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15 Brutal Truths Women In Their 40s Want Women In Their 30s To Know

15 Brutal Truths Women In Their 40s Want Women In Their 30s To Know

I can imagine so many of you nodding your heads as you read this. Anxiety about growing older is understandable. Age is only a number and it happens whether you are prepared for it or not. Knowing these brutal truths earlier prepares you to age more gracefully.

 1. Sleeping with make-up on ages your skin

The make-up layer not only dries out the top layer of the skin, it also prevents the shedding of dead skin. This slows down the normal renewal cycle, resulting in dull and uneven textured skin. The environmental pollutants fastened to the make-up create oxidative stress.  The resulting free radicals can cause your skin to age faster.

 2. Frequent use of stilettos does lead to health problems

When you hit your 40’s, the extended use of high heels and the cramming of your toes into abnormal positions can result in  a variety of ailments, starting with ingrown toenails to irreparable damage to leg tendons. Reserve your stilettos for special occasions only. Stretch and massage your foot afterwards to prevent nerve damage.

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 3. Sleep deprivation adds more wrinkles

If just missing a few nights of sleep leads to sallow skin and puffy eyes, can you imagine the accumulated damage by the time you enter your 40’s? The body releases a stress hormone called cortisol when you don’t sleep enough. High cortisol levels break down collagen, the protein responsible for keeping your skin wrinkle-free.

 4. Always wears sunscreen. Yes, even in winter

When you hit the 40’s and start scrutinizing your wrinkles, you’ll definitely regret not having worn your sunscreen more frequently when younger. Even if you don’t fear skin cancer, year-round application of sunscreen drastically slows the aging of skin due to the ultraviolet rays.

 5. It is indeed harder to lose weight

Just looking at food seems to add pounds as the decades pass. It is easier for women in their 30’s to lose weight. Though it is not impossible, it does get harder as you hit the 40’s since the metabolism does really slow down. If you are overweight, now is the right time to shed those extra pounds. You will definitely reap so many benefits in terms of health, looks and self confidence for the years to come.

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 6. You have to strength train to prevent muscle loss

You can blame this one on the hormones. As estrogen level start declining in the 40’s, other hormonal changes including that of the thyroid, lead to not just increased appetite, but also to loss in overall muscle mass. This increases the chances of gaining weight. Women in their 30’s should start ‘strength training’ to build up muscle, which will help to increase their metabolism and help burn more calories during the day.

 7. You are one beautiful chick

Appreciate how beautiful you are. As you age and you look back at your youthful self, you will realize that you were actually quite good-looking.  Stop agonizing over your pimple, color, height or weight. Enjoy your present. It is indeed a beautiful gift.

 8. Spend quality time with your parents

Though your parents may be quite independent today, they will one day need to be cared for. Have a diplomatic discussion with your parents concerning future living arrangements, health care, funeral wishes and inheritance.

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 9. Speak less and listen more

Really listen and give the other person time to finish their speech. Think it over before answering as people are more apt to listen and value your well thought out reply.

 10. Grow a thicker skin

You should challenge your feelings. If you feel upset with someone’s behavior, it’s high time you stopped letting it stress you out.  Feel pity for them as this actually reflects their inner state, not yours. The world is not going to cater to your sensitivities, so grow a thicker skin and stop take things personally. Don’t let anyone dictate what kind of day you are going to have

 11. Don’t be a people-pleaser

More than being a waste of time, it’s actually damaging. You can’t change or rescue anyone. Accept that it is not your responsibility anyway. Love yourself first. Whether it about getting married or birthing a child, wait until it feels right for you. Don’t feel guilty about not being able to please someone. If you can’t or don’t want to do it, just say NO.

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 12. This is the most advantageous time to have a baby

If becoming a mother is important to you and you have the right man in your life, it is most advisable that you don’t put off having children. Your 30s is the most optimal time for this from a financial and practical view point. As time progresses it may become much more difficult to get pregnant and there are chances of medical complications in such cases.

 13. Save your money, it’ll save you later

Don’t run up your credit cards bills just because you can. You’ll be thankful later when real needs come up. Pensions are extremely important. Buying life insurance young is much cheaper. Focus on becoming financially independent. You should have something of your own.  When you have the means to take care of yourself, you will have more confidence in facing whatever life throws at you.

 14. Focus on yourself and not on a man

Invest in yourself. Make yourself the best you can be. Finish your education or learn a new language. Travel, read, expand your horizons. Focus and maintain your own health – both physically and mentally.

15. Focus on being self sufficient

You must trust in your abilities. You must keep on believing that you have what it takes to make it through. With every obstacle you face in life, you learn so much more about yourself and you will come out much stronger. Be brave.

Featured photo credit: www.flickr.com via flickr.com

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Last Updated on December 17, 2018

Why You Think You’re Not Good Enough and How To Believe in Yourself

Why You Think You’re Not Good Enough and How To Believe in Yourself

Have you ever wanted to say something at work, but a little voice of doubt crept in and said, “what if you are wrong”?

Maybe you wanted to apply for that promotion or ask that special someone on a date, but something kept you from taking action. When you think you’re not good enough, you tend to fear the outcome and lack faith in your abilities. That is why it is vital you discover how to believe in yourself so you can accomplish your goals and create your dream life.

Whatever your situation, the fears and self-doubt your false beliefs create will always stop you in your tracks. Identifying the beliefs that cause you to sabotage your life is the first step to removing them.

Self-doubt causes inaction, and inaction leads to regret. When you are not following your passion and living your dream life, you are left with a lot of questions:

  • What if I took a chance on myself?
  • Could I have had a better life if I took more risks?
  • Am I be satisfied with the legacy I am leaving behind?
  • What could I have accomplished if I did not settle for less?

So why would you think you’re not good enough?

1. Parenting

The perception you have of yourself is based on your past experiences. There are studies that show children mimic everything from their parents ability to regulate emotions, to their parents belief about money.[1]

I have had clients who did not believe they were good enough because they did not receive any positive reinforcement as a child. When they were young, their parents were extremely overprotective.

Think of your childhood challenges like dragons you had to slay. Each obstacle you overcame was another dragon you successfully removed from your life. As you slay more dragons, your self-esteem and confidence increase. When someone has overprotective parents, their parents end up slaying the dragons.

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As a result, the child builds more confidence in their parent’s abilities, while still doubting their own.

If you are never encouraged to slay your own dragons, you start to doubt whether you can. It is only natural for a child to conclude their parents are always helping them because they think they need it. This child ages into an adult who still believes they are not good enough. They seek the help and confirmation of others, and they rarely stand-up to opposition.

Solution: Slay Your Dragons!

If you want to believe in yourself, you are going to have to take steps to rebuild your trust in yourself. Start by keeping your word to others and arriving on-time. By showing yourself that others can (and do) trust you, you are going to feel more comfortable trusting yourself.

As you move onto larger and more challenging tasks, you have built a foundation of trust in your ability to keep your word. Next, you are going to want to reclaim your sword from others. At first, you may want to confide in whoever it is currently slaying your dragons.

Understand if it is your parent or someone who loves you, they want the best for you and mean well. You are simply going to tell them that you want to do the work, and will ask them for their thoughts in the planning phase. Feel free to check in with them and give them updates on your progress, while making sure they understand you are wanting to do the work yourself.

Then when the task is completed, let them know so you can celebrate together. Now that you have slayed your own dragon, you can start to reclaim your confidence. By you utilizing them as your guide, you get the added bonus of someone you respect and admire, telling you how amazing you are.

Think of it like a symbolic passing of the torch. Now, you are both dragon slayers. Which means all the positive attributes you attributed to them slaying your dragons, now belong to you.

2. Over-Exaggerating and Oversimplifying

Your past experiences may involve you or someone close to you failing. When you experience failure, you can lose your desire to continue. This has less to do with whether you are brave or scared, and more to do with the fact that your mind does not like failure.

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No one enjoys participating in events in which they under-perform. Outside of the usual reasons of embarrassment, feelings of inadequacy, and fear of failure – it is simply not fun.

Who wants to play baseball if they strikeout every time it is their turn? Would you enjoy singing in front of an audience if you were booed off the stage every time you performed? I could go on, but I think you get the point.

The thing about those two examples is no one really strikes out “every” at-bat. It is also unlikely someone could be booed off the stage “every time” they performed in-front of an audience.

What ends up happening is you oversimplify and exaggerate your past experiences and then your mind believes you. If you believe you are not good enough to ask someone on a date because they “always” tell you no, then do not be surprised you never muster the courage to do so.

If you want to overcome these feelings of inadequacy, start by changing your beliefs. This exercise does not need to be complicated. If you believe you strikeout every time it is your turn, I want to you to go to a batting cage and keep swinging until you hit the baseball.

When you experience success, I want you to take a mental note, write it down, or have someone video it. This is your proof that you do not always strike out. Then, whenever your belief that you are not good enough resurfaces, you are going to replay that video.

Regardless of the situation, you can find a successful experience that you are overlooking.

Solution: Read About the Failures of Others

It sounds a little crazy, I know, but reading about the failures of other successful people will improve your confidence. In a study conducted by Columbia University, they found that teaching students about the failures of great scientists encouraged them to do better.[2]

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When you are battling fear and self-doubt, you tend to over-exaggerate the abilities of others and diminish your own by comparison. You start to believe the successful are successful because they are courageous risk-takers, who do not take no for an answer. You tell yourself, they are meant to succeed, while you on the other hand are not.

When you are able to relate to the successful, you start to realize they have the same struggles and challenges you do. The only difference is they kept going.

Now it is not a question of whether you can succeed, it is a question of whether you want to succeed.

3. Undervalue Yourself

What is the main difference between someone who believes they are good enough and someone who does not? The person who believes they are good enough understands they are a person of value.

What I mean by this is if you do not believe you are worth being listened to, you will not have anything to say. If you do not believe you are good enough to be respected and treated as such, you will accept and rationalize all kinds of mistreatment.

There is an old saying that we are treated as we allow ourselves to be treated. When someone has the confidence and self-esteem that commands respect, they will not accept being treated any kind of way. However, if someone does not see themselves as worthy, they will remain in toxic situations because they do not believe anything better is on the horizon.

Dr. Jennifer Crocker, who worked on a series of self-esteem studies, found in her latest research that:[3]

“College students who based their self-worth on external sources–including appearance, approval from others and even their academic performance–reported more stress, anger, academic problems, relationship conflicts, and had higher levels of drug and alcohol use and symptoms of eating disorders”

Solution: Internalize Your Self-Worth

Instead of valuing yourself based on the awards, recognition, and accolades of others, you need to search internally. By basing your perception of yourself on your core values, you can regain control over self-image.

Instead of focusing on things that are outside of control, keep your mind on what it is that makes you special. You are not defined by your job, relationships, religion, or education. Rather, you are defined by the manner in which you participate in these things. You may be a creative, hard-working, and compassionate person; and that shows up in every thing you do.

Understand that you do not need to be creative, hard-working, and compassionate all the time to consider yourself these things. You are not trying to be perfect, but you are trying to connect with your true self.

By understanding the similarities in which you tackle objectives, you will build a consistent and powerful self-worth that stands apart from external confirmation.

Final Thoughts

Do not allow your past experiences do dictate your future success. You do not want to look back on your life and have a lot of questions and regrets.

Build trust in yourself by taking action today. This will help you build the confidence you need to believe in yourself and your ability to become the champion of your life.

More Inspiration About Motivation

Featured photo credit: Riccardo Mion via unsplash.com

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