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13 Things Parents In Their 40s Wish They Did In Their 30s

13 Things Parents In Their 40s Wish They Did In Their 30s

The third decade of our lives come with numerous benefits and various advantages. We develop a sense of maturity and a level of financial security yet retain the quirks and energy which we had in the 20s, 30s can be even referred as the most prolific time of our lives. It is no wonder that when you are a parent in your 40s, you can’t help but think of things which you wish you could have done in your 30s. To make your thoughts a bit complete, here 13 things parents in their 40s wish they did in their 30s.

Spend More Time With Their Partner

Life can get busy and it gets busier when you become a parent. In your 40s, you spend most of your undivided attention on your children to the extent that sometimes you forget that your spouse is also your life partner. Spending some quality time in your 30s with your beloved would have helped in developing a deeper and better understanding of your partner.

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    Take Up a Hobby

    You always wished to play the guitar or simply learn to bake cookies or just write down random thoughts and poems as a hobby. But it is unquestionably unimaginable now since you spend more time in deciding your child’s hobby or extracurricular activity. Learning new skills or taking up a hobby can be the best memory you can have of your 30s.

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    Have a Child Savings Fund

    This does not necessarily mean investing in a formal financial scheme. It means having a dedicated savings account or recurring deposits to pile-up funds that will stay untouched for any other expense except those incurred on children. While it might be never too late to plan and start saving, parents who started saving in their 30s get an advantage by their 40s thanks to the power of money compounding.

    Exercise or Working Out

    The forties is a very unique phase. It is the decade that will complete your transformation to officially reaching middle age. During this phase, body metabolism reaches a lazy pace and it is when that you wish you had exercised well in your 30s. Even a steady walk would have been better than the dash you make every morning to the school’s bus-stop with your child’s bag dangling from one arm!

    Read your favorite books or poem

    In your 40s, most of the reading you will do will be at your work and at home with your child’s school syllabus. Time does fly during this phase and you always feel that you could have dedicated more time to read good books. Thankfully, this is something you can still do now, be it romantic quotes or poems you could share with your spouse or finding a great article to read online, together.

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      Consolidate your social circle

      If there is something which takes the toll the most during your parental phase it is your friends circle. You realize that you are in touch with far lesser friends than you were when you were in your 20s and could have had larger social circle if you maintained contact in your 30s.

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        Travel new places

        Travelling is a great way of learning about new places and seeing different parts of the globe. In your 40s, your children would take up most of your time and even money. On the other hand, in your 30s, you could have considered even going for a second honeymoon with there being several exotic locations all over the place.

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        Enjoy the small things in life

        Taking a bicycle trip on a cool cloudy day. Have an ice cream cone with three scoops of ice cream. These are the small joys of life which you enjoyed individually but find little time now since you are drowned most of the time in family obligations and responsibilities.

        Opt for a career/job you love

        When you become a parent, you become less experimental. You tend to stick to the same job, even if you don’t like it, for the sake of maintaining stability for your family. It is then that you feel that you could have had a better sense of satisfaction if had you chosen a job or a sector which you would have loved in the long run.

        Do social service or charity

        There would have been no better phase than your 30s to spend time on social service and charity. You had the time, resources and the energy to indulge in helping other people. It would have also brought a greater sense of satisfaction and accomplishment in your life.

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        Done research on schools and schooling

        Things can get overwhelming once you have children and when they reach an age that makes them due to be sent to the school. Research done beforehand can be of great help and what better time it could have been that your 30s.

        Be less afraid of parenting

        During your 30s, one will have numerous questions in mind about the various virtues of parenting but most are outright scared to ask them. You don’t want to go around asking people, even your loved ones, about the best parenting tips because you find it silly. Eventually one has a realization that if one would been more inquisitive back then then they would have spent less time on trial and error.

          Reading for kids

          This is something most parents in their 40s would eventually regret. It is always great to know a story or two, to share with your children before you tuck them into the bed!

          By the way, it’s never too late to start if you already haven’t. As they say, 40s are the new 30s!

          Featured photo credit: love-couple pic via thebridalbox.com

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          Published on May 4, 2021

          How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

          How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

          They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

          In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

          How to Spot Fake People?

          When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

          Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

          1. Full of Themselves

          Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

          Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

          2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

          Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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          It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

          3. Zero Self-Reflection

          To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

          Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

          4. Unrealistic Perceptions

          Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

          A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

          5. Love Attention

          As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

          6. People Pleaser

          Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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          Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

          7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

          Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

          8. Crappy friend

          Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

          It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

          The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

          How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

          It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

          There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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          1. Boundaries

          Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

          2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

          Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

          3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

          If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

          4. Ask for Advice

          If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

          Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

          5. Dig Deeper

          Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

          Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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          6. Practice Self-Care!

          Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

          Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

          Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

          Final Thoughts

          Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

          We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

          More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

          Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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