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How To Be A Good Listener Everyone Likes Talking To

How To Be A Good Listener Everyone Likes Talking To

Have you ever met someone who was an absolute joy to talk to, but you couldn’t pinpoint why? Did your conversations breeze through and you felt a real connection with them? More often than not, it’s because they were simply a good listener.

The fact of the matter is, the majority of communication problems stem from our ineffectiveness in listening over speaking. Ironically, most of us consider ourselves a good listener – even as we text, surf the internet and check out emails mid conversation!

Recent research shone the spotlight on the magnitude of this misaligned perception. Almost all respondents believed themselves to be good listeners, yet with further questioning, admitted to being easily distracted and constantly multitasking.

Communication problems are on the rise in this modern era and technology is partly to blame. While it’s a blessing for convenience, it’s also a source of constant distraction, keeping us searching for simulation. As a result, our communication skills are slowly eroding.

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Rebuild Communication Skills and Become a Good Listener

Focusing on improving listening skills goes a long way for overall communication. To help you break old habits, here are four key principles for you to use. Recall them before speaking and everyone will love speaking to you!

1. Encourage the Speaker to Elaborate

Ever started sharing a story with someone, only to have them interject with “yeah me too” and then take charge of the conversation? If so, you probably felt cut off and a little annoyed.

Whereas, if you had spoken to a good listener, they would have shown genuine interest by encouraging you to share more about your experience.

So, if your friend was to begin explaining grievance such as “I hate my boss at work”, don’t fire back with “my boss is so bad too!”. Instead, to show you are actively interested and listening, encourage them to share more with a phrase like, “Really? What’s the story then?”.

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2. Show Interest By Capturing Key Points

Sometimes, conversations move to onto subjects of which we have little interest, leaving us with little to contribute. We often ignore as much of the conversation as possible, before switching the subject. Even with our best efforts, the speaker will know you’re not interested in what they have to say.

Instead, you can quickly demonstrate yourself as a good listener by capturing key points raised, retelling them or raising relevant questions. Even if the subject flies over your head, this will show you’re still interested in listening to what they have to say.

Let’s say your friend is passionately recalling all the cars he’s owned. You will probably feel completely uninterested and out of your depth, but you could still show your listening by asking, “Which one was your favorite?”, “What made that one so special?” etc.

3. Remember To Express Empathy Over Creativity

As we listen to others speak, we often find ourselves chomping at the bit to inject our own ideas or advice on the matter. But if we are not careful, over enthusiasm can demonstrate a lack of understanding.

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Good listeners always place empathy above creativity during conversations. They pay attention to the other’s emotions and feelings before adding.

To become an empathic listener, try placing yourself in the other person’s position and relating to them. If in doubt, remember this basic principle: seek to understand, before being understood.

4. Always Keep Your Emotions in Check

If we’re not careful, we can find ourselves reacting directly out of emotion. If we receive criticism or hear something we don’t like, it’s easy to snap back with “Yes. I know what you’re going to say” or “No. I’m not like that”. This amplifies friction and can even lead to communication breakdowns.

Shifting emotional responses into rational questions is the hallmark of a good listener. Keeping the conversation civilized shows a willingness to listen and you’ll be widely respected.

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If someone makes a comment you don’t agree with, always keep your cool. Calmly encourage them to share their opinion forming experiences with you. Interact through genuine curiosity and they’ll appreciate your tact.

You will be amazed how far your communication skills will go by focusing on becoming a good listener. If you can stick to these 4 simple rules, others will be compelled to talk to you!

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Last Updated on November 5, 2018

8 Powerful Reasons to Love Your Enemies

8 Powerful Reasons to Love Your Enemies

We’ve all got our enemies; people who take pleasure in causing us pain and misery. Sometimes, the development of an enemy is due to certain differences in your characters and events have led to that. Other times, some people end up hating you for apparently no reason at all.

Regardless of how you got this enemy, as opposed to the paradigm of fighting fire with fire, consider the following reasons and see why you should actually appreciate your enemies. This article will show you not only how to not be bothered by your enemies, but how to actually foster love for them.

Read on to learn the secret.

1. It’s a practical lesson in anger management

To be honest, your enemies are the best people to help you understand your sense of anger management. When it might be true that your enemies have a way of bringing out the worst in you as regards anger, it is also true that they can help you in your quest to have that anger managed. You can’t get truly angry at someone you love and it is only in that time when you get truly annoyed that you learn how to manage it.

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Anger management is more effective when it is in practice and not in theory

Your enemies are like the therapists who you need, but actually don’t want. Inasmuch as you might want to hate them, they provide you an opportunity to control the anger impulse that you have.

2. It’s an opportunity for healthy competition

You might not know it, but your enemies make for great rivals as they help harness the competitor in you (sometimes, you might not even know or bee conversant with this competitive side until you come across an adversary). You get the right motivation to compete and this can go a long way to spur you to victory.

However, while doing so, it is also essential that you remember not to become a worse version of yourself while competing. Working against an adversary is tricky, and you need to ensure that you don’t cause harm to yourself or your morals in the process. Healthy competition is all you need to get out of this.

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3. Their negative comments can help you make a breakthrough

It is true that your enemies never really have much good to say about you. However, in as much as they might be talking out of a place of hate, there might be some truth to what they’re saying.

To wit, whenever you hear something mean or nasty from an enemy, you might want to take a step back and evaluate yourself. There is a chance that what this enemy is saying is true and coming to face that fact is a major step in helping you to become a better person overall. This is another testament to the fact that enemies can be therapists in their own way.

4. Enemies can also be powerful allies

Loving your enemies can also mean making an effort to interact and make peace with them. In the end, if you are able to establish some common ground and patch things up, you’ll have succeeded in making another friend. And who doesn’t need friends?

This can also help you in working with people in the long run. You get to hone your inter-personal skills, and that can be a big plus to your ledger.

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5. It gives you the ability to realize positivity

In a multitude of negativity, a speck of positivity always seems to find its way through.

Sometimes, a knowledge of the fact that you have enemies will also help you to focus on the many positives and good things that are in your life. A lot of times, we neglect what really matters in life. This can be due to being overly concerned with the enemies we have.

However, it is also possible for this acknowledgement to spur you to take a step back and appreciate the goo things (and people who surround you).

6. There might just be a misunderstanding

Sometimes, the reason why you have an enemy might be something very innocuous. You might not have known the cause of this fractured relationship and your enemy will help complete the picture.

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Simply approaching them will help you to understand the reason for the fracture. This, in turn, can help you to work towards healing your relationship moving forward. Misunderstandings happen, and you need to be able to work around them.

7. You learn to appreciate love as well

A constant reminder of the fact that there are enemies will also help you not to take those who love you for granted. Love and hate are two opposing emotions and it is possible for one to momentarily overshadow the other.

However, while you’ll always have enemies, there will also always be people who love you. These people need to be appreciated for what they do for you. Never let the hate projected to you from your enemies take the place of that.

8. Do you really need the hate?

The truth is that enemies bring only toxic emotions and generate bad reactions from you. If you’re truly to live a prosperous life, you can’t really be carrying all this baggage around.

Hate is bad and you should try all you can to get rid of it. It is a well-known fact that nobody can get really far in life while carrying a lot of emotional baggage. Well, hate is the biggest form of emotional baggage there is.

Featured photo credit: rawpixel via unsplash.com

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