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Beyond Cheating: When Sex Becomes an Addiction

Beyond Cheating: When Sex Becomes an Addiction

Sex: it can be tons of fun and really enjoyable – or it can get us is in a lot of trouble. Unplanned pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases and illnesses, and tons of drama stem from one-night stand mistakes. There’s a reason sex is still considered an activity for mature, consensual adults.

However, what happens when sex gets out of control? When it becomes an uncontrollable urge, a persistent itch beneath the skin, interfering with your life and relationships, what happens then? What happens when sex becomes an addiction?

Sex Addiction is Real: The Signs and Symptoms

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Sex Addiction: Beyond Cheating

    Understanding sex addiction is difficult for most people to understand, as is addiction in general. When one has never experienced the overwhelming, all-consuming urge to drink, use illicit substances, or compulsively do something despite knowing how harmful it can be, it’s easy to deny that addiction is more than a moral shortcoming. This is also true when it comes to non-substance based addictions, like gambling, body modification, and especially sex.

    Sex addiction can be just as crippling and life-changing as an addiction to heroin, cocaine, or methamphetamine. The stigmas against addiction are difficult enough, but society has come a much farther way in understanding substance abuse than in understanding non-substance addictions. Sex addiction is not an excuse for cheating, or a lie to get out of commitment; people living with sex addiction struggle to maintain personal relationships, working relationships, and social standing often in silence and shame. They face intense physical and mental symptoms just as those with other addictions do, such as:

    • Engaging in an increased amount of sex with more partners than intended.
    • Persistent preoccupation with intercourse.
    • Prioritizing sex over other activities.
    • Continually engaging in excessive sexual acts despite the desire to cut back or stop.
    • Finding the need to engage in more sex to achieve the same effects.
    • Feeling anxiety or irritability when unable to engage in sex.

    Risks of Untreated Sex Addiction: Loss of Relationships, STDs, Damaged Reputation

    Some may joke that sex addiction sounds like a dream, and how it must be so much fun – it’s not. The average sexually active person is at risk for contracting sexually transmitted infections and diseases such as herpes, chlamydia, gonorrhea, or HIV/AIDS. The risks are increased in certain areas of the country and among certain demographics, but sexual addiction only serves to further increase the risks.

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    Impulsivity and lapses in judgment can lead to unprotected sex with people we have just met, with unknown sexual and medical histories. Unfortunately, what some people view as “just a bit of fun” can have very real and long lasting consequences. While we should not judge others based on their medical conditions, putting ourselves in needless jeopardy is dangerous to ourselves and others.

    In addition to the health risks, promiscuity is still stigmatized, even when it is the result of a legitimate disorder. Those assumptions based on preconceptions ruin reputations, causing problems in all areas of life. Rumors can derail potential relationships, business opportunities, and friendships. Existing relationships can be strained by the sexual demands caused by sex addiction, insecurities, and self-doubt. Left untreated, sexual addiction wreaks havoc on all areas of one’s life.

    How to Talk to Someone Who is Addicted to Sex

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    How to Talk About Sex Addiction?

      If you suspect you or someone you know is living with sex addiction, it is important to seek professional help for the sake of your physical and mental health. Just as with any other addiction, it often has roots in deeper issues, such as emotional traumas or underlying mental health disorders. Rehabilitation services exist and support groups exist for people living with sex addiction. Recovery is possible. You don’t have to live as a slave to your body any longer.

      For some, realization that sex has become a problem doesn’t come easily. Some only realize there is a problem when it is pointed out to them by well-meaning, compassionate people in their lives who love them. However, as someone outside of the situation, it’s important to approach it correctly.

      Here’s a few tips for approaching someone regarding sex addiction:

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      • Avoid accusation and finger pointing.
      • Be a supporter, not an enabler.
      • Have real suggestions for solutions.
      • Listen intently.
      • Recognize that you cannot force anyone to do anything they are not ready for.

      How to Seek Treatment

      Seeking Treatment for Sex Addiction

        As we continue to learn more about addiction in general, and how it affects us mentally, emotionally, and physically, more recovery options and rehabilitation treatments become available. It’s important that, no matter what type of addiction you are facing, your path of recovery is tailored to work best for you. Ultimately, that means entering a treatment facility for continuous monitoring and care, or private counseling with a personal therapist or through support groups. Personalized care creates a solid foundation for a new, addiction-free life.

        Make sure to do proper research before committing to treatment, but do not let yourself detour from your desire to overcome addiction. Know that your journey is yours and yours alone. Move at your own pace, but always keep moving.

        You are strong enough to overcome anything.

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        Last Updated on July 3, 2020

        30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

        30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

        In today’s world, true peace must come from within us and our own actions. Here are 30 small things you can do on a regular basis to increase your overall sense of harmony, peace, and well-being:

        1. Don’t go to every fight you’re invited to

        Particularly when you’re around those who thrive on chaos, be willing to decline the invitation to join in on the drama.

        2. Focus on your breath

        Throughout the day, stop to take a few deep breaths. Keep stress at bay with techniques such as “square breathing.” Breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, then out for four counts, and hold again for four counts. Repeat this cycle four times.

        3. Get organized and purge old items

        A cluttered space often creates a cluttered spirit. Take the time to get rid of anything you haven’t used in a year and invest in organizational systems that help you sustain a level of neatness.

        4. Stop yourself from being judgmental

        Whenever you are tempted to have an opinion about someone else’s life, check your intentions. Judging others creates and promotes negative energy.

        5. Say ‘thank you’ early and often

        Start and end each day with an attitude of gratitude. Look for opportunities in your daily routine and interactions to express appreciation.

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        6. Smile more

        Even if you have to “fake it until you make it,” there are many scientific benefits of smiling and laughing. Also, pay attention to your facial expression when you are doing neutral activities such as driving and walking. Turn that frown upside down!

        7. Don’t worry about the future

        As difficult as this sounds, there is a direct connection between staying in the present and living a more peaceful life. You cannot control the future. As the old proverb goes, “Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it won’t get you anywhere.” Practice gently bringing your thoughts back to the present.

        8. Eat real food

        The closer the food is to the state from which it came from the earth, the better you will feel in eating it. Choose foods that grew from a plant over food that was made in a plant.

        9. Choose being happy over being right

        Too often, we sacrifice inner peace in order to make a point. It’s rarely worth it.

        10. Keep technology out of the bedroom

        Many studies, such as one conducted by Brigham and Women’s Hospital, have connected blue light of electronic devices before bed to adverse sleep and overall health. To make matters worse, many people report that they cannot resist checking email and social media when their cell phone is in reach of their bed, regardless of the time.

        11. Make use of filtering features on social media

        You may not want to “unfriend” someone completely, however you can choose whether you want to follow their posts and/or the sources of information that they share.

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        12. Get comfortable with silence

        When you picture someone who is the ultimate state of peace, typically they aren’t talking.

        13. Listen to understand, not to respond

        So often in conversations, we use our ears to give us cues about when it is our turn to say what we want to say. Practice active listening, ask questions, process, then speak.

        14. Put your troubles in a bubble

        Whenever you start to feel anxious, visualize the situation being wrapped in a bubble and then picture that sphere floating away.

        15. Speak more slowly

        Often a lack of peace manifests itself in fast or clipped speech. Take a breath, slow down, and let your thoughtful consideration drive your words.

        16. Don’t procrastinate

        Nothing adds stress to our lives like waiting until the last minute.

        17. Buy a coloring book

        Mandala coloring books for adults are becoming more popular because of their connection to creating inner peace.

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        18. Prioritize yourself

        You are the only person who you are guaranteed to live with 24 hours a day for the rest of your life.

        19. Forgive others

        Holding a grudge is hurting you exponentially more than anyone else. Let it go.

        20. Check your expectations

        Presumption often leads to drama. Remember the old saying, “Expectations are premeditated resentments.”

        21. Engage in active play

        Let your inner child come out and have some fun. Jump, dance, play, and pretend!

        22. Stop criticizing yourself

        The world is a hard enough place with more than enough critics. Your life is not served well by being one of them.

        23. Focus your energy and attention on what you want

        Thoughts, words, and actions all create energy. Energy attracts like energy. Put out what you want to get back.

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        24. Assign yourself “complaint free” days.

        Make a conscious decision not to complain about anything for a whole day. It might be harder than you think and the awareness will stick with you.

        25. Surround yourself with people you truly enjoy being in the company of

        Personalities tend to be contagious, and not everyone’s is worth catching. Be judicious in your choices.

        26. Manage your money

        Financial concerns rank top on the list of what causes people stress. Take the time each month to do a budget, calculate what you actually spend and sanity check that against the money you have coming in.

        27. Stop trying to control everything

        Not only is your inner control freak sabotaging your sense of peace, it is also likely getting in the way of external relationships as well.

        28. Practice affirmations

        Repeat positive phrases that depict the life and qualities you want to attract. It may not come naturally to you, but it works.

        29. Get up before sunrise

        Personally witnessing the dawn brings a unique sense of awe and appreciation for life.

        30. Be yourself

        Nothing creates more inner discord than trying to be something other than who we really are. Authenticity breeds happiness.

        Featured photo credit: man watching sunrise via stokpic.com

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