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How To Become A Person Everyone Wants To Approach

How To Become A Person Everyone Wants To Approach

Ever wonder why people gravitate toward some individuals and not others, maybe even you? It could be at a party or a professional networking event, but wherever you’re, there’s always someone people pay the most attention to. Being that go-to guy or gal will pay off at both work and in your personal life, notes Lolly Daskal, founder of Lead from Within, a global consultancy that has counseled heads of state, consulted with leaders of multinational companies and coached entrepreneurs.

But there are several reasons why some people just don’t seem approachable, even if they really are friendly and interesting. Here are ways to generate positive vibes and have people flocking to be your friends or bosses assigning you the next big project.

Reasons Why People Seem Unapproachable

1. Wearing a frown or unpleasant look on your face. This instantly steers people away from you. They perceive you as unhappy and negative and they don’t want that experience.

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2. Being critical or judgmental. Most people don’t want to be the subject of your criticism or judgment, nor do they want to hear you bash others.

3. Using body language that closes yourself off. If you’re standing in a room with your arms crossed, that gives an instant signal that you do not want to be bothered and are not approachable.

4. Avoiding eye contact. If you stare at the ground or off in the distance, people cannot read your expression and will pass you by.

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5. Putting up barriers. Even holding your glass in front of you or your mouth gives the impression that you don’t want to talk to anyone. Hold the glass at chest level or by your side.

How To Be More Approachable

1. Offer a compliment

By extending a compliment specific to a person, they’ll see that you’re taking the time to chat briefly with them. A quick “love that tie” or “great purse” to a co-worker in passing will give off positive vibes. Letting someone know that you love their shoes at a party may open up a window of opportunity to start speaking with them. Be sure your compliment is genuine, though, and not fake. Most people can sense the difference. Extending a compliment to someone and eliciting a smile in return also will brighten your day.

2. Simply smile

Shocker, right? The more you smile, the friendlier you seem to others, notes novelist Lisi Harrison. Also, studies show that people tend to mimic the expressions on others’ faces, so if you make it a habit to genuinely smile at others, they tend to smile right back. Another perk–research shows that simply smiling at others will make you happier, too.

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3. Be engaged

Don’t hog the conversation or spotlight, but subtly encourage others. Listen to them, their stories. They’ll recognize you as a great listener and positive person.

4. Appear to be open and friendly

Pay attention to your body language and make eye contact, position yourself in front of the person and keep your arms open, says David Morin, social life expert. Do not pay more attention to your phone or turn your back on the person speaking. Also keep your head up, not down, so people can clearly see your face and make eye contact.

5. Try trait transfer

This is a tried and true technique shared by New York Times bestselling author Gretchen Rubin where what you say about others influences how people feel and see you. If you talk highly of a co-worker, for example, then your audience will perceive you as someone who is just as worthy.

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6. Ooze with energy

There’s actually a phenomenon called emotional contagion where people “catch” the emotions of other people and they really prefer to “catch” energetic, positive and upbeat moods. Even if you’re entering a boring business meeting, be positive and peppy. If you see yourself as more of a smart aleck with a little edginess, you can still present yourself as warm with those personality quirks.

7. Remember names

Calling someone by their first name during a conversation or passing by in the hall really means a lot to that person. You noticed them. That practice can go a long way in the work world.

So, even if you know you’re witty, you’re fun, you’re a great person, but you just aren’t drawing attention at networking events or social outings, reevaluate how you appear to others, what you say and how you act, because you might inadvertently be giving off signals that you’re unapproachable. Simple changes, such as making eye contact, offering up sincere compliments, and being positive will help to make you a magnet to others.

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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