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This Is Why You Attract People Who Don’t Really Suit You (But You Don’t Need To Blame Yourself)

This Is Why You Attract People Who Don’t Really Suit You (But You Don’t Need To Blame Yourself)

People will drift in and out of your life

It is rare that people stay in your life from childhood through to adulthood. Some friends from your youth may be in your life till old age, but that doesn’t mean you are compatible. It just means, like family, familiarity and consequence has forced your lives together. It’s not that attracting these relationships isn’t valuable. Old friends are probably some of the most important connections you will make and are the most noteworthy in your personal history. It’s just that sometimes the most profound and significant relationships you have may be short lived. Sometimes people will drift into your life and it’s like the universe has aligned to facilitate your union. These are the people that pass through your life and make an impact. You may meet them through work, or it could be someone you meet while traveling or someone you had a short but intense romantic involvement with. They are the people you never forget and the ones that change you, but somehow you know that it is impossible for them to be in your life for the long run.

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You may feel like you are attracting all the wrong people, but in fact you are attracting the right people that you need in that moment in time.

We are socialized to believe that there is one person out there who is supposed to complete us. One person who we are supposed to meet and spend the rest of our lives with. For some people, attracting this person is a reality and, whether it is a choice and daily compromise, a commitment is made to form a union with one other person and see it through — no matter what and til the end of your days.

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However, true and long-lasting love is not a given for everybody. The reality is that it is healthy to have romantic encounters throughout our lives, particularly in our youth and formative years, to help us understand who we truly are and who we want to become. Loving relationships, whether sexual or platonic, teach us about ourselves. They give us the tools to understand what it means to truly connect with another human being on an emotional, physical, and intellectual level. They teach us to compromise and cooperate by negotiating our own needs with the needs of another. You may feel like you are attracting all the wrong people, but in fact you are attracting the right people that you need in that moment in time. Sometimes, if you love someone, you have to set them free.

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 Gradually we stop indulging in the need to please others and learn to do what is in our own best interest.

Being true to ourselves is not as easy as it sounds and it is something that needs to be practiced and learned as we grow up. When we are young, we do what we are told, what our parents and teachers tell us. The older we get, the more self determination we develop. We ask questions. We see things from our own perspectives and learn to make up our own minds. We use our experiences and our resourcefulness to guide us and, while taking others’ advice and influence on board, we think critically and develop the ability to make rational decisions. This means that gradually we stop indulging in the need to please others and learn to do what is in our own best interest. This doesn’t imply that we are selfish or self absorbed. It instead alludes to becoming a self reliant and independent, free-thinking individual, who can make their own decisions and prioritize their own happiness and satisfaction. The truer you are to yourself, and the more you respect your own wishes, the harder it becomes to tolerate the wrong people. Attracting the right people becomes inevitable.

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More by this author

Diane Koopman

Writer, Author, Novelist, Self-Publisher

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Last Updated on October 17, 2019

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

You see your partner every single day. They are the first person you talk to in the morning and the last person you kiss goodnight.

But does seeing each other day in and day out equal a healthy relationship? Not necessarily.

Spending quality time with your partner is the best way to ensure your relationship stays healthy and strong. This means going above and beyond sitting together while you watch Netflix or going out for the occasional dinner. You deserve more from your relationship – and so does your spouse!

What does quality time mean? It means spending time with your spouse without interruption. It’s a chance for you to come together and talk. Communication will build emotional intimacy and trust.

Quality time is also about expressing love in a physical way. Not sex, necessarily (but that’s great, too!) but through hand-holding, cuddling, caressing, and tickling. Studies show that these displays of affection will boost partner satisfaction.[1]

So how do you spend quality time with your partner? Here are 13 relationship tips on making the most out of your time with your partner.

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1. Recognize the Signs

If you want a healthy relationship, you have to learn how to recognize the signs that you need to spend more quality time together.

Some telltale signs include:

  • You’re always on your phones.
  • You value friendships or hobbies over quality time with your spouse.
  • You aren’t together during important events.
  • You are arguing more often or lack connection.
  • You don’t make plans or date nights.
  • You’re not happy.

If you are experiencing any of these relationship symptoms, know that quality time together can reverse the negative effects of the signs above.

2. Try New Things Together

Have you ever wanted to learn how to play an instrument or speak another language? How about skydive or ballroom dance?

Instead of viewing these as solo hobbies and interests, why not involve your partner?

Trying new activities together builds healthy relationships because it encourages spouses to rely on one another for emotional and physical support.

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Shared hobbies also promote marital friendship, and the Journal of Happiness Studies found that marital satisfaction was twice as high for couples who viewed each other as best friends.[2]

3. Schedule in Tech-Free Time

Your phone is a great way to listen to music, watch videos, and keep up-to-date with friends and family. But is your phone good for your relationship?

Many couples phone snub, or ‘phub’, one another. Studies show that phubbing can lower relationship satisfaction and increase one’s chances of depression.[3]

Reduce those chances by removing distractions when spending quality time together and showing your partner they have your full attention.

4. Hit the Gym as a Couple

One way you can spend more time together as a couple is by becoming workout partners. Studies show that couples are more likely to stay with their exercise routine if they work out together.[4] Couples also work out harder than they would solo. One study found that 95 percent of couples who work out together maintained weight loss compares to the 66 percent of singles who did.[5]

Join a gym, do at-home couples’ workouts, try couples yoga, hit the hiking trails, or get your bikes out. No matter which way you choose to exercise, these healthy activities can promote a healthy relationship.

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5. Cook Meals Together

Pop open a bottle of wine or put some romantic music on while you get busy – in the kitchen, of course!

One of the best relationship tips for spending quality time together when you both have busy schedules is to cook meals together.[6]

Spice things up and try and prepare a four-course meal or a fancy French dish together. Not only is this a fun way to spend your time together, but it also promotes teamwork.

If all goes well, you’ll have a romantic date night meal at home that you prepared with your four hands. And if the food didn’t turn out the way you’d hoped, you are guaranteed to have a laugh and create new memories together.

6. Have a Regular Date Night

Couples experience a greater sense of happiness and less stress when they are spending quality time together.[7] One of the biggest relationship tips for a healthy partnership is to include a date night in your weekly routine.

The National Marriage Project found that having a weekly date night can make your relationship seem more exciting and helps prevent relationship boredom.[8] It also lowers the probability of divorce, improves your sex life, and increases healthy communication.

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Some great ideas for what to do on your date night include:

  • Have a movie marathon – Gather up your favorite flicks and cuddle up on the couch.
  • Play games together – Cards, board games, video games, and other creative outlets are a fun way to spend quality time together.
  • Recreate your first date – Go back to that restaurant and order the same meal you did when you first got together. You can spice up your evening by pretending you’re strangers meeting for the first time and see how sexy the night gets.
  • Plan a weekend getaway – There’s nothing better than traveling with the one you love.
  • Dinner and a movie – A classic!
  • Try a new restaurant – Make it your mission to rate and try all of the Mexican restaurants/Irish pubs/Italian trattorias in your area.
  • Have a long sex session – Intimacy promotes the release of the oxytocin hormone which is responsible for a myriad of great feelings.[9]

Here’re even more date night ideas for your reference: 50 Unique and Really Fun Date Ideas for Couples

Final Thoughts

The benefits of spending quality time together are endless. Here are just some of the ways it can contribute to a healthy relationship:

  • Improves emotional and physical intimacy
  • Lowers divorce rates
  • Improves communication
  • Reduces marital boredom
  • Bonds couples closer
  • Improves friendship
  • Boosts health
  • Reduces stress

These are all excellent reasons to start making date night a regular part of your week.

It’s easy to have a healthy relationship when you set aside dedicated time to share with your spouse. Try new things together, make your spouse your workout buddy, and look for innovative ways to be close and connected.

These relationship tips will bring great benefits to your marriage.

Featured photo credit: Allen Taylor via unsplash.com

Reference

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