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You’ll Be Much Happier When You Make Less Judgement

You’ll Be Much Happier When You Make Less Judgement

Think back to when you last felt truly happy. What was the reason for it? Were you full of joy because of something you did? Or perhaps you felt that way because of how you looked? And more importantly: Did the feeling last?

Buddhism teaches that we must attain a satisfying life through awareness and insightful learning. Scientific research suggests we need elements of psychological health to further access lasting happiness.

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The psychology of happiness

In psychology, there’s a theory called “self-determination theory”. It shows that psychological health is paramount to experience happiness, and that such health stems from a balance between autonomy (feeling in control of our own behavior/goals), competence (becoming a master of a skill), and relatedness (feeling like you belong/relating to other human beings).

The common trap

However, a serious error in our relationships with others is harsh judgment, which ruins our autonomy and relatedness.

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When we judge, we are really attempting to gain control of things we cannot be in control of, thus weakening our autonomy and causing those we judge to become defensive. For instance a person might not meet your expectations of attendance, and you judge them to be lazy. This only causes a weakening in our own strengths, and in turn makes us far less happy. Moreover, this would ruin our relationships with our loved ones.

Studies have shown that when we are mindful, we can understand that each person is simply on their own path of contentment. This means that although another person might not match our expectations, we should not judge them to be more or less than exactly what they are. We must not view people as ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, only as different to ourselves.

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By saying that another person is wrong, it is adhering to our own insecurities and needs. In a way you are saying “I am more important” or “I am better, and you are worse”. This is unhelpful both to the situation, and to your own self. Practicing self worth will increase your knowledge of psychological health, and better your understanding of why it is so important to understand not who is right and wrong, but what is actually important.

How to refrain from judgement

In Buddhism, they teach that we should start by holding a strawberry. When we can comfortably look at the strawberry without seeing whether or not it looks good to us, without seeing its immediate effects of how it does or does not affect us directly, we can then move on to something larger. Perhaps it will be a meal, and then perhaps something larger, like a book.

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Finally, when we are comfortable with all of this, we will be ready to try it out with a human! There will be a lack of desire to accept the person (or book, or fruit) for anything but what it is exactly in that moment.

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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1. Listen

Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

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“What makes you so excited about it?”

“How long has that been your dream?”

You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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3. Encourage

This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

5. Dream

This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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6. Ask How You Can Help

Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

7. Follow Up

Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

Final Thoughts

By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

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