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4 Reasons Why You Should Remove “Sorry” From Your Vocabulary

4 Reasons Why You Should Remove “Sorry” From Your Vocabulary

As I walk into my boss’ office, I am greeted with the click-clacking sounds of fingers dancing ferociously over computer keys and see a furrowed brow framing laser focused eyes staring intently at the screen.

“Hey Becky, um sorry to bother you but…”

I am boarding the crowded DC train in the middle of rush hour and am carried aboard in a wave of frustrated and harried people. I drop my bag between my feet and reach up and grab the overhead bar to stabilize myself as I begin the long trek home.  Another passenger’s hand grazes mine.  Again, I say sorry.

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I say sorry at least 15 times each day–whether I am at fault or not. It has become a staple in my vocabulary.

To all my chronic over apologizers–why do we do that?

One common theory, which fairly accurately explains my overuse of the word “sorry,” is that being perceived as rude is so abhorrent–especially to women— that we need to make ourselves less obtrusive before we speak up. We also say sorry to display humility and as a way to avoid or quickly end conflict.

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Here are some reasons we should rethink when, why and how we say sorry and possibly strike it from our vocabulary altogether:

1. It devalues the purpose of an apology

When we say sorry too easily and too frequently or when we apologize for things that are clearly not our fault, not in our control, or otherwise unworthy of apology we completely strip away the meaning and the power of a sincere apology.

The bottom line here is saying sorry too much can trivialize the act of the apology, making the important ones carry less weight. Be careful about crying wolf–save it for when you really need it, and mean it.

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2. We devalue ourselves by saying sorry so frequently

Most people equate apologizing with humility. We tend to think that a prideful person can offend someone and walk away with apologizing. An interesting thing happens however, when we say sorry in situations that do not warrant that word. We tell people that they are worth more than we are. It signifies that our low self-esteem is low.

There is nothing wrong with being a confident, self assured individual that doesn’t take responsibility for someone else’s mistake. You are a living, breathing being who deserves to be seen as an equal by everyone you encounter. Don’t devalue yourself. The next time someone runs into you, scrap the apology and instead share an understanding glance. It happens.

3. Sorry is used to try and fix situations but it doesn’t resolve conflicts

This is especially true for those of us who don’t like confrontation and will go to any length just to avoid a scene. We will quickly fling “sorry” at a situation to stifle an argument before it starts. And while this is necessary at times, other times we need to “man up” or “put our big girl panties on” and work to actually resolve the conflict.

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Saying sorry also can be a way of manipulating a situation. We will use it an effort to avoid addressing a certain topic or having to face undesirable behaviors or attributes. How many times have we heard–or even said–“I said I’m sorry, what else do you want from me?” This is a classic way of using a weak (and usually insincere) apology to fix something without reaching a resolution.

4. Sorry makes you–in fact– SORRY!

A person who is always apologizing, especially in the work place, will quickly be viewed and labeled a sorry individual. It gives people the impression that you are mistake prone,  incompetent and a sorry individual.

Over apologizing can actually effect your self-esteem and self-perception. It’s the law of the self fulfilling prophecy.The more you say you are sorry, the more you will believe it and ultimately become it.

Challenge:

Try not to say sorry for a full 24 hours.  That doesn’t mean that you should avoid apologizing if you are at fault. Take responsibility and apologize without using the word sorry.

Here are a few words/phrases that can help you with this endeavor:

  • “Excuse/pardon me”
  • “Thank you”
  • “I regret…”
  • “It’s unfortunate…”
  • “That’s sad”
  • Silence

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Denise Hill

Denise shares about psychology and communication tips on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on July 18, 2019

What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

Some people just seem to float through life with a relentless sense of happiness – through the toughest of times, they’re unfazed and aloof, stopping to smell the roses and drinking out of a glass half full.

They may not have much to be happy about, but the simplicity behind that fact itself may make them happy.

It’s all a matter of perspective, conscious effort and self-awareness. Listed below are a number of reasons why some people are always happy.

1. They Manage Their Expectations

They’re not crushed when they don’t get what they want – or misled into expecting to get the most out of every situation. They approach every situation pragmatically, hoping for the best but being prepared for the worst.

2. They Don’t Set Unrealistic Standards

Similar to the last point, they don’t live their lives in a constant pursuit towards impossible visions of perfection, only to always find themselves falling short of what they want.

3. They Don’t Take Anything for Granted

Happiness rests with feeling fulfilled – those who fail to stop and appreciate what they have every now and again will never experience true fulfillment.

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4. They’re Not Materialistic

There are arguing viewpoints on whether or not money can really buy happiness; if it can, then we know from experience that we can never be satisfied because there will always be something newer or better that we want. Who has ever had enough money?

5. They Don’t Dwell

They don’t sweat the small things or waste time worrying about things that don’t really matter at the end of the day. They don’t let negative thoughts latch onto them and drain them or distract them. Life’s too short to worry.

6. They Care About Themselves First

They’re independent, care for themselves and understand that they must put their needs first in order to accommodate the needs of others.

They indulge, aim to get what they want, make time for themselves and are extremely self-reliant.

7. They Enjoy the Little Things

They stop to smell the roses. They’re accustomed to find serenity when it’s available, to welcome entertainment or a stimulating discussion with a stranger when it crosses their path. They don’t overlook the small things in life that can be just as important.

8. They Can Adapt

They’re not afraid of change and they work to make the most out of new circumstances, good or bad. They thrive under pressure, are not overwhelmed easily and always embrace a change of pace.

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9. They Experiment

They try new things, experience new flavors and never shy away from something they have yet to experience. They never order twice from the same menu.

10. They Take Their Time

They don’t unnecessarily rush through life. They work on their own schedule to the extent that they can and maneuver through life at their own relaxing pace.

11. They Employ Different Perspectives

They’re not stuck in one perspective; a loss can result in a new opportunity, hitting rock bottom can mean that there’s no where to go but up.

12. They Seek to Learn

Their constant pursuit of knowledge keeps them inspired and interested in life. They cherish information and are on a life-long quest to learn as much as they can.

13. They Always Have a Plan

They don’t find themselves drifting without purpose. When something doesn’t go as planned, they have a plan for every letter in the alphabet to fall back on.

14. They Give Respect to Get It

They are respectful and, in turn, are seen as respectable; the respect they exude earns them the respect they deserve.

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15. They Consider Every Opportunity

They always have their eyes open for a new road, a new avenue worth exploring. They know how to recognize opportune moments and pounce on them to make the most of every situation. Success is inevitable for them.

16. They Always Seek to Improve

Perpetual self-improvement is the key towards their ongoing thirst for success. Whatever it is they do, they take pride in getting better and better, from social interactions to mundane tasks. Their pursuit at being the best eventually materializes.

17. They Don’t Take Life Too Seriously

They’re not ones to get offended easily over-analyze or complicate matters. They laugh at their own faults and misfortunes.

18. They Live in the Moment

They don’t live for tomorrow or dwell on what may have happened yesterday. Every day is a new opportunity, a new chapter. They live in the now, and in doing so, get the most out of every moment.

You can learn how to do so too: How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Past or Future

19. They Say Yes

Much more often than they say no. They don’t have to be badgered to go out, don’t shy away from new opportunities or anything that may seem inconvenient.

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20. They’re Self-Aware

Most important, they’re wholly aware of themselves. They self-reflect and are conscious of their states of mind. If somethings bothering them, they fix it.

We’re all susceptible to feeling down every now and again, but we are all equipped with the necessary solutions that just have to be discovered.

Lack of confidence, inability to feel fulfilled, and susceptibility to stress are all matters that can be controlled through the way we handle our lives and perceive our circumstances.

Learn about How Self-Reflection Gives You a Happier and More Successful Life.

Final Thoughts

The main philosophy employed by the happiest includes the idea that life’s simply too short: life’s too short to let things get you down, to take things for granted, to pursue absolute and unrealistic perfection.

For some, employing these characteristics is a second nature – they do it without knowing. For others, a conscious effort must be put forth every now and again. Self-Awareness is key.

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Featured photo credit: Charles Postiaux via unsplash.com

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