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7 Signs You Will Probably Have A Long-Lasting Marriage

7 Signs You Will Probably Have A Long-Lasting Marriage

Everyone wants a long and happy marriage.

According to reports in the Huffington Posts and the NY Times the divorce rate has actually been declining for several years.

This is great news!

But wouldn’t it be nice if there were some science behind how to make a marriage last? Or maybe a formula that could be applied or a special pill designed specifically to foster long lasting marriages?

Andrew Francis and Hugo Mialon, two researchers at Emory University studied 3,000 married couples in the U.S. to determine some of the factors that can help make a marriage last. Their demographic statistics were compiled and their findings are actually quite interesting.

And while there is no recipe or secret to making a marriage last, there are some signs you may be on the right track:

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1. You dated at least three years prior to becoming engaged

Date 3 years or more

    Research shows that couples who dated for at least three years prior to their engagement are 39 percent less likely to get divorced than couples who dated less than a year before getting engaged.

    According to Psychology Today, there is no hard and fast rule on how long a couple should wait to get engaged or married.  However, most experts agree that anything shorter than two years drastically increases the odds of divorce.

    Dating for a while before saying “I do,”  indicates a level of planning that suggests the couple is in it for the long haul.

    2. You attend church regularly

    religious attendance

      The statistics here are clear.  Those who attend church regularly and are active in their faith are 46% less likely to divorce.

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      An article, on this topic, published in Christianity Today cites the findings from a study conducted by Dr. Wilcox, Director of The National Marriage Project. The study finds that “religiously unaffiliated Americans are the most likely to divorce.”

      Also, when considering how much religion factors into a couple’s ability to make a marriage last, you must understand that it isn’t religion per se that holds the marriage together. Rather, it is the belief system of the church and its views concerning marriage and family. This belief system is tied to the support network that accompanies regular church involvement.

      When couples engage in a belief system that frowns on divorce and are surrounded by individuals who reinforce and encourage marriage–the chance of divorce diminishes.

      3. You have a large wedding

      Wedding size

        On the surface, this factor doesn’t seem to make sense. However, consider the following statistic: couples who elope are 12.5 times more likely to end up divorced than couples who get married at a wedding with 200+ people.

        Having a large group of family and friends who support the marriage is critically important to long-term marital stability.

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        4. You have an inexpensive wedding

        cost of wedding. png

          This factor seems to directly contradict point three. But the research data doesn’t lie. The study found that the more you spend on a wedding the higher your chances of divorce become.

          The study states that couples who spend $20,000 or more on their wedding are 46 percent more likely to get a divorce. Adversely, couples who spend $5,000 or less are 18 percent less likely to divorce.

          Researchers Francis and Mialon say one possible explanation for their findings is that post-wedding debt can stoke marital tensions.

          5. You have a honeymoon immediately after the wedding ceremony

          Honeymoon

            Going on a honeymoon decreases the likelihood of a couple splitting up by 41 percent.

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            There’s a reason the honeymoon comes right after getting hitched. There is all of this wedding stress that builds up, followed by a huge and extravagant party involving all of your family and friends. All of this stress and pressure can really take a toll on the newlyweds. A honeymoon is a time of relaxation, re-connection and release.

            6. You have a combined annual income of over $125K

            annual income

              Its no secret– disputes over finances are one of the leading causes of divorce.

              Couples with an annual income north of 125K are 51 percent less likely to come undone. And the more a couple earns the lower their chances of divorce become.

              7. Inner beauty is valued over external beauty

              physical appearance

                This is a no brainier. If the physical attractiveness of your spouse is high on your list of priorities you may as well prepare to become a divorce statistic.

                In fact, men are 50 percent more likely to end up divorced when they site their partner’s looks as being an important part of their decision to marry.

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                Last Updated on April 19, 2021

                How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

                How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

                We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.

                Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.

                Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.

                Expressing Anger

                Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.

                Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger

                Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

                Being Passive-Aggressive

                This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

                Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

                This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.

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                Poorly-Timed

                Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.

                An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

                Ongoing Anger

                Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.

                Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.

                Healthy Ways to Express Anger

                What about the healthy ways[1] to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.

                Being Honest

                Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.

                Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.

                Being Direct

                Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.

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                Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.

                Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.

                Being Timely

                When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.

                Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.

                Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.

                How to Deal With Anger

                If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?

                1. Slow Down

                From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.

                In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.

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                When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.

                2. Focus on the “I”

                Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”

                When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.

                3. Work out

                When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.

                Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.

                Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.

                If you’re not sure where to start with an exercise routine, check out Lifehack’s free Simple Cardio Home Workout Plan.

                4. Seek Help When Needed

                There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.

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                5. Practice Relaxation

                We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.

                That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.

                Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.

                6. Laugh

                Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.

                7. Be Grateful

                It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.

                Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.

                Final Thoughts

                Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go or motivated. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.

                During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.

                Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.

                More Resources on Anger Management

                Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com

                Reference

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