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3 Ways To Maintain A Marriage After 30 Years

3 Ways To Maintain A Marriage After 30 Years

It’s soon summer and the wedding seasons will be blooming. Happy couples will walk down the aisle for a commitment of a lifetime, proclaiming their vows and making promises that they will try to uphold. It’s a beautiful moment that brings people together from far away for a ceremony that is beautiful and breathtaking. Among the colorful bridesmaids and the happy new couple, you will notice a pair of old smiles in the crowd.

This is the one couple who have been holding their vows since day one, from the day they turned 30 till the day they turned 60. Some might say “happily ever after” is just a fairytale, but these couples are the ones to prove that marriage can withstand any hurricane with the right mindset and the right character.

Here are a few tips to help keep your marriage going strong as you grow old together.

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Old Couple

    1. Communicate your feelings

    Waking up every single day with the same person by your side, it takes effort to still fall in love with the same bad breath, the same small eyes, and the same quirky smile. It takes effort to continuously greet each other at the end of a tiring day and to juggle love, children, and careers together. Sometimes, it takes a ton of effort to be on each other’s side when times get rough.

    Communication, speaking about your feelings, and expressing your emotions is important. Good or bad, explaining and expressing yourself allows your better half to understand you better. This open communication, which may become hidden due to social media and society’s expectations, has been key for all the old adorable couples you watch in the park.

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      2. Ensure the importance of alone time

      Before marriage, you are your own individual. You have your own circle of friends and family, career, and hobbies where your significant other wouldn’t necessarily be present. You meet your special person every now and then and speak about how your day was and what you did. Your conversations are always interesting and entertaining.

      This concept of alone time doesn’t have to be thrown out the window the moment you take up the vow of togetherness. Many couples that have been together for years know almost everything about each other. They become one person. So, having just that 10% of individuality and alone time allows one to still retain their own personality. If you’re assuming that marriage means a chain to your better half’s leg, then you should change your perspective — real life still isn’t Cinderella.

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        3. Avoid being addicted to something

        Marriage can sometimes cause you to crave a new personality. This emotion is a slippery slope. Online gambling is one of the favorite second personalities that many couples in the UK take up. This has proven to be one of the biggest reasons why new marriages breaking apart.

        If ever this situation occurs, talk to your family members and your therapist. They will help you reflect upon yourself and allow you to avoid that slippery slope. This care from your family and others that contributes to your everyday smile is a huge gamble to lose. You should always have a therapist or a trusted advisor on speed dial to help you avoid being caught in a bad situation with no one to turn to.

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        Remember that being married to a person means more than just a happy ending. It means you’ve got to put up with their laziness and they have to put up with your annoyances. However, it also means that you get to bring out and see the best in yourselves and in each other.

        Featured photo credit: Shenkeri Chandramohan via facebook.com

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        Last Updated on September 17, 2018

        7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

        7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

        Relationships are complicated and when you’re unhappy, it can be difficult to tell what’s causing it and what needs to change.

        Sometimes it’s as easy as opening up to your partner about your problems, while other times it may be necessary to switch partners or roll solo to get your mind straight.

        When you’re in the thick of things, it can be difficult to tell if you’re unhappy in your relationship or just unhappy in general (in which case, a relationship may be just the cure you need).

        Here’re signs of an unhappy relationship that is possibly making you feel stuck:

        1. You’re depressed about your home life.

        No matter what you do in life, you’re going to have good and bad days. Your relationship is no different.

        However, no matter what you’re going through at home, you have to feel comfortable in your own home.

        If you constantly dread going home because your significant other is there, there’s a problem. Maybe it’s something you already know about, everyone has an argument or just needs some alone time.

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        When that yearning to be alone becomes an insatiable obsession over the course of months and years, it’s time to realize you’re not the exception to the rule.

        You’re unhappy in your relationship, and you need to take a look in the mirror and do whatever it takes to make yourself smile.

        2. You aren’t comfortable being yourself.

        Remember all those things you discovered about yourself when you first got together? The way your partner made you feel when you met that made you fall in love with him or her in the first place.

        If they don’t make you feel that way anymore, it’s not the end of the world. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. It’s up to you to decide how to handle that.

        You need to be comfortable with who you are. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you.

        If the person who supposedly loves you doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, know that you can do better. They’re not even one in a billion.

        3. You can’t stop snooping.

        Mutual trust is necessary in any relationship. The only way to get that trust is with respect.

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        I can find you anywhere online, no matter how private and secure you think you are. The odds of you having a password I can’t crack are slim. If we’ve met in person, I could install a remote key logger on your device without even touching it.

        Finding your information online hardly takes a clandestine organization. Any idiot with a Wi-Fi-enabled device can cyberstalk you. I’m just the only idiot in the village admitting it.

        So now that we know everyone snoops, it’s time to address your personal habits. Governments snoop because they don’t trust us. If you’re snooping on your partner, it’s because you don’t trust them.

        It’s ok to have doubts, and it’s perfectly normal to look into anything that looks weird, but keep in mind that data collection is only half of an investigation.

        If you find yourself constantly snooping and questioning everything, clearly there’s a trust issue and the relationship likely needs to end.

        4. You’re afraid of commitment.

        If you’ve been dating longer than a year and you aren’t engaged, it’s never going to happen.

        Commitment is important. People will come up with a million ways to describe why they can’t be committed.

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        No matter who you are if you like it, you need to put a ring on it. Find an engagement ring, stick a gemstone in it and marry the person. If you’re not legally able to get married or you don’t believe in it for one reason or another, have a child (or adopt one, however you’re able to) or treat your partner’s family like your own. It’s a huge financial and mental commitment.

        If you’re not ready for one or the other after some time, don’t waste anymore of your precious life on the relationship.

        Your relationship should be something that propels you forward. If it’s not going anywhere, make it an open relationship and call it what it is—dating multiple people.

        5. You imagine a happier life without your partner.

        If all you’re doing is imagining a happier life without your partner, it’s a sign that you’re in the wrong relationship. You’re unhappy and you need to get out.

        Your partner should be included in your dreams. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a future with someone.

        Try to remember what you dreamed of before you got your heart broken by the realities of life, love and the pursuit of human success.

        Remember when you would crush on that cute kid in class? You would secretly imagine marrying him or her and going on an adventure—that’s the way life should be.

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        If you’re not at least imagining adventures together, then why are you in that relationship?

        6. You resent, rather than love your partner.

        When a relationship starts to crumble, you begin to resent your partner for all the things you once loved about him or her.

        When you’ve reached this point, your partner has reached at least No. 2 on this list. From your partner’s perspective, your unhappiness with them is picked up as bashing them for being who they are.

        If you’re both unhappy in the relationship, it’s better if it ends as quickly and painlessly as possible.

        7. You chase past feelings.

        It’s okay to reminisce about the past, but if all you do is wish things were like they used to be, it’s a sign you’re not on the right path.

        You’re unhappy and, at the very least, you need to have an open dialogue about it. This isn’t necessarily a sign that the relationship should end, but it definitely needs a spark.

        When you talk to your partner candidly about what it is you’re looking for, you never know how they’ll react. The risk alone is worth it, good or bad.

        Final thoughts

        If you’re feeling stuck in your current relationship, it’s time to reflect about it with your partner. Don’t ignore these signs of an unhappy relationship as they will slowly go worse and harm both you and your partner in long-term.

        Featured photo credit: josh peterson via unsplash.com

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