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5 Ways Social Media Can Destroy You

5 Ways Social Media Can Destroy You

At the onset of the Internet age, we were led to believe that the more information you have, the better off you are. No data is bad data and all data is useful. But then came social media.

Social media was supposed to be a great equalizing tool. It was a way to share your opinions with friends and strangers. More importantly, it was a way for people to come together to celebrate their achievements or protest their disappointments. It gave a voice to everyone.

But social media has an infamous dark side and the more people share, the more serious this side becomes. As it turns out, living your life online has serious consequences for your self-esteem, your relationships, and your career prospects.

Here are five ways that social media can destroy you.

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1. Oversharing

People who posted three million updates a day used to be funny.

But oversharing does not look the same as it used to because we’re not talking about gratuitous pictures of brunch anymore. Oversharing has people fighting about highly personal matters in the public sphere. They share their personal identification details online. All that is just what they share publicly, never mind private messages.

Oversharing will get you into huge trouble. It’s like airing your dirty laundry to your friends, your family, your co-workers, and the guy you met at the Shell station.  Oh and then there’s all your friends’ friends, family co-workers and the weird people they meet buying a Snickers.

2. Sharing the Wrong Things

Social media was fine and good when you accessed it from your computer.

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Back in the day, posting on social media looked like this: think of something funny. Make a mental note to put it on Facebook later. Log on to Facebook. Reconsider whether you’re as funny as you think you are. Post status/log off. Repeat.

Now, even your dog can Tweet with his Apple watch while you’re sitting in traffic. You’re losing three steps out of that process. Today, it looks more like: think of something funny. Post status. Repeat.

What you’re missing is that valuable time between making a joke and posting it online. That time is important because it gives you the space to figure out whether you’re hilarious or just kind of a jerk. Having that time prevents you from making a joke about the victims of the Boston Marathon Bombing. Ultimately it stops you from being ridiculed and threatened by people you’ve never met.

3. Facebook Addiction

Facebook addiction was another hilarious joke until it became a serious problem. Now, even people who hate Facebook have a small subconscious need to get validation with likes.

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Facebook addiction is real and it is dangerous. Not only does it prevent you from living in the present, it can also leave you with crippling anxiety and insecurities. But few people talk about the real danger of social media addictions.

Facebook addictions make you boring IRL. Nobody wants to hear about what he said on Facebook, what she said on Facebook or what you said on Facebook. If they wanted to know, they would have already seen it, liked it, and moved on.

4. Becoming Internet Famous

The Instagram models will tell you that there’s nothing better than being Internet famous. It drives traffic to their websites and many have become millionaires from their bedrooms. But that’s not entirely true. Its fine for some but in most cases, it means having every shred of privacy ripped from you before you’ve even realized what’s happening.

Sometimes you’re made Internet famous because you over shared or posted the wrong thing. But sometimes, somebody just decides to make you their victim, maliciously or not. All it takes is one post, one tweet or one picture. All of a sudden, you’ll have hundreds of thousands of adoring fans and the media at your door step.

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But in all seriousness, you need to watch what you post because you’re only one silly picture away from becoming the next Ermahgerd girl.

5. Nothing Is Private

The real danger of social media is not that you might say the wrong thing to the wrong person. The real danger is the fact that one determined person with nothing else to do can find your name, your phone number, your address, your parents’ address, your third-cousin’s Twitter, your boss, your co-worker, your ex-lover, the ex-lover you briefly forgot about and use all this information to systematically tear your life apart piece by piece.

But why would someone go through so much trouble to do that? Because it was probably not that hard. There’s a good chance your own web presence coupled with some inventive searches led them straight down the trail to destroying your social life, your relationships and your career all in one fell swoop.

Social media can build you up. But the way it is used today can also tear you down. Keep this in mind the next time you post anything other than a funny cat video.

Featured photo credit: Ian Clark via flickr.com

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Last Updated on February 21, 2019

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

Conflicts are literally everywhere.

Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

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Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

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Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

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Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

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Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

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