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5 Essential Tips On How To Get Over A Crush

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5 Essential Tips On How To Get Over A Crush

Have you ever been in the midst of all-consuming love or lust for another person?

It can be extremely distracting, even to the point of leaving you unable to concentrate on your work or college classes. You may even suffer physical symptoms such as a lack of appetite, upset stomach, and an inability to sleep. It is therefore essential that you learn to handle the very strong feelings that can arise when you begin to grow serious feelings for another person. Think of the ability to get over a crush as a life skill that all sensible adults must develop. It’s part of being self-aware and emotionally intelligent.

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1. Take A More Rounded View Of The Person

When you feel infatuated with a particular individual, it can be easy to take a very one-sided view of them. You may spend a long time dwelling on their better qualities and overlook their very real limitations that render them human. This is not to say that you need to try and hate the person in question. Rather, it’s healthy to remember that they are a multi-faceted person with weaker qualities too!

Also consider that they have probably had past relationships, and that these relationships will have ended with good reason. However much you may feel as though the opposite is the case, keep in mind that no-one is perfect.

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2. Develop Your Own Good Qualities

Sometimes we develop crushes on people not because of who they are, but for what they represent. For example, if you tend to develop crushes on people who are very artistic or creative, this may actually be a sign that you need to honor your own creative streak on a more regular basis. Beware of trying to seek in other people the traits, lifestyle or characteristics that you really crave for yourself. Instead, channel your energy into creating the life that you want. This may involve a lot of self-awareness and goal-setting, but the effort will be well worth it in the end.

3. Use Distractions To Help You Get Over A Crush

Sometimes you just need to keep yourself busy to distract yourself from your feelings. Make sure that you are keeping up with your friends and hobbies. Do not allow yourself more than a few minutes a day to dwell on the person in question. If you catch yourself preoccupied with the same repetitive thoughts, gently pull your mind back to the present. Mindfulness exercises or meditation can help develop this ability to live in the present and quiet your mind.

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4. Talk To Someone About Your Feelings

Having a crush can be a very lonely experience. You might feel as though no-one else understands you, and that you are alone and wrapped up in your feelings. This needn’t be the case – when you start talking to other people, you will discover that the vast majority will have moved past such feelings at some point or another. Being able to talk about your feelings to someone else may be just the thing you need to gain a sense of understanding and insight. Very few adults have never felt the pain of unrequited love or never known what it is like to nurse a huge crush.

5. Try To Appreciate The Good Parts Of Having A Crush

As annoying as it can be to have to deal with all-consuming feelings, try to appreciate the positives that having a crush can bring. For example, it shows that you are able to feel attracted to another person and appreciate their finer qualities. One day, you will meet a person who is capable of reciprocating those feelings.

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Featured photo credit: Tom Sodoge via stocksnap.io

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Jay Hill

Jay writes about communication and happiness on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on November 18, 2021

10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

  • honest
  • reliable
  • competent
  • kind and compassionate
  • capable of taking the blame
  • able to persevere
  • modest and humble
  • pacific and can control anger.

The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

Abigail Van Buren

3. How does this person take the blame?

Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

5. Read their emails.

Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

  • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
  • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
  • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
  • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
  • Too many question marks can show anger
  • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

6. Watch out for the show offs.

Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

8. Their empathy score is high.

Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

“One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

Stendhal

 10. Avoid toxic people.

These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

  • Envy or jealousy
  • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
  • Complaining about their own lack of success
  • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
  • Obsession with themselves and their problems

Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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