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This Is Why You Attract People Who Don’t Really Suit You (But You Don’t Need To Blame Yourself)

This Is Why You Attract People Who Don’t Really Suit You (But You Don’t Need To Blame Yourself)

People will drift in and out of your life

It is rare that people stay in your life from childhood through to adulthood. Some friends from your youth may be in your life till old age, but that doesn’t mean you are compatible. It just means, like family, familiarity and consequence has forced your lives together. It’s not that attracting these relationships isn’t valuable. Old friends are probably some of the most important connections you will make and are the most noteworthy in your personal history. It’s just that sometimes the most profound and significant relationships you have may be short lived. Sometimes people will drift into your life and it’s like the universe has aligned to facilitate your union. These are the people that pass through your life and make an impact. You may meet them through work, or it could be someone you meet while traveling or someone you had a short but intense romantic involvement with. They are the people you never forget and the ones that change you, but somehow you know that it is impossible for them to be in your life for the long run.

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You may feel like you are attracting all the wrong people, but in fact you are attracting the right people that you need in that moment in time.

We are socialized to believe that there is one person out there who is supposed to complete us. One person who we are supposed to meet and spend the rest of our lives with. For some people, attracting this person is a reality and, whether it is a choice and daily compromise, a commitment is made to form a union with one other person and see it through — no matter what and til the end of your days.

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However, true and long-lasting love is not a given for everybody. The reality is that it is healthy to have romantic encounters throughout our lives, particularly in our youth and formative years, to help us understand who we truly are and who we want to become. Loving relationships, whether sexual or platonic, teach us about ourselves. They give us the tools to understand what it means to truly connect with another human being on an emotional, physical, and intellectual level. They teach us to compromise and cooperate by negotiating our own needs with the needs of another. You may feel like you are attracting all the wrong people, but in fact you are attracting the right people that you need in that moment in time. Sometimes, if you love someone, you have to set them free.

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 Gradually we stop indulging in the need to please others and learn to do what is in our own best interest.

Being true to ourselves is not as easy as it sounds and it is something that needs to be practiced and learned as we grow up. When we are young, we do what we are told, what our parents and teachers tell us. The older we get, the more self determination we develop. We ask questions. We see things from our own perspectives and learn to make up our own minds. We use our experiences and our resourcefulness to guide us and, while taking others’ advice and influence on board, we think critically and develop the ability to make rational decisions. This means that gradually we stop indulging in the need to please others and learn to do what is in our own best interest. This doesn’t imply that we are selfish or self absorbed. It instead alludes to becoming a self reliant and independent, free-thinking individual, who can make their own decisions and prioritize their own happiness and satisfaction. The truer you are to yourself, and the more you respect your own wishes, the harder it becomes to tolerate the wrong people. Attracting the right people becomes inevitable.

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Diane Koopman

Writer, Author, Novelist, Self-Publisher

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Last Updated on April 9, 2020

How to Think Positive Thoughts When Feeling Negative

How to Think Positive Thoughts When Feeling Negative

Positive thinking can lead to a lot of positive change in your life. Developing an optimistic outlook can be good for both your physical and mental health.

But sometimes, certain situations arise in life that makes it hard to keep a positive outlook. Take steps to make positive thinking become more like your second nature and you’ll reap the biggest benefits.

Here are 10 ways to make thinking positive thoughts easy:

1. Spend Time with Positive People

If you surround yourself with constant complainers, their negativity is likely to rub off on you.

Spend time with positive friends and family members to increase the likelihood that their positive thinking habits will become yours too. It’s hard to be negative when everyone around you is so positive.

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Learn How to Surround Yourself With Positive People.

2. Take Responsibility for Your Behavior

When you encounter problems and difficulties in life, don’t play the role of the victim. Acknowledge your role in the situation and take responsibility for your behavior.

Accepting responsibility can help you learn from mistakes and prevent you from blaming others unfairly.

3. Contribute to the Community

One of the best ways to feel good about what you have, is to focus on what you have to give.

Volunteer in some manner and give back to the community. Helping others can give you a new outlook on the world and can assist you with positive thinking.

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4. Read Positive and Inspirational Materials

Spend time each day reading something that encourages positive thinking. Read the Bible, spiritual material, or inspirational quotes to help you focus on what’s important to you in life. It can be a great way to start and end your day.

Some recommendations for you:

5. Recognize and Replace Negative Thoughts

You won’t be successful at positive thinking if you’re still plagued by frequent negative thoughts. Learn to recognize and replace thoughts that are overly negative. Often, thoughts that include words like “always” and “never” signal that they aren’t true.

If you find yourself thinking something such as, “I always mess everything up,” replace it with something more realistic such as, “Sometimes I make mistakes but I learn from them.”

There’s no need to make your thoughts unrealistically positive, but instead, make them more realistic.

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6. Establish and Work Toward Goals

It’s easier to be positive about problems and setbacks when you have goals that you’re working toward. Goals will give you motivation to overcome those obstacles when you encounter problems along the way. Without clear goals, it’s harder to make decisions and gauge your progress.

Learn to set SMART goals to help you achieve more.

7. Consider the Consequences of Negativity

Spend some time thinking about the consequences of negative thinking. Often, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

For example, a person who thinks, “I probably won’t get this job interview,” may put less effort into the interview. As a result, he may decrease his chances of getting the job.

Create a list of all the ways negative thinking impacts your life. It likely influences your behavior, your relationships, and your feelings. Then, create a list of the ways in which positive thinking could be beneficial.

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8. Offer Compliments to Others

Look for reasons to compliment others. Be genuine in your praise and compliments, but offer it frequently. This will help you look for the good in other people.

9. Create a Daily Gratitude List

If you start keeping a daily gratitude list, you’ll start noticing exactly how much you have to be thankful for. This can help you focus on the positive in your life instead of thinking about all the bad things that have happened in the day.

Getting in the habit of showing an attitude of gratitude makes positive thinking more of a habit. Here’re 40 Simple Ways To Practice Gratitude.

10. Practice Self-Care

Take good care of yourself and you’ll be more equipped to think positively.

Get plenty of rest and exercise and practice managing your stress well. Taking care of your physical and mental health will provide you with more energy to focus on positive thinking.

Learn about these 30 Self-Care Habits for a Strong and Healthy Mind, Body and Spirit.

More Tips for Staying Positive

Featured photo credit: DESIGNECOLOGIST via unsplash.com

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