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7 Relationship Secrets That Work

7 Relationship Secrets That Work

We all wish we knew the secrets behind strong, lasting relationships. Whether we’re hurting after a break up or fuming over an argument, we often struggle to figure out what’s truly missing in our romantic lives. That’s the beauty of it though: The insights are usually hidden in the struggle.

If this resonates with you, take a step back, refocus, and check out these 7 relationship secrets that actually work.

1. You Both Maintain Your Own Lives

Problems often occur in relationships when one or both partners forget about their own lives in order to fit into each other’s. As a matter of fact, healthy relationships develop when couples maintain their individuality and give each other plenty of personal space.

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In a relationship, it’s important to retain all of your own hobbies, interests, friends, and passions. It’s equally as crucial to support your partner on their own path. This way, you learn and grow together while nurturing each other’s unique qualities.

2. You Communicate Transparently

Miscommunication is a key factor in troubled relationships, romantic or otherwise. Often, we say what we think people want to hear, or are afraid of telling the truth. However, there’s just no point in hiding your inner self when you are in a relationship.

Imagine going to bed with your makeup on so that your new partner doesn’t see your sleepy face in the morning. Eventually, they will… and they’ll likely love you for it. Honest communication means being brave enough to say exactly what you feel. It also means accepting your partner’s honesty, so that the lines of communication remain transparent.

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3. You Inspire Each Other to Be Better

When you first met someone and fell in love with them, chances are they filled you with inspiration. This mutual feeling is motivating, and you should use it to propel each other towards your goals. Things tend to go wrong when jealousy forces you to try to control or hold each other back.

In relationships that work, the desire to motivate each other increases as time goes on, even in the midst of difficult circumstances. You greet each new challenge together, with the intention of helping each other become better in all things.

4. You Appreciate the Little Things About Each Other

Having future goals is fantastic, but life’s not all about achievement. We tend to waste a lot of energy wishing we’d hit certain milestones already, to the detriment of things going on right in front of our noses. How many of your arguments start with this phrase: “But when are we going too… buy a house, have a baby, get married, make a lot of money?” The list goes on.

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In relationships that work, the little things take center stage. The walks on the beach, the cheeky smiles, the rainy weekends in bed, the special looks reserved for each other. You don’t need to define the relationship by fitting it neatly into a socially-constructed box. Those big goals pale in comparison to appreciating the beauty of the present moment together.

5. You Embrace Each Other’s Flaws

While many of us love to take on projects, you’re heading towards the danger zone if that project is your partner. By embracing each other’s flaws, we can still help our partner grow without falling into the dreadful trap of thinking that we’ll love them if only they’d change.

It’s inevitable that everyone will change. It’s human nature as we progress through life. But even when we change for the better, a new challenge is often awaiting us. This results in more growth and, yes, you guessed it, more flaws. If you can’t love the one you’re with right now because you don’t accept them as they are, chances are you never will.

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6. You Remain Curious About Each Other

Isn’t it true that no matter what we do, eventually we get used to doing it? This leads us towards fostering new desires, so that life always remains fresh and fulfilling. Relationships are no different. Once the excitement wears off, it’s easy to look at each other in the dull light of boredom… and want something new.

You can give each other something new by remaining curious. Neither partner is ever static, as we’re all constantly changing. This ensures we never know absolutely everything about another person. Trying new things together, going on adventures, and stirring up the routine fans the flames of curiosity.

7. You Love to Be Spontaneous Together

And that brings us to the most important secret: Spontaneity. If you always do the same thing on Sunday, switch the television on to eat dinner each night, and expect each other to slot in with a perfect schedule, you effectively eradicate it from your relationship.

When this happens, the stagnant nature of routine seeps into your partnership and buries it under a pile of dirty laundry. Healthy relationships combine the everyday aspects of life with a big dose of spontaneous fun – and both partners relish in keeping it alive.

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Nicole Leigh West

Travel and Lifestyle Writer, Choreographer, Reiki Practitioner

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Last Updated on March 5, 2021

Science Says People Who Talk To Themselves Are Geniuses

Science Says People Who Talk To Themselves Are Geniuses

I talk a lot to myself. It helps me to keep my concentration on the activity on hand, makes me focus more on my studies, and gives me some pretty brilliant ideas while chattering to myself; more importantly, I produce better works. For example, right now, as I am typing, I am constantly mumbling to myself. Do you talk to yourself? Don’t get embarrassed admitting it because science has discovered that those who talk to themselves are actually geniuses… and not crazy!

Research Background

Psychologist-researcher Gary Lupyan conducted an experiment where 20 volunteers were shown objects, in a supermarket, and were asked to remember them. Half of them were told to repeat the objects, for example, banana, and the other half remained silent. In the end, the result shown that self-directed speech aided people to find the objects faster, by 50 to 100 milliseconds, compared to the silent ones.

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“I’ll often mutter to myself when searching for something in the refrigerator or the supermarket shelves,” said Gary Lupyan.

This personal experience actually made him conduct this experiment. Lupyan, together with another psychologist, Daniel Swigley, came up with the outcomes that those to talk to oneself are geniuses. Here are the reasons:

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It stimulates your memory

When you are talking to yourself, your sensory mechanism gets activated. It gets easier on your memory since you can visualize the word, and you can act accordingly.[1]

It helps stay focused

When you are saying it loud, you stay focused on your task,[2] and it helps you recognise that stuff immediately. Of course, this only helps if you know what the object you are searching looks like. For example, a banana is yellow in colour, and you know how a banana looks like. So when you are saying it loud, your brain immediately pictures the image on your mind. But if you don’t know what banana looks like, then there is no effect of saying it loud.

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It helps you clarify your thoughts

Every one of us tends to have various types of thoughts. Most make sense, while the others don’t. Suppose you are furious at someone and you feel like killing that person. Now for this issue you won’t run to a therapist, will you? No, what you do is lock yourself in a room and mutter to yourself. You are letting go off the anger by talking to yourself, the pros and cons of killing that person, and eventually you calm down. This is a silly thought that you have and are unable to share it with any other person. Psychologist Linda Sapadin said,[3]

“It helps you clarify your thoughts, tend to what’s important and firm up any decisions you are contemplating.”

Featured photo credit: Girl Using Laptop In Hotel Room/Ed Gregory via stokpic.com

Reference

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