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Award winning Cheatsheet to turn your life around. Try these amazing steps today.

Award winning Cheatsheet to turn your life around. Try these amazing steps today.

Are you waking up unhappy or slipping away into the drenching array of negativity with questions like:

Why am I not successful?

What am I going to do? All my friends have figured things out, but not me.

I don’t want to go to college, but how will I survive?

Why can’t I just get a grand idea and make the world change for the better?

I try so hard, but why can’t I get the results?

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You are definitely not alone. I had these same questions until I realized that I had gone through enough and put the most life challenging parts of my story into a book. After I dreaded the process for 3 whole years just to help people, I realized that I’m pretty successful. I’m a 23 year old author now. Doesn’t that just sound amazing to you? I see my name on Amazon and it gives me chills that I had completed that one thing.

The question I ask myself now is that if I backtracked to 6 years ago, would I read a book to change my life? I probably wouldn’t. A cheatsheet of the book would have been better. Lucky for you, I have put together one, simplifying the tips on how to change your life from absolute chaos to freedom. I’ve called my concept THE BREADCRUMB BALANCE.

Your first step to moving forward is to give things a chance. Remember that quote? To have a different outcome, you have to start doing things differently. Focusing on the lifestyle will lead you to the life.

The Breadcrumb Balance PART 1
This is vital for growth in any aspect of life.

So… maybe you like bread or maybe you don’t. Luckily, for you, this really isn’t about either one. Have you ever seen how a solid loaf of bread looks? What am I asking? Of course you have! It’s firm, yet soft. It leaves some crumbs if not consumed or fully used up. The breadcrumb is useful for other things. Don’t trash it just yet.

Okay, but what does this have to do with me or growth?

Maybe you aren’t where you want to be in life since you’re reading this, but just like the breadcrumb, don’t trash your life. I was once in a dark place too. I was frustrated and annoyed by everything just because I wasn’t where I wanted to be. I wasn’t accepted by society or even my family because of things I felt and chose. I was attracted to women and that could have gotten me killed where I was from. I was also doing drugs, clubbing all night, then going to school drunk in the morning. Deep down, all I wanted was to have a decent life and make myself proud, but i didn’t know what to do or how to get there. I was the underdog, the black sheep, the I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF person. The only thing is I was good at was hiding it.

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What got me to safer, more stable grounds?
The Breadcrumb Balance.

So, to answer your question: WHAT THE HECK IS THE BREADCRUMB BALANCE?

The breadcrumb balance is using the portion or section of anything that is deemed as unimportant or useless to build on the task at hand and get the results you want. That’s Part 1 of 2, but let part 1 sink in first.

The breadcrumb is useless after you have used the bread until the lightbulb goes off. You realize that breadcrumbs can be used to prepare baked chicken, bake a cake, or make delicious appetizers like croutons. Better yet, the birds can live off of it too. Why throw it out when you can improve the cycle of life? In a nutshell, it’s just taking what’s useless and making it good again. Faith is Key.

How do I put the Breadcrumb Balance into action?

HEALTH, WEALTH, LOVE, AND HAPPINESS —>> THE GOOD LIFE

STEPS

  1. Make a decision. What do I really want? A main objective is needed. You don’t need to throw in the towel just yet and say I haven’t figured out my life fully so I can’t use the Breadcrumb Balance. No! It’s a must that you accept that you need change in your life. Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you there, but you must know that growth is necessary and you must be willing to keep moving until you get to that point. Accepting that you haven’t got it all figured out isn’t enough. There has to be a sacrifice to give up the lazy and lackadaisical life you’re living now. There has to be a second stage that you hit to move from where you are. You don’t know what to do? Fine, but what will move you closer to success, happiness, or preferably both? What are some things you’d like to do before you kick the bucket?
  2. Set goals. After you have accepted and decided that change is necessary, you must write down all the things you wish to accomplish and by what date. This is completely necessary. I used this strategy to move from Jamaica to America, lose 60 pounds, and write a book on how my life changed immensely in all ways. That said, growth is not subject to one aspect of life. Make sure to write a list of short-term goals that lead to your long-term vision. Keep it as simple as possible. Flooding yourself with goals for timelines that are unrealistic is equivalent to a slow death. Be reasonable with yourself while challenging your abilities. Balance is everything for this step. One thing at a time. Don’t overthink yourself to death. If you need help or you get stuck, just message me. I’ll help you.
  3. Condition your mind. This is the most important part to me. Making yourself more aware is one of the most life changing investments one could possibly make. Do whatever it takes to make yourself believe and know that what you want is possible. I used vision boards, gratitude walks, prayer, reading the bible, and motivation videos on YouTube to keep me grounded for change. These helped me understand faith a bit more too. Our belief systems may differ, so you are free to use whatever you wish to enhance and enlighten your own path. I also made my goals repetitive in my mind, telling myself throughout the day that I am now living my dreams. Along with repeating this, I began to visualize what it would be like if I was really living my dreams. I began to picture what I would wear, how I’d smell, speak, and the people I’d meet. Nothing was left out. The more you visualize, the more you’ll feel like it is true. The more you can feel it is, the closer you’ll become to manifesting the opportunities you wish to accomplish. Always remember: searching for gold will lead you to gold. This is Faith.
  4. Activating goals. Take action! It’s no doubt that if you follow these steps you will be on your own way to achieving. However, you cannot move forward without wanting to physically move. Sounds dumb right? Then again, how can you get out of bed if you don’t actually make an effort to move? That’s crazy! It’s just the same as the law of motion (unless movement is applied to an object, it will stay the same). Treat your goals like these objects; unless you take action, no growth will take place. You don’t need to kill yourself off to gain traction, but a little effort is all it takes. When you begin to fall in love with your results, try to do 1% more than the day before. Just 1%. I began to write, exercise, and pack my suitcase everyday. I always knew I wanted to write, travel, and lose weight, but it didn’t seem like a legitimate thing to do. I loved expressing myself. Now. I’m an actual author with my in depth story on Amazon, 60 pounds lighter, and in a new country. It’s unbelievable! I never knew I had it in me to do all these things because of how inconsistent I always was, but a little effort everyday with the other steps made it possible. The minute you begin to apply movement to your life is the moment you’ll begin to see results. Stop feeling like a victim. You’re not. No one is better than you, either. The quality of your thoughts will impact the quality of your actions, so develop tiny movements every day that will lead you closer.
  5. Trust your journey. I always knew that the challenges I faced were for a specific reason. I didn’t always have it figured out and I surely didn’t know what I’d become. I was a college dropout and living the life of God knows what. No one expected the things I was doing. I was never a straight A student because I wasn’t the type to go out of my way for that. I was smart, but I didn’t always make smart decisions. I’m guessing you’re similar to who I thought I was, but listen, it’s all a piece of the puzzle. Look at me now, at age 23 I’m giving life lessons. I became a mentor for kids before I moved and I’ve helped them develop their mindsets from “0-100 Real quick”, as Drake said. Worrying is good sometimes, but not to the point where you suffer. Worry in such a way that you become focused on fixing the root of the issue. Notice I didn’t say fix the issue? Fix the ROOT of the issue, which is your mind, your perspective, and how you view things. Life is much more than we often think. No one can help you unless you decide to fix the root of the issue. Trust your journey. Life isn’t out to get you – it’s reacting to you. You must learn to adapt because if you don’t, you will not move forward. You will stick to that same old negative thinking and not push yourself. Instead of giving up, be open-minded to adaptation.

If you know the things that will help you get to a certain goal, but you hate the process so much that it demotivates you, get a creative alternative. I hated reading books, but I knew I needed to get the information someway somehow.

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What did I do?

I began listening to audiobooks and made my own notes. I even downloaded a few podcasts and followed cool people on social media. Follow the ones you can emulate even if they don’t necessarily have the same belief system as you. Use them as a mentor because they have the strategies you desire. DJ Khaled is one of these people I use. This guy is the king of Snapchat. He has surface madness, but if you analyze what he says and does on a spiritual level, the guy is straight up dope. Tai Lopez is one I couldn’t stand, but I gave him a chance and now I don’t go a day without keeping up with his snaps. It’s really good to find what works for you and just keep working at it.

It takes 30 days to build a habit.
Challenge yourself and follow these steps for 70 days.

Be humble. This means try to be more aware of things you don’t know. Be open to learning. Instead of saying, “I already know this”, ask “what more should I know about this?”

Challenge who you are. Never stop being curious and try to be better than you were yesterday (or even a couple hours ago). We were conditioned and wired to buy things even if we don’t need it. It’s a consumer’s world, but is it worth it to conform to that? Train yourself in such a way that you listen to your body and the goals you have to know what you deserve. When you see that you deserve something, you don’t care about greatness because you don’t need greatness. Yes, it’s unconventional, but you really don’t need greatness. All you need is a pain point. Unhappiness is a pain point to show that you need to work on your happiness. Discomfort in the stomach shows you need to eat better. See where this is going? Michael Jordan was conceited, but his coach always loved his ability to be coached. That is true humility. Live to learn. If you want to grow, the more you learn is the more you earn in any aspect.

Try to find the good even on your bad days. You will have bad days, but try your best to have the greatest bad day of all time. Crawl if you have to in order to get things done. Life isn’t waiting for you, so don’t wait for it.

If you want to die with regrets then you’re just a loser. If you want to live a full life but don’t know how to get there, remember you have potential and you work on yourself. I absolutely adore you if you’re willing to try.

Motivation is needed, but some days you won’t be motivated and that’s fine. Yes, I said it’s fine. Not everything you do will be an amazing adventure, it will be drawn out and annoying, but push through it and you’ll be amazed by your results.

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Never give up. If you give up and stay that way, you’re a loser; however, if you have given up and continued after, then I’m still adoring you. Don’t be a loser. Give your life a shot. It’s worth it. If I had given up, I’d be a loser, but here I am today after attempting suicide and going through the motions of life.

Don’t be afraid to shoot me an email to update me on your progress.

You’re worth it. I love you. Keep trying.

Featured photo credit: Bessi/pixabay.com via pixabay.com

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Last Updated on January 15, 2021

7 Ways To Have More Confident Body Language

7 Ways To Have More Confident Body Language

The popular idiomatic saying that “actions speak louder than words” has been around for centuries, but even to this day, most people struggle with at least one area of nonverbal communication. Consequently, many of us aspire to have more confident body language but don’t have the knowledge and tools necessary to change what are largely unconscious behaviors.

Given that others’ perceptions of our competence and confidence are predominantly influenced by what we do with our faces and bodies, it’s important to develop greater self-awareness and consciously practice better posture, stance, eye contact, facial expressions, hand movements, and other aspects of body language.

Posture

First things first: how is your posture? Let’s start with a quick self-assessment of your body.

  • Are your shoulders slumped over or rolled back in an upright posture?
  • When you stand up, do you evenly distribute your weight or lean excessively to one side?
  • Does your natural stance place your feet relatively shoulder-width apart or are your feet and legs close together in a closed-off position?
  • When you sit, does your lower back protrude out in a slumped position or maintain a straight, spine-friendly posture in your seat?

All of these are important considerations to make when evaluating and improving your posture and stance, which will lead to more confident body language over time. If you routinely struggle with maintaining good posture, consider buying a posture trainer/corrector, consulting a chiropractor or physical therapist, stretching daily, and strengthening both your core and back muscles.

Facial Expressions

Are you prone to any of the following in personal or professional settings?

  • Bruxism (tight, clenched jaw or grinding teeth)
  • Frowning and/or furrowing brows
  • Avoiding direct eye contact and/or staring at the ground

If you answered “yes” to any of these, then let’s start by examining various ways in which you can project confident body language through your facial expressions.

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1. Understand How Others Perceive Your Facial Expressions

A December 2020 study by UC Berkeley and Google researchers utilized a deep neural network to analyze facial expressions in six million YouTube clips representing people from over 140 countries. The study found that, despite socio-cultural differences, people around the world tended to use about 70% of the same facial expressions in response to different emotional stimuli and situations.[1]

The study’s researchers also published a fascinating interactive map to demonstrate how their machine learning technology assessed various facial expressions and determined subtle differences in emotional responses.

This study highlights the social importance of facial expressions because whether or not we’re consciously aware of them—by gazing into a mirror or your screen on a video conferencing platform—how we present our faces to others can have tremendous impacts on their perceptions of us, our confidence, and our emotional states. This awareness is the essential first step towards

2. Relax Your Face

New research on bruxism and facial tension found the stresses and anxieties of Covid-19 lockdowns led to considerable increases in orofacial pain, jaw-clenching, and teeth grinding, particularly among women.[2]

The National Institute of Dental and Craniofacial Research estimates that more than 10 million Americans alone have temporomandibular joint dysfunction (TMJ syndrome), and facial tension can lead to other complications such as insomnia, wrinkles, dry skin, and dark, puffy bags under your eyes.[3])

To avoid these unpleasant outcomes, start practicing progressive muscle relaxation techniques and taking breaks more frequently throughout the day to moderate facial tension.[4] You should also try out some biofeedback techniques to enhance your awareness of involuntary bodily processes like facial tension and achieve more confident body language as a result.[5]

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3. Improve Your Eye Contact

Did you know there’s an entire subfield of kinesic communication research dedicated to eye movements and behaviors called oculesics?[6] It refers to various communication behaviors including direct eye contact, averting one’s gaze, pupil dilation/constriction, and even frequency of blinking. All of these qualities can shape how other people perceive you, which means that eye contact is yet another area of nonverbal body language that we should be more mindful of in social interactions.

The ideal type (direct/indirect) and duration of eye contact depends on a variety of factors, such as cultural setting, differences in power/authority/age between the parties involved, and communication context. Research has shown that differences in the effects of eye contact are particularly prominent when comparing East Asian and Western European/North American cultures.[7]

To improve your eye contact with others, strive to maintain consistent contact for at least 3 to 4 seconds at a time, consciously consider where you’re looking while listening to someone else, and practice eye contact as much as possible (as strange as this may seem in the beginning, it’s the best way to improve).

3. Smile More

There are many benefits to smiling and laughing, and when it comes to working on more confident body language, this is an area that should be fun, low-stakes, and relatively stress-free.

Smiling is associated with the “happiness chemical” dopamine and the mood-stabilizing hormone, serotonin. Many empirical studies have shown that smiling generally leads to positive outcomes for the person smiling, and further research has shown that smiling can influence listeners’ perceptions of our confidence and trustworthiness as well.

4. Hand Gestures

Similar to facial expressions and posture, what you do with your hands while speaking or listening in a conversation can significantly influence others’ perceptions of you in positive or negative ways.

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It’s undoubtedly challenging to consciously account for all of your nonverbal signals while simultaneously trying to stay engaged with the verbal part of the discussion, but putting in the effort to develop more bodily awareness now will make it much easier to unconsciously project more confident body language later on.

5. Enhance Your Handshake

In the article, “An Anthropology of the Handshake,” University of Copenhagen social anthropology professor Bjarke Oxlund assessed the future of handshaking in wake of the Covid-19 pandemic:[8]

“Handshakes not only vary in function and meaning but do so according to social context, situation and scale. . . a public discussion should ensue on the advantages and disadvantages of holding on to the tradition of shaking hands as the conventional gesture of greeting and leave-taking in a variety of circumstances.”

It’s too early to determine some of the ways in which Covid-19 has permanently changed our social norms and professional etiquette standards, but it’s reasonable to assume that handshaking may retain its importance in American society even after this pandemic. To practice more confident body language in the meantime, the video on the science of the perfect handshake below explains what you need to know.

6. Complement Your Verbals With Hand Gestures

As you know by now, confident communication involves so much more than simply smiling more or sounding like you know what you’re talking about. What you do with your hands can be particularly influential in how others perceive you, whether you’re fidgeting with an object, clenching your fists, hiding your hands in your pockets, or calmly gesturing to emphasize important points you’re discussing.

Social psychology researchers have found that “iconic gestures”—hand movements that appear to be meaningfully related to the speaker’s verbal content—can have profound impacts on listeners’ information retention. In other words, people are more likely to engage with you and remember more of what you said when you speak with complementary hand gestures instead of just your voice.[9]

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Further research on hand gestures has shown that even your choice of the left or right hand for gesturing can influence your ability to clearly convey information to listeners, which supports the notion that more confident body language is readily achievable through greater self-awareness and deliberate nonverbal actions.[10]

Final Takeaways

Developing better posture, enhancing your facial expressiveness, and practicing hand gestures can vastly improve your communication with other people. At first, it will be challenging to consciously practice nonverbal behaviors that many of us are accustomed to performing daily without thinking about them.

If you ever feel discouraged, however, remember that there’s no downside to consistently putting in just a little more time and effort to increase your bodily awareness. With the tips and strategies above, you’ll be well on your way to embracing more confident body language and amplifying others’ perceptions of you in no time.

More Tips on How to Develop a Confident Body Language

Featured photo credit: Maria Lupan via unsplash.com

Reference

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