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5 Little Things To Do To Elevate Your Relationship

5 Little Things To Do To Elevate Your Relationship

Romance is about the little things but honestly, it is actually pretty involving because it requires emotional awareness, good listening skills, sustained attention and planning capabilities. All in all, being romantic isn’t just about displaying a quick mental capability but is also about making and committing to a long lasting investment.

There are numerous reasons why some husbands cringe and panic when the subject of romance is broached. Some of which is due to the pressure of meeting expectations and not disappointing their spouses.

However, let me clarify who I had in mind when I wrote this article –

  1. This is for those who constantly hear how unromantic they are or have become
  2. This is for those who are tired of going with the usual gifts such as flowers, card, and perfumes
  3. This is for those who want to cultivate a steady and continuous romantic lifestyle
  4. Honestly, it is for everyone believe it or not

So dear husbands, you can become a master in romance and here’s why you should.

  • First, you should know that “little things mean the world to women”. These little things have a supernatural effect on women that leads to many, amazing benefits in the home.
  • Secondly, you should know that catching your wife off guard every now and then adds sizzle, spark, and drama to marriage. Catching a woman off guard disarms her totally.
  • Thirdly, you should know that women desperately crave and yearn for romance in relationships. It is like oxygen to a woman’s soul and a lubricant to the joints of any relationship.

5 Little Things To Take Your Relationship To A Different Level

1. Leave a provocative voice mail message

This is a classic. Call your spouse when you know he or she is unavailable such that you have access to the voicemail to drop your ‘dangerous message’. In no small terms explain how naughty she has been and how you intend to curb her naughtiness. In ‘stern’ terms and using a deep voice for effect let her know she is in for a ‘treat’. The use of ‘I will do…” this and that — is highly recommended.

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You must back up your words with some serious actions because it is true that ‘actions’ speak louder than ‘words’.

2. Send a provocative message via text

This is similar to the first idea, and should be used as a counter-intuitive attacking measure. If you want to be romantic, you must have ‘game’. Your words must be unique and expressive.

Relax as you compose your text message and please make it situational. Don’t just copy a few lines from the internet or from a track, that’s lame. Make it about you and your words…

If there are pressing situations at home, perhaps when your wife has been complaining or stressed lately, then adapt accordingly. Listen, if she has been distracted lately, let her know your thoughts. If she has been acting silly, let her know you care. If she has been suspecting you of taking her for granted, let her know she is special and you will not in a million years take her for granted.

Polish up your vocabulary, refresh your ‘lines’.

The proof of your affection are buried within those words, make it count.

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3. Call her during the day just to tell her you to love her and that you have been thinking about her.

Absolutely, nothing melts the heart of a woman more than letting her know she is on your mind. This singular act alone validates her well being. This is where the element of surprise is very important and you must make sure this is done intentionally and honestly. When she knows her King is thinking about her, even the heavens know as she will float in the sky based on that thought alone.

When you call, resist the urge to say anything about yourself, the children, family issues, work issues and simply make this call all about her alone.

  • Let her know that you simply wanted her to know that you are calling to see how she is doing.
  • Ask her, how your day has been so far?
  • Ask her, is everything okay?
  • And then listen to her speak to you.

If you haven’t done this in a while, give the process time as she will attempt to verify your true intentions and not simply a means to an end.

Let her know her thoughts and persuade her otherwise as your intentions are truly for her well-being. If you play your cards right, my man… you will be thanking me later profusely.

4. Tape a note to the bathroom scale or mirror that says “Just Right”

Often times, men complain about their wives’ body without realizing how hurtful those remarks could be especially after a few children. That’s life…

The woman you married has changed and will continue to change as she ages. Lest you forget, you have changed as well. It shocks me during counseling when I hear men complain about their spouse’s body and unknowingly damage their wives’ psyche by saying the wrong, mean and hurtful words.

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This is not about getting your wives back to the gym…No, sir!

This is simply staying in the moment. This is about enjoying what and who you both are. This is about appreciation.

Get a note card and please not ruled paper, preferably something colorful (make an effort) and it must be in your own handwriting (do not type it out or send via email)

Write “Just right!” or go crazy, include her pet name, add today’s date and let her know she is simply “Just Right”.

Then tape it on the bathroom mirror.

5. Pray for her concerns

Most women worry and that’s sometimes because they have so many things on their minds considering all the roles played by them. So when she least expects it, pull her aside and lay your hand on her head or her chest and pray with her over her concerns.

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  • Make it genuine
  • It should come from your heart
  • Make it short, sweet and to the point

A woman knowing that her King is praying for her will make her safe. There is no better ‘human’ protection like a praying husband. I know she will thank you for being there and what joy she must feel when she knows you care about her worries and perhaps, more importantly, know what to do with that worry.

In conclusion, remember that the firm foundations of a romantic relationship are built upon the delights of surprise. Your actions, words, and intentions must be deliberate. They must be properly executed as well for full effect.

I wish you and yours an amazingly rich and romantic relationship and do not forget the flowers, boxes of chocolates, and gift bags.

Featured photo credit: Wonderful Spring Blooms BY VIKTOR HANACEK via picjumbo.com

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Dr. Flo

Executive Director, Hybrid Leadership Institute

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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