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Why Praising Kids For Their Abilities Is The Most Evil Act Ever

Why Praising Kids For Their Abilities Is The Most Evil Act Ever

Telling people that they are intelligent and praising their natural talents might be doing more harm than good. What was once thought to be cute, natural encouragement might actually be more detrimental towards how people act. Praising people and nurturing their intellect is important, but there are ways to do that it that make it evil and counterproductive.

Why You Should Never Say A Child Is Intelligent

Praising a kid for being naturally smart might sound like the right way to encourage the child, but in fact it is not really a productive way to talk with children in the first place. Carol Dweck — a psychologist with 35 years experience in child motivation — has done plenty research on the harm that praise can have on children. When praising them for their traits, children will stop to seek out challenges, instead only continuing what to do what they are ‘good’ at. The child will then be afraid of failure and lose the current appraisal they are receiving. Instead of learning, these kids will begin thinking that intelligence is just a naturally inherited trait, so if they only seek tasks to prove their intelligence instead of focusing on how to learn. This fixed mindset can lead students to ultimately fail after a while when they are introduced to something that actually challenges them. This is one of the ways that praise can backfire on a child’s learning process.

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How To Reward Children Effectively

Praising people cannot all be bad, right? When done incorrectly, nothing can be worse for the peoples — especially children’s motivation. There are, however, ways to successfully praise children and people for their efforts. That’s the key, it has to be for the efforts shown and not the outcome of whatever it is they did. When it comes to children and taking tests, say a person got a three out of ten on the exam. Instead of telling them to work harder or praise them for getting three right, it is actually best to point out that the work they did and the efforts they paid to get the right answer.

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If a child is motivated and focused on their work ethic they will not worry about making too many mistakes, because they will seek out the best way to successfully fix it. As Carol Dweck noted in her research, “process praise keeps students focused, not on something called ability that they may or may not have and that magically creates success or failure, but on processes they can all engage in to learn.”

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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