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6 Signs You’re An Introvert With Hidden Amazing Communication Skills

6 Signs You’re An Introvert With Hidden Amazing Communication Skills

It is no secret that introverts have it difficult when it comes to communicating their thoughts and ideas.

The problem happens in the brain, where information travels a longer neural pathway to process events and interactions compared to non-introverts, according to Martin Olsen Laney, author of ‘The Introvert Advantage’. The length of their neural pathway takes into account their feelings and thoughts while processing information, which further complicates their ability to share clearly what they are thinking.

While communication is not something that most introverts thrive in, it is still possible for some to have the capacity to say what is precisely on their minds without a shred of doubt or hesitation.

If you are such a rare case of an introvert, then below are signs that prove your effective communication prowess, that you may not be conscious of.

1. You make quick and effective decisions

As mentioned, introverts take time in processing information in their brain that there is a tendency for them to overthink things, which can lead to a slow response from them.

Worse, because they spend more time thinking and analyzing the situation, they end up not doing anything at all.

While a swift and decisive action isn’t something that introverts are known for, making decisions on the fly is an important aspect of communication. If you feel the need to say “no” as the spur-of-the-moment, then do so. Justifying your choices based on long-term memory and planning, both of which are part of an introvert’s neural pathway, will prevent you from making snap decisions.

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This is not to say that introverts who can make things happen, to forego their neural pathway. It has more to do with your ability to make a firm decision without being paralyzed by your thought process.

2. You do not feel sorry. At all

My apologies if you were offended by this, for not feeling and saying sorry for who you are is a very good thing.

Saying sorry too much can have its own consequences. For some, like Audrey S. Lee of The New York Times in this article, saying sorry was developed at an early age by her father to show humility. Over time, saying sorry become more of a reflex than a reaction to something she did wrong.

Audrey soon found out that saying sorry, especially in the workplace, will rub people the wrong way. It is not because they feel it is false humility, but it has more to do with the perception of people about her confidence and self-worth. By saying sorry, even if you did not do anything wrong, you devalue your worth to the people around you.

“As I examined my background and core values, I discovered that having a perpetually apologetic stance didn’t necessarily represent true humility,” says Audrey having kicked the Apology Reflex out the curb.” I found that I could offer an honest self-portrait without being arrogant, so others would see how I could make a difference. This was a style of confidence that felt congruent and authentic to me.”

By learning how to say sorry with discretion, you can communicate your value and self-worth as an introvert.

3. You take risks

The pleasure and reward system in the brain is triggered by dopamine neurotransmitters. Extroverts are usually big risk-takers because they feel the rush of adrenaline (which are the neurotransmitters) from doing something dangerous, if not exciting.

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This is in stark contrast with how introverts normally spend their free time, which is by reading books, daydreaming, and spending time alone, to name few riveting things they do.

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    In other words, introverts are not big fans of risks and surprises, simply because they find little to no reward from doing them. Activities outside their comfort zones are red flags, thus preventing them from doing something out of the ordinary.

    Moreover, the nervous system of introverts encourages them to conserve energy, which explains the kinds of inert activities they do when compared to non-introverts.

    But you find a way to go out nonetheless, and break free from the norm. Instead of staying cooped up inside your room, you go out and socialize and create new experiences, which is normally outside your jurisdiction.

    4. You talk about yourself freely

    It is rare for an introvert to share things about themselves. Their nature is to give way normally for others to speak their minds and dictate the discussion.

    Based on the findings of marriage therapists Ruth G. Sherman and Jane Hardy Jones in their book Intimacy and Type: Building Enduring Relationships by Embracing Personality Differences, introverts tend to get overstimulated easily. To mitigate the stimulation, they avoid engaging with the outside world as much as possible, and keep to themselves to regain their energies and clear their heads.

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    By disconnecting from the outside world, there is less risk for them to be drained by people they do not like and conversations that do not interest them. Without communication, there will be fewer chances for them to share who they are.

    But, lo and behold, you are not one of these introverts!

    While you may not actively seek conversation, you do not shy away from sharing things about yourself only from your close friends and family members, but also with strangers. You are willing to leave yourself exposed to others, which normally causes distress to introverts. But for some reason, you don’t seem to mind.

    5. You can focus on the conversation

    Going back to the neural pathway of an introvert, they tend to compare experiences from their long-term memory to the ones they are experiencing at the moment. The process could lead to internal monologues with their thoughts and ideas. Voices in their head, as they say.

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      However, this prevents you from staying in the now, especially when you are talking to someone or in a meeting with a group of people. Since your brain bombards your senses with different experiences drawn from your memory, your consciousness tends to fly away with them, leaving you disengaged from what’s happening at the moment.

      Introverts with great communication skills have the ability to drown out the noise from their heads so they can stay attentive with the conversation and avoid missing details. They can keep up with the conversation, without their minds wandering off somewhere.

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      6. You know how to pace the conversation

      As an introvert, there is no escaping the fact that your brain will process information much slower than others. Instead of trying to fundamentally change how your brain is wired, you need to embrace your introspection to communicate your thoughts clearly.

      Since you find it difficult to make conversation at a normal pace, you know how to politely excuse yourself for a moment to think about what has been talked about. You can request to go to the restroom or go outside to have some fresh air, so that you can gather energy for another round of discussion after you get back inside.

      You can also run through the dialogue with them just so you and the others are thinking of the same thing. For example, if you find that the conversation has gotten convoluted, you can say, “Excuse me, but are you saying that…” or “So let me get this straight…” before repeating what has been discussed based on how you understood it.

      So, how can you be like these introverts?

      Effective communication does not come naturally to introverts. But if they want to expand their social circles and undertake more experiences in life, then these are the things that they should do:

      • Know what you want – Find out your non-negotiables in life to help you determine your priorities, dreams, hopes, and aspirations. By understanding what you want, you can make firmer decisions on the fly.
      • Be confident – You know you have value and self-worth; just make sure that others see it too.
      • Stick your neck out a little – Effective communication happens with practice, not by talking to yourself and shutting yourself in a room. Believe me, striking up conversations with people won’t hurt.
      • Focus – What matters in a discussion is, you and the people you are talking to. Nothing more.
      • Give yourself room to breath – When the conversation is getting too much for you, step out, breath a little, take a break, and step back inside when you’re ready.

      Featured photo credit: Isolate top mountain alone cliffThinking work man face at Pixabay

      Featured photo credit: Korney Violin via unsplash.com

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      Christopher Jan Benitez

      Christopher is a passionate writer sharing about lifestyle tips on Lifehack.

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      Last Updated on September 18, 2020

      13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

      13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

      For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

      “We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

      “It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye

      Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?

      You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.

      Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.

      1. Take a step back and evaluate

      When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:

      1. What is the problem?
      2. Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
      3. How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
      4. What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
      5. How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

      Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.

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      2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem

      If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.

      At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.

      Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.

      3. Realize there are others out there facing this too

      Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

      4. Process your thoughts/emotions

      Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:

      1. Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
      2. Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
      3. Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
      4. Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.

      5. Acknowledge your thoughts

      Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.

      By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.

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      Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.

      6. Give yourself a break

      If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.

      7. Uncover what you’re really upset about

      A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.

      Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.

      After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.

      8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome

      As Helen Keller once said,

      “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

      Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.

      9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps

      In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:

      1. What’s the situation?
      2. What’s stressing you about this situation?
      3. What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
      4. Take action on your next steps!

      After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.

      10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)

      A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.

      Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.

      For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.

      11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse

      No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.

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      12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it

      No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.

      13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter

      There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?

      After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.

      Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

      Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com

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