Advertising
Advertising

Psychologist Finds The 3 Elements That Determine Our Happiness

Psychologist Finds The 3 Elements That Determine Our Happiness

Modern culture is full of ‘fool’s gold’; there are so many shiny promises to distract us and make hollow promises of success and satisfaction. However, the reality is more often than not quite the opposite. The mass media tells us that if we are rich, if we have a nice house filled with things, a nice car, if we are thin, eternally young, dressed expensively, made up flawlessly; that these things are what will make us happy and accomplished.

Psychologists have established that there are three main things that contribute to a person’s happiness and well being. These are the basic principles of a concept known as ‘self determination theory’. This theory exemplifies the difference between having intrinsic versus extrinsic goals that lead to your eventual happiness. Aiming for material wealth, unattainable youth and other people’s approval (extrinsic goals) is misleading and ultimately shallow, leaving you dissatisfied. Focusing instead on virtues you can embody beyond the material; those that allude to your character, emotional maturity and altruism (intrinsic goals) give you the tools to experience a more rich and meaningful life.

Advertising

The three principles of self determination theory are as follows:

1. Autonomy

Research quoted in Business Insider Australia suggests that intrinsic goals, our internal desires and qualities are what need to be nurtured in order for happiness to be manifested and made permanent in our lives.

Advertising

“The results: The folks who realised (sic) their intrinsic goals had high levels of happiness, but the people who attained their extrinsic goals didn’t have an improvement in their subjective well-being. The authors theorize that they might feel momentarily satisfied after reaching such a goal, but it doesn’t last.” Drake Baer, Why Chasing ‘Extrinsic Goals’ Can Wreck Your Happiness, Business Insider Australia.

Aiming for instant gratification over long term goals, not only sets people up for failure, it exhausts their efforts and robs them of their desire and motivation to seek happiness. They settle for being miserable instead.

Advertising

When you feel like a person who is in charge of their own life; who can make autonomous decisions and has the freedom and independence to be your most authentic self, your path to happiness is mapped out. People who feel that they have a voice and a presence, who are not bound or restricted by convention or others’ expectations are simply happier.

2. Competence

We are born with certain traits and abilities that can determine what some people call our ‘destiny’. However we all want opportunity. Equal access to education, to free movement, to employment, to basic human needs like shelter, food, water and safety. Happiness is determined by how freely we can acquire not only survival skills, but competence and being accomplished at skills that we not only need to survive, but also desire. Skills that allow us to express ourselves intellectually, artistically, politically and comically. Learning new things increases happiness.

Advertising

3. Relatedness

The way we interact with others in our lives is the most important factor to our happiness. Without realizing it, most people have relationships purely out of obligation. It is only the strongest people who truly experience pure connections with like minded people. If you conquer the first two traits and are self determined and evolved, you start to identify the toxic people in your life and you make changes. The more your intrinsic goals are achieved, the more naturally and easily you shed the people who are holding you back in your life. The ones who rob you of your happiness. We often feel obligated to family, relatives, old friends, work colleagues; people who we don’t necessarily choose to be in our lives, but who are there simply by chance. True happiness is achieved when you develop the maturity to understand that you have the right to determine the people who are worthy of you and who deserve a place in your life.

Featured photo credit: viralnovelty.net via viralnovelty.net

More by this author

Diane Koopman

Writer, Author, Novelist, Self-Publisher

Why Instant Gratification Holds You Back from Achieving What You Want 10 Scientifically Proven Health Benefits of Taking a Bath 20 Dalai Lama Quotes To Change The Way You Think Small Things Parents Can Do to Effectively Reduce Sibling Jealousy Learning These 10 Tricks Can Help You Overcome Frustration in Communication

Trending in Communication

1 How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life 2 How to Live Your Best Life Starting Today 3 How to Not Take Things Personally for a Happier Life 4 How to Say No When You Say Yes Too Often 5 How to Fight Your Irrational Fears And Stay Strong

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on July 10, 2020

How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

There will always be times in your life when you may need to learn how to reinvent yourself. This could come when you experience a big change, such as leaving your job, moving on from a relationship, transferring to a new home, or losing a loved one. If you are going through a major shift in your life, you may have to find new ways of thinking or doing things, or risk failing to reach your full potential.

“When something bad happens, you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.”

Many people who dared to leave their old unhappy lives enabled themselves to pursue their passions and find a renewed zest for living. You can also achieve the same if you take a leap of faith and make things happen for yourself.

To help you always be at your best wherever you may be in your life, here are some practical tips on how to reinvent yourself.

The Reinvention Checklist

Before embarking on a journey of self-reinvention, you need to make sure that you have everything that you need to make the trip bump-proof. These things include:

Resilience

Problems and obstacles are guaranteed to happen. Some of them will be difficult and may knock you off course; the important thing, however, is that you learn from these difficulties, never lose focus, and always get back up. This requires building resilience to get through the tough times.

Advertising

Support

Humans are social beings. Although it is important that you learn to rely on yourself when facing any challenge, it is also important to have a support team that you can lean on to give you a boost when things get too tough and to correct you when you’re making mistakes.

The key is to find the right balance between independence and dependence. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and share the difficulties you’re facing. When you open up, you’ll find the people who are really going to be there for you.

Self-Care

During the process of learning how to reinvent yourself, you will have to pull yourself away from your old comfort zones, habits, roles, and self-perceptions. This can be difficult and cause you to question your self-worth, so it’s important to engage in self-care to maintain a positive outlook and keep your mind and body healthy as you face the challenges that await you. Self-care can include:

  • Participating in a hobby you enjoy
  • Spending time with your support system
  • Taking some time to walk in nature
  • Practicing loving-kindness meditation

Find what works for you and what helps you feel like your true self as you seek a reinvented version of you.

How to Reinvent Yourself

Once you’re sure that you’re equipped with all the tools in the self-reinvention checklist, you can begin your journey of learning how to reinvent yourself.

1. Discover Your Strengths

This step provides valuable information on how you deal with certain situations. If you have this information, you will be able to manage difficulties more efficiently.

Advertising

To find out what your strengths are, you can ask your friends and colleagues for feedback, engage in self-reflection, or try these 10 Ways to Find Your Own Personal Strengths.

2. Plan

This step calls for a thorough assessment of your current emotional, psychological, and financial status so that you can develop plans that are realistic and practical.

It’s okay to have ambitious dreams, but your plans have to be realistic. Making use of SMART goals can help you plan your life better.

You can also consult your mentor or life coach for practical tips and advice.

Ultimately, you’ll want to create specific long-term and short-term goals that you can create milestones for. By doing this, you’ll lay out a specific roadmap to your reinvented self.

3. Try Things Out

Sometimes, we don’t know if solutions actually work until we try them out. This is why it is important to experiment whenever possible, especially if you’re dealing with a career change. You may need to simply experiment in order to find the things you like. This can be the same with hobbies. If you’re not sure what you would like doing, accept invitations from friends to join them in their favorite sport or take a class, like pottery or photography.

Advertising

By seeing what’s out there in any area of your life, you’ll have a better chance of finding the things you enjoy and the goals you want to create.

4. Manage Your Finances Well

Changes may require a bit of money. If you’re shifting to a new career, you may have to pay for training. If you’re going through a tough divorce or having a hard time dealing with the death of a loved one, you may have to pay for therapy. If you’re moving to a new home, you’ll definitely have to pay a whole lot of expenses.

All of these things are possible, but it will require a bit of money savviness as you learn how to reinvent yourself. If you have that cushion, you’ll feel more comfortable straying from your current path to try new things.

5. Muster Your Courage

Fears and self-doubt may arise when you encounter difficulties and setbacks. Sometimes, they may also come when you’re taking risks. You have to manage these negative emotions well and not allow them to discourage you. Tap into your courage and try doing at least one new thing each week to develop it.

Learn how to deal with your self-doubts to move forward in this article: How Self Doubt Keeps You Stuck (And How to Overcome It)

6. Use Your Support Group

As stated above, you need to build a strong support group before you even start the process of reinventing yourself. Your group will keep you from taking wrong turns and encourage you when you get too weighed down by problems. Don’t be afraid to call them, or even ask them out for coffee if you need to vent about the current difficulties you’re facing.

Advertising

7. Remind Yourself Every Day of Your Commitment

Write your goals on different-sized cards and scatter them at home and at work in places where you can easily see them. This way, you will constantly be reminded of where you want to be. Remember, writing down your goals helps them stick[1].

8. Accept Failure, Learn, and Resume Your Journey

Failing is normal, especially when we’re trying out something new. When you fail, simply recognize it, learn from it, and move on. Failure, in the end, is the best way to learn what does and doesn’t work, and you simply won’t be able to learn how to reinvent yourself if you don’t accept the inevitable failures that await you.

Final Thoughts

If you truly want to learn how to reinvent yourself and live the life you desire, take the advice above and start taking action. It will take time, patience, and plenty of effort to make the change you want happen, but it will be all worth it.

More Tips on How to Reinvent Yourself

Featured photo credit: Ashley Rich via unsplash.com

Reference

Read Next