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Why Women In Their 40s Are Usually Most Fulfilled

Why Women In Their 40s Are Usually Most Fulfilled

People often say that the party ends when you turn 40, especially for the women hitting their menopause at this stage of life. 40 is a number that is usually regarded as a downhill drive for women, in truth, it is not as awful as it is portrayed.

Undoubtedly, menopause is a transition phase in any woman’s life and it surely brings along certain discomforts, such as mood swings, hot flashes and weight gain. But your 40’s are not only about this, there are far more exciting facts this golden year carries within.

1. You’ve become more decisive

Living years under the burden of uncertainities and indecisiveness, the time has finally come when you actually know what you want. At this age you develop the courage to step out of the zone where everyone tells you what you should do with your life.

As a woman we all have experienced this within our families, friends, colleagues and spouses, showing us the directions to take in our lives, which is quite suffocating as an individual. It took you forty years to learn that this is your life and you have the right to spend it as you want to. So you simply cherish these smooth sailing years with a clear head and a certain sense of control over your life.

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2. Maturity teaches you to stop running after idealism

By the time you reach this age you have learnt that the perception of having an ideal life doesn’t really exist. With your own experiences you have understood by now that the grass will always appear greener on the other side, hence you stop comparing your life with others, with the realization that almost everything seems like an epiphany, that we all have problems in our lives and we all live with that.

Just imagine, you’re not bothered by the lives of others in any way. Wow! Somebody should have shown you this back in your teens. With the notion of ‘what if’ fading into the backdrop, you now laugh more, complain less and that’s how in the later years you won’t even mind those laughing lines appearing on your face, as you are too busy being content with what you have.

3. You become healthier and more sleep conscious

Many women start looking more pretty as they age. The primary reason is that they are freed from the burden of raising kids and managing the household. They start becoming more concerned about their health.

Every women desires to look as graceful as she was in her 20s, this encourages them to put more efforts into their health and beauty. Women are found exercising more in their late 30’s or early 40s in contrast to their 20’s. Eating healthier and on time, taking a proper sleep and exercising can make any woman look ravishing.

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4. You work less now

As we age, we discover various beauties of life. If you’re a working woman, you have realized by now that spending all those long hours working to make more and more money wouldn’t do any good to fulfill your void. For those who had to raise children, now is the time that you are free from your responsibilites.

By now you know that it is very important to value time, especially now that you have it, you treat yourself right, giving yourself space and spending on yourself extravagantly. With the passage of time you learn that you should work according to your needs and not just to fill up those accounts.

5. You attain more self confidence

Now is the time when you stop looking up to others and stop worrying about what others might think about you. You feel no anxiety in the pits of your stomach even if you are dressed up differently from the dress code of the party, because nothing matters if you are having fun.

You learn to become carefree, kind of how you were in your teens yet drastically different because now you intend to cherish every little pleasure of life. This devil-may-care attitude proves to be immensely beneficial for you, as your confidence boosts right to the top. You start giving yourself a worth and therefore do not hesitate to share a story or ask for anything. You’re a downright diva at this stage!

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6. You develop your own individuality

From your sense of fashion, to your body language or your mannerisms, all suggest one thing: you have developed your own persona by this age. You don’t find it important to imitate anyone. Your life is different from others and you know your roles.

How you handle day to day living is entirely in your own set ways. This sense of individuality makes you feel empowered, which honestly is better than any other feeling. Most women at this age has a home, children, family, work and much more in her life. The time she spent reaching to this point has developed a unique groomed personality in her. Yes, you’re a lady now!

7. You become more emotionally stable

Can you believe that the pesky roller coaster ride of emotions is finally subduing. Yes indeed, the strike of 40 makes you more stable emotionally. You do not remain that sensitive or touchy for every small little thing.

You realize that no matter what happens, it is not going to be the end of the world even if something is messed up in your life, because you know time doesn’t remain the same and change may be just around the corner. You understand that even if things are not in control right now, you might be able to influence them later on, in worst case scenario you are fine with the fact that it just wasn’t meant to happen. What made you cry in your teens will make you laugh in your 40s! What wonders this age causes, doesn’t it?

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8. Sex becomes a pleasure rather than just a need

Can you believe that sharing intimacy with your partner is not anymore a desperate need to feel fulfilled or just a necessity to maintain a healthy relationship. Now it has developed into means of intense pleasure.

Women in their 40’s enjoy their physical life with a distinct perspective. They do ‘it’ only if they want to have ‘it’ and if they are taking pleasure in it, otherwise it is nearly impossible to turn on a woman without her intention at this age.

9. You save more money

You’re not going to jump into expensive binge shopping just because all other friends are “doing it”. You have gradually turned into a a person who can manage savings with the realization that this might be of help later on, rather than getting something you don’t actually need. It works!

10. You become naughty again

Last but not the least. Most women in their 40’s become more cheerful and naughty as they are mostly done with the things they had in life, duties performed and responsibilities fulfilled; now they know that being serious and stressed all the time will not help them with anything, except catching some premature ageing wrinkles.

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Ahmed Raza

CEO of Samurais.co

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Published on April 7, 2021

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

Some of the most manipulative people are so good at what they do that their words and actions can convince you into thinking they truly care about what’s best for you when in reality, it’s quite the opposite. The most common signs of a controlling person are rarely obvious to outside observers. And for someone enmeshed in a controlling relationship or friendship, it can be incredibly challenging to stay away from this toxic person, even if you’re aware of their emotionally abusive tendencies.

While it’s ultimately up to you to decide whether to preserve or leave a lopsided, unfulfilling relationship, it’s nevertheless critical to understand the following six signs of controlling people so you can better advocate for yourself and mitigate the influence of their manipulative tendencies in your own life.

1. They Push Their Own Personal Agenda

Do you know someone who always tries to micromanage the words, behaviors, and attitudes of people around them? Does this person act like they have the right to know anything they want about you, including your location, what you’re doing in a given moment, who you’re talking to online, or any other private information about you? And when planning events and special occasions, does this person dominate conversations, steer plans in their own preferred directions, disparage others’ suggestions, and refuse to collaborate with anyone who might disagree with them?

If you answered “yes” to some of the above questions, then those are clear signs of a controlling person whom you absolutely need to be cautious around. Controlling people are reluctant to even consider alternative ideas, let alone enthusiastically work with people who have differing views. They prefer to be the captain of every ship—regardless of how much or how little an issue personally impacts them—and they have an arsenal of manipulative tactics to deploy if someone stands in the way of them achieving their own personal agendas.

In long-term relationships with controlling people, you may feel constantly pressured to meet their demands, follow their schedule, and focus on whatever they feel is most important. It’s not an exaggeration to say that these people act like the universe revolves around them, which can be exhausting to deal with for their family members, friends, and colleagues.

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2. They Make Everything Transactional

Controlling people aren’t always self-centered, but they’re not too empathetic either. Empathy for them tends to appear in the form of strategic concessions they use as a means to get what they want. They typically view interpersonal relationships as transactional opportunities to extract more value from people surrounding them, which can have a draining effect on those they interact with.

For example, one sign of a controlling person may be their insistence on “keeping score.” This can involve doing nice things for you with the ulterior motive of demanding something from you at a later date in exchange for what you thought was just an act of kindness or a friendly support.

Perhaps they shower you in praise (also known as “love-bombing”) or gifts then blow up at you if you don’t intuitively know they’re expecting something back from you. None of us are mind-readers, but controlling people behave as though everyone else should think and act like they want others to and those who fall out of line are punished for failing to meet their impossible expectations.

A controlling person may also threaten to withhold support if you don’t adhere to their demands, but they do so in such subtle ways that the guilt they impose blinds you from the unreasonable nature of their behaviors.

Some statements to be wary of include:

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  • “I did ___________ for you. What do you mean you can’t do ___________ for me?”
  • “Remember how I helped you with ___________? That took a lot of time and energy from me, but I guess you didn’t appreciate my help.”
  • “I always give you ___________. Don’t you care about my needs too?”
  • “You’re so selfish!” or “You don’t care about me at all!” (gaslighting if you respond with hesitation or politely decline their request for help for perfectly valid reasons, such as not having enough time or resources to assist them)

3. They Criticize Everything

One of the most common telltale signs of a controlling person is their capacity to criticize anything and everything, even small things that seemingly don’t matter. As with many toxic traits in relationships, these problems typically start out so small that you may not even notice. At first, you may even agree with their criticism or at least be able to understand their perspective when they bring up an issue.

However, the criticism tends to get more intense, more constant, and more perplexing for people who maintain relationships with controlling people. You’ll likely notice how they rarely seem to criticize something they do. It’s almost always other-oriented and these types of people are so manipulative that any rationale they offer can seem plausibly legitimate.

Some warning signs of a controlling person who’s overly critical to the point of abusiveness include:

  • Criticizing things about you that you have little to no control over (e.g., appearance, disability, family)
  • Criticizing your personal choices and interests, such as educational pursuits, career, clothing, favorite music, time spent on your hobbies, etc.
  • Punishing you for expressing vulnerability by invalidating thoughts and feelings you share with them
  • Attacking you whenever you express an opinion counter to theirs

4. They Balk When Someone Criticizes Them

We all know the adage, “what goes around, comes around.” But this statement doesn’t apply as much to toxic, controlling people. They’d much prefer to dish out criticism without ever having to take it in return.

For instance, if your friend constantly talks about your appearance with little regard for your emotions but flips out if you make just a single comment about their appearance, there’s a possibility that they could have some hidden controlling tendencies left unchecked. Remember, these people aren’t just controlling in their behaviors towards others. They’re also actively trying to stay in complete control over every aspect of their lives, which includes how others view them.

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This seemingly insatiable desire for control can prompt them to lash out against even the smallest bits of criticism, leaving people around them too weary or scared to speak up again in the future. While it’s possible they may suffer from something called rejection sensitivity dysphoria, this does not excuse them from the consequences of their words and actions. They should seek professional help to better manage their reactions to criticism.

5. They Socially Isolate You

Not all controlling people do this, but for manipulative narcissists, socially isolating victims is a go-to strategy for maintaining control because it’s effective at preventing people from truly understanding how toxic their partner, family member, or friend is treating them. Think of it this way—if you don’t talk to many other people in your life, there’s less of a risk that you’ll damage their reputation by revealing their abusive tendencies.

Socially isolating others also gives the person more control over you and your life as it becomes more difficult to break away from them if you don’t have other healthier channels of communication and interpersonal support to turn to.

This process doesn’t happen overnight, nor is it something you can readily recognize as abusive. At first, it may seem reasonable, such as asking you to stop engaging so often with family members with whom both of you disagree on major social or political issues. As the social isolation progresses, they may suggest cutting people out of your life—especially if they don’t like that person, regardless of how you personally feel—or even conjure up high-stakes problems like “it’s me or them” under the guise of saving you from people in your life whom they don’t like for whatever reason.

In a controlling person’s life narrative, they’re always the protagonist who’s incapable of any wrongdoing. The blame is always redirected at someone else, whether that’s you or other people in your life. The more they isolate you from other supportive people in your life, the more susceptible you’ll be to falsely believing that they’re right and you “don’t need” your other friends and family when you have someone as perfect as this person.

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6. They’re Emotionally Abusive

It’s hard enough to be in control of your own emotions but when someone else is constantly belittling you and your interests or leveraging guilt and shame to manipulate you into saying or doing what they want, this can make it even more challenging to stay in control of your own life and emotional well-being.

Emotional abuse is another sign of a controlling person that is often overlooked in relationships. After all, human personalities vary widely in terms of passivity, and it’s not uncommon for one person in a relationship to be significantly more passive than the other. This becomes an issue when the controlling partner or friend exudes signs of emotional abuse, which can start subtly and become much more pronounced over time.

Concerning signs of emotionally abusive language or behavior to watch out for include:

  • Dismissing your needs and/or belittling your interests in counterproductive ways
  • Privately or publicly shaming or humiliating you
  • Making you feel as though you can never live up to their expectations or do anything right (according to their own vague, subjective standards)
  • Gaslighting you into thinking they said or did something that never actually happened (making you question your own reality)

Final Thoughts

It’s sometimes hard to see the negative things about someone with whom we have a relationship. We may sometimes unconsciously overlook the signs of a controlling person, especially if that person is someone we have known for a long time or are close to us. However, cutting them off your life is the best thing you can do for yourself. Just watch out for these six signs of a controlling person and take immediate action when you spot them.

More Tips on How To Deal With a Controlling Person

Featured photo credit: Külli Kittus via unsplash.com

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