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Six Steps To Surviving Grief

Six Steps To Surviving Grief

When I started writing this a month ago, my keypad was so wet the “F” key stopped working. So I decided for the sake of my Dell, I’d revisit it at a later date.

It’s not easy to write about grief, especially when you’re deep in the belly of its awfulness. When you keep your grief holed up inside, it twists you out of shape and makes you a real pain to be around. But writing, talking, or clay making (whatever your chosen method of catharsis) does help.

Grief steamrolled its way into my life four months ago. My 96-year-old grandfather and the greatest man who’s ever lived decided to do the eternally “one”– leaving me disappointed (for him) that he missed a card from Betty Windsor, but mostly devastated.

Of course, at 96 I reckoned his game would be up soon. But still, much like a naïve child, I thought my hero would live forever. Having become accustomed now to not dialing his UK landline on a Sunday night, it’s time to share with others my six-step guide to surviving grief.

Step 1: Allow yourself to break

Allowing yourself to break is probably the hardest thing you will do because for most of us, it’s just not cool when we think others think we’re not coping.

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This contained culture of ours celebrates the rational, the unflinching, the tearless, leaving the rest of us (the other 99%) somehow ashamed of our emotions and way less likely to have a public meltdown.

At my grandfather’s funeral, I watched veterans stifle their sadness into old handkerchiefs because they didn’t want to be a bother.

Lucky for me, I was born into a harem of criers, with my sister and her chin wobble at the helm. So I knew in that moment, facing a befitting mahogany casket with my grandfather’s liberated soul soaring high above my head, it was safe to break.

Step 2: Choose chocolate over wine

A common reaction of most adults upon hearing bad news is to reach for a bottle. I’m no exception.

In the week following my grandfather’s death, I’d describe my resting state as “oiled.” I found that a nighttime glass (or three) of my good friend Shiraz temporarily smoothed the edge off grief, only for it to reform in the morning with a roughness that would floor me. Let’s face it — no one finds peace at the bottom of a glass.

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Where I did find peace was in chocolate.

I’m not saying “go forth and gorge your grief on 12 bars of Cadbury’s.” Show some restraint. But a nibble here and there in moments of vulnerability will do far less harm than a hangover.

Step 3: Tune out other’s shi%

This is also a tricky one, particularly if you’re naturally inclined to be a sounding board.

I pride myself on being available for people in times of strife — I’ve made a part-time career out of it. But when everything inside of you is struggling to make sense, you need to be your own patient.

Be honest with the serial complainers in your life. Tell them you’re just not strong enough (right now) to listen to their shi%. And, besides, that’s what hairdressers are paid for.

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Step 4: Buy stuff

In the last four months, I’ve impulse purchased a sofa, desk, chair, clothes, designer bags, weekends away, flights, an extravagant scratching post for a cat, and a 43 track album called So Country 2016.

Did I need any of this stuff? No.

Did it make me feel better at the time? Yes. Well, except the album — that must have been a particularly bad day.

Step 5: Exercise till you spew

I’m a massive advocate of exercise, partly because there’s an obese person in me just dying to get out, but generally because you can’t deny its positive impact on mood. So when my gym advertised a free personal training session with no need to commit, I decided to give it a go.

It helps that my instructor is a cross between Chris Hemsworth and John Snow, but there’s something therapeutic about pushing my body so hard that my lunch makes a comeback. I can tackle my demons with greater clarity, and my bum is beginning to look great in skinny jeans.

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Step 6: Let loved ones in

It’s a simple mandate, yet bewilderingly difficult to execute. Why? Because grief is something you don’t like to share, like dirty secrets or a large pizza when you’re hungry.

My wonderfully patient fiancé chipped away at my forcefield every day for a month. She’d hold my hand while I’d cry at any mention of old people and death on TV. She’d let me snipe and snap at her for no good reason. She’d consistently give me the largest serving of dessert. She’d pick me up from work and drive me to quiet places where I could avoid the crowds. And it was these subtle and tender actions that have helped me slowly heal.

If there’s one thing that these six steps have taught me and will hopefully teach you, it’s that when you lose someone you love, grief will take up residence in your life — and that’s OK. It’s there to be felt in all its horrible splendor.

Featured photo credit: Ed Gregory via stokpic.com

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Last Updated on July 12, 2021

100 Incredible Life Hacks That Make Life So Much Easier

100 Incredible Life Hacks That Make Life So Much Easier

Want to learn some quick and easy life hacks that are easy to do, low cost and saves you time?

By tweaking little things in your daily life, it can make your life much more convenient!

Here’re 100 of the most practical life hacks so you can just pick up any of them right away!

83 tie a small piece of bright colored fabric

    84 write random letter

      85 use a rubberband

        86 dorm smell bad

          87 lean your phone on your sunglassess

            89 how to waterproof your shoes

              90 take a picture of the name card

                91 iron inside out

                  92 old newspaper

                    93 tumble try shoes

                      keep a card like this

                        SONY DSC

                          94 soap bar

                            95 make a hole

                              96 drop the battery

                                97 use a coozie

                                  98 when taking a picture

                                    use a clean dust pan

                                      try a pants hanger

                                        use your cellphone light

                                          use a spring from an old pen

                                            quick and easy iphone speaker

                                              user binder clips

                                                wrap a wet paper towel around your beverage

                                                  put pancake mix in a ketchup bottle

                                                    clean out an old lotion bottle for your beach

                                                      use a muffin tin to serve condiments at a bbq

                                                        doritos are great for kindling

                                                          use nail polish to identify different keys

                                                            use a hanging shoe rack to store cleaning supplies

                                                              freeze grapes to chill white wine without

                                                                use paper clips to organize your cables

                                                                  almost finished your jar of nutella

                                                                    sick of having a box full of tangled

                                                                      unroll the rim to increase the capacity

                                                                        cut open toilet paper rolls and use as a cuff

                                                                          remove the stem from strawberries

                                                                            turn an old bottle into a simple little cord holder

                                                                              for iced coffee and iced cappuccino, use frozen coffee cubes

                                                                                how to fold a fitted bed sheet

                                                                                  tired of snoozing past your alarm

                                                                                    place a rubber band around an open paint can to wipe your brush on

                                                                                      ut a wooden spoon across a boiling pot

                                                                                        use bread clips to save flip-flops

                                                                                          take pictures of friends holding items

                                                                                            how i always know which headphone is the left one

                                                                                              put a stocking over the end of a vacuum

                                                                                                How to make sure you drink enough water

                                                                                                  user a can opener to open blister

                                                                                                    good sandwich guide

                                                                                                      turn your muffin pans upside down

                                                                                                        50 pounds of groceries and living on the 5th floor

                                                                                                          the right way to make a blt

                                                                                                            add one teaspoon of baking soda

                                                                                                              38

                                                                                                                hair straighteners equals to collar irons

                                                                                                                  stack your clothes vertically to see them all

                                                                                                                    the right way to make cookies in the summer

                                                                                                                      how to clean a blender

                                                                                                                        the right way to eat a popsicle

                                                                                                                          use bread clips to label and organize power cords

                                                                                                                            to get the built up residue off of your shower head

                                                                                                                              user a hair clip to orgainize long wires

                                                                                                                                a frozen saturated sponge in a bag

                                                                                                                                  rub stuck zipper teeth with a graphite pencil

                                                                                                                                    use a soda pop tab

                                                                                                                                      50

                                                                                                                                        51 How to multiply large numbers in your head.

                                                                                                                                          52 How to open a bottle if you dont have a corkscrew.

                                                                                                                                            rub a walnut on damaged wooden furniture

                                                                                                                                              kids fall out of bed

                                                                                                                                                use toothpaste to clear up hazy car

                                                                                                                                                  58

                                                                                                                                                    59 keep pizza out while driving home

                                                                                                                                                      60 put your straw through the tab to keep it from rising

                                                                                                                                                        hold oreos with a fork so your fingers

                                                                                                                                                          Never lose your remotes again

                                                                                                                                                            hiding your emergency money

                                                                                                                                                              use a bread tab to hold your spot on a roll

                                                                                                                                                                if you are at a hotel and run out of chargers

                                                                                                                                                                  keep a square of cardboard in a ziplock bag

                                                                                                                                                                    If you need to pee or smoke at a bar

                                                                                                                                                                      drill holes in the bottom of your garbage

                                                                                                                                                                        use an accented letter as your passcode

                                                                                                                                                                          use a squeeze ketchup bottle top with your shopvac

                                                                                                                                                                            do something unusual when locking the door

                                                                                                                                                                              when heating leftovers space out a circle in the middle

                                                                                                                                                                                dont burn yourself in those hard to reach candles

                                                                                                                                                                                  put a small amount of water in a glass when you microwave your pizza

                                                                                                                                                                                    75 use a piece of paper to organize

                                                                                                                                                                                      use half a pool noodle

                                                                                                                                                                                        pencil case to store cables

                                                                                                                                                                                          78 clothespin to hold nail

                                                                                                                                                                                            79 make blts

                                                                                                                                                                                              80 take a picture of your fridge

                                                                                                                                                                                                81 fill plastic water bottles

                                                                                                                                                                                                  82 right ways to eat chips

                                                                                                                                                                                                    99 if your plug keeps failing

                                                                                                                                                                                                      100 put the banana on the wire

                                                                                                                                                                                                        88 before you throw away a post it

                                                                                                                                                                                                          Source: Reddit LifeProTips

                                                                                                                                                                                                          There you go, 100 awesome life hacks that you can try right now to make your life a lot easier!

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