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Why You Should Never Get Into Marriage Just Because You Feel Stuck

Why You Should Never Get Into Marriage Just Because You Feel Stuck

For many couples, they reach a point in their relationship when things seem to be ending and beginning all at the same time. It may seem like they’re turning a corner and embarking on a new phase of the relationship. It may be that they have been together for a long time and things have been going well, but something feels like it should change.

It’s only natural that two individuals who are in an intimate relationship together, both with their own needs and aspirations, make decisions in life that will affect their partner. Everyone is on their own journey, but when you are in a committed relationship, that journey starts to intersect and life choices are made in synchronicity with that significant other.

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Often, the pressure to define a relationship or reach particular milestones comes from outside the relationship. The two people in the relationship are often happy letting their union evolve naturally. Whether that means traveling, moving in together, buying property, or starting a family, these things often unfold organically between a couple who are truly in love. For some, marriage seems like the logical next step, especially when people start asking about it.

Pressure from family

Marriage is a tradition. The expectation to settle down with a partner often comes from both parties’ immediate families; namely, their parents. It’s only natural that parents want to see their children happy and secure, particularly in their intimate relationships, but the reality is that security and happiness isn’t the automatic result of getting married. Sometimes, it’s quite the contrary. The decision to get married is nobody’s business but the people in the relationship.

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Financial security

When a couple has been together for some time, they share their entire lives. Eventually cohabiting becomes inevitable and these days couples live together whether or not marriage is in the cards. The easiest thing to do sometimes is to combine assets and income in order for both parties to benefit and to create a financially secure household — but this isn’t necessary. Two financially independent and self reliant individuals can still support one another while at the same time maintaining some semblance of autonomy over their own earnings and their financial future. Marriage doesn’t always provide financial security. In fact, it can put a drain on finances. Getting married is expensive, and putting your money together doesn’t work for everyone.

Assurance of commitment

Mainstream ideas and commercial coercion can force us to feel that unless we participate in the institution of marriage, we are somehow not committed in our relationships or our union does not have legitimacy. Sometimes, couples who are perhaps struggling to feel satisfied or are feeling like they are stuck in a rut in their relationship may be persuaded to believe that marriage will solve all their problems. Unfortunately, this is far from true.

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If there are issues with a partner, if boredom has set in, if a couple is no longer excited to be together, if they are constantly arguing and rarely see eye to eye, if their life decisions seem to be pulling them in different directions, embarking on marriage is not going to repair the underlying issues. You don’t need a ring on your finger and a big party to cement the loyalty and devotion of another person. No amount of ceremony and spectacle will compensate for the hard work, the desire, and the compatibility and connection between two people. If you get married to fix your problems, you are just buying a very expensive bandaid.

Marriage as a milestone

The inevitability of marriage is something that has gained momentum in recent times and is something different to what it was traditionally.

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Traditionally, marriage was a contract between a man and a father — that’s right! It was a sale, an agreement between two families. In some places, not much has changed. A man handed over his daughter to another man as though it was a commercial transaction.

These days, people balk at that idea because women certainly don’t want to view themselves as a commodity. Marriage instead is viewed as a rite of passage. A desired milestone that everyone grows up to reach. A big party with lots of lovely photos and champagne and cake. Marriage is marketed as something every little girl and every woman desires because it’s the opportunity to be queen for a day. This sometimes clouds the reality of what marriage means and what it requires for it to be successful. The truth is marriage is somewhat archaic and unnecessary. For two people to live happily ever after, all that is necessary is for those people to choose to be together.

Featured photo credit: themes.com via 7-themes.com

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Diane Koopman

Writer, Author, Novelist, Self-Publisher

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Last Updated on July 23, 2019

3 Keys to Success in Life (That Will Change You in 2019)

3 Keys to Success in Life (That Will Change You in 2019)

Do you want to program your mind and hack your body to stay in a positive state, a state of action taking throughout the day? I suggest you read on.

We will look at 3 keys to success that successful people are doing that you can model to program your mind to be in the state of succeeding from the moment upon waking, and make decisions throughout the day that will lead you towards your desires.

The Biggest Obstacle to Success: Going on Autopilot

One of the biggest pitfalls in the modern society is to fall into the trap of going on autopilot, to be walking dead and do what everyone else are doing. Most of us are too busy reacting and responding to the environment and what’s happening around us.

While we should act and take charge of our own world and our own reality. We forget to stay focused and we forget about our goals.

Learn to be conscious. Being more conscious in your day-to-day decisions will lead you to take the appropriate actions to reach your goals.

Have a purpose with life, act according to your values, and don’t let people tell you what to do or how things should be.

When you start to make more conscious decisions, you will start to think about if this is going to take you closer to your goals or drift you further away.

Why are you doing what you’re doing right now? Why are you reading this? Nothing else to do? Or are you reading this site so you might pick up a thing or two to consciously incorporate in your life to improve yourself that will move you in the direction you want?

What are your goals? Be healthy? Lose weight? Be fit? Get the dream job? Have the dream house? Live the dream life? Make a certain amount of money? Start a family?

If you truly want to pursue these goals and actually see them come true, you need to start taking actions consciously.

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3 Keys to Success in Life (That You Can Start Doing Now)

There are 3 things we have to consciously start doing:

    Now I’ll show you how you can achieve each of them in details.

    1. Write down Your Goals

    The first thing you do in the morning will determine what your day is going to be like. Program your mind to be in a powerful state from the moment upon waking, and you are guaranteed to have a productive and great day.

    How you can do this is by writing your goals down, every morning. Then, once you’ve done that, circle the most important goal,  the goal that in the long-term will have the most impact on your life.

    Now ask yourself this question: “What actions can I make today that will change everything and take me closer to this goal?

    Write down all the actions you can think of, circle the two most important ones and start doing them. Don’t stop until it’s done.

    This is an extremely powerful method of getting in the right state first thing in the morning. Instead of wandering around half-dead and spending 30 minutes to wake up, you are hacking your mind to be productive.

    Another powerful reason for writing down your goals is that by reading them it makes us feel good, write them as if they’re already accomplished. You’re already there.

    Re-reading and re-writing them every morning will ensure you to be in a resourceful state where you act based on your goals. You will make conscious decisions throughout the day that will support your goals and take you closer to them.

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    Goals that are not written down are merely wishes. Learn how to set great goals here: How to Set SMART Goal to Make Lasting Changes in Life

    The power of writing goals as if you’re already there takes us to point number 2.

    2. Create a Powerful Belief System

    Ask any successful person what their number one rule for succeeding is. They all have this in common:

    They believe in themselves and what they’re doing, and they are not afraid to say it.

    If you don’t believe in yourself, why would anyone else?

    When people ask you about your goals in life, don’t be afraid to say it out loud. If you have high goals, they might laugh and look at you funny. But if you’re insecure about your goals, you will make insecure decisions that will lead you nowhere.

    Go against the grain, stand out. After all, how many people in the world today are actually living the dream? Now, how many of these people will respond something in the likes of “I don’t know” if you ask what their goals are?

    Be determined and believe in yourself. People will respect you for having the guts for going after what you truly desire.

    I once heard a story about a guy that worked in a video store. Every day he would bring two magazines to work, one was an entrepreneur magazine and the other was a magazine loaded with expensive and fast-riding cars. His boss would ask him why he was bringing these magazines to work every day and his answer was: “I’m picking out the car I’m going to buy.”

    The response from the boss was like most average minds saying he was killing himself thinking like that, he would never ever get that car and would just end up disappointed when it never happened.

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    Turned out, the guy later quit the job at the video store and followed his dream. Some years later he return to the video store to return a video, and he did so in the car he picked out from the magazine.

    The same people were working in the store as the day he used to work there. Now can you imagine the looks on their faces when he turned up in the car they said he never ever would get?

    Priceless. And it all started by creating a powerful belief system.

    The first step to living and achieving your dream is to believe it and imagine it. When you believe in your mind that you’ve already achieved your goals, you will develop a sense of certainty. That certainty will lead to action steps, when you know what the outcome is going to be it’s much easier to pick out the actions that are necessary to get there.

    You are certain you will live in the body you want.

    You are certain you will live in the dream house with the dream family.

    You are certain you will have the job you want, and earn the money you believe you’re worth.

    By constantly repeating in your mind the images of yourself succeeding, you create neural pathways in the brain. Your mind can’t tell the difference between what you vividly imagine and the reality.

    Go out and day dream. Go out and believe, imagine already living your dreams and goals. With enough repetition, you become certain that this is the only outcome and you work backwards to find ways for making it happen.

    The next step in personal success that will lead to life success and happiness is to..

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    3. Invest in Yourself

    A wise man was once asked what the best possible investment someone could make. His answer was short, sweet and simple: “Invest In Yourself.”

    The man’s name is Warren Buffett. He is known as the world’s greatest investor. According to Forbes, he has a net worth of $53.5 Billion.

    Hiring a personal coach, getting a membership at a gym, buying healthy foods, books and education are not expenses. They are investments: investments in yourself.

    Some things you can do today to invest in yourself are:

    • Go to the gym and train. Physical training releases endorphins and makes you feel great. It increases productivity and energy levels. By investing time in the gym, you’ll be better able to handle daily tasks and what life throws at you. Forty-five to fifty minutes is all you need, it’s actually the best time to shoot for in a workout.
    • Eat good food. When you go to the grocery store after work, ask yourself: “What foods will nourish my mind and body to feel and perform better?” You are setting yourself up for greatness and consciously making yourself aware of what foods will empower you, therefore make better decisions.
    • Start reading books. Everyone buys books, but very few actually reads them cover to cover.
    • Stop reading books and start studying them. Few read the books they buy, but even fewer remembers what they read. Stop reading books and start studying books.
    • Study at least one hour a day. “One hour per day of study will put you at the top of your field within three years. Within five years you’ll be a national authority. In seven years, you can be one of the best people in the world at what you do.” – Brian Tracy
    • Take notes. Never leave home without a pen and a piece of paper. The best ideas often comes in the least appropriate times, write them down. Don’t trust your mind to remember them—it won’t. Writing it down right away will also allow your mind to store and come up with more ideas. Nowadays, you can use plenty of notes-taking apps like Evernote.
    • Learn a new skill. Learn something new every day, a new skill or a new word. One new skill every day equals 365 new skills a year. Now imagine where you could be a year from now if you start doing it today?
    • Do something for yourself. Yes, hard work is a major factor for succeeding, but at least once per month do something fun, something outrageous and spontaneous that makes you feel alive. Have fun and enjoy yourself.

    The Crucial Rule to Follow

    The last piece of advice and rule to follow: Keep on, keeping on.

    Sometimes, things get hard and the road seems too long. You just have to keep on, keeping on.

    Revisit your goals and start imagining, all of the sudden you’ve changed your state and you’re on the right track again. The track that will take you to greatness.

    Use these 3 keys to create your destiny and achieve what you want in life.

    Go get it.

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    Featured photo credit: Pexels via pexels.com

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