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Award winning Cheatsheet to turn your life around. Try these amazing steps today.

Award winning Cheatsheet to turn your life around. Try these amazing steps today.

Are you waking up unhappy or slipping away into the drenching array of negativity with questions like:

Why am I not successful?

What am I going to do? All my friends have figured things out, but not me.

I don’t want to go to college, but how will I survive?

Why can’t I just get a grand idea and make the world change for the better?

I try so hard, but why can’t I get the results?

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You are definitely not alone. I had these same questions until I realized that I had gone through enough and put the most life challenging parts of my story into a book. After I dreaded the process for 3 whole years just to help people, I realized that I’m pretty successful. I’m a 23 year old author now. Doesn’t that just sound amazing to you? I see my name on Amazon and it gives me chills that I had completed that one thing.

The question I ask myself now is that if I backtracked to 6 years ago, would I read a book to change my life? I probably wouldn’t. A cheatsheet of the book would have been better. Lucky for you, I have put together one, simplifying the tips on how to change your life from absolute chaos to freedom. I’ve called my concept THE BREADCRUMB BALANCE.

Your first step to moving forward is to give things a chance. Remember that quote? To have a different outcome, you have to start doing things differently. Focusing on the lifestyle will lead you to the life.

The Breadcrumb Balance PART 1
This is vital for growth in any aspect of life.

So… maybe you like bread or maybe you don’t. Luckily, for you, this really isn’t about either one. Have you ever seen how a solid loaf of bread looks? What am I asking? Of course you have! It’s firm, yet soft. It leaves some crumbs if not consumed or fully used up. The breadcrumb is useful for other things. Don’t trash it just yet.

Okay, but what does this have to do with me or growth?

Maybe you aren’t where you want to be in life since you’re reading this, but just like the breadcrumb, don’t trash your life. I was once in a dark place too. I was frustrated and annoyed by everything just because I wasn’t where I wanted to be. I wasn’t accepted by society or even my family because of things I felt and chose. I was attracted to women and that could have gotten me killed where I was from. I was also doing drugs, clubbing all night, then going to school drunk in the morning. Deep down, all I wanted was to have a decent life and make myself proud, but i didn’t know what to do or how to get there. I was the underdog, the black sheep, the I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF person. The only thing is I was good at was hiding it.

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What got me to safer, more stable grounds?
The Breadcrumb Balance.

So, to answer your question: WHAT THE HECK IS THE BREADCRUMB BALANCE?

The breadcrumb balance is using the portion or section of anything that is deemed as unimportant or useless to build on the task at hand and get the results you want. That’s Part 1 of 2, but let part 1 sink in first.

The breadcrumb is useless after you have used the bread until the lightbulb goes off. You realize that breadcrumbs can be used to prepare baked chicken, bake a cake, or make delicious appetizers like croutons. Better yet, the birds can live off of it too. Why throw it out when you can improve the cycle of life? In a nutshell, it’s just taking what’s useless and making it good again. Faith is Key.

How do I put the Breadcrumb Balance into action?

HEALTH, WEALTH, LOVE, AND HAPPINESS —>> THE GOOD LIFE

STEPS

  1. Make a decision. What do I really want? A main objective is needed. You don’t need to throw in the towel just yet and say I haven’t figured out my life fully so I can’t use the Breadcrumb Balance. No! It’s a must that you accept that you need change in your life. Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you there, but you must know that growth is necessary and you must be willing to keep moving until you get to that point. Accepting that you haven’t got it all figured out isn’t enough. There has to be a sacrifice to give up the lazy and lackadaisical life you’re living now. There has to be a second stage that you hit to move from where you are. You don’t know what to do? Fine, but what will move you closer to success, happiness, or preferably both? What are some things you’d like to do before you kick the bucket?
  2. Set goals. After you have accepted and decided that change is necessary, you must write down all the things you wish to accomplish and by what date. This is completely necessary. I used this strategy to move from Jamaica to America, lose 60 pounds, and write a book on how my life changed immensely in all ways. That said, growth is not subject to one aspect of life. Make sure to write a list of short-term goals that lead to your long-term vision. Keep it as simple as possible. Flooding yourself with goals for timelines that are unrealistic is equivalent to a slow death. Be reasonable with yourself while challenging your abilities. Balance is everything for this step. One thing at a time. Don’t overthink yourself to death. If you need help or you get stuck, just message me. I’ll help you.
  3. Condition your mind. This is the most important part to me. Making yourself more aware is one of the most life changing investments one could possibly make. Do whatever it takes to make yourself believe and know that what you want is possible. I used vision boards, gratitude walks, prayer, reading the bible, and motivation videos on YouTube to keep me grounded for change. These helped me understand faith a bit more too. Our belief systems may differ, so you are free to use whatever you wish to enhance and enlighten your own path. I also made my goals repetitive in my mind, telling myself throughout the day that I am now living my dreams. Along with repeating this, I began to visualize what it would be like if I was really living my dreams. I began to picture what I would wear, how I’d smell, speak, and the people I’d meet. Nothing was left out. The more you visualize, the more you’ll feel like it is true. The more you can feel it is, the closer you’ll become to manifesting the opportunities you wish to accomplish. Always remember: searching for gold will lead you to gold. This is Faith.
  4. Activating goals. Take action! It’s no doubt that if you follow these steps you will be on your own way to achieving. However, you cannot move forward without wanting to physically move. Sounds dumb right? Then again, how can you get out of bed if you don’t actually make an effort to move? That’s crazy! It’s just the same as the law of motion (unless movement is applied to an object, it will stay the same). Treat your goals like these objects; unless you take action, no growth will take place. You don’t need to kill yourself off to gain traction, but a little effort is all it takes. When you begin to fall in love with your results, try to do 1% more than the day before. Just 1%. I began to write, exercise, and pack my suitcase everyday. I always knew I wanted to write, travel, and lose weight, but it didn’t seem like a legitimate thing to do. I loved expressing myself. Now. I’m an actual author with my in depth story on Amazon, 60 pounds lighter, and in a new country. It’s unbelievable! I never knew I had it in me to do all these things because of how inconsistent I always was, but a little effort everyday with the other steps made it possible. The minute you begin to apply movement to your life is the moment you’ll begin to see results. Stop feeling like a victim. You’re not. No one is better than you, either. The quality of your thoughts will impact the quality of your actions, so develop tiny movements every day that will lead you closer.
  5. Trust your journey. I always knew that the challenges I faced were for a specific reason. I didn’t always have it figured out and I surely didn’t know what I’d become. I was a college dropout and living the life of God knows what. No one expected the things I was doing. I was never a straight A student because I wasn’t the type to go out of my way for that. I was smart, but I didn’t always make smart decisions. I’m guessing you’re similar to who I thought I was, but listen, it’s all a piece of the puzzle. Look at me now, at age 23 I’m giving life lessons. I became a mentor for kids before I moved and I’ve helped them develop their mindsets from “0-100 Real quick”, as Drake said. Worrying is good sometimes, but not to the point where you suffer. Worry in such a way that you become focused on fixing the root of the issue. Notice I didn’t say fix the issue? Fix the ROOT of the issue, which is your mind, your perspective, and how you view things. Life is much more than we often think. No one can help you unless you decide to fix the root of the issue. Trust your journey. Life isn’t out to get you – it’s reacting to you. You must learn to adapt because if you don’t, you will not move forward. You will stick to that same old negative thinking and not push yourself. Instead of giving up, be open-minded to adaptation.

If you know the things that will help you get to a certain goal, but you hate the process so much that it demotivates you, get a creative alternative. I hated reading books, but I knew I needed to get the information someway somehow.

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What did I do?

I began listening to audiobooks and made my own notes. I even downloaded a few podcasts and followed cool people on social media. Follow the ones you can emulate even if they don’t necessarily have the same belief system as you. Use them as a mentor because they have the strategies you desire. DJ Khaled is one of these people I use. This guy is the king of Snapchat. He has surface madness, but if you analyze what he says and does on a spiritual level, the guy is straight up dope. Tai Lopez is one I couldn’t stand, but I gave him a chance and now I don’t go a day without keeping up with his snaps. It’s really good to find what works for you and just keep working at it.

It takes 30 days to build a habit.
Challenge yourself and follow these steps for 70 days.

Be humble. This means try to be more aware of things you don’t know. Be open to learning. Instead of saying, “I already know this”, ask “what more should I know about this?”

Challenge who you are. Never stop being curious and try to be better than you were yesterday (or even a couple hours ago). We were conditioned and wired to buy things even if we don’t need it. It’s a consumer’s world, but is it worth it to conform to that? Train yourself in such a way that you listen to your body and the goals you have to know what you deserve. When you see that you deserve something, you don’t care about greatness because you don’t need greatness. Yes, it’s unconventional, but you really don’t need greatness. All you need is a pain point. Unhappiness is a pain point to show that you need to work on your happiness. Discomfort in the stomach shows you need to eat better. See where this is going? Michael Jordan was conceited, but his coach always loved his ability to be coached. That is true humility. Live to learn. If you want to grow, the more you learn is the more you earn in any aspect.

Try to find the good even on your bad days. You will have bad days, but try your best to have the greatest bad day of all time. Crawl if you have to in order to get things done. Life isn’t waiting for you, so don’t wait for it.

If you want to die with regrets then you’re just a loser. If you want to live a full life but don’t know how to get there, remember you have potential and you work on yourself. I absolutely adore you if you’re willing to try.

Motivation is needed, but some days you won’t be motivated and that’s fine. Yes, I said it’s fine. Not everything you do will be an amazing adventure, it will be drawn out and annoying, but push through it and you’ll be amazed by your results.

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Never give up. If you give up and stay that way, you’re a loser; however, if you have given up and continued after, then I’m still adoring you. Don’t be a loser. Give your life a shot. It’s worth it. If I had given up, I’d be a loser, but here I am today after attempting suicide and going through the motions of life.

Don’t be afraid to shoot me an email to update me on your progress.

You’re worth it. I love you. Keep trying.

Featured photo credit: Bessi/pixabay.com via pixabay.com

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Last Updated on July 15, 2020

How to Let Go of Toxic People in Your Life

How to Let Go of Toxic People in Your Life

“Entitlement is an expression of conditional love. Nobody is ever entitled to your love. You always have a right to protect your mental, emotional, and physical well-being by removing yourself from toxic people and circumstances.” -Dr. Janice Anderson & Kiersten Anderson

It’s not always obvious if you have someone toxic in your life. A toxic relationship is one that is harmful to you. A toxic person can create distress to the degree you feel inadequate and isolated. So, what makes a toxic person?

A toxic person has toxic behavior, meaning it’s not that the whole person is toxic[1]. It’s what they do that counts. Most toxic people run from accountability and misrepresent reality to you. They misrepresent your worth and your ability to heal from them can be stifled the longer you keep them in your life. You have a role to play with it as well; if your values are dismissed by them and you don’t act on it, you have allowed room for toxicity to grow.

When you are in a toxic relationship, you feel less than. You feel as though you are not worth anyone’s time or effort. You feel unheard, and sometimes you feel unsafe. You don’t feel good about yourself in a toxic relationship, whether it be with a partner, friend, or family member.

You may stay in a toxic relationship for a number of reasons. You may believe yourself to be a burden, have a lack of boundaries, resist change, fear conflict, try to be a people pleaser, find yourself codependent, or are partially stuck in a pattern or unhealthy cycle of abuse.

Letting go of toxic people may not be easy. In order to do so, you have to know why or how they are toxic to you and read between the lines that they do not have your best interests in mind.

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Letting go of toxic people is hard because you are good and want to see the good in others. You think their apologies are authentic. You have trouble believing they are being dishonest. You don’t spend time healing from it. You get pulled back into the pain because you don’t want it to end. However, if you feel like something isn’t right, it probably isn’t right.

You should walk away from a toxic person because you need to preserve your peace. You need to feel like yourself again. And you need better support.

Letting go of toxic people can involve four major steps.

1. Recognize the Red Flags

Red flags are signs a person is being toxic. It’s when someone shows characteristics that you should feel caution about. It’s when you feel any level of dissatisfaction and distrust. Trust your gut. When you recognize red flags, you can evaluate whether a person is trying to manipulate you or not. This gives you some level of control over what you allow in your life. The earlier you detect these behaviors, the better off you will be.

Red flags can include:

  • They always put themselves first.
  • They point out imperfections and sabotage your self-esteem.
  • You may feel drained or used when you’re around them.
  • What you give isn’t reciprocated. They don’t return the goodness you provide as a friend.
  • They ignore your boundaries and get angry when you tell them “no.”
  • You catch them in half truths or outright lies when you confront them about anything.
  • You are the villain; they are the victim.
  • Second chances always lead to repeated patterns of behavior.
  • They may engage in abuse.

2. Set Boundaries

There are emotional boundaries that one can set, but there are also physical ones[2]. You can leave any time. Setting boundaries is also an important part of self-care.

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You shouldn’t walk on eggshells. Tell them how you feel. Are they respecting you, fulfilling your needs, and listening to you? If not, it’s time to set up a healthy emotional distance and start letting go of toxic people around you.

There are levels to this. You have your inner circle, which could include family, and then you have acquaintances and strangers. If a toxic person is in your inner circle, it’s time to pull back and put up some boundaries for them to follow. If they can’t hear you out, you can cut off the connection completely.

You can give second chances, but you have to be careful. If someone knows they can get away with something, they will do it again. If there’s any chance for the relationship, they have to know not to cross certain lines.

3. Invest in Yourself

You deserve to know you are worthwhile. Try to remember that things will get better and that anything is possible. How do you do so? Invest in yourself.

This means self care, goal setting, surrounding yourself with positive support, and feeling a sense of peace. Your greatest ambition should be to love yourself. Without self-love, letting go of toxic people will be difficult.

Every relationship is a risk, but if you know yourself and what you will allow, toxic people will have less of a hold over you. If you are a giver or people pleaser, you are most at risk to being in a one-sided relationship. You shouldn’t be punished for caring, but sometimes trust needs to be earned. If you have self-love, you are treating yourself the best way possible. You know that others need to meet your standards; otherwise, they don’t get to be a part of your life.

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It’s possible that you can love yourself and still not see the signs. It can be difficult for some to be aware that toxic people exist. However,, if you know how much you mean to others in your life and what you are worth, you will be less likely to take on a relationship that is harmful to you or repeat negative patterns. Self-love is how we get out of toxic relationships, but it’s also how they never begin.

4. Know When Forgiveness Is Possible

There are times a person will prove their worth to you. They may make a mistake that makes them seem like a horrible person. They may forget to be good to you because of their own issues. They may just have no example of what a healthy relationship looks like. They may have an inflated ego that really comes from insecurity. The list goes on.

If they apologize, that’s a start. Look at their actions. Are they changing for the better because they really want to change or just seeming to in order to manipulate you? A person may control others with their image or perceived personality, but if you see through them, you may be able to discern the degree to which they are willing to be there for you.

If they start to do the right thing, you may begin to trust them again. Don’t start forgiving them until time has passed and you are sure there is growth, even if they show vulnerability or remorse. You can give a second chance if they truly have an awakening. Otherwise, it’s best to get out. Don’t let them walk all over you; let them walk out the door.

If you do give a second change and they still refuse to change, you have every right to remove them and continue the process of letting go of toxic people. The moment you even want to leave may also be a good time to get out. You don’t have to compromise yourself in order to care for them.

Forgiveness is the release of resentment or anger[3]. Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation. You have to go back to the same relationship or accept the same harmful behaviors from someone. You don’t have to let them back in. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.

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Remember, forgiveness is ultimately for you, not them. You don’t need that person in your life in order to forgive them, and if you give them a second chance, proceed with caution.

Final Thoughts

Recognize the red flags, set boundaries, invest in yourself, and know when forgiveness is possible. This is how you cope with a toxic person impacting your life. You have power in the direction of your life and the people who accompany you as you move forward. Use it.

If a person is worthwhile, they will prove themselves through their actions, not their words. If they cross certain lines that really harm you, you owe them nothing. You have every right to feel what you feel and to be upset. Honor your feelings and communicate them because it’ll only continue to keep happening if you don’t.

If this is happening to you, it’s time to put a stop to it. It’s time to take control. It’s time to live for yourself, not for what others say about you. It’s time to set your standards higher than they’ve ever been before. And most of all, it’s time to let go.

Resource reminder: A physically abusive relationship is ALWAYS toxic. There are resources for you. Always speak up.

If you are in such a cycle or domestic violence or abuse reach out for help. For example, there is The National Domestic Violence Hotline (https://www.thehotline.org/) which can be reached at 1−800−799−7233. There are other ways to get help if you simply ask for it. 

More Tips on Letting Go of Toxic People

Featured photo credit: Hannah Busing via unsplash.com

Reference

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