Advertising

How To Have Nonviolent Communication With Stubborn Family Members

How To Have Nonviolent Communication With Stubborn Family Members
Advertising

The funny thing about family is, one minute it seems impossible to coexist peacefully, but in the next, we couldn’t imagine life without them! Sibling rivalry can get particularly intense, even to the point of communication breakdowns. Ironically, these emotion fueled conflicts are usually waged out of genuine care for one another!

Often there’s a particularly stubborn family member who always finds themselves at the point of conflict. Even with your best efforts, every approach seems to end in an argument with them. In these cases, you need to call upon these smart communication strategies for dealing with stubborn people.

1. Don’t Escalate Situations By Trying to Prove Your Point

v128437

    Don’t fall into the trap of proving your point against all odds. You’ll find yourself getting completely sucked in and slugging it out until they appreciate your point. This simply isn’t effective with stubborn people because they are often reacting through emotion instead of logic.

    Advertising

    Even if what you’re presenting is a logical case, their emotions can blind them to seeing the reason. As a result, the argument goes nowhere and builds frustration. This isn’t good for either of you, especially if one of you reaches boiling point!

    With this fact in mind, you should adopt a smarter communication strategy. Bury your ego and focus on soothing their emotions first. Once you’ve calmed them down, they’ll be far more receptive, possibly even coming around without much persuasion.

    2. Find Common Ground to Relieve Rising Tension

    Studies have shown that our stubborn tendencies are brought to the surface, the more people disagree with us. So when you start to feel that uneasy feeling and communication is about to take a turn for the worst, employ this next strategy.

    Striking common ground is the fastest way to diffuse the situation, preventing the full force of stubborn behavior from taking hold. You don’t necessarily have to bend against your own will. Just switching the focus point or activity to something you can both appreciate. You’ll soon notice the tension in the air evaporating.

    Advertising

    3. Don’t Get Locked Into a Power Struggle

    goats-692660_1280

      If we have to deal with stubborn people, getting caught in a power struggle makes the whole situation worse. Especially when it comes to family members, hierarchy and position can often add fuel to the fire. Continued escalation just becomes a tug of war, the harder you pull, the harder they pull too!

      Typically, stubborn people are more aware of the hierarchy and they will use it to bolster their side of the argument. If you’re not careful, you’ll find yourself in an “I’m the parent/oldest so I’m right” kind of situation. This is very counterproductive, you should aim to diffuse situations before reaching this.

      4. Be Completely Honest, Don’t Attack or Blame

      If an argument ensues, it’s easy to get caught up in the emotion and use tactics such as blame or attacks on character. At this point, constructive communications will become impossible! Instead, you should stick with honesty by expressing your true feelings (using “I”). Speaking from a genuine place is going to be the most effective way to bypass their stubborn nature.

      Advertising

      Let’s say your brother smokes and you desperately want him to stop. Remaining calm and speaking sincerely will get you the furthest. Explain exactly why you want him to stop and how it makes you feel, as opposed to simply stating it’s terrible and dirty!

      5. Speak, Stop and Listen, Ask Questions

      hand-859523_1280

        It’s easier said than done, but this is the best way to deal with stubborn people. After honestly stated your qualm, sit back and listen while taking mental note of all their points. The mere act of showing your willingness to listen and understand may even dissolve their stubborn behavior.

        What’s more, you can then carefully address each point in a calm logical manner. Once you’ve shown that you have taken their side of the argument onboard, they will be more receptive to hearing yours.

        Advertising

        6. If All Else Fails, Let Them Cool Off

        Sometimes we reach a certain point, then the best thing we can do is to give stubborn people time and space to cool off. If we continue to harp on, it falls upon deaf ears as they continue to build their resistance.

        If you have employed these strategies correctly, this provides a chance for them to mull it over. Most of the time, they will come back to you, sometimes they even apologize for their stubborn behavior. If you notice this as a regular cycle, you may just have to accept that’s just how they are!

        More by this author

        Joseph Summers

        Health and Fitness Enthusiast

        How to Lose 10 Pounds in 3 Weeks: 20 Simple Tips How to Get Six Pack Abs Without Leaving Your Couch 10 Quick Easy Workouts To Get Rid Of Back Fat At Home 6-Minute Morning Workout To Help You Stay Healthy Effortlessly 8 Arm and Shoulder Workouts To Strengthen Upper Body

        Trending in Communication

        1 I Want To Be Happy: 7 Science-Backed Ways to Find Happiness 2 13 Ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently 3 10 Morning Habits Of Happy People 4 What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People 5 13 Simple Habits of Happiness To Change Your Outlook on Life

        Read Next

        Advertising
        Advertising

        Last Updated on July 20, 2021

        How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

        How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)
        Advertising

        You’re standing behind the curtain, just about to make your way on stage to face the many faces half-shrouded in darkness in front of you. As you move towards the spotlight, your body starts to feel heavier with each step. A familiar thump echoes throughout your body – your heartbeat has gone off the charts.

        Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with glossophobia(also known as speech anxiety or the fear of speaking to large crowds). Sometimes, the anxiety happens long before you even stand on stage.

        Your body’s defence mechanism responds by causing a part of your brain to release adrenaline into your blood – the same chemical that gets released as if you were being chased by a lion.

        Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you overcome your fear of public speaking:

        1. Prepare yourself mentally and physically

        According to experts, we’re built to display anxiety and to recognize it in others. If your body and mind are anxious, your audience will notice. Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready.

        “Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.” – Bob Proctor

        Exercising lightly before a presentation helps get your blood circulating and sends oxygen to the brain. Mental exercises, on the other hand, can help calm the mind and nerves. Here are some useful ways to calm your racing heart when you start to feel the butterflies in your stomach:

        Warming up

        If you’re nervous, chances are your body will feel the same way. Your body gets tense, your muscles feel tight or you’re breaking in cold sweat. The audience will notice you are nervous.

        If you observe that this is exactly what is happening to you minutes before a speech, do a couple of stretches to loosen and relax your body. It’s better to warm up before every speech as it helps to increase the functional potential of the body as a whole. Not only that, it increases muscle efficiency, improves reaction time and your movements.

        Here are some exercises to loosen up your body before show time:

        Advertising

        1. Neck and shoulder rolls – This helps relieve upper body muscle tension and pressure as the rolls focus on rotating the head and shoulders, loosening the muscle. Stress and anxiety can make us rigid within this area which can make you feel agitated, especially when standing.
        2. Arm stretches – We often use this part of our muscles during a speech or presentation through our hand gestures and movements. Stretching these muscles can reduce arm fatigue, loosen you up and improve your body language range.
        3. Waist twists – Place your hands on your hips and rotate your waist in a circular motion. This exercise focuses on loosening the abdominal and lower back regions which is essential as it can cause discomfort and pain, further amplifying any anxieties you may experience.

        Stay hydrated

        Ever felt parched seconds before speaking? And then coming up on stage sounding raspy and scratchy in front of the audience? This happens because the adrenaline from stage fright causes your mouth to feel dried out.

        To prevent all that, it’s essential we stay adequately hydrated before a speech. A sip of water will do the trick. However, do drink in moderation so that you won’t need to go to the bathroom constantly.

        Try to avoid sugary beverages and caffeine, since it’s a diuretic – meaning you’ll feel thirstier. It will also amplify your anxiety which prevents you from speaking smoothly.

        Meditate

        Meditation is well-known as a powerful tool to calm the mind. ABC’s Dan Harris, co-anchor of Nightline and Good Morning America weekend and author of the book titled10% Happier , recommends that meditation can help individuals to feel significantly calmer, faster.

        Meditation is like a workout for your mind. It gives you the strength and focus to filter out the negativity and distractions with words of encouragement, confidence and strength.

        Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is a popular method to calm yourself before going up on the big stage. The practice involves sitting comfortably, focusing on your breathing and then bringing your mind’s attention to the present without drifting into concerns about the past or future – which likely includes floundering on stage.

        Here’s a nice example of guided meditation before public speaking:

        2. Focus on your goal

        One thing people with a fear of public speaking have in common is focusing too much on themselves and the possibility of failure.

        Do I look funny? What if I can’t remember what to say? Do I look stupid? Will people listen to me? Does anyone care about what I’m talking about?’

        Instead of thinking this way, shift your attention to your one true purpose – contributing something of value to your audience.

        Advertising

        Decide on the progress you’d like your audience to make after your presentation. Notice their movements and expressions to adapt your speech to ensure that they are having a good time to leave the room as better people.

        If your own focus isn’t beneficial and what it should be when you’re speaking, then shift it to what does. This is also key to establishing trust during your presentation as the audience can clearly see that you have their interests at heart.[1]

        3. Convert negativity to positivity

        There are two sides constantly battling inside of us – one is filled with strength and courage while the other is doubt and insecurities. Which one will you feed?

        ‘What if I mess up this speech? What if I’m not funny enough? What if I forget what to say?’

        It’s no wonder why many of us are uncomfortable giving a presentation. All we do is bring ourselves down before we got a chance to prove ourselves. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy – a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it already is. If you think you’re incompetent, then it will eventually become true.

        Motivational coaches tout that positive mantras and affirmations tend to boost your confidents for the moments that matter most. Say to yourself: “I’ll ace this speech and I can do it!”

        Take advantage of your adrenaline rush to encourage positive outcome rather than thinking of the negative ‘what ifs’.

        Here’s a video of Psychologist Kelly McGonigal who encourages her audience to turn stress into something positive as well as provide methods on how to cope with it:

        4. Understand your content

        Knowing your content at your fingertips helps reduce your anxiety because there is one less thing to worry about. One way to get there is to practice numerous times before your actual speech.

        Advertising

        However, memorizing your script word-for-word is not encouraged. You can end up freezing should you forget something. You’ll also risk sounding unnatural and less approachable.

        “No amount of reading or memorizing will make you successful in life. It is the understanding and the application of wise thought that counts.” – Bob Proctor

        Many people unconsciously make the mistake of reading from their slides or memorizing their script word-for-word without understanding their content – a definite way to stress themselves out.

        Understanding your speech flow and content makes it easier for you to convert ideas and concepts into your own words which you can then clearly explain to others in a conversational manner. Designing your slides to include text prompts is also an easy hack to ensure you get to quickly recall your flow when your mind goes blank.[2]

        One way to understand is to memorize the over-arching concepts or ideas in your pitch. It helps you speak more naturally and let your personality shine through. It’s almost like taking your audience on a journey with a few key milestones.

        5. Practice makes perfect

        Like most people, many of us are not naturally attuned to public speaking. Rarely do individuals walk up to a large audience and present flawlessly without any research and preparation.

        In fact, some of the top presenters make it look easy during showtime because they have spent countless hours behind-the-scenes in deep practice. Even great speakers like the late John F. Kennedy would spend months preparing his speech beforehand.

        Public speaking, like any other skill, requires practice – whether it be practicing your speech countless of times in front of a mirror or making notes. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect!

        6. Be authentic

        There’s nothing wrong with feeling stressed before going up to speak in front of an audience.

        Many people fear public speaking because they fear others will judge them for showing their true, vulnerable self. However, vulnerability can sometimes help you come across as more authentic and relatable as a speaker.

        Advertising

        Drop the pretence of trying to act or speak like someone else and you’ll find that it’s worth the risk. You become more genuine, flexible and spontaneous, which makes it easier to handle unpredictable situations – whether it’s getting tough questions from the crowd or experiencing an unexpected technical difficulty.

        To find out your authentic style of speaking is easy. Just pick a topic or issue you are passionate about and discuss this like you normally would with a close family or friend. It is like having a conversation with someone in a personal one-to-one setting. A great way to do this on stage is to select a random audience member(with a hopefully calming face) and speak to a single person at a time during your speech. You’ll find that it’s easier trying to connect to one person at a time than a whole room.

        With that said, being comfortable enough to be yourself in front of others may take a little time and some experience, depending how comfortable you are with being yourself in front of others. But once you embrace it, stage fright will not be as intimidating as you initially thought.

        Presenters like Barack Obama are a prime example of a genuine and passionate speaker:

        7. Post speech evaluation

        Last but not the least, if you’ve done public speaking and have been scarred from a bad experience, try seeing it as a lesson learned to improve yourself as a speaker.

        Don’t beat yourself up after a presentation

        We are the hardest on ourselves and it’s good to be. But when you finish delivering your speech or presentation, give yourself some recognition and a pat on the back.

        You managed to finish whatever you had to do and did not give up. You did not let your fears and insecurities get to you. Take a little more pride in your work and believe in yourself.

        Improve your next speech

        As mentioned before, practice does make perfect. If you want to improve your public speaking skills, try asking someone to film you during a speech or presentation. Afterwards, watch and observe what you can do to improve yourself next time.

        Here are some questions you can ask yourself after every speech:

        Advertising

        • How did I do?
        • Are there any areas for improvement?
        • Did I sound or look stressed?
        • Did I stumble on my words? Why?
        • Was I saying “um” too often?
        • How was the flow of the speech?

        Write everything you observed down and keep practicing and improving. In time, you’ll be able to better manage your fears of public speaking and appear more confident when it counts.

        If you want even more tips about public speaking or delivering a great presentation, check out these articles too:

        Reference

        Read Next