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5 Golden Rules For Lending Money To Friends And Family

5 Golden Rules For Lending Money To Friends And Family

You may not be able to buy friendship with money, but you can certainly destroy friendships with it.

Lending money to friends and family is a very delicate affair, and like Dave Ramsey, I would flat out recommend never lending friends money, since money is always a difficult subject to talk about, personal loans can often lead to communication breakdowns which can wreck any relationship.

That said, if you really want to loan your friends some money, here are 5 key tips to follow to ensure that this loan does not destroy your relationships. If you are really lucky, you might even get back the money you loaned.

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1. Understand that you probably won’t get the money back.

If your friends or family are asking you for a loan, then they are not asking a bank for a loan. That is not a good sign. If you do want to loan out money to them, you need to stop and think about how important getting the money back is compared to not ruining your relations. If the latter is more important to you, it may be better to just make the loan a gift.

However, if you decide to make it a loan, you need to consider how important it is to get that money back. You need to be consistent about this, so that both you and the person you are loaning it are on the same page when it comes to paying the loan back.

2. Make a contract.

Your friend may want to make the loan a handshake agreement, promising that they will pay the money back at a certain point. Don’t let them.

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As you are making the loan, you get to set the terms. If you want your money back, a handshake agreement means nothing – a contract does. You can get a free promissory note here from Suze Orman which will let you set the terms of the loan. Also, get the loan signed by both of you and notarized. The latter part is critical.

If the worst comes to worst and you decide to take your former friend to court, a notary can stop them from claiming that they never signed anything. Your friend should have no problem being specific about repayment terms if they really intend to pay you back, so hold them to their word and get the contract written.

3. Don’t expect any favors back.

When someone owes you money, you may feel like they owe you something beyond the cash you gave them. You might think they should help you out with that weekend project you’ve got, or buy you a drink next Saturday.Thinking like that is a bad idea.

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If you signed a contract with your friend, then your friend agreed to pay the money back and nothing else. Expecting more is improper and makes it look like you are lording your better finances over him. Don’t hesitate to be firm about getting your money back, but don’t use it to get other perks or favors from your friend.

4. Ask if there are other ways you can help.

There are always other ways to help your friends beyond giving them money. You can teach them ways to make or save money. You could also help them around the house or office. If they are having problems with bills, you could even offer to pay the bill directly instead of loaning them the money.

If your friend is asking for help with a personal finance loan because they have a problem. Find out what the problem is and see if there are other ways you can help fix it. If they do not want to tell you, then point out that they have no right asking you for money if they won’t tell you what the money is for.

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5. Learn to say “no”.

As noted at the top, I would recommend against loaning any of your friends or family money; however, you may also have some close people who you consider reliable who have just hit a rough patch, and are confident that they will eventually repay you.

On the other hand, there are those family members who you would never trust with 50 cents. I have a family member who is incredibly compassionate and heart-warming – and that is the exact reason I would never loan her anything, because I know she would blow the money on the first sob story she ran into.

At certain points, you just have to say “no”. Your friend or family member may get mad, cry, or throw a tantrum, but this is your money. Offer other help as noted above, but learning to say “no” is critical to succeeding in general.

If your friend is willing to break it off with you over a sum of money, then they were never really much of a friend at all.

Featured photo credit: Next Avenue via nextavenue.org

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Last Updated on September 17, 2018

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

Relationships are complicated and when you’re unhappy, it can be difficult to tell what’s causing it and what needs to change.

Sometimes it’s as easy as opening up to your partner about your problems, while other times it may be necessary to switch partners or roll solo to get your mind straight.

When you’re in the thick of things, it can be difficult to tell if you’re unhappy in your relationship or just unhappy in general (in which case, a relationship may be just the cure you need).

Here’re signs of an unhappy relationship that is possibly making you feel stuck:

1. You’re depressed about your home life.

No matter what you do in life, you’re going to have good and bad days. Your relationship is no different.

However, no matter what you’re going through at home, you have to feel comfortable in your own home.

If you constantly dread going home because your significant other is there, there’s a problem. Maybe it’s something you already know about, everyone has an argument or just needs some alone time.

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When that yearning to be alone becomes an insatiable obsession over the course of months and years, it’s time to realize you’re not the exception to the rule.

You’re unhappy in your relationship, and you need to take a look in the mirror and do whatever it takes to make yourself smile.

2. You aren’t comfortable being yourself.

Remember all those things you discovered about yourself when you first got together? The way your partner made you feel when you met that made you fall in love with him or her in the first place.

If they don’t make you feel that way anymore, it’s not the end of the world. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. It’s up to you to decide how to handle that.

You need to be comfortable with who you are. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you.

If the person who supposedly loves you doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, know that you can do better. They’re not even one in a billion.

3. You can’t stop snooping.

Mutual trust is necessary in any relationship. The only way to get that trust is with respect.

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I can find you anywhere online, no matter how private and secure you think you are. The odds of you having a password I can’t crack are slim. If we’ve met in person, I could install a remote key logger on your device without even touching it.

Finding your information online hardly takes a clandestine organization. Any idiot with a Wi-Fi-enabled device can cyberstalk you. I’m just the only idiot in the village admitting it.

So now that we know everyone snoops, it’s time to address your personal habits. Governments snoop because they don’t trust us. If you’re snooping on your partner, it’s because you don’t trust them.

It’s ok to have doubts, and it’s perfectly normal to look into anything that looks weird, but keep in mind that data collection is only half of an investigation.

If you find yourself constantly snooping and questioning everything, clearly there’s a trust issue and the relationship likely needs to end.

4. You’re afraid of commitment.

If you’ve been dating longer than a year and you aren’t engaged, it’s never going to happen.

Commitment is important. People will come up with a million ways to describe why they can’t be committed.

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No matter who you are if you like it, you need to put a ring on it. Find an engagement ring, stick a gemstone in it and marry the person. If you’re not legally able to get married or you don’t believe in it for one reason or another, have a child (or adopt one, however you’re able to) or treat your partner’s family like your own. It’s a huge financial and mental commitment.

If you’re not ready for one or the other after some time, don’t waste anymore of your precious life on the relationship.

Your relationship should be something that propels you forward. If it’s not going anywhere, make it an open relationship and call it what it is—dating multiple people.

5. You imagine a happier life without your partner.

If all you’re doing is imagining a happier life without your partner, it’s a sign that you’re in the wrong relationship. You’re unhappy and you need to get out.

Your partner should be included in your dreams. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a future with someone.

Try to remember what you dreamed of before you got your heart broken by the realities of life, love and the pursuit of human success.

Remember when you would crush on that cute kid in class? You would secretly imagine marrying him or her and going on an adventure—that’s the way life should be.

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If you’re not at least imagining adventures together, then why are you in that relationship?

6. You resent, rather than love your partner.

When a relationship starts to crumble, you begin to resent your partner for all the things you once loved about him or her.

When you’ve reached this point, your partner has reached at least No. 2 on this list. From your partner’s perspective, your unhappiness with them is picked up as bashing them for being who they are.

If you’re both unhappy in the relationship, it’s better if it ends as quickly and painlessly as possible.

7. You chase past feelings.

It’s okay to reminisce about the past, but if all you do is wish things were like they used to be, it’s a sign you’re not on the right path.

You’re unhappy and, at the very least, you need to have an open dialogue about it. This isn’t necessarily a sign that the relationship should end, but it definitely needs a spark.

When you talk to your partner candidly about what it is you’re looking for, you never know how they’ll react. The risk alone is worth it, good or bad.

Final thoughts

If you’re feeling stuck in your current relationship, it’s time to reflect about it with your partner. Don’t ignore these signs of an unhappy relationship as they will slowly go worse and harm both you and your partner in long-term.

Featured photo credit: josh peterson via unsplash.com

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