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Last Updated on September 1, 2020

8 Highly Attractive Things In Women (That Have Nothing to Do With Appearance)

8 Highly Attractive Things In Women (That Have Nothing to Do With Appearance)

I’ve been helping men improve their love lives for years now. I’ve probably read dozens of articles on what women find attractive in men. I’ve even written a few of them. The funny thing is, I rarely come across articles that touch on what men find attractive in a woman. Is the modern dating game so lopsided that it’s enough for a woman to just ‘show up’, or do we men stumble merely at the sight of a nice head of hair and a shapely body?

I won’t deny the fact that this is true for a lot of men out there, but there’s a little more needed to really attract a man who isn’t impressed with mere ‘good looks’?

Now, I can’t speak for the entire population here, but here are eight things that I, personally, find incredibly attractive in a woman.

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1. Kindness

This might sound like a bit of a cliché, but true kindness really is rare these days. Sure, you get people who are nice to those who hold some sort of value to them, but how many people do you meet every day that would go and talk to the lone stranger crying in the subway? I don’t want to be with a person that’s just nice to me, my friends, and my family. I want a person who can brighten up my day by brightening up the lives of everyone she comes in contact with.

You have a power to lighten someone’s day just by smiling to them. It’s worth using it often, also to become more attractive in men’s eyes. Studies from the University of British Columbia show that men are attracted to smiling women. A natural smile conveys messages like optimism and stability, which are definitely qualities desired in a mate.

2. Positivity and sense of humor

“It’s not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself, and to make your happiness a priority.”

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One of the most important things in any relationship, romantic or otherwise, is the ability to have a great time and have a good laugh. Taking care of your emotional hygiene and good mood should be your priority. Only then you can take life positive, light, and with a fair dose of humor. While I never hold any significant other to a comic standard of say, Ellen Degeneres, I do love a woman who can live life one day at a time, take a joke, and crack a few of her own.

3. Passion

This might sound like a tall ask to some, but I’m a person who needs to be inspired constantly to be happy. To me, there’s no feeling in this world as attractive as being inspired by a woman who’s passionate about her pursuits in life.

You could be a world class pianist or you could be doctor, the minute I see your eyes light up while talking about what you want to achieve in life, I guarantee you I’ll be falling hard and fast. You cannot get bored together, because there is always a topic to talk about with a girl who is passionate about something.

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4. Getting along with my friends

A friend once told me an old Chinese saying of a man that has a wife who gets along with his friends will have a long and pleasant life. Well, I have a feeling that my friend might be lying about there being an actual saying; however, I have to say that it really is a beautiful thing to be with a woman who can get along with your buddies and just be ‘one of the guys’ when she wants to.

5. Confidence

“Nothing is more beautiful than a confident woman who doesn’t pretend to be someone she’s not.”

I don’t know about you, but I like being around people who are happy to be themselves. You see, it’s not just women who respond powerfully to a confident partner, I love being with a woman who stands up for herself and what she believes in; as long as it’s not an opinion against my sports team or favorite band. Ha! Just kidding. I would never date a girl who didn’t love Iron Maiden.

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6. Being comfortable with her sexuality

There’s a lot to be said on what’s sexy and, more specifically, on what makes a woman sexy. To me, what matters is not what a girl wears beneath the sheets or what she’s into, it’s the fact that she’s comfortable with her own sexuality and aware of her sexual energy. Romance is just so much more fun with a woman who knows what she’s into and isn’t abashed about it.

Your sexuality is a big part of your human nature. The sooner you embrace this side, the better and more attractive partner you become.

7. Decisiveness

“A girl should be two things: who & what she wants.”

One of my biggest pet peeves is people who don’t know what they want and can’t take responsibility for their own decisions. At the end of the day, I’m willing to battle through a few arguments on where we should have dinner or which movie we should watch, as long as I know that I’m with a person who’s strong enough to be decisive.

8. She has her own sense of style

Here’s the thing: we men are very much visual creatures. It’s just how we’re evolutionary programmed. Something that I absolutely love in a woman is a unique sense of style. I’ll admit that I tend to gravitate towards certain stereotypes – bohemian Goth with a fair share of body ink (in case you’re wondering). I fall in love whenever I see a woman who has a sense of style that I don’t get to see on every street corner.

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Last Updated on September 18, 2020

How to Break Free From Negative Thinking for Good

How to Break Free From Negative Thinking for Good

Negative thinking can make us feel as though we are never truly good enough to change our lives. Whether we believe that we are not good looking enough, not smart enough, not funny enough, or something in between, we are always right.

We often tell ourselves the following:

“I’m not good enough to accomplish this.”

“They won’t like me. I’m too ugly to be around them.”

“I won’t ever be able to get out of this situation.”

How we see ourselves dictates how we lead our lives. This simple truth, while it is currently impacting your reality in a negative way, is actually good news. Why?

You can change your thinking, and when you can change your thoughts, you can change your reality.

Put simply, if you start to believe and feel like you are good-looking, intelligent, wealthy, or other things, you begin to see yourself in that light. If you tell yourself that you are capable of achieving greatness, you will eventually get there!

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That said, many find themselves wondering what to do when they get stuck in negative thinking. Are you tired of letting negative thinking run your life? Do you want to take control of how you feel and put yourself out there?

If you want to start writing your own narrative, let’s learn more about negative thought cycles and how you can change your own internal voice.

Where Do Negative Thoughts Come From?

You aren’t going to wake up one day and find that you are suffering from random negative thoughts. Negative thoughts are often a mix of ideas that we develop on our own, as well as ideas that we may have gotten from others.

For example, if you are constantly watching media where individuals are depicted as having thin bodies and perfect skin (and you do not have the same characteristics as those who are traditionally considered to be beautiful), you may come to the conclusion that you are not beautiful or deserving of love.

This is far from the truth, but your own take on how the world works can play into how you feel about yourself.

Equally harmful, the opinions of others can start to affect our self-perception. If several people tell you something negative about yourself, you may begin to take these opinions to heart, telling yourself the same things over time. This self-belief then becomes the model for how you live.

More often than not, the reality is that individuals who lack confidence and self-esteem are going to develop negative thought patterns.

This does not mean that confident people do not face internal crises of their own. After all, everyone is prone to experiencing a negative thought here and there. However, those who are self-aware and confident are able to bounce back from these thoughts and return to their truth.

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Those who do not think highly of themselves, on the other hand, are going to keep believing the negative thoughts that come into their mind. The issue? These negative thoughts turn into a repetitive cycle that becomes harder to break over time.

When you tell yourself something for months or years at a time, it can be difficult to transform that internal dialogue into something more positive and realistic. But is it possible? Absolutely!

The Importance of Quitting Negative Thinking

Beyond low-self esteem, there may be mental health-related causes behind your negative thought patterns, like depression. One of the major symptoms of depression is, you guessed it, negative thoughts. Depression can make us feel unworthy of love and life, even if we have everything we could wish for[1].

You may be struggling with anxiety disorders instead, which can paint uncertain visions of the future and leave you anticipating the worst long before the moment has arrived. Some people have anxiety about the present or will return to past moments where they felt as though they failed, which affects their feelings about who they are or who they will be[2].

Having mental health issues can make your situation more complex, but it is important to know that these types of health issues are highly treatable, especially with the assistance of a mental health professional. You are deserving of self-love, and getting help is the first, most important step of your journey!

How to Break the Cycle of Negative Thinking

In order to overcome your negative thought process, you are going to need two things: self-awareness and a willingness to love yourself. Once you are armed with these two tools, take a look below to learn more about how you can break free of the cycle of negative thinking.

1. Become Aware of the Thoughts That Are Affecting You

Negative thoughts are hard to catch because they have a tendency to become a part of who we are. These thoughts build our belief system and go unchallenged, even when they pop up daily.

All change begins with awareness. Whatever it is that you believe about yourself, take the time to pay attention to your own dialogue.

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What are you saying to yourself on a regular basis? How does it make you feel? Is any of it true?

 

When these thoughts are brought to your attention, you begin to notice just how often you are saying these things to yourself. Once you’ve cultivated awareness around these thoughts, you can begin to develop the change that you want.

2. Learn to Accept Them as They Come (and Move on)

A lot of people believe that you have to completely remove negative thinking patterns from your life in order to be happy. Not only is this not possible, but it’s also not true. You are going to experience negative thoughts regardless. It’s what you decide to do with these thoughts that matters.

Next time a negative thought comes into your mind, treat it like a passing car. Acknowledge it and let it pass you by. Don’t try to wave the driver over to you or continue thinking about once it has passed. Just let it go.

Giving power to your thoughts allows them to have control over you. You can’t stop a negative thought from entering your mind, but you always have the power to let it go!

3. Challenge Your Negative Thoughts

Our own beliefs play on a loop, telling us certain things over and over again. While it’s important to let go, it is also important to get to the root of these issues and figure out where they are coming from.

Let’s imagine that you are telling yourself you are stupid throughout the day. If you notice this pattern, ask yourself: Does this have any basis in reality? Am I really stupid or am I telling myself this unnecessarily? Is there any evidence to support this[3]?

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Challenge negative thinking by asking questions.

    Challenging your negative thoughts will help you realize that they are highly-exaggerated and untrue. This gives you the opportunity to transform these negative thoughts into positive ones that resonate with you.

    4. Replace These Thoughts with Kinder, More Realistic Alternatives

    Anything that is broken must be replaced. The broken record playing on a loop within you can easily be changed to a tune that you can actually sing to.

    Whenever a negative thought comes up, take the time to stop yourself and think of something positive to put in its place. If you find yourself saying, “I can’t do this,” try telling yourself that you are more than capable instead.

    Keep in mind, however, that you need to tell yourself things that you truly believe. If you start telling yourself things that don’t resonate with you and encounter a situation that proves your belief wrong, you may do more harm than good!

    Bottom Line

    Changing the way you think is a rigorous but rewarding process that will change your outlook on life. If you find yourself struggling with negative thinking, learn more about where they come from and how you can stop them for good with the guide above!

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    Featured photo credit: Max Ilienerwise via unsplash.com

    Reference

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