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Life Doesn’t End After Divorce

Life Doesn’t End After Divorce

When I hear people talk about divorce, I often have somewhat mixed feelings on the entire matter. Of course, divorce is a painful experience; however, more often than not it is mentioned not as an experience but rather as an end of the line, like the terminal station of a broken and failed life. It is always sad to see people that are still full of life stay so firmly in the past and write off their future.

A good friend of mine got divorced two years ago. I witnessed the entire process of this vicious disease, so to speak. I saw how his marriage was slowly but steadily turning into a living hell. I saw how he was getting more and more reluctant to even mention his wife. I also saw how unpleasant (to say the least) the legal battle that ensued was.

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For a long time, my friend was in the throes of a mother of all depressions. He felt the way most people feel after a divorce: that his life was ruined and could never be the same again. He felt that something went badly off-track, and he would never be able to get all the pieces back together.

However, about half a year later something clicked. My friend stopped talking about his failed marriage and started showing new interest in life. Ar first, he dedicated all possible attention to work, in order to occupy all the free time he suddenly had. Then he slowly got more comfortable in other areas of life as well. When I saw him a year after the divorce, he told me, rather musingly, that he was glad things went the way they did. Sometimes a divorce is just another step in your life, that may lead to bigger and better things.

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Yes, it was painful at the moment, but sometimes you have to cut off a diseased limb lest the entire body gets infected. Actually, he was glad. Now, I wouldn’t go as far as to say he was “happy”, but he followed through with it when he did. When compared with the possibility of spending all this time in a marriage that would have deteriorated even more, suffering through a short burst of pain was certainly a better alternative.

So, why am I talking about all of this? Perhaps it’s to demonstrate; yet another time, a rather hackneyed yet still relevant maxim: things are what we make them to be. Even if right now divorce seems to be the end of the line for you, you should never think of it that way. After all, sometimes a divorce is a much better alternative than years upon years spent in the atmosphere of mutual hatred and resentment.

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Bad things happen, and you can do nothing about it, but divorce is just one of many bad things that we encounter throughout our lives. We should treat it just like all the other bad things. That is to say, learn the lesson they teach us, move on, and do our best not to repeat the same mistakes twice. As long as you remain true to yourself, don’t hold grudges, and don’t allow the past to determine your present and your future, a divorce cannot beat you down. That is, if you don’t allow it to do so.

Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl said in one of his books that the only thing we have full control of is our attitude in any given set of circumstances. In comparison with what a man must have endured through Nazi concentration camps, such a thing as divorce looks more than bearable.

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Hopefully, you found this article useful for you.

Featured photo credit: huffingtonpost.ca via huffingtonpost.ca

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Melissa Burns

Entrepreneur

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Last Updated on March 13, 2019

How to Get out of a Rut: 12 Useful Ways to Get Unstuck

How to Get out of a Rut: 12 Useful Ways to Get Unstuck

Have you gotten into a rut before? Or are you in a rut right now?

You know you’re in a rut when you run out of ideas and inspiration. I personally see a rut as a productivity vacuum. It might very well be a reason why you aren’t getting results. Even as you spend more time on your work, you can’t seem to get anything constructive done. While I’m normally productive, I get into occasional ruts (especially when I’ve been working back-to-back without rest). During those times, I can spend an entire day in front of the computer and get nothing done. It can be quite frustrating.

Over time, I have tried and found several methods that are helpful to pull me out of a rut. If you experience ruts too, whether as a working professional, a writer, a blogger, a student or other work, you will find these useful. Here are 12 of my personal tips to get out of ruts:

1. Work on the small tasks.

When you are in a rut, tackle it by starting small. Clear away your smaller tasks which have been piling up. Reply to your emails, organize your documents, declutter your work space, and reply to private messages.

Whenever I finish doing that, I generate a positive momentum which I bring forward to my work.

2. Take a break from your work desk.

Get yourself away from your desk and go take a walk. Go to the washroom, walk around the office, go out and get a snack.

Your mind is too bogged down and needs some airing. Sometimes I get new ideas right after I walk away from my computer.

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3. Upgrade yourself

Take the down time to upgrade yourself. Go to a seminar. Read up on new materials (#7). Pick up a new language. Or any of the 42 ways here to improve yourself.

The modern computer uses different typefaces because Steve Jobs dropped in on a calligraphy class back in college. How’s that for inspiration?

4. Talk to a friend.

Talk to someone and get your mind off work for a while.

Talk about anything, from casual chatting to a deep conversation about something you really care about. You will be surprised at how the short encounter can be rejuvenating in its own way.

5. Forget about trying to be perfect.

If you are in a rut, the last thing you want to do is step on your own toes with perfectionist tendencies.

Just start small. Do what you can, at your own pace. Let yourself make mistakes.

Soon, a little trickle of inspiration will come. And then it’ll build up with more trickles. Before you know it, you have a whole stream of ideas.

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6. Paint a vision to work towards.

If you are continuously getting in a rut with your work, maybe there’s no vision inspiring you to move forward.

Think about why you are doing this, and what you are doing it for. What is the end vision in mind?

Make it as vivid as possible. Make sure it’s a vision that inspires you and use that to trigger you to action.

7. Read a book (or blog).

The things we read are like food to our brain. If you are out of ideas, it’s time to feed your brain with great materials.

Here’s a list of 40 books you can start off with. Stock your browser with only the feeds of high quality blogs, such as Lifehack.org, DumbLittleMan, Seth Godin’s Blog, Tim Ferris’ Blog, Zen Habits or The Personal Excellence Blog.

Check out the best selling books; those are generally packed with great wisdom.

8. Have a quick nap.

If you are at home, take a quick nap for about 20-30 minutes. This clears up your mind and gives you a quick boost. Nothing quite like starting off on a fresh start after catching up on sleep.

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9. Remember why you are doing this.

Sometimes we lose sight of why we do what we do, and after a while we become jaded. A quick refresher on why you even started on this project will help.

What were you thinking when you thought of doing this? Retrace your thoughts back to that moment. Recall why you are doing this. Then reconnect with your muse.

10. Find some competition.

Nothing quite like healthy competition to spur us forward. If you are out of ideas, then check up on what people are doing in your space.

Colleagues at work, competitors in the industry, competitors’ products and websites, networking conventions.. you get the drill.

11. Go exercise.

Since you are not making headway at work, might as well spend the time shaping yourself up.

Sometimes we work so much that we neglect our health and fitness. Go jog, swim, cycle, whichever exercise you prefer.

As you improve your physical health, your mental health will improve, too. The different facets of ourselves are all interlinked.

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Here’re 15 Tips to Restart the Exercise Habit (and How to Keep It).

12. Take a good break.

Ruts are usually signs that you have been working too long and too hard. It’s time to get a break.

Beyond the quick tips above, arrange for a 1-day or 2-days of break from your work. Don’t check your (work) emails or do anything work-related. Relax and do your favorite activities. You will return to your work recharged and ready to start.

Contrary to popular belief, the world will not end from taking a break from your work. In fact, you will be much more ready to make an impact after proper rest. My best ideas and inspiration always hit me whenever I’m away from my work.

Take a look at this to learn the importance of rest: The Importance of Scheduling Downtime

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Featured photo credit: Joshua Earle via unsplash.com

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