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Why Some People Are Closer To Their Parents?

Why Some People Are Closer To Their Parents?

When it comes to parenting, there are two obvious assertions. Firstly, all parents love their children, and this unconditional blessing is something that overcome anything that comes their way. Secondly, all parents strive to maintain equal relationships with their children, while also ensuring that there is minimal jealously between siblings.

The idea of showing any kind of favouritism to a child is abhorrent to most parents, but this is not necessarily as clear-cut or as heinous as it sounds. In fact, parents can subconsciously favour one child or another, automatically leading to the cultivation of slightly closer and more fulfilling relationships.

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Why are some People closer to their Parents?

For those of you who are still unsure or uneasy about this concept, let’s debunk some of the misconceptions that exist surround favouritism between parents and their children. While the stereotypical view suggests that parents may favour a particularly child due to their personality, achievements or gender, there are in fact deeper psychological reasons why such feelings arise. This has been explored further in a study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, which revealed some surprising findings about the relationships between parents and their children.

This study, which canvassed the opinion of several hundred women over the age of 65, revealed that three-quarters identified one child who was the most likely to be their primary care-giver in the future. Not only was this viewpoint generally fixed over time, but it also based on the mother’s perception that this child shares their fundamental values and views. It appears that this, more than any other factor, may create favouritism in our relationship with parents, as we tend to bond more closely with individuals who are similar to ourselves.

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How similar Values drive and Impact on the Relationship with our Parents

Interestingly, even those of us who are able to select our friends from a large and diverse group tend to forge close relationships with people who share our outlook and values. A study entitled Group Processes and Intergroup Relations explored this further, confirming the age-old opinion that we have a universal preference for similarity. While this does not always lead to the best friendships and in some instances may restrict personal growth, when we are presented with choice we tend to make the instinctive and unconscious decision to favour individuals with similar values.

When evaluating our relationship with parents, the instinctive need for similarity and the bonds subconsciously developed by shared values clearly create a scenario where favouritism can breed. While we have already stated that this does not reflect badly or parents or necessarily manifest itself within the relationship, it is important to keep in mind as it can impact on both adult sibling relationships and the cultivation of nurturing patterns. Although favoured children can benefit from a deeper emotional connection with their mother or father, for example, they may also be required to carry a greater burden of responsibility and expectations.

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The Last Word

Given the complexity of the human mind and its changeable nature, it is easy to presume that favouritism between parents and children may be influenced by superficial factors such as gender bias or a shared taste in movies. This is far from the case, however, as there are in fact unconscious emotional triggers that may cause parents to favour one child over another.

Both parents and children need to understand these in greater detail, so that they can comprehend the true nature of favouritism and the factors that influence our relationships. This can help to negate the emotional issues associated with favouritism, while empowering parents to maintain equal relationships with their children and cultivate trust between siblings.

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Last Updated on September 20, 2018

How to Stay Calm and Cool When You Are Extremely Stressful

How to Stay Calm and Cool When You Are Extremely Stressful

Being in a hurry all the time drains your energy. Your work and routine life make you feel overwhelmed. Getting caught up in things beyond your control stresses you out…

If you’d like to stay calm and cool in stressful situations, put the following 8 steps into practice:

1. Breathe

The next time you’re faced with a stressful situation that makes you want to hurry, stop what you’re doing for one minute and perform the following steps:

  • Take five deep breaths in and out (your belly should come forward with each inhale).
  • Imagine all that stress leaving your body with each exhale.
  • Smile. Fake it if you have to. It’s pretty hard to stay grumpy with a goofy grin on your face.

Feel free to repeat the above steps every few hours at work or home if you need to.

2. Loosen up

After your breathing session, perform a quick body scan to identify any areas that are tight or tense. Clenched jaw? Rounded shoulders? Anything else that isn’t at ease?

Gently touch or massage any of your body parts that are under tension to encourage total relaxation. It might help to imagine you’re in a place that calms you: a beach, hot tub, or nature trail, for example.

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3. Chew slowly

Slow down at the dinner table if you want to learn to be patient and lose weight. Shoveling your food down as fast as you can is a surefire way to eat more than you need to (and find yourself with a bellyache).

Be a mindful eater who pays attention to the taste, texture, and aroma of every dish. Chew slowly while you try to guess all of the ingredients that were used to prepare your dish.

Chewing slowly will also reduce those dreadful late-night cravings that sneak up on you after work.

4. Let go

Cliche as it sounds, it’s very effective.

The thing that seems like the end of the world right now?

It’s not. Promise.

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Stressing and worrying about the situation you’re in won’t do any good because you’re already in it, so just let it go.

Letting go isn’t easy, so here’s a guide to help you:

21 Things To Do When You Find It Hard To Let Go

5. Enjoy the journey

Focusing on the end result can quickly become exhausting. Chasing a bold, audacious goal that’s going to require a lot of time and patience? Split it into several mini-goals so you’ll have several causes for celebration.

Stop focusing on the negative thoughts. Giving yourself consistent positive feedback will help you grow patience, stay encouraged, and find more joy in the process of achieving your goals.

6. Look at the big picture

The next time you find your stress level skyrocketing, take a deep breath, and ask yourself:

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Will this matter to me…

  • Next week?
  • Next month?
  • Next year?
  • In 10 years?

Hint: No, it won’t.

I bet most of the stuff that stresses you wouldn’t matter the next week, maybe not even the next day.

Stop agonizing over things you can’t control because you’re only hurting yourself.

7. Stop demanding perfection of yourself

You’re not perfect and that’s okay. Show me a person who claims to be perfect and I’ll show you a dirty liar.

Demanding perfection of yourself (or anybody else) will only stress you out because it just isn’t possible.

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8. Practice patience every day

Below are a few easy ways you can practice patience every day, increasing your ability to remain calm and cool in times of stress:

  • The next time you go to the grocery store, get in the longest line.
  • Instead of going through the drive-thru at your bank, go inside.
  • Take a long walk through a secluded park or trail.

Final thoughts

Staying calm in stressful situations is possible, all you need is some daily practice.

Taking deep breaths and eat mindfully are some simple ways to train your brain to be more patient. But changing the way you think of a situation and staying positive are most important in keeping cool whenever you feel overwhelmed and stressful.

Featured photo credit: Brooke Cagle via unsplash.com

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