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How To Become A Person Everyone Wants To Approach

How To Become A Person Everyone Wants To Approach

Ever wonder why people gravitate toward some individuals and not others, maybe even you? It could be at a party or a professional networking event, but wherever you’re, there’s always someone people pay the most attention to. Being that go-to guy or gal will pay off at both work and in your personal life, notes Lolly Daskal, founder of Lead from Within, a global consultancy that has counseled heads of state, consulted with leaders of multinational companies and coached entrepreneurs.

But there are several reasons why some people just don’t seem approachable, even if they really are friendly and interesting. Here are ways to generate positive vibes and have people flocking to be your friends or bosses assigning you the next big project.

Reasons Why People Seem Unapproachable

1. Wearing a frown or unpleasant look on your face. This instantly steers people away from you. They perceive you as unhappy and negative and they don’t want that experience.

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2. Being critical or judgmental. Most people don’t want to be the subject of your criticism or judgment, nor do they want to hear you bash others.

3. Using body language that closes yourself off. If you’re standing in a room with your arms crossed, that gives an instant signal that you do not want to be bothered and are not approachable.

4. Avoiding eye contact. If you stare at the ground or off in the distance, people cannot read your expression and will pass you by.

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5. Putting up barriers. Even holding your glass in front of you or your mouth gives the impression that you don’t want to talk to anyone. Hold the glass at chest level or by your side.

How To Be More Approachable

1. Offer a compliment

By extending a compliment specific to a person, they’ll see that you’re taking the time to chat briefly with them. A quick “love that tie” or “great purse” to a co-worker in passing will give off positive vibes. Letting someone know that you love their shoes at a party may open up a window of opportunity to start speaking with them. Be sure your compliment is genuine, though, and not fake. Most people can sense the difference. Extending a compliment to someone and eliciting a smile in return also will brighten your day.

2. Simply smile

Shocker, right? The more you smile, the friendlier you seem to others, notes novelist Lisi Harrison. Also, studies show that people tend to mimic the expressions on others’ faces, so if you make it a habit to genuinely smile at others, they tend to smile right back. Another perk–research shows that simply smiling at others will make you happier, too.

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3. Be engaged

Don’t hog the conversation or spotlight, but subtly encourage others. Listen to them, their stories. They’ll recognize you as a great listener and positive person.

4. Appear to be open and friendly

Pay attention to your body language and make eye contact, position yourself in front of the person and keep your arms open, says David Morin, social life expert. Do not pay more attention to your phone or turn your back on the person speaking. Also keep your head up, not down, so people can clearly see your face and make eye contact.

5. Try trait transfer

This is a tried and true technique shared by New York Times bestselling author Gretchen Rubin where what you say about others influences how people feel and see you. If you talk highly of a co-worker, for example, then your audience will perceive you as someone who is just as worthy.

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6. Ooze with energy

There’s actually a phenomenon called emotional contagion where people “catch” the emotions of other people and they really prefer to “catch” energetic, positive and upbeat moods. Even if you’re entering a boring business meeting, be positive and peppy. If you see yourself as more of a smart aleck with a little edginess, you can still present yourself as warm with those personality quirks.

7. Remember names

Calling someone by their first name during a conversation or passing by in the hall really means a lot to that person. You noticed them. That practice can go a long way in the work world.

So, even if you know you’re witty, you’re fun, you’re a great person, but you just aren’t drawing attention at networking events or social outings, reevaluate how you appear to others, what you say and how you act, because you might inadvertently be giving off signals that you’re unapproachable. Simple changes, such as making eye contact, offering up sincere compliments, and being positive will help to make you a magnet to others.

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Last Updated on May 17, 2019

This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

The pursuit of worthwhile goals is a part of what makes life enjoyable. Being able to set a goal, then see yourself progress towards achieving that goal is an amazing feeling.

But do you know the biggest obstacle for most people trying to achieve their goals, the silent dream killer that stops people before they ever even get started? That obstacle is the comfort zone, and getting stuck there is bound to derail any efforts you make towards achieving the goals you’ve set for yourself.

If you want to achieve those goals, you’ll have to break free from your comfort zone. Let’s take a look at how your life will change once you build up the courage to leave your comfort zone.

What Is the Comfort Zone?

The comfort zone is defined as “a behavioural state within which a person operates in an anxiety-neutral condition, using a limited set of behaviours to deliver a steady level of performance.”

What stands out to me the most about that definition is the last part: “using a limited set of behaviours to deliver a steady level of performance.” How many successful people do you know who deliver a steady level of performance?

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The goal in life is to continually challenge yourself, and continually improve yourself. And in order to do that, you have move out of your comfort zone. But once you do, your life will start to change in ways you could never have imagined. I know because it’s happening right now in my own life.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

1. You will be scared

Leaving your comfort zone isn’t easy. In fact, in can be downright terrifying at times, and that’s okay. It’s perfectly normal to feel a little trepidation when you’re embarking on a journey that forces you to try new things.

So don’t freak out or get overwhelmed when you feel yourself getting a little scared. It’s perfectly normal and all part of the process. What’s important is that you don’t let that fear hold you back. You must continue to take action in the face of fear.

That’s what separates winners from losers.

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2. You will fail

Stepping out of your comfort zone means you’re moving into uncharted territory. You’re trying things that you’ve never tried before, and learning things you’ve never learned before.

That steep learning curve means you’re not going to get everything right the first time, and you will eventually fail when you move out of your comfort zone. But as long as the failures aren’t catastrophic, it can actually be a good thing to fail because …

3. You will learn

Failure is the best teacher. I’ve learned more from each one of my failures than I have from each one of my successes. When you fail small, and fail often, you rapidly increase the rate at which you learn new insights and skills. And that new knowledge, if applied correctly, will eventually lead to your success.

4. You will see yourself in a different way

Once you move out of your comfort zone, you immediately prove to yourself that you’re capable of achieving more than you thought was possible. And that will change the way you see yourself.

Moving forward, you’ll have more confidence in yourself whenever you step out of your comfort zone, and that increased confidence will make it more likely that you continue to step outside your comfort zone. And each time you do, you’ll prove to yourself again and again what you’re really capable of.

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5. Your peers will see you in a different way

Whether we want to admit or not, people judge other people. And right now, people view you in a certain way, and they have a certain idea of what you’re capable of. That’s because they’ve become accustomed to seeing you operate in your comfort zone.

But once you move out of your comfort zone, you’ll prove to other people, as well, that you’re capable of much more than you’ve shown in the past.

The increased confidence other people place in you will bring about more opportunities than ever before.

6. Your comfort zone will expand

The good thing about the comfort zone is that it’s flexible and malleable. With each action you take outside of your comfort zone, it expands. And once you master that new skill or action, it eventually becomes part of your comfort zone.

This is great news for you because it means that you can constantly increase and improve upon the behaviors that you’re comfortable with. And the more tools and skills you have at your disposal, the easier it will be to achieve your goals.

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7. You will increase your concentration and focus

When you’re living inside of your comfort zone, the bulk of your actions are habitual: automatic, subconscious, and requiring limited focus.

But once you move out of your comfort zone, you no longer rely on those habitual responses. You’re forced to concentrate and focus on the new action in a way you never do in your comfort zone.

8. You will develop new skills

Moving out of your comfort zone requires that you develop new skills. One of the many benefits you’ll experience is that you’ll be stepping away from the “limited set of behaviors” and start to develop your ability and expertise in new areas.

Living inside of your comfort zone only requires a limited skill set, and those skills won’t contribute much to your success. Once you can confidently step outside of your comfort zone and learn a new skill, there’s no limit to how much you can achieve.

9. You will achieve more than before

With everything that happens once you move out of your comfort zone, you’re naturally going to achieve more than ever before.

Your increased concentration and focus will help you develop new skills. Those new skills will change the way you see yourself, encouraging you to step even further out of your comfort zone.

Featured photo credit: Josef Grunig via farm3.staticflickr.com

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