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How To Be A Good Listener Everyone Likes Talking To

How To Be A Good Listener Everyone Likes Talking To

Have you ever met someone who was an absolute joy to talk to, but you couldn’t pinpoint why? Did your conversations breeze through and you felt a real connection with them? More often than not, it’s because they were simply a good listener.

The fact of the matter is, the majority of communication problems stem from our ineffectiveness in listening over speaking. Ironically, most of us consider ourselves a good listener – even as we text, surf the internet and check out emails mid conversation!

Recent research shone the spotlight on the magnitude of this misaligned perception. Almost all respondents believed themselves to be good listeners, yet with further questioning, admitted to being easily distracted and constantly multitasking.

Communication problems are on the rise in this modern era and technology is partly to blame. While it’s a blessing for convenience, it’s also a source of constant distraction, keeping us searching for simulation. As a result, our communication skills are slowly eroding.

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Rebuild Communication Skills and Become a Good Listener

Focusing on improving listening skills goes a long way for overall communication. To help you break old habits, here are four key principles for you to use. Recall them before speaking and everyone will love speaking to you!

1. Encourage the Speaker to Elaborate

Ever started sharing a story with someone, only to have them interject with “yeah me too” and then take charge of the conversation? If so, you probably felt cut off and a little annoyed.

Whereas, if you had spoken to a good listener, they would have shown genuine interest by encouraging you to share more about your experience.

So, if your friend was to begin explaining grievance such as “I hate my boss at work”, don’t fire back with “my boss is so bad too!”. Instead, to show you are actively interested and listening, encourage them to share more with a phrase like, “Really? What’s the story then?”.

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2. Show Interest By Capturing Key Points

Sometimes, conversations move to onto subjects of which we have little interest, leaving us with little to contribute. We often ignore as much of the conversation as possible, before switching the subject. Even with our best efforts, the speaker will know you’re not interested in what they have to say.

Instead, you can quickly demonstrate yourself as a good listener by capturing key points raised, retelling them or raising relevant questions. Even if the subject flies over your head, this will show you’re still interested in listening to what they have to say.

Let’s say your friend is passionately recalling all the cars he’s owned. You will probably feel completely uninterested and out of your depth, but you could still show your listening by asking, “Which one was your favorite?”, “What made that one so special?” etc.

3. Remember To Express Empathy Over Creativity

As we listen to others speak, we often find ourselves chomping at the bit to inject our own ideas or advice on the matter. But if we are not careful, over enthusiasm can demonstrate a lack of understanding.

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Good listeners always place empathy above creativity during conversations. They pay attention to the other’s emotions and feelings before adding.

To become an empathic listener, try placing yourself in the other person’s position and relating to them. If in doubt, remember this basic principle: seek to understand, before being understood.

4. Always Keep Your Emotions in Check

If we’re not careful, we can find ourselves reacting directly out of emotion. If we receive criticism or hear something we don’t like, it’s easy to snap back with “Yes. I know what you’re going to say” or “No. I’m not like that”. This amplifies friction and can even lead to communication breakdowns.

Shifting emotional responses into rational questions is the hallmark of a good listener. Keeping the conversation civilized shows a willingness to listen and you’ll be widely respected.

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If someone makes a comment you don’t agree with, always keep your cool. Calmly encourage them to share their opinion forming experiences with you. Interact through genuine curiosity and they’ll appreciate your tact.

You will be amazed how far your communication skills will go by focusing on becoming a good listener. If you can stick to these 4 simple rules, others will be compelled to talk to you!

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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