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This Is Why You Prefer To Be Single Now

This Is Why You Prefer To Be Single Now

What I’ve come to realise more than anything is that being single is not a better or worse path than being in a relationship. It is quite simply a different one. It has its own incredible, warm and enlightening benefits, just like being in a relationship does. And when you realize those benefits, well, it can be a hard life to un-choose.

The thing is, we always are in a relationship – with ourselves. And when this relationship is good, when we nurture it and find all we need from within, it is the happiest we can ever be. Anything on top of that is a bonus.
When we take the time to have this relationship with ourselves, we find out what we really need. We realize the true power and freedom in making choices for ourselves, and all of the possibility that includes. We can go anywhere we like, with anyone we choose, and it is only while on these paths that we discover who we are and what we are looking for in life. As a single person, we have time for this and are making time for this, and we are feeling good about ourselves because of our own making. We are not in danger of losing our identity, only of finding it.

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I recall reading the infamous Eat Pray Love, and stumbling across a paragraph whereupon Elizabeth Gilbert leaves her husband and begins to allow herself single-person thoughts, such as “What do you want to do Liz?”
To which she replies, starting small and slowly getting larger in her ideas:
I want to go to Yoga class.
I want to go home early from this party so I can go home and read a novel.
I want to learn how to speak Italian.”

Our possibilities are limitless, and the more time we spend with ourselves, the more we begin to see just how large we can actually dream. In the words of Bob Dylan: “When you ain’t got nothing you got nothin’ to lose.” Which is true, in terms of responsibility. Except you don’t have nothing. You have everything, right at your fingertips.

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The greatest joys I have ever known within a relationship are when you can share the joys of your own life, of the things you love and strive for – the things that make you who you are. When you know those things and live them, they are only then exacerbated by the people who come into your life and love them too. And vice versa. We can be proud and excited and strong for our loved ones when we are strong in ourselves.

We can also exist entirely in the moment, without thinking about the future. Being single means a lot of traveling, sleeping over the whole bed, flirting, and wreckless fun. It’s about enjoying our own achievements, answering to no one, going where the wind takes you. It is a time we can fully commit to our education, our careers and hobbies.

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We spend so much of our lives either in love or thinking about being in love. So we must cherish those precious moments in between, the moments where we don’t have someone else to think about, the moments where we understand the true value of selfishness, and its place in the balance of all things. Because if you don’t know these things about yourself, you cannot truly understand your needs in compliance with somebody else’s – the bright somebody of your future. The somebody who will someday run alongside you, as your best and most wonderful single self.

“My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude.” – Warsan Shire

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Featured photo credit: Magdeleine via magdeleine.co

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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1. Listen

Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

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“What makes you so excited about it?”

“How long has that been your dream?”

You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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3. Encourage

This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

5. Dream

This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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6. Ask How You Can Help

Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

7. Follow Up

Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

Final Thoughts

By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

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