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5 Reasons to Visit India Before You’re 30

5 Reasons to Visit India Before You’re 30

Life is good. You’ve got a solid job, a nice little place to live, and plenty of friends and family around you to enjoy your free time. You even get away at least twice a year to some really beautiful and interesting places.

But, something isn’t quite right. At the back of your mind you know that you should be feeling all of this just a little bit more. You don’t like to admit it, but there are times when you have the sensation that all you’re doing is going through the motions. You chose life, and are pretty much winning at it, but….

What I’m describing above is exactly the kind of life that I was living a few years back. There was no outwardly reason for me to turn my back on the set-up that I had. I didn’t go to India expecting a six week trip to change all that much. It was supposed to be a short intermission between my leaving Barcelona and heading to the bright lights of London to seek my fame and fortune. I never made it to London. And those six weeks turned into six months. India changed my life, and I’ve seen first hand how much of a profound effect it has also had on so many others.

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Here are 5 very unfairly curtailed reasons as to how it could do the same for you:

1. The Culture Shock

Until you get there, you can never fully appreciate what that first initial shock of being in India is like. Even in the most modern, upwardly mobile cities, this is just a different world. And it’s from this jumping off point that you are forced to very quickly reconcile yourself to the fact that we’re a long way from Kansas now, Toto! This chaotic sensory wake up call is something that you must first manage and then learn to embrace as you see for yourself just how much intestinal fortitude you really have.

2. The People

In India, you will meet some of the most welcoming, hospitable, upbeat people you have ever encountered. They love to talk with you about where you come from and oftentimes they will happily provide you with a plethora of information about their particular town and city and all of the best things to see and do there. Locals are also usually very proud of their local religious festivals and are a great source for you to get a better grasp of what is going on and why.

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It is not just the local people either. When you visit India, you will immediately come across legions of other foreigners just like you, all trying to find their way within this madness. Foreigners stick together and there is always somebody on hand to help you out if you need help or advice.

3. The Food

Indian cuisine is about a lot more than just curry. It is a land full of fruits and vegetables that you may never have even seen before and a cooking culture that is unique to every state that you visit and ingrained in the very fabric of each village, town, and city that you’ll stay. And, no, it’s not all really spicy. Of course it can be, if you dare to try, but usually the food served to foreigners is purposely left quite mild so as to not scare us off.

4. Religion and Spirituality

Religion plays a role in society here that pervades every aspect of life, but not in a way that is ever forced on you or made to feel oppressive. You must absolutely respect the fact that you are a guest and conduct yourself accordingly, but the life lessons that you can learn from a distance are absolutely fascinating.

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The stories of Shiva, Kali, Hanuman, and Krishna are exciting, beautiful narratives that define the very essence of life in India, but it is perhaps the underlying sense of spirit beneath all of the often garish representations of the idols that the outsider can most easily connect with.

Yoga and meditation go hand in hand with most people’s daily routines here, making it the perfect place for you to step back from all of the chaos and look to reconnect with your own true Self.

5. The Whole Territory

India possesses beautiful beaches, probably the most spectacular mountain range in the world, vast deserts, incredible architecture, ancient, almost perfectly preserved, holy temples, elephants and tigers, the Taj Mahal, the River Ganga, Bollywood, and cities that will give you sensory overrides like no others in the world. With India being blessed with so much variety it means that you never need sit still if you aren’t completely feeling your current location.

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Just jump on a plane or catch a train to the next destination. India is bound to have exactly what it is that you were looking for. It’s just up to you to find it.

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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