowed brow framing laser focused eyes staring intently at the screen.

“Hey Becky, um sorry to bother you but…”

I am boarding the crowded DC train in the middle of rush hour and am carried aboard in a wave of frustrated and harried people. I drop my bag between my feet and reach up and grab the overhead bar to stabilize myself as I begin the long trek home.  Another passenger’s hand grazes mine.  Again, I say sorry.

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I say sorry at least 15 times each day–whether I am at fault or not. It has become a staple in my vocabulary.

To all my chronic over apologizers–why do we do that?

One common theory, which fairly accurately explains my overuse of the word “sorry,” is that being perceived as rude is so abhorrent–especially to women— that we need to make ourselves less obtrusive before we speak up. We also say sorry to display humility and as a way to avoid or quickly end conflict.

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Here are some reasons we should rethink when, why and how we say sorry and possibly strike it from our vocabulary altogether:

1. It devalues the purpose of an apology

When we say sorry too easily and too frequently or when we apologize for things that are clearly not our fault, not in our control, or otherwise unworthy of apology we completely strip away the meaning and the power of a sincere apology.

The bottom line here is saying sorry too much can trivialize the act of the apology, making the important ones carry less weight. Be careful about crying wolf–save it for when you really need it, and mean it.

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2. We devalue ourselves by saying sorry so frequently

Most people equate apologizing with humility. We tend to think that a prideful person can offend someone and walk away with apologizing. An interesting thing happens however, when we say sorry in situations that do not warrant that word. We tell people that they are worth more than we are. It signifies that our low self-esteem is low.

There is nothing wrong with being a confident, self assured individual that doesn’t take responsibility for someone else’s mistake. You are a living, breathing being who deserves to be seen as an equal by everyone you encounter. Don’t devalue yourself. The next time someone runs into you, scrap the apology and instead share an understanding glance. It happens.

3. Sorry is used to try and fix situations but it doesn’t resolve conflicts

This is especially true for those of us who don’t like confrontation and will go to any length just to avoid a scene. We will quickly fling “sorry” at a situation to stifle an argument before it starts. And while this is necessary at times, other times we need to “man up” or “put our big girl panties on” and work to actually resolve the conflict.

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Saying sorry also can be a way of manipulating a situation. We will use it an effort to avoid addressing a certain topic or having to face undesirable behaviors or attributes. How many times have we heard–or even said–“I said I’m sorry, what else do you want from me?” This is a classic way of using a weak (and usually insincere) apology to fix something without reaching a resolution.

4. Sorry makes you–in fact– SORRY!

A person who is always apologizing, especially in the work place, will quickly be viewed and labeled a sorry individual. It gives people the impression that you are mistake prone,  incompetent and a sorry individual.

Over apologizing can actually effect your self-esteem and self-perception. It’s the law of the self fulfilling prophecy.The more you say you are sorry, the more you will believe it and ultimately become it.

Challenge:

Try not to say sorry for a full 24 hours.  That doesn’t mean that you should avoid apologizing if you are at fault. Take responsibility and apologize without using the word sorry.

Here are a few words/phrases that can help you with this endeavor:

  • “Excuse/pardon me”
  • “Thank you”
  • “I regret…”
  • “It’s unfortunate…”
  • “That’s sad”
  • Silence

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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