Advertising
Advertising

How to Improve Your Relationships With Those Surrounding You

How to Improve Your Relationships With Those Surrounding You

A key part human existence is the ability to build meaningful relationships over the years. There will be points in your life where you encounter hardships, betrayals, or disappointments. It happens sometimes with friendships, with family, co-workers, and just about any other group. How you react to and execute decisions really has an impact on the result. It is truly about learning to channel your own emotions, feelings, perceptions, and energies to better harness the law of attraction that influences our ability to move forward.

So, how can the “law of attraction” be explained? Everything you think about on a regular basis in your mind translates to flows of energies. According to Wikipedia, the law of attraction is the name given to the maxim “like attracts like,” which in new thought philosophy is used to sum up the idea that by focusing on positive or negative thoughts, a person brings positive or negative experiences into their life. This definition is subject to objection, but the philosophy can be traced back to ancient texts and different religions (Hermeticism, New England transcendentalism, Bible and Hinduism).

The first mentions of the law of attraction in the form of what we think or wish upon the universe can be found in beginnings of human civilization. Below is a list of the thinkers, philosophers, and proponents that echoed the so-called theory:

  • “Likes tend toward likes.” — Greek Philosopher Plato
  • “We are all the ephemeral forms of a consciousness greater than ourselves.” — Philosopher V. Stenger´s paper Cosmic Mind
  • “Thought vibration or the law of attraction in the thought world.” — William Walker Atkinson
  • “…Positive thinking is a strong and consistent predictor of life satisfaction.” — Ji Young Jung Yonsei Medical Journal Paper

So, basically everything that we think about exerts an influence upon us. One of the first pillars to improving any situation — in particular, getting rid of toxic friendships or relationships — is acknowledging the problem. The other difficult task to master is not making excuses and instead taking action to remedy the problem.

How to Execute These Ten Golden Relationship Rules

Keep in mind that this recommended list is by no means definitive or tantamount to 10 commandments for relationships to work perfectly (source: UK Cupid).

Advertising

  1. Love each other.
  2. Open lines of communication.
  3. Respect for each other.
  4. Honesty is the best policy.
  5. Sacrifices.
  6. Compromising.
  7. Conflict resolution.
  8. Give space when needed.
  9. Maintain the element of surprise.
  10. Remind the other person why you chose them.

Independent of your background, culture, ethnicity, socioeconomic level, or any other factor, everything should come down to how much you love each other. This feeling or sentiment is recognized in any four corners of the globe. In addition, the lines of communication are crucial and it is better to maintain a high degree of transparency to build everlasting trust.

The third point is one of the essential, if not the most important, aspects of a relationship: respect. Without this, no relationship of any kind can really evolve in a healthy manner. By extension, honesty goes hand in hand with open lines of communication and it is better to tell the truth.

When you give up something, no matter the cost or worth, you are building a lifetime partnership. This opens a smooth transition to the step of compromising and making exchanges that satisfy both parties invested in the relationship.

Nevertheless, conflicts will occur at any point of the relationship. Conflicts sometimes show up in the early phases or at a later stage when getting to know someone. So it is best when a tense argument erupts to have each person walk away and reconvene when moods are settled down. There is nothing worse than saying fowl or mean things in the heat of the moment — you will regret it later. Think long and hard before uttering painful words at the other person.

Chances are, if you have reached item eight on the list, that it is easier from there onward. Co-existing with a lifelong partner requires a lot of work and a sense of renewing the relationship, so allow for the other person to engage in separate activities with others. This helps remove saturation and a sense of routine or boredom with each other.

Advertising

Whenever appropriate, plan beyond traditional relationship holidays like Valentine’s Day or an anniversary celebration. Sure you want to keep those days in mind, yet leave plenty of room for spontaneous events. This helps build a sense of adventure and timeliness for any relationship. Remind each other in reasonable amounts why you are with each other in the first place.

Here is a visual graphic to recap how to keep relationships fresh.

10-ways-keep-your-relationship-fresh#sthash.yuDeVDEz.dpuf

    Five Ways to Maintain Healthy Friendships

    One of the most difficult things to do is to get rid of negative influences. We know deep down when a friend or an acquaintance brings trouble or drama into our lives. Sometimes, we have to clean out our closets to have a fresh start.

    Remember when trying to make new friends or maintain existing ones you must accept that not all friendships will be perfect or perhaps even last. People come and go, so nothing is permanent in this life. It is cruel to say, but if you look at the big picture, you will realize which people make a difference in your life.

    Advertising

    Here are five helpful tips asserted by Psychology Today to maintain long-term friendships:

    1. Be honest.
    2. Repair misattunements.
    3. Make time and who appreciation.
    4. Alter your expectations and do not make assumptions
    5. Choose compassion over cynicism.

    Some of these tips overlap with the good practices of maintaining a relationship. In a nutshell, be sincere with your lifelong or best friend. If there was or is a falling out, remember we all make mistakes and we must learn to forgive.

    If you are friends with people who have existing relationships or are married, make time to meet up. Just because you have settled down does not mean your friends are forgotten forever. Agree with your partner and make time in your busy schedule to do something with your own friends so you reinforce those bonds of friendships.

    The way your friends act is beyond your control. Give up the idea of reshaping people — not everyone evolves in the same fashion you do. Appreciate who they are and how they came into your life. Last, and not the very least, give compassion a priority over cynicism. It has been show that from as young as the age of two, people come to enjoy seeing others getting help. Compassion is its own reward, and when you share this onto others, you will associate with people who share those same values and bring joy to your life.

    Takeaways and Conclusions

    When you are surrounded by healthy friendships and a stable relationship, everything comes together. When you are around likeminded people who share the same compassionate views and principles, it becomes a win-win situation for all the parties involved.

    Advertising

    When a relationship is based on superficiality or some inherent material interest, things will result in failure. None of these tips for friendships or golden rules for relationships is the perfect remedy to fixing everything wrong with your surroundings. It is a guide to encourage you to reflect, to become more self-aware of your purpose, and to think about what role certain forces govern in your life. We all must come to grips with managing the good and the bad aspects on this road of life.

    Sometimes, we will come to know solitude and isolation. We all know that sinking feeling. It is really about knowing who you are, learning to be comfortable with yourself, choosing friendships and relationships carefully, and finding your calling.

    Featured photo credit: Felipe Bastos via flickr.com

    More by this author

    Anthony Carranza

    Multilingual writer and journalist covering all things technology and productivity.

    7 Clever Goal Tracker Apps to Keep You on Track in 2021 10 Smart Productivity Software to Boost Work Performance 11 Google Chrome Apps & Features for Getting More Done with Less Effort Top 5 Spending Tracker Apps to Manage Your Budget Smart in 2020 10 Best Productivity Tools to Get You More Time in 2020

    Trending in Communication

    1 How to Improve Intimacy in Your Marriage and Rekindle the Passion 2 Why You Feel Lonely In Your Marriage And How To Deal With It 3 6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of 4 How To Spark A Positive Mood When Feeling Dull 5 5 Reasons You Will Never Be a Fighter

    Read Next

    Advertising
    Advertising
    Advertising

    Published on April 7, 2021

    6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

    6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

    Some of the most manipulative people are so good at what they do that their words and actions can convince you into thinking they truly care about what’s best for you when in reality, it’s quite the opposite. The most common signs of a controlling person are rarely obvious to outside observers. And for someone enmeshed in a controlling relationship or friendship, it can be incredibly challenging to stay away from this toxic person, even if you’re aware of their emotionally abusive tendencies.

    While it’s ultimately up to you to decide whether to preserve or leave a lopsided, unfulfilling relationship, it’s nevertheless critical to understand the following six signs of controlling people so you can better advocate for yourself and mitigate the influence of their manipulative tendencies in your own life.

    1. They Push Their Own Personal Agenda

    Do you know someone who always tries to micromanage the words, behaviors, and attitudes of people around them? Does this person act like they have the right to know anything they want about you, including your location, what you’re doing in a given moment, who you’re talking to online, or any other private information about you? And when planning events and special occasions, does this person dominate conversations, steer plans in their own preferred directions, disparage others’ suggestions, and refuse to collaborate with anyone who might disagree with them?

    If you answered “yes” to some of the above questions, then those are clear signs of a controlling person whom you absolutely need to be cautious around. Controlling people are reluctant to even consider alternative ideas, let alone enthusiastically work with people who have differing views. They prefer to be the captain of every ship—regardless of how much or how little an issue personally impacts them—and they have an arsenal of manipulative tactics to deploy if someone stands in the way of them achieving their own personal agendas.

    In long-term relationships with controlling people, you may feel constantly pressured to meet their demands, follow their schedule, and focus on whatever they feel is most important. It’s not an exaggeration to say that these people act like the universe revolves around them, which can be exhausting to deal with for their family members, friends, and colleagues.

    Advertising

    2. They Make Everything Transactional

    Controlling people aren’t always self-centered, but they’re not too empathetic either. Empathy for them tends to appear in the form of strategic concessions they use as a means to get what they want. They typically view interpersonal relationships as transactional opportunities to extract more value from people surrounding them, which can have a draining effect on those they interact with.

    For example, one sign of a controlling person may be their insistence on “keeping score.” This can involve doing nice things for you with the ulterior motive of demanding something from you at a later date in exchange for what you thought was just an act of kindness or a friendly support.

    Perhaps they shower you in praise (also known as “love-bombing”) or gifts then blow up at you if you don’t intuitively know they’re expecting something back from you. None of us are mind-readers, but controlling people behave as though everyone else should think and act like they want others to and those who fall out of line are punished for failing to meet their impossible expectations.

    A controlling person may also threaten to withhold support if you don’t adhere to their demands, but they do so in such subtle ways that the guilt they impose blinds you from the unreasonable nature of their behaviors.

    Some statements to be wary of include:

    Advertising

    • “I did ___________ for you. What do you mean you can’t do ___________ for me?”
    • “Remember how I helped you with ___________? That took a lot of time and energy from me, but I guess you didn’t appreciate my help.”
    • “I always give you ___________. Don’t you care about my needs too?”
    • “You’re so selfish!” or “You don’t care about me at all!” (gaslighting if you respond with hesitation or politely decline their request for help for perfectly valid reasons, such as not having enough time or resources to assist them)

    3. They Criticize Everything

    One of the most common telltale signs of a controlling person is their capacity to criticize anything and everything, even small things that seemingly don’t matter. As with many toxic traits in relationships, these problems typically start out so small that you may not even notice. At first, you may even agree with their criticism or at least be able to understand their perspective when they bring up an issue.

    However, the criticism tends to get more intense, more constant, and more perplexing for people who maintain relationships with controlling people. You’ll likely notice how they rarely seem to criticize something they do. It’s almost always other-oriented and these types of people are so manipulative that any rationale they offer can seem plausibly legitimate.

    Some warning signs of a controlling person who’s overly critical to the point of abusiveness include:

    • Criticizing things about you that you have little to no control over (e.g., appearance, disability, family)
    • Criticizing your personal choices and interests, such as educational pursuits, career, clothing, favorite music, time spent on your hobbies, etc.
    • Punishing you for expressing vulnerability by invalidating thoughts and feelings you share with them
    • Attacking you whenever you express an opinion counter to theirs

    4. They Balk When Someone Criticizes Them

    We all know the adage, “what goes around, comes around.” But this statement doesn’t apply as much to toxic, controlling people. They’d much prefer to dish out criticism without ever having to take it in return.

    For instance, if your friend constantly talks about your appearance with little regard for your emotions but flips out if you make just a single comment about their appearance, there’s a possibility that they could have some hidden controlling tendencies left unchecked. Remember, these people aren’t just controlling in their behaviors towards others. They’re also actively trying to stay in complete control over every aspect of their lives, which includes how others view them.

    Advertising

    This seemingly insatiable desire for control can prompt them to lash out against even the smallest bits of criticism, leaving people around them too weary or scared to speak up again in the future. While it’s possible they may suffer from something called rejection sensitivity dysphoria, this does not excuse them from the consequences of their words and actions. They should seek professional help to better manage their reactions to criticism.

    5. They Socially Isolate You

    Not all controlling people do this, but for manipulative narcissists, socially isolating victims is a go-to strategy for maintaining control because it’s effective at preventing people from truly understanding how toxic their partner, family member, or friend is treating them. Think of it this way—if you don’t talk to many other people in your life, there’s less of a risk that you’ll damage their reputation by revealing their abusive tendencies.

    Socially isolating others also gives the person more control over you and your life as it becomes more difficult to break away from them if you don’t have other healthier channels of communication and interpersonal support to turn to.

    This process doesn’t happen overnight, nor is it something you can readily recognize as abusive. At first, it may seem reasonable, such as asking you to stop engaging so often with family members with whom both of you disagree on major social or political issues. As the social isolation progresses, they may suggest cutting people out of your life—especially if they don’t like that person, regardless of how you personally feel—or even conjure up high-stakes problems like “it’s me or them” under the guise of saving you from people in your life whom they don’t like for whatever reason.

    In a controlling person’s life narrative, they’re always the protagonist who’s incapable of any wrongdoing. The blame is always redirected at someone else, whether that’s you or other people in your life. The more they isolate you from other supportive people in your life, the more susceptible you’ll be to falsely believing that they’re right and you “don’t need” your other friends and family when you have someone as perfect as this person.

    Advertising

    6. They’re Emotionally Abusive

    It’s hard enough to be in control of your own emotions but when someone else is constantly belittling you and your interests or leveraging guilt and shame to manipulate you into saying or doing what they want, this can make it even more challenging to stay in control of your own life and emotional well-being.

    Emotional abuse is another sign of a controlling person that is often overlooked in relationships. After all, human personalities vary widely in terms of passivity, and it’s not uncommon for one person in a relationship to be significantly more passive than the other. This becomes an issue when the controlling partner or friend exudes signs of emotional abuse, which can start subtly and become much more pronounced over time.

    Concerning signs of emotionally abusive language or behavior to watch out for include:

    • Dismissing your needs and/or belittling your interests in counterproductive ways
    • Privately or publicly shaming or humiliating you
    • Making you feel as though you can never live up to their expectations or do anything right (according to their own vague, subjective standards)
    • Gaslighting you into thinking they said or did something that never actually happened (making you question your own reality)

    Final Thoughts

    It’s sometimes hard to see the negative things about someone with whom we have a relationship. We may sometimes unconsciously overlook the signs of a controlling person, especially if that person is someone we have known for a long time or are close to us. However, cutting them off your life is the best thing you can do for yourself. Just watch out for these six signs of a controlling person and take immediate action when you spot them.

    More Tips on How To Deal With a Controlling Person

    Featured photo credit: Külli Kittus via unsplash.com

    Read Next