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Why You Should Never Get Into Marriage Just Because You Feel Stuck

Why You Should Never Get Into Marriage Just Because You Feel Stuck

For many couples, they reach a point in their relationship when things seem to be ending and beginning all at the same time. It may seem like they’re turning a corner and embarking on a new phase of the relationship. It may be that they have been together for a long time and things have been going well, but something feels like it should change.

It’s only natural that two individuals who are in an intimate relationship together, both with their own needs and aspirations, make decisions in life that will affect their partner. Everyone is on their own journey, but when you are in a committed relationship, that journey starts to intersect and life choices are made in synchronicity with that significant other.

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Often, the pressure to define a relationship or reach particular milestones comes from outside the relationship. The two people in the relationship are often happy letting their union evolve naturally. Whether that means traveling, moving in together, buying property, or starting a family, these things often unfold organically between a couple who are truly in love. For some, marriage seems like the logical next step, especially when people start asking about it.

Pressure from family

Marriage is a tradition. The expectation to settle down with a partner often comes from both parties’ immediate families; namely, their parents. It’s only natural that parents want to see their children happy and secure, particularly in their intimate relationships, but the reality is that security and happiness isn’t the automatic result of getting married. Sometimes, it’s quite the contrary. The decision to get married is nobody’s business but the people in the relationship.

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Financial security

When a couple has been together for some time, they share their entire lives. Eventually cohabiting becomes inevitable and these days couples live together whether or not marriage is in the cards. The easiest thing to do sometimes is to combine assets and income in order for both parties to benefit and to create a financially secure household — but this isn’t necessary. Two financially independent and self reliant individuals can still support one another while at the same time maintaining some semblance of autonomy over their own earnings and their financial future. Marriage doesn’t always provide financial security. In fact, it can put a drain on finances. Getting married is expensive, and putting your money together doesn’t work for everyone.

Assurance of commitment

Mainstream ideas and commercial coercion can force us to feel that unless we participate in the institution of marriage, we are somehow not committed in our relationships or our union does not have legitimacy. Sometimes, couples who are perhaps struggling to feel satisfied or are feeling like they are stuck in a rut in their relationship may be persuaded to believe that marriage will solve all their problems. Unfortunately, this is far from true.

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If there are issues with a partner, if boredom has set in, if a couple is no longer excited to be together, if they are constantly arguing and rarely see eye to eye, if their life decisions seem to be pulling them in different directions, embarking on marriage is not going to repair the underlying issues. You don’t need a ring on your finger and a big party to cement the loyalty and devotion of another person. No amount of ceremony and spectacle will compensate for the hard work, the desire, and the compatibility and connection between two people. If you get married to fix your problems, you are just buying a very expensive bandaid.

Marriage as a milestone

The inevitability of marriage is something that has gained momentum in recent times and is something different to what it was traditionally.

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Traditionally, marriage was a contract between a man and a father — that’s right! It was a sale, an agreement between two families. In some places, not much has changed. A man handed over his daughter to another man as though it was a commercial transaction.

These days, people balk at that idea because women certainly don’t want to view themselves as a commodity. Marriage instead is viewed as a rite of passage. A desired milestone that everyone grows up to reach. A big party with lots of lovely photos and champagne and cake. Marriage is marketed as something every little girl and every woman desires because it’s the opportunity to be queen for a day. This sometimes clouds the reality of what marriage means and what it requires for it to be successful. The truth is marriage is somewhat archaic and unnecessary. For two people to live happily ever after, all that is necessary is for those people to choose to be together.

Featured photo credit: themes.com via 7-themes.com

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Diane Koopman

Writer, Author, Novelist, Self-Publisher

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Last Updated on July 10, 2020

How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

There will always be times in your life when you may need to learn how to reinvent yourself. This could come when you experience a big change, such as leaving your job, moving on from a relationship, transferring to a new home, or losing a loved one. If you are going through a major shift in your life, you may have to find new ways of thinking or doing things, or risk failing to reach your full potential.

“When something bad happens, you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.”

Many people who dared to leave their old unhappy lives enabled themselves to pursue their passions and find a renewed zest for living. You can also achieve the same if you take a leap of faith and make things happen for yourself.

To help you always be at your best wherever you may be in your life, here are some practical tips on how to reinvent yourself.

The Reinvention Checklist

Before embarking on a journey of self-reinvention, you need to make sure that you have everything that you need to make the trip bump-proof. These things include:

Resilience

Problems and obstacles are guaranteed to happen. Some of them will be difficult and may knock you off course; the important thing, however, is that you learn from these difficulties, never lose focus, and always get back up. This requires building resilience to get through the tough times.

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Support

Humans are social beings. Although it is important that you learn to rely on yourself when facing any challenge, it is also important to have a support team that you can lean on to give you a boost when things get too tough and to correct you when you’re making mistakes.

The key is to find the right balance between independence and dependence. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and share the difficulties you’re facing. When you open up, you’ll find the people who are really going to be there for you.

Self-Care

During the process of learning how to reinvent yourself, you will have to pull yourself away from your old comfort zones, habits, roles, and self-perceptions. This can be difficult and cause you to question your self-worth, so it’s important to engage in self-care to maintain a positive outlook and keep your mind and body healthy as you face the challenges that await you. Self-care can include:

  • Participating in a hobby you enjoy
  • Spending time with your support system
  • Taking some time to walk in nature
  • Practicing loving-kindness meditation

Find what works for you and what helps you feel like your true self as you seek a reinvented version of you.

How to Reinvent Yourself

Once you’re sure that you’re equipped with all the tools in the self-reinvention checklist, you can begin your journey of learning how to reinvent yourself.

1. Discover Your Strengths

This step provides valuable information on how you deal with certain situations. If you have this information, you will be able to manage difficulties more efficiently.

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To find out what your strengths are, you can ask your friends and colleagues for feedback, engage in self-reflection, or try these 10 Ways to Find Your Own Personal Strengths.

2. Plan

This step calls for a thorough assessment of your current emotional, psychological, and financial status so that you can develop plans that are realistic and practical.

It’s okay to have ambitious dreams, but your plans have to be realistic. Making use of SMART goals can help you plan your life better.

You can also consult your mentor or life coach for practical tips and advice.

Ultimately, you’ll want to create specific long-term and short-term goals that you can create milestones for. By doing this, you’ll lay out a specific roadmap to your reinvented self.

3. Try Things Out

Sometimes, we don’t know if solutions actually work until we try them out. This is why it is important to experiment whenever possible, especially if you’re dealing with a career change. You may need to simply experiment in order to find the things you like. This can be the same with hobbies. If you’re not sure what you would like doing, accept invitations from friends to join them in their favorite sport or take a class, like pottery or photography.

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By seeing what’s out there in any area of your life, you’ll have a better chance of finding the things you enjoy and the goals you want to create.

4. Manage Your Finances Well

Changes may require a bit of money. If you’re shifting to a new career, you may have to pay for training. If you’re going through a tough divorce or having a hard time dealing with the death of a loved one, you may have to pay for therapy. If you’re moving to a new home, you’ll definitely have to pay a whole lot of expenses.

All of these things are possible, but it will require a bit of money savviness as you learn how to reinvent yourself. If you have that cushion, you’ll feel more comfortable straying from your current path to try new things.

5. Muster Your Courage

Fears and self-doubt may arise when you encounter difficulties and setbacks. Sometimes, they may also come when you’re taking risks. You have to manage these negative emotions well and not allow them to discourage you. Tap into your courage and try doing at least one new thing each week to develop it.

Learn how to deal with your self-doubts to move forward in this article: How Self Doubt Keeps You Stuck (And How to Overcome It)

6. Use Your Support Group

As stated above, you need to build a strong support group before you even start the process of reinventing yourself. Your group will keep you from taking wrong turns and encourage you when you get too weighed down by problems. Don’t be afraid to call them, or even ask them out for coffee if you need to vent about the current difficulties you’re facing.

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7. Remind Yourself Every Day of Your Commitment

Write your goals on different-sized cards and scatter them at home and at work in places where you can easily see them. This way, you will constantly be reminded of where you want to be. Remember, writing down your goals helps them stick[1].

8. Accept Failure, Learn, and Resume Your Journey

Failing is normal, especially when we’re trying out something new. When you fail, simply recognize it, learn from it, and move on. Failure, in the end, is the best way to learn what does and doesn’t work, and you simply won’t be able to learn how to reinvent yourself if you don’t accept the inevitable failures that await you.

Final Thoughts

If you truly want to learn how to reinvent yourself and live the life you desire, take the advice above and start taking action. It will take time, patience, and plenty of effort to make the change you want happen, but it will be all worth it.

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Featured photo credit: Ashley Rich via unsplash.com

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