I love to see successful women. It’s a beautiful thing.
PsycholoyToday states that although things may look good for Hilary… “women continue to earn less money today than men and occupy fewer positions in politics and at the heads of Fortune 500 companies”.
So you see, women are still not matching men in the race for success and I write this not to remind the ladies that they are still lagging behind. But to give them insights into the traps I commonly see catch more women than men.
1. We Worry What Strangers Think
Have you ever asked yourself questions like…
“What if nobody likes this?”
“What if nobody takes me seriously?”
“What if I fail?”
As a woman, I know that we are natural worriers. We overthink and have certain rituals for our thought processes, especially when making big or overwhelming decisions. There is nothing wrong with that but when these ‘thoughts’ consume us it creates room for self-doubt. And when self-doubt is created it makes room for the ego and the ego only wants you in your comfort zone.
To stop second guessing yourself, commit to not feeding into these thoughts. Start off by becoming aware of your thoughts and feelings. Create a new ritual for when the “nobody will take me seriously” thoughts start to bubble up.
Discipline yourself and forcibly stop the negative thoughts. Distract your mind with overwhelming gratitude for how far you’ve come and visualize the success you want. Nobody reached success with a mind clouded with full of doubts.
2. You Want to Change Yourself
It’s great to listen to other successful people, inspiration is a powerful thing! It’s important to see somebody who was once in the same position as you, who worked hard and is now in the position where you want to be. But the problem with this is that we think to be as successful as that person we need to be like them.
Imitation may come in the form of dressing like this person, copying their website or their general persona. The problem with this is that you reject your own unique qualities. This ‘resistance’ stops your mind, soul and heart from growing. The reason certain people achieve a certain level of success is because of their own unique, special qualities.
And yes, you can achieve the same level of success but in your own way. You don’t have to replicate their style, language, products or personality to achieve success. You are the magic and you are all that’s needed. Use what you were naturally gifted instead of faking somebody else gifts.
3. You’re Distracted by Shiny Objects
I could scream every time I’ve seen articles with titles like…
“10 Style Tips for Working Women”
“5 Shoes Everyone Working Mom Needs”
“10 Suitable Perfumes for the Workplace”
This kind of nonsense distracts you from your success. Allow me to make the decision for you about your hair, clothes and shoes in a very simple way! All you need to be is clean, presentable and know how to do your job well!
There are no shoes high enough, no clothes expensive enough or no hair perfect enough that will get you to success if you can’t do what’s really important, which is your job.
4. You Ask Permission
“The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.”― Ayn Rand
You may not literally ask for permission, but if the thought of standing alone with your decision or speaking up against someone else terrifies you, then all you think is left, is to ask permission. This type of permission is when you know you’ll receive no resistance from anybody, because what you’ve asked is so small nobody sees it as a challenge or because you know you are guaranteed to be backed by many others.
Leadership is not always happily standing apart, sometimes it’s standing apart when it terrifies you. But you do it because there is something inside you that knows deep down it’s the right thing. Don’t fight this voice. And even if you get ‘knocked back’ or laughed at, stand proud and know you had the guts to stay true to yourself.
Get back up and keep pushing because it normally takes more than one kick to knock a door down.
5. You Break Her Down, Instead of Hold Her Up
The most common one woman do is to ‘hate’ on each other. So many of us, can’t wait to tear the other one down, why is this?
Why would it make someone so happy to see another woman fail? This mentality is sadistic and we should never gain pleasure from negativity situations.
How happy could you ever be to find pleasure inside of sadness? How successful do you think you could be when focusing on another women’s failure?
I’m not saying it’s your job to be the rock every time a woman fails, but when you put energy into negativity you bring more of it into you own life, plus it’s just not very nice. We all fall at some point, think about the treatment you’d prefer.
My takeaway message is not to ‘do it like a man’ because you can be successful being just yourself. My message is to start to beware of the ‘distraction’ traps men seem to easily ignore whilst woman do not. Let’s no longer rely on external forces like Governments to make the changes we can easily do ourselves.
This is not about bashing the female gender; it’s about reminding you exactly what you are capable of, which is far greater than owning the latest Dior scent.
Featured photo credit: Josh Felise via unsplash.com