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How to Make the Right Decision Every Single Time

How to Make the Right Decision Every Single Time

When’s the last time you had an important decision to make? How’d it go? If you’re like most people, you probably relied heavily on logic and reasoning. Maybe you wrote a pro’s-and-con’s list or consulted with your friends. I know that’s what I did.

So much advice is based on reasoning and why not? Most of us still think that intellect trumps all when it comes to decision making, and while this rational approach isn’t bad, it’s just not the most reliable method. And who would have thought that the one thing we can trust is the same thing we often dismiss and suppress?

Are Emotions Trustworthy?

And this one thing is nothing more and nothing less than our emotions. We should pay closer attention to them, because as leading neurologist and author, Antonio Damasio states, “feelings are not just the shady side of reason… they help us to reach decisions as well.”

That’s right, feelings play an integral role in every decision we make, according to growing research in neuroscience. Damasio’s discovered that if damage occurred in the area of the brain where emotions are produced, not only did people lose their ability to feel emotions, but they also lost their ability to make decisions; even something as simple as choosing between restaurants. Logically, they could distinguish the pro’s and con’s between different diners, but they couldn’t nail down a decision without the support of emotions.

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That’s because there’s a “sort of lift that comes from emotions…which allow you to mark things as good, bad or different,” Damasio found. These people couldn’t “conjure up an emotional state” for the choices in front of them and so they got stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Don’t Leave Home Without Them

This information relates to you and me, too. Just as these people were handicapped because they were unable to feel emotions, you handicap yourself whenever you ignore and suppress emotions and make decisions without consulting them. Decisions and emotions go together like bread and butter.

Here’s a real life example: Recently, I had to decide whether I would actually take a trip I had booked months before. My gut was telling me “No”, but instead of listening to it, I came up with lots of “good” reasons for why I should stick with the original plan. Even with a list of good reasons, I still felt stressed and agitated. This is what happens when we try to align ourselves with a decision that our body rejects (via emotions and feelings).

When I finally realized that my decision wasn’t actually a decision, but rather unfinished business between my body and mind, I stopped. I listened to my emotions and finally canceled my trip. What came then was an immediate feeling of peace and rightness. If I had continued to ignore my agitation and restlessness, I’d have ended up on what would’ve been a miserable get-away, thanks to all of those “good reasons”.

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Why weren’t my good reasons good enough? It’s because they were just one aspect of my intelligence and what’s more, they were ignoring my body’s response to them. Author Mary Lamia PhD explains that emotions “attempt to tell you if a situation is optimal, or not aligned with your goal.”  The key word here, is “attempt” and that’s exactly what my emotions were trying to do.

They’re like blunt messages (not very subtle!) but they inform us in ways that data and facts never could. Eckhart Tolle teaches that “the body has its own intelligence and this intelligence reacts to your thoughts and what your mind is saying. Emotion is the body’s reaction to your mind.” Feelings are your body’s voice and they say something meaningful and valuable. When I ignored my own feelings, they didn’t go away. Instead, they intensified, because they still had something to say.

The Problem with Emotion?

Emotions (especially negative emotions) speak up loud and clear, when the intellect is too busy thinking. Emotions, on the other hand, don’t think. They just show up.

And this is the problem with them, too. They don’t think; you have to do that for them. They don’t differentiate between real and imaginary threats. That’s your job.

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For example, your body might feel fear (shaking, nervousness, perspiration, etc.) when you think about getting on that stage and giving your first TED Talk. (Hey, we can dream, can’t we?) However, your body will also feel that emotion if a tiger’s chasing you. Obviously, one is real danger, the other is imaginary.

How to Make the Most of Your Emotions

So, if we need emotions to make decisions, how are we supposed to rely on them, if they’re really just blunt and nondiscriminating messengers? You could say, “Listen, I’m afraid of getting on that stage, just like I’m afraid of that tiger, so in both cases, my feelings must be trying to protect me from something legit, right?”

Wrong. And here’s the solution. It’s true that every emotion is equal and valuable, but according to Eckhart Tolle, “emotion is the body’s response to a thought” and thoughts are not always reliable.

If you’re scared of stepping onto that stage (or anxious, happy, sad or confused) it’s because both your intellect and emotions are saying something.  Obviously, you already know that the stage is tiger-free, but your emotions rage on. How do we know what they’re saying?

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The real way to think for your emotions is to stop thinking and pay them some much needed attention. Your fear isn’t really telling you that the stage is dangerous. It’s telling you that there’s something deeper you need to address (Maybe it’s something like fear of failure, judgement, disappointing, etc.)

The next time you’re feeling indecisive, go straight to your feelings and pay attention to them and ask yourself these simple questions:

  1. How am I feeling? (Remember, don’t judge your feelings. Just let them be.)
  2. Do I like feeling this way?
  3. What thought is this feeling responding to?
  4. Can I change my thoughts to change my emotions?

By adjusting your thoughts to create better emotions, you’ll be able to make decisions that align with your goals and serve your body and mind. Remember, your emotions are always telling you something, bluntly but truthfully.

Featured photo credit: Photo: Victor Bezrukov via flickr.com

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Last Updated on April 11, 2019

How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

Possessing strong communication skills will help you in every phase of your life. This is especially true in the workplace.

I have personally worked with several leaders who were masters of communication. A few were wonderful speakers who could tell a great story and get everyone in the room engaged. Those of us in attendance would walk away feeling inspired and eager to help with what came next. Others were very skilled at sharing a clear direction and job expectations.

I knew exactly what was expected of me and how to achieve my goals. This was the foundation of an energized and vibrant role I was in. What I have found is strong communication skills are incredibly helpful and sometimes critical in how well we perform at work.

Here we will take a look at how to improve communication skills for workplace success.

How Communication Skills Help Your Success

Strong communication skills pave the way for success in many ways. Let’s look at a few of the big ones.

Create a Positive Experience

Here are two examples of how well developed communication skills helps create a positive experience:

When I first moved to the city I now live in, I began a job search. Prior to my first live interview, I was told an address to go to. Upon arriving at the address provided, I drove around and around attempting to find the location. After 15 minutes of circling and looking for the address, I finally grabbed a parking spot and set out on foot.

What I discovered was the address was actually down an alley and only had the number over the door. No sign for the actual company. The person that gave me those very unclear directions provided a bad experience for me.

Had they communicated the directions to get there in a clear manner, my experience would have been much better. Instead the entire experience started off poorly and colored the entire meeting.

As a recruiter, I frequently provide potential candidates with information about a job I’m speaking to them about. In order to do this, I also provide a picture of the overall company, the group they might be joining, and how their role fits in and impacts the entire company.

Time and time again I have been told by candidates that I have provided the clearest picture of a company and role they have ever heard. They have a positive experience when I clearly communicate to them. Even when the position does not work out for them, often times they will want to stay in touch with me due to the open communication and beneficial experience they had during the interviewing process.

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Strong communication skills will provide a positive experience in virtually any interaction you have with someone.

Help Leadership Skills

It’s certainly a skill all its own to be able to lead others.

Being a mentor and guiding others towards success is a major hallmark of great leaders. Another characteristic of effective leaders is the ability to communicate clearly.

As I referenced above, having a leader who can plainly articulate the company’s mission and direction goes a really long way towards being the Captain of the boat that others want to follow. It’s like saying “here’s our destination and this is how we are going to get there” in a way that everyone can get on board with.

Another critical component of everyone helping to sail the boat in the right direction is knowing what your portion is all about. How are you helping the boat move towards its destination in the manner than is consistent with the leaders’ vision?

If you have a boss or a manager that can show you what it takes for not only you to be successful, but also how your performance helps the company’s success then you’ve got a winner. A boss with superior communication skills.

Build Better Teams

Most of us work in teams of some sort or another. During the course of my career, I have led teams up to 80 and also been an individual contributor.

In my individual contributor roles, I have been part of a larger team. Even if you are in business for yourself, you have to interact with others in one manner or another.

If you have strong communication skills, it helps to build better teams. This is true whether you are in an IT department with 100 other fellow programmers or if you own your own business and have customers or vendors you communicate with.

When you showcase your robust ability to communicate well with others while interacting with them, you are building a better team.

Now let’s jump in to how to improve communication skills to help you pave the way for your workplace success.

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How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

There are many tips, tricks, and techniques to improve communication skills. I don’t want to overwhelm you with too much information, so let’s focus on the things that will provide the biggest return on your time investment.

Most of these tips will be fairly easy to become aware of but will take time and effort to implement. So let’s go!

1. Listen

Ever heard the saying you have two ears and one mouth for a reason? If you haven’t, then here’s the reason:

Being a good listener is half the equation to being a good communicator.

People who have the ability to really listen to someone can then actually answer questions in a meaningful way. If you don’t make the effort to actively listen, then you are really doing yourself and the other person a disservice in the communication department.

Know that person who is chomping at the bit to open his or her mouth the second you stop talking? Don’t be that person. They haven’t listened to at least 1/2 of what you’ve said. Therefore the words that spill out of their mouth are going to be about 1/2 relevant to what you just said.

Listen to someone completely and be comfortable with short periods of silence. Work on your listening skills first and foremost.

2. Know Your Audience

Knowing your audience is another critical component to having strong communication skills. The way you interact with your manager should be different than how you interact with your kids. This isn’t to say you need to be a different person with everyone you interact with. Far from it.

Here is a good way to think about it:

Imagine using your the same choice of words and body language you use with your spouse while interacting with your boss. That puts things in a graphic light!

You want to ensure you are using the type of communication most relevant to your audience.

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3. Minimize

I have lunch with a business associate about 3 times a year. We’ve been talking for several years now about putting a business deal together.

He is one of those people that simply overwhelms others with a lot of words. Sometimes when I ask him a question, I get buried beneath such an avalanche of words that I’m more confused than when I asked the question. Needless to say this is most likely a large portion of why we never put the deal together.

Don’t be like my lunch business associate. The goal of talking to or communicating with someone is to share actual information. The goal is not to confuse someone, it’s to provide clarity in many cases.

State what needs to be stated as succinctly as possible. That doesn’t mean you can’t have some pleasant conversation about the weather too.

The point is to not create such an onslaught of words and information that the other person walks away more confused than when they started.

4. Over Communicate

So this probably sounds completely counter intuitive to what I just wrote about minimizing your communication. It seems like it might be but it’s not.

What I mean by over communicating is ensuring that the other person understands the important parts of what you are sharing with them. This can be done simply yet effectively. Here’s a good example:

Most companies have open enrollment for benefits for the employees in the fall. The company I work for has open enrollment from November 1 to 15. The benefits department will send out a communication to all employees around October 1st, letting them know open enrollment is right around the corner and any major changes that year. There’s also a phone number and email for people to contact them with any questions.

Two weeks later, we all get a follow up email with basically the same information. We get a 3rd communication the week before open enrollment and another one 1 day before it starts.

Finally we get 2 emails during enrollment reminding us when open enrollment ends.

There’s minimal information, it’s more of a reminder. This is effective over communication.

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5. Body Language

The final critical component to how to improve communication skills for workplace success is body language. This is something most of us have heard about before but, a reminder is probably a good idea.

When I am in a meeting with someone I am comfortable with, I tend to kind of slouch down in my chair and cross my arms. When I catch myself doing this, I sit up straight and uncross my arms. I remember that crossing arms can many times be interpreted as a sign of disagreement or conflict.

In general, the best rule of thumb is to work towards having open body language whenever possible at work. This means relaxing your posture, not crossing your arms, and looking people in the eye when speaking with them.

When you are speaking in front of others, stand up straight and speak in a clear voice. This will convey confidence in your words.

Conclusion

Possessing strong communication skills will help you in many facets of your life and most certainly in the workplace.

Good communication helps create better teams, positive experiences with those we interact with, and are critical for leadership.

There are numerous tactics and techniques to be used to improve communication skills. Here we’ve reviewed how to improve communication skills for workplace success.

Now go communicate your way to success.

More Resources About Effective Communication

Featured photo credit: HIVAN ARVIZU via unsplash.com

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