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5 Common Mistakes People Make in Staying Motivated

5 Common Mistakes People Make in Staying Motivated

Imagine sitting on a cozy swaying hammock on one of the most exquisite islands of the Caribbean. Listening to the rippling waves thrusting against the rocks, you inhale the majestic aroma of the ocean. The sunlight beams into your eyes and you just feel the incredible urge to smile. When you look up into the bright blue skies, you spot a jet passing. This intrigues you, getting you motivated to fly high in pursuit of your goals.

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    What makes this jet so high, so fast, and so efficient?

    This jet (along with similar aircrafts) uses 80% of its fuel just for takeoff. The other 20% suffice for the rest of the journey. Fun fact right? You might ask, “But I’m not a jet, Shay. What does this have to do with me?”

    Quite frankly, I think aircrafts are super cool, exciting, and valuable… exactly the way I view you. Even if you don’t think so, I still do. You’ll catch up with reality some day. For now, think of your makeup as somewhat similar to a jet.

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    Check out these points that you tend to forget when it comes to motivation.

    1. Motivation is needed most at takeoff. 

    People tend to forget that the beginning is always the hardest. Why? The foundation of anything needs to be the strongest point so the process will be much smoother. Before you can cruise or have a flow, a robust momentum must be created. Would you use the weakest blocks to begin a 3 story house? Absolutely not! So why do you think a little motivation can suffice for a whole project? That’s absurd.

    You should bear in mind that the best foundation is having a strong and firm belief system. Here is where you will probably find the most pain, barriers, and hardships. Be open to changes but with a balance of believing firmly that you can accomplish what you set out to do. You must not only believe, you must KNOW that it is possible.

    2. Discipline is motivation on autopilot. 

    Before the jet can continue on its path, it doesn’t need as much fuel anymore. Don’t get me wrong, it still needs fuel to go, but just not as much. It’s the same with us humans. After trying over and over then failing, we tend to think we need the same amount of motivation that we began with. This is another common mistake.

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    It will take a mighty long time to gain the same motivation you started off with; however, you only need 20% to continue. If you can manage to maintain more than that without beating yourself up, then I’m very proud of you.

    3. Motivation is like a ramp. 

    I’ve been working at the JFK Airport in New York for a while now. To get on the aircraft, I’ve got to walk up and down ramps most times. Did you see that? UP and DOWN. Motivation along with anything in this life has similar principles. There are levels, and if you don’t go up your motivation ramp enough you are going to be out of breath when you get to the top. What’s so wrong with being breathless if you’ve reached the goal by getting to the top? Why work towards something you won’t be able to enjoy? Let’s not be backwards now. Life has much more to offer than to strive for something that you’re not going to reap the full rewards.

    How do you exercise on these ramps in real life? Attack your problems like a beast! Whenever issues arise, go headway in KNOWING that you’re in control. You can conquer anything!

    4. Motivation requires a captain aboard. 

    For the jet to have a successful flight, it requires a captain or two. Who will drive you if you depend on yourself for everything? It is possible but much harder when you do it alone. Remember that saying, “NO MAN IS AN ISLAND. NO MAN STANDS ALONE”? Accountability is needed, along with guidance from mentors, books, or somewhere else. Just make sure you have that special someone who has the knowledge, stature, and wisdom to help you move from point A to point B. They can be vital in your success.

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    How long will you study on a subject? You won’t always see eye to eye, but remember to be humble. Gather the information and steps, act on them, and create your own legacy. Always be grateful to the things and people who aid in getting the results you once prayed for.

    5. Map the motivation route.

    Alas, we have arrived. How can you arrive somewhere of which you don’t have a route for? How can you have a route without mapping it? You must know where you’re headed. If you have no idea where that is, no captain can help you and your fuel will be wasted. Set out with one specific goal then work towards that. People make this mistake then give up afterwards.

    If you even want to wander around, you must have a specific reason why you’re doing it. Give it a certain time-frame for how long you wish to wander and alternate for results. I map my goals is by using an app called Lift. I create my goals then it reminds me throughout the day to get the goal done. I got it from a mentor. Now you don’t have a reason not to act on your map.

    You can also listen to audiobooks on YouTube and find that specific thing that excites you. Keep doing it over and over. If it isn’t maintained, your jet loses power then eventually loses value.

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    Conclusion

    Now you can avoid all of these mistakes we often make. Invest in you and the power waiting to burst out. The world needs you and what you have to offer. The grind is never over, so keep on with it.

    Always remember to try.

    Featured photo credit: Paul Szigety via unsplash.com

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    Last Updated on January 24, 2021

    How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

    How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

    Do you say yes so often that you no longer feel that your own needs are being met? Are you wondering how to say no to people?

    For years, I was a serial people pleaser[1]. Known as someone who would step up, I would gladly make time, especially when it came to volunteering for certain causes. I proudly carried this role all through grade school, college, even through law school. For years, I thought saying “no” meant I would disappoint a good friend or someone I respected.

    But somewhere along the way, I noticed I wasn’t quite living my life. Instead, I seem to have created a schedule that was a strange combination of meeting the expectations of others, what I thought I should be doing, and some of what I actually wanted to do. The result? I had a packed schedule that left me overwhelmed and unfulfilled.

    It took a long while, but I learned the art of saying no. Saying no meant I no longer catered fully to everyone else’s needs and could make more room for what I really wanted to do. Instead of cramming too much in, I chose to pursue what really mattered. When that happened, I became a lot happier.

    And guess what? I hardly disappointed anyone.

    The Importance of Saying No

    When you learn the art of saying no, you begin to look at the world differently. Rather than seeing all of the things you could or should be doing (and aren’t doing), you start to look at how to say yes to what’s important.

    In other words, you aren’t just reacting to what life throws at you. You seek the opportunities that move you to where you want to be.

    Successful people aren’t afraid to say no. Oprah Winfrey, considered one of the most successful women in the world, confessed that it was much later in life when she learned how to say no. Even after she had become internationally famous, she felt she had to say yes to virtually everything.

    Being able to say no also helps you manage your time better.

    Warren Buffett views “no” as essential to his success. He said:

    “The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

    When I made “no” a part of my toolbox, I drove more of my own success, focusing on fewer things and doing them well.

    How We Are Pressured to Say Yes

    It’s no wonder a lot of us find it hard to say no.

    From an early age, we are conditioned to say yes. We said yes probably hundreds of times in order to graduate from high school and then get into college. We said yes to find work, to get a promotion, to find love and then yes again to stay in a relationship. We said yes to find and keep friends.

    We say yes because we feel good when we help someone, because it can seem like the right thing to do, because we think that is key to success, and because the request might come from someone who is hard to resist.

    And that’s not all. The pressure to say yes doesn’t just come from others. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves.

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    At work, we say yes because we compare ourselves to others who seem to be doing more than we are. Outside of work, we say yes because we are feeling bad that we aren’t doing enough to spend time with family or friends.

    The message, no matter where we turn, is nearly always, “You really could be doing more.” The result? When people ask us for our time, we are heavily conditioned to say yes.

    How Do You Say No Without Feeling Guilty?

    Deciding to add the word “no” to your toolbox is no small thing. Perhaps you already say no, but not as much as you would like. Maybe you have an instinct that if you were to learn the art of no that you could finally create more time for things you care about.

    But let’s be honest, using the word “no” doesn’t come easily for many people.

    3 Rules of Thumbs for Saying No

    1. You Need to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

    Let’s face it. It is hard to say no. Setting boundaries around your time, especially you haven’t done it much in the past, will feel awkward. Your comfort zone is “yes,” so it’s time to challenge that and step outside that.

    If you need help getting out of your comfort zone, check out this article.

    2. You Are the Air Traffic Controller of Your Time

    When you want to learn how to say no, remember that you are the only one who understands the demands for your time. Think about it: who else knows about all of the demands in your life? No one.

    Only you are at the center of all of these requests. You are the only one that understands what time you really have.

    3. Saying No Means Saying Yes to Something That Matters

    When we decide not to do something, it means we can say yes to something else that we may care more about. You have a unique opportunity to decide how you spend your precious time.

    6 Ways to Start Saying No

    Incorporating that little word “no” into your life can be transformational. Turning some things down will mean you can open doors to what really matters. Here are some essential tips to learn the art of no:

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    1. Check in With Your Obligation Meter

    One of the biggest challenges to saying no is a feeling of obligation. Do you feel you have a responsibility to say yes and worry that saying no will reflect poorly on you?

    Ask yourself whether you truly have the duty to say yes. Check your assumptions or beliefs about whether you carry the responsibility to say yes. Turn it around and instead ask what duty you owe to yourself.

    2. Resist the Fear of Missing out (FOMO)

    Do you have a fear of missing out (FOMO)? FOMO can follow us around in so many ways. At work, we volunteer our time because we fear we won’t move ahead. In our personal lives, we agree to join the crowd because of FOMO, even while we ourselves aren’t enjoying the fun.

    Check in with yourself. Are you saying yes because of FOMO or because you really want to say yes? More often than not, running after fear doesn’t make us feel better[2].

    3. Check Your Assumptions About What It Means to Say No

    Do you dread the reaction you will get if you say no? Often, we say yes because we worry about how others will respond or because of the consequences. We may be afraid to disappoint others or think we will lose their respect. We often forget how much we are disappointing ourselves along the way.

    Keep in mind that saying no can be exactly what is needed to send the right message that you have limited time. In the tips below, you will see how to communicate your no in a gentle and loving way.

    You might disappoint someone initially, but drawing a boundary can bring you the freedom you need so that you can give freely of yourself when you truly want to. And it will often help others have more respect for you and your boundaries, not less.

    4. When the Request Comes in, Sit on It

    Sometimes, when we are in the moment, we instinctively agree. The request might make sense at first. Or we typically have said yes to this request in the past.

    Give yourself a little time to reflect on whether you really have the time or can do the task properly. You may decide the best option is to say no. There is no harm in giving yourself the time to decide.

    5. Communicate Your “No” with Transparency and Kindness

    When you are ready to tell someone no, communicate your decision clearly. The message can be open and honest[3] to ensure the recipient that your reasons have to do with your limited time.

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    How do you say no? 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

      Resist the temptation not to respond or communicate all. But do not feel obligated to provide a lengthy account about why you are saying no.

      Clear communication with a short explanation is all that is needed. I have found it useful to tell people that I have many demands and need to be careful with how I allocate my time. I will sometimes say I really appreciate that they came to me and for them to check in again if the opportunity arises another time.

      6. Consider How to Use a Modified No

      If you are under pressure to say yes but want to say no, you may want to consider downgrading a “yes” to a “yes but…” as this will give you an opportunity to condition your agreement to what works best for you.

      Sometimes, the condition can be to do the task, but not in the time frame that was originally requested. Or perhaps you can do part of what has been asked.

      Final Thoughts

      Beginning right now, you can change how you respond to requests for your time. When the request comes in, take yourself off autopilot where you might normally say yes.

      Use the request as a way to draw a healthy boundary around your time. Pay particular attention to when you place certain demands on yourself.

      Try it now. Say no to a friend who continues to take advantage of your goodwill. Or, draw the line with a workaholic colleague and tell them you will complete the project, but not by working all weekend. You’ll find yourself much happier.

      More Tips on How to Say No

      Featured photo credit: Chris Ainsworth via unsplash.com

      Reference

      [1] Science of People: 11 Expert Tips to Stop Being a People Pleaser and Start Doing You
      [2] Anxiety and Depression Association of America: Tips to Get Over Your FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out
      [3] Cooks Hill Counseling: 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

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